


with my demons

by your_bespoke_psychopath



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Dubious Consent, F/M, Human AU, I guess? I don't know?, Slow Build, work very in progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-04-22 14:35:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 171,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4839080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_bespoke_psychopath/pseuds/your_bespoke_psychopath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wakes up half hard, with his heart pounding loudly in his ears and a strangled moan on his lips.<br/><i>Holy fuck, </i>he thinks. <i>I have a succubus. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue (but for now just sleep)

**suc-cu-bus** (plural succubi; Late Latin succuba ‘paramour’ (from succub(āre) ‘to lie under’): in folklore, a succubus is a female demon or supernatural entity that appears in dreams, who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual intercourse. Religious traditions hold that repeated intercourse with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.

 

Usually, he doesn’t have problems with sleeping: he falls asleep nearly as soon as his head hits a pillow and sleeps soundly and dreamlessly throughout the night, but recently he’s found himself tossing and turning in his bed. He doesn’t know why it happens, but every time he falls asleep, he wakes up after an hour or two, his heart beating widely in his chest. He doesn’t remember his dreams – he doesn’t even know if he dreams at all, but he feels someone’s presence in his sleep. It doesn’t feel threatening, not per se. It feels like... _anticipation_. It feels like something is there, lurking in the shadows of his bedroom, observing him, patiently waiting to make the first move, to pounce on him. He tries not to let it affect him or make him paranoid. ‘ _It’s because of my job_ ,’ he thinks. ‘ _I’m starting to see things that aren’t there, because I know they might be there._ ’ He works with demons and all things supernatural – although he’s not sure if you can even call them supernatural anymore – so it’s only natural that he starts seeing it everywhere.

He’s tired. It’ll pass.

Besides, no demon would mess with him, right?


	2. I can't sleep until I devour you

He knocks once on the heavy oak door before him and it opens immediately, revealing a woman in – he assumes - her early forties. Her face brightens up in a smile and a sigh of relief comes out of her mouth.

‘You have no idea how happy I am that you came here to quickly,’ she says opening the door wider and letting him in. Her gaze falls on the person behind her and she turns to him a little confused. ‘Who’s that?’

‘Amy Pond, this is Mrs. Jackson,’ he responds and swears he can hear Amy rolling her eyes in annoyance. ‘Mrs. Jackson, this is my companion, friend, ginger extraordinaire. Say ‘ _hello_ ’, Amy.’

‘Hello,’ Amy says a little sourly and pushes through the door, leaving the woman standing there with confusion written all over her face.

‘But... But... My husband and I asked for you specifically! Only you!’ She stutters nervously. ‘We asked for you because we know you are discreet. Excuse me, but your... friend,’ she sends Amy and unpleasant look, ‘will have to work outside.’

‘Are you stupid?’ He asks incredulously. ‘I can’t work without her. I never work alone. Besides, I am here only because the Union asked me to come. You wouldn’t be talking to me otherwise.’

Amy snorts quietly behind his back and he can’t help but grin a bit at the sight of the woman’s outraged face. Okay, so he probably shouldn’t treat her so harshly, but he won’t let anyone think that Amy is in any way disposable.

‘Okay, if you’re done being offended, please tell us what exactly we’re dealing with,’ Amy speaks up, trying to smooth over the initial disagreement. ‘The Union told us only this much.’

‘Uhm, I... Please sit,’ Mrs. Jackson sighs heavily and motions comfy looking armchairs to them. All of them sit and she starts talking again. ‘There’s a bogeyman in my son’s wardrobe. I know, I know – it has every right to be there, it’s regulated by the law. But it’s been over a month and it won’t move houses! We tried to talk with it, but it just hisses at us and tells us to go away,’ she talks animatedly and red spots start appearing on her face and neck. ‘And it’s been scaring my son!’

‘Isn’t it what a bogeyman should do?’ He asks, raising his eyebrows.

‘Oh, it is,’ the woman replies, her voice unpleasantly high pitched. ‘Scaring is fine. Scaring is what they’re paid for! But it was terrifying my son. My son is too scared to be in his room now, even in broad daylight. You know as well as I do that this is not supposed to happen.’

‘Where is your son now?’ He asks looking around, but spotting no sign of the child.

‘At his grandparents. I didn’t want him to witness any of it,’ she answers and he nods, jumping to his feet.

‘Right! Where’s your son’s bedroom? Never mind, we’re going to find it. Amy, grab the bag. We’re going bogeyman hunting!’ He hurries down the corridor, with Amy following a few steps behind him, undoubtedly huffing at his attics in annoyance. He stops in front of the door with _‘Dominic’s room’_ written on it, but there’s already someone there: a tall man, dressed in a black suit, standing and guarding the door.

‘You are the Doctor,’ the man says, his voice slightly monotone.

‘Yes, I am,’ he responds, eyeing the man curiously. ‘And you are?’

‘I am the representative of the Bogeymen Union. I’m here to make sure that the rebel doesn’t run and that you do your job,’ the man replies in the same monotone voice, betraying no emotions.

‘I’ll do my job, don’t you worry,’ he snorts and looks at the man once again. ‘Nice glamour by the way. If I met you on the street, I’d never guess you are a bogeyman. You should work on your voice though. It just won’t do, people don’t speak in one tone all the time, we use-‘ Amy clears her throat and stops his monologue. ‘Oh right, not the time nor place to school you on that. We have a bogeyman to get rid of! Sorry, don’t take it personally, I didn’t mean you, but you know that, don’t you?’

The bogeyman by the door doesn’t move a muscle (or rather the impression of muscles that he has) or give the slightest hint that he heard or was offended by his little speech. The creature only moves aside and gives them access to the child’s room. He wants to apologise – he was a bit rude, he has to admit – but Amy wastes no time and pushes the door open. They walk inside arm in arm – the Union representative left on the corridor – and take a good look around the room. Mrs. Jackson was right about one thing: no one in their right mind would like to spend a second in this room. There’s nothing wrong with it, not exactly: everything is in order, there are toys scattered everywhere, the bed is made, the books lie on the desk – everything seems to be perfectly ordinary. But the air is chilly enough to turn his and Amy’s breaths into fog and even with all the lights on, the room is a bit dim. This all could be overlooked if it wasn’t for the atmosphere of this place. He can feel it: the anger and hatred, the envy, jealousy and despair – they're palpable and so strong that they’re almost like a living thing. He puts a finger to his mouth, asking Amy to be quiet and walks towards the wardrobe standing in the corner.

‘Hello?’ He tries, but it’s just silence that he hears. ‘We know you are in there.’

‘Go away!’ Comes from inside the wardrobe. The voice that says – hisses – it is not human: it’s high pitched and metallic, laced with anger and venom. But most of all: it’s an old voice.

‘No can do, sorry,’ he says lightly and sits on the floor. ‘I’m the Doctor. What’s your name?’

‘None of your business,’ the voice responds quickly. ‘Go away!’

‘I already told you that it’s impossible,’ he repeats, a bit more serious this time. ‘We are going to spend some time together, so I think we should get to know each other. I already introduced myself. It’s your time.’

Once again, his only response is silence.

‘Look, I get that you don’t trust me,’ he sighs, ‘but I am not here to hurt you. I am here to solve this little... predicament as peacefully as possible. Trust me.’ He swears he hears some rustling of the clothes and something akin to a huff coming from there.

‘Balthazar,’ the voice from behind the door hisses, but a bit friendlier this time. ‘I’m Balthazar.’

‘Nice to meet you, Balthazar,’ he says friendly. ‘You know why I am here, right?’

‘You’re here to throw me out of my house!’ The bogeyman voice screeches angrily and he winces, while Amy covers her ears with a pained expression on her face. ‘You want to make me leave!’

‘You know it’s not true,’ he tries to remain calm, but he can feel the bogeyman’s anger entering his mind. He takes a deep breath before continuing. ‘You lived here for a month. It’s time to move to another house. These are the rules.’

‘I don’t care about the rules!’ Balthazar hisses again. ‘I don’t need them!’

‘Actually, you do,’ he states matter of fact. ‘These are the rules for the whole of society. You can’t just say that you don’t care about them. You are obliged to follow them, whether you like it or not.’

‘There were no rules Before,’ the bogeyman sneers in his raspy voice. ‘No one needed them!’

‘It was over 300 years ago, Balthazar. Times changed.’

‘I’m over 400 years old, you puny human,’ the creature whispers angrily and he can sense its rage and sadness in this sentence. ‘I’ve been here for much longer than any of you. It’s us who should make the rules!’

‘You helped to create the rules, you know that. You have representatives in the government and in every branch of industry. You can decide where to work and you get paid for it. You are listened to, you have the same rights as humans do – it’s more than you can say about how you were treated Before.’

‘Before people were afraid of us!’ Balthazar whines pitifully. ‘Now we’re only a source of amusement!’

He looks at Amy, but she only shrugs as if to say ‘ _it’s on you, mate, you are the expert here_ ’. He sighs and tries again.

‘Well, you certainly did scare the boy living here. And you took over his room, don’t think I haven’t noticed it.’

‘Oh yes,’ the bogeyman giggles menacingly and the sound of it – the sound of tearing paper and nails on a blackboard – makes him shiver. ‘The little bastard deserved it, all of it! They all deserve it. They make toys out of us, puppets, family pets. They need to be taught the truth. And the kid hasn’t seen anything yet!’

He clenches and unclenches his fists in order to somehow calm himself. Why is this happening today? He’s tired and he can feel his patience stretching like an old rubber band, ready to snap at any moment. He takes another calming breath – that does nothing to calm him – before speaking again.

‘Okay. Right. I see how it goes. We are facing a problem, Balthazar: you don’t want to leave this house and I can’t let you stay. What do you suggest we should do about it?’

‘Go to hell,’ Balthazar hisses angrily, all of his previous distrust and anger back in his voice.

‘One day I probably will,’ he replies, keeping his tone conversational. ‘You know, I have my ways of getting you out of there.’

‘What? Holy water? Salt?’ Balthazar sneers. ‘These things don’t work on me anymore.’

‘That I know. But I’ve learned over the years that there are many ways to skin the cat. Amy, please tell Balthazar what we have in our bag.’

‘Oh, we have so many things!’ Amy starts, her voiced laced with glee. ‘We have teddy bears,’ a small shocked gasp from behind the wooden door, ‘and children’s books! About animals and adventures – I’d love to read some of them for you, Balthazar. And look: we also have a water pistol. But it’s filled with warm cocoa. Isn’t it one of your newest ideas, Doctor?’

‘No, this one is quite old, Amy,’ he winks at her and continues. ‘You must’ve mistaken it with the marshmallows pistol. You know, the one that shoots out these tiny little marshmallows? The heart-shaped ones? Cutest thing ever!’

The groan that comes from Balthazar this time, is much more louder and pained.

‘You wouldn’t do that,’ he stutters in panic. ‘You wouldn’t use any of that on me. You can’t!’

‘But we can, Balthazar,’ he says with a smile. And if the smile is a little threatening, well, the bogeyman will never know, will it? ‘We can do anything we want to get you out of there. Whatever’s necessary, you know? So what do you think, Amy? What should we do first? Warm cocoa? Or marshmallows? Maybe both?’

‘Wait!’ A desperate plea comes from the bogeyman. ‘I... Let’s talk some more.’

‘We already did, Balthazar,’ he shrugs. ‘You said you don’t like the rules, so we’re not going to play by them. Amy, hand me the- Oh yes, this one, thanks.’

‘Okay, fine!’ Comes another raspy and panicked reply. ‘I- Fine. I’ll go. Just don’t use any of these things. And... tell me, are there any charges against me?’

‘You broke one of the cardinal rules of The Bogeyman Union, Balthazar. And it’s not the first time,’ he sighs. ‘Of course there are going to be repercussions. But I am sure that if you go with the Union representative without any further fuss... They’ll try to overlook it.’

Amy looks at him with disbelief written all over her face. She knows as well as he does that it’s not that easy. Balthazar is a rebel and the Union can’t overlook that and simply choose to forget it. He’s lying and he fully realises that, but he just shrugs as if to tell her ‘ _what am I supposed to tell him? That they may put him into a cell full of teddy bears and stuffed animals?_ ’

‘Will I be able to work again?’ Balthazar asks shakily.

‘I don’t see why not,’ he answers as truthfully as he can. ‘I am sure you’ll be given back your clearance once you promise to never go rogue again.’ Amy sends him another questioning look that he ignores. He just wants to be done with all of this. ‘So how it’s going to be? Should I put the marshmallow gun to use or will you go out on your own? Because you are leaving this house today. How – it all depends on you.’

There’s a brief silence, a quiet sign and rustling in the wardrobe. He and Amy exchange a look, unsure what to do, when finally a reply comes.

‘Okay, okay, I’m going out. Just give me a moment,’ Balthazar hisses in a resigned voice.

‘Right, thank you,’ he lets out a sigh of relief. ‘There’s a Union’s representative outside. He’ll be the one to escort you to the headquarters. But remember: you try to pull any funny business and we will be back with teddy bears.’

‘And marshmallows,’ Amy adds quickly. ‘I think we also have glitter.’

‘No funny business, I promise,’ come another pained groan. ‘I swear.’

‘Great,’ he stands up and grabs the bag laying at Amy’s feet. ‘Goodbye, Balthazar. I hope we won’t have to meet again.’

They’re by the door, opening it to get out when he hears grumpy ‘ _thanks, Doctor’_ coming from the room. He nods to the representative who’s still standing on the corridor and mumbles quietly _‘he’s all yours’_ to him. The man nods and walks slowly into the room, but Amy and he don’t wait for the show, but head straight to the exit door. Mrs. Jackson nearly smothers them with her _‘thank you’s’_ and grateful tears, but they just nod their heads and go out, heading to his car. He throws the bag into the boot and Amy climbs into the passenger seat. He quickly jumps into his seat and starts the car, quickly driving off from the lane of huge villas.

‘So... What do you think will happen to him? Balthazar, I mean,’ Amy looks at him, biting her lip. ‘Because you said-‘

‘I know what I said,’ he responds, pressing the accelerator a bit harder. ‘I said what I had to say to get him out of it without any additional means.’

‘You lied,’ she states rather than asks and he shrugs without answering her. ‘You think it was better? _Before_. When all the creatures and demons lived in the shadows. Do you think they were happier then?’

‘I don’t know, Amy. It was ages ago. I can’t tell you that, I wasn’t even born then.’

‘Well, you might’ve just been born 200 years ago, since you’re behaving like a grumpy old man,’ Amy snorts, crossing her arms in front of her. ‘What’s wrong with you? You’ve been off lately. And you don’t look that good.’

‘Wow, thank you, Amelia. You’re just smothering me with all the compliments. Am I blushing?’ He shakes his head. ‘I’m fine, honestly.’

‘No, you are not,’ she not letting this go and the universe must’ve teamed up with her, because they’re now stuck in traffic and it seems that he will have no choice but to talk with Amy. Or at least come up with a very clever and convincing lie – and do it quickly – before Amy decides to beat the answer out of him. ‘Spill.’

‘It’s nothing,’ he sighs in defeat. ‘It’s just- I haven’t been sleeping well lately.’

‘Okay, that’s weird. You always sleep like a dead person. I remember that time when Rory panicked, because he was sure you are unconscious or dead, but you were just that deep asleep,’ she smiles at him, but there’s worry in her eyes. ‘Why can’t you sleep?’

‘I’ve been having these dreams,’ he starts hesitantly, but loud honking behind them interrupts him. He looks up to see that the cars in front of him finally moved and now people behind him are anxious for him to move as well. He waves his hand in apology and starts driving again. ‘What I was saying- Oh right. I’ve been having dreams.’

‘If they are sex dreams I don’t want to hear about them,’ Amy quickly says, her face scrunched in disgust. ‘Are they sex dreams? If they are, you really should get out more. Your right hand will only take you that far and really-‘

‘Amy!’ He exclaims and cringes at how high-pitched his own voice is. ‘They’re not sex dreams! Why would I have sex dreams?’

‘Because you don’t get out enough? You haven’t had a girlfriend in... gods know how many years. I haven’t seen you with anyone in... I don’t even remember!’ Amy counts on her fingers. ‘It’s natural that it was my first thought. So if they’re not sex dreams, what are they?’

‘They’re just... Dreams,’ he says with a sigh, parking in front of Amy’s and Rory’s house. ‘I don’t know. When I sleep, I feel like someone’s watching me. Inside my sleep. It’s just bizarre.’

‘It’s sounds creepy if you ask me. Do you think that maybe you got one? You know, a demon? A bogeyman? Something like that?’

‘Nah,’ he says, staring through the window. ‘Sure, I thought about it, but I also scanned my whole apartment – and myself – and there’s no change in the aura. It’s probably nothing. Maybe I’m overworked. Maybe I’m just coming down with something.’

‘You saying that you might be overworked is really concerning,’ Amy says. ‘But maybe you should take some off time. Clara will be fine with the shop. You could go somewhere warm, somewhere with a nice beach. And a sea. Or at least a big swimming pool. And hot girls. They would surely solve your _not a sex dream_ problem.’

‘Amy!’ He whispers and feels the blush creeping up his neck and face. ‘Honestly, how old are you?’

‘Old enough not to blush when I hear the word ‘ _sex_ ’,’ she shoots back. ‘I just... I want you to be fine. And happy. That’s all.’

‘Who are you and what did you do with Amy Pond?’ He gapes at her with fake concern. ‘Give her back!’

‘Shut up,’ she giggles and he joins her. For a few moments they sit in the car, looking at the lawn in front of them. Amy is the first to break the silence by unbuckling her seatbelts and opening the car door. ‘Okay, I’m going. See you tomorrow? We have that ghoul thing to cover, right?’ He nods his head and she briefly squeezes his hand. ‘Take care of yourself,’ she says before getting out. ‘Promise?’

‘Always. Say ‘ _hi_ ’ to Rory,’ he replies and she nods and sends him one last smile before heading towards her house. He watches her go in before starting his car again and going to his own apartment – hopefully to get some sleep.

 

___

The second he opens his eyes, he knows something is not right. He can’t put his finger on what exactly is wrong – his brain is still foggy from sleep – but something is just off. He wants to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes, but he’s too comfortable and warm to move, so he just blinks instead.

Blink, blink, blink...

This is not his bedroom.

Well, it _is_ his bedroom, but not really. It’s the same size and it’s furnished in the same way, but he’s pretty sure he never had any candles there – and that he’d never light them before going to bed. It also feels like it’s warmer in here, the air is heavier and it smells different: it’s a strange combination of spicy and sweet, heady but pleasant. He turns his head to the left to check the time on his bedside watch and feels the cool touch of silk against his cheek – wait, since when does he have silk sheets? And since when they’re deep red?

He tries to scramble up, but it’s like his body is resisting his brain: his arms and legs barely move and it takes all of his willpower to move his head to its previous position. His heart is beating loudly in his chest and for the first time in ages he’s at loss what to do. He must be dreaming – surely. Besides that he’s clueless.

‘Oh, it’s so funny to watch you trying to figure it all out,’ an amused voice speaks up on his right and he’s sure that if he could, he’d jump a few meters up. His head snaps in that direction and he sees a woman sitting on his bed. A barely clothed woman if he’s to be precise. Lords, did he go on some wild pub crawl last night?

‘Who are you?’ He manages to say and watches the woman grin at him and his confusion. It’s not a pleasant grin, but it’s not threatening either – it’s a Cheshire Cat grin, a grin that suggests that she has all the answers while he’s staring at a page filled with only questions.

‘That’s not important,’ she smiles a bit wider and he takes her features in, trying to remember – or maybe guess – who she is. The room is lit only by the candlelight, but there’s enough of it for him to see her. She has a mass of blonde curls, falling down her shoulders in back in wild ringlets, lightly bouncing up and down with every breath she takes. Her skin is golden – and no, he’s not being poetic nor quoting bad fiction, it just is: shining with a golden hue even in the dim light of the room. Her lips are crimson red – a colour he has never seen on a woman’s lips unless it was lipstick, her eyes are bright and shiny like jadeites. Her body seems perfect and without a flaw: toned and slim, but curvy in all the right places – he catches his gaze falling to said places and quickly looks up. She’s seems to be created rather than born into this word. She just can’t be real. She must be-

‘No,’ he rasps out, shaking his head with difficulty. ‘No. Go away.’

‘Look at him, he got it,’ she says, her voice low and pleasant, sending shivers down his spine. ‘You’re quite smart, dear. Good. I like it.’

 Before he can blink, she’s straddling him, pressing him deeper into the mattress. She feels real: he feels her weight on top of him and the warmth radiating from her skin, he’s nearly drowning in the warm smell of her: dust and smoke, cardamom and lilies. He wants to throw her off of him, but he can’t lift his arms up nor turn his body. Instead his hips raise up to meet hers and she laughs loudly.

‘You’re a fighter,’ she says, a feral smile on her lips. ‘Oh, I like it even more.’

She leans forward, her movements slow and graceful and he can’t do anything else but stare at her. She stops just a few inches from his face and traces his right cheekbone with her fingers. Her touch is warm and gentle, and nearly magnetic: he tries to stop himself from leaning into it. It seems to amuse her even more, because her grin deepens and her eyes sparkle with glee.

‘Oh yes, I’m going to have so much fun with you,’ she whispers, bringing her face closer to his neck. ‘So much fun.’

She starts pressing warm kisses to his neck, one after another and he can’t stop his head from moving to give her a better access. She scrapes her teeth against his Adam’s apple – a groan escapes him – and he can feel a pleasant haze slowly settling in his mind. He knows he should so something – anything to stop her – she’s now mouthing and biting lightly on his collarbones, each kiss leaving a trail of fire on his body, filling him with a pleasant sensation of numbness. Her hair is teasing his skin – she’s now kissing down his stomach, another moan escapes him. He can feel rather than hear her giggle against his skin: he looks down to see her gazing up at him, her eyes even brighter green than before, with pupils blown wide. She smirks at him and bites hard at his hipbone. He hisses in pain – or is it pleasure? – and she does it again. It’s enough to make him regain some consciousness and realise that he has to stop it and he has to do it now. It seems that his arms can move again and he moves his left hand up left, trying to find his bedside drawer and- There it is. His arm stings a bit – as if it’s trying to move back where it was, laying by his side, but he grits his teeth and pushes it a bit further, sending a heavy lamp on the floor, where it lands with a loud clash.

He wakes up half hard, with his heart pounding loudly in his ears and a strangled moan on his lips.

 _Holy fuck,_ he thinks _. I have a succubus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm. another AU from me? /hides in shame  
> believe it or not, this fic is 2 years old. I came up with the idea for it around the time when I started working on 'up in the highlands', but I decided that one AU is enough. I did write bits and pieces back then, but this fic has spent almost 2 years among other unfinished files, hidden somewhere in the depths of my laptop's hard drive. but now it emerges! yay. or nay. I don't even know.  
> I'm telling you upfront: this will be a VWIP - a Very Work In Progress. I don't think I'll manage to write/update regularly (or at least as regularly as I'd want to), and I just want you to know this.  
> I probably should also mention that I have no talent when it comes to writing smut. which is just great seeing that this is a succubus fic. what the hell am I even doing?  
> eh. anyway: I hope that you enjoyed it and will enjoy it if you decide to stick around.
> 
> I only want to ask you for one thing: if you think that this fic should come with 'non-con' warning, please tell me and I'll label it with it and I'll try to edit/re-think what I've written so far.
> 
> this chapter's title comes from Marilyn Manson's 'devour', the prolouge's title from She Wants Revenge's 'sleep', and the fic's title is from 'demons' by The National.


	3. lying on your side with your hands between your thighs

He gets up before the first rays of sunshine hit his window as he’s too restless and scared to sleep any longer. He makes himself a cup of tea – his hands are shaking slightly when he’s pouring how water into the cup – and sits in an armchair in his living room with all books on demonology he has in his possession spread on the floor. Three hours later he’s nearly as clueless as he was when he started reading about succubi. He knows what everyone knows: succubi are sex demons, prying on men, sucking their vital energy through a sexual intercourse. His books don’t offer anything more and for the first time he’s angry that he skipped a course on sex demons at collage. But back then he figured that with all the porn on the internet, no sane demon will still try to pull some funny business when someone’s asleep. Turns out he was wrong: they still use their old ways of night shagging. There’s no point in looking for answers on the internet – he knows he’ll be redirected to some crazy religious site and the only thing he’ll get is more wasted time.

He sighs heavily and checks the time. Shit, in less than 40 minutes he needs to pick up Amy and go deal with the group of ghouls at the city cemetery. Just another thing he needs right now, he thinks while getting in the shower: trying to convince a pack of ghouls to stop pissing on graves and robbing them. He only hopes he’ll be able to go through this whole thing today: he feels incredibly tired and worn out, with limbs that feel like they weigh a tone each and his head’s pounding with every move he makes. He doubts he has any patience left  for ghouls being annoying little buggers and for Amy’s investigation why he’s looking like a living dead.

Before he leaves his apartment he makes himself a double espresso and on his way to pick up Amy he buys an energy drink and downs it in one gulp. By the time Amy’s climbing into his car, he is a bit alive and coherent - which is an upside. The downside is that he feels like his heart may burst out of his chest and like he just gained the ability to see through time. Thankfully, Amy doesn’t notice the bags under his eyes, as she’s too focused on how fidgety and nervous he is and how recklessly he drives. They make it to the cemetery without any accident (bless) and with one stop on a gas station (he really needed to pop to the  loo). At the cemetery they find the rebellious ghouls quick enough: they just follow the unpleasant stink of urine and the desecrated graves. For the first time in ages he’s glad for Amy’s loud and rather intimidating nature – or should he say her Scottishness? – because she scares the living daylights out of the ghouls (or what would be living daylights if the ghouls were alive), saying she’ll pee on them if they keep destroying the graves. The ghouls run away, but only after they repair all the damage they caused so far – Amy makes sure of that. He’s incredibly grateful that she took care of this mess for him, because he’s not sure he’d be able to handle any of it. The effects of his caffeine intake are already wearing out and he wants nothing more than just go back to his apartment and take a nap, but he knows that he has something else to take care of.

Once he leaves Amy back at her house – she has to work on her article for _‘Demonology Today’_ and on papers for the uni – he goes to the city’s library, to do some research of his own. And now he’s sitting at a small table in a corner of the reading room, almost every available book about demons laid out in front of him. Five hours later – has it really been this long? – and he still hasn’t achieved anything, except for getting more and more outraged stares from the librarian. Come on, it’s not his fault that he had to go through the bookshelf containing books about sex – and it’s most definitely not his fault that said shelf holds so many volumes. So what if he spent over an hour there, going through all the books? It’s science. It’s not like he’s going to jump on and ravage her. Come on! He doesn’t even look like a sexual predator – what kind of a sex predator would wear a tweed jacket?

He huffs in annoyance. It’s useless – there’s no information on succubi anywhere. He could try the internet – yes, he’s _that_ desperate – but he really doubts that the librarian would appreciate if he started searching for sex related things on the ancient computers here. There’s nothing more he can do here, so he quickly packs his things and heads to his shop. Clara lighten up when she spots him, but he only grabs something – his secret weapon – from the backroom, sends her a quick _‘I’ll be back tomorrow’_ over his shoulder and runs out, straight to his flat.

He has to prepare his bedroom for tonight.

___

She comes to him that night, just like he expected her to.

Once again, he wakes up in the bedroom that is similar to his. Once again, she’s sitting on the edge of his bed, giving him a predatory smile. Once again, he feels pleasantly drowsy and sleepy, unable to move and control his body. It seems that everything is just like it was the night before, but he has an ace up his sleeve. Or he would have it up his sleeve if he slept in pyjamas. It just- He has a plan, okay?

If the plan works – that is an entirely different matter.

‘Oh, here you are honey,’ she says in a low and seductive voice and his mouth suddenly go dry. It’s really hot in here, okay? ‘I am really glad you decided to show up again. You left so abruptly the last time, I was afraid you didn’t like where our meeting was going,’ she smiles again and her eyes become even brighter. ‘Why don’t we start when we left off? How about that?’

She prepares to make a jump – he can see her whole body tightening, muscles working under her skin, her arms readying themselves to land on both sides of his head and-

The air around him sparkles in a rainbow of colours and he can smell something burning. She gasps in pain and he tries to move his head to look at her: he notices an angry red mark on her hand and arm, but it vanishes quickly, leaving her skin spotless.

Okay, she can heal herself really quickly. That is not good. But there’s also good news: his plan worked. So he’s only partially screwed.

‘Holy water,’ she mutters through gritted teeth, all the allure from her voice gone. ‘How positively... medieval of you. And here I thought that we were getting along just fine.’

‘Since you have nothing to do here anymore, leave,’ he hisses, but she laughs and the sound is oddly pleasant and musical.

‘But there are still things we can do, my love. Maybe it’s how you planned it? Maybe you want to watch and learn first? It’s fine with me,’ she says lazily, her hands trailing up and down her body, writing slow and hypnotising patterns on her skin. What is she trying to do? Is she going to take off that excuse of lingerie she’s wearing? ‘And sweetie,’ she says with a wink, ‘feel free to use your hands however you want to.’

There’s a change of air around him and his body is suddenly lighter and he discovers that he can move now – he’s no longer bound by invisible forces. Oh, this is just brilliant. It’s more than brilliant – it’s absolutely fantastic! Now he can pinch himself or use another way to wake himself up and she will no power over him.

He looks at her, ready to brag about the mistake she just made, but his voice gets stuck in his throat. She’s still sitting in the edge of his bed, the part that he did not pour holy water on. She’s sitting on his bed, all shimmering and bathed in golden hue - and she’s naked.

He can’t do anything but stare at her. (Later he’ll blame it on the fact that he’s not been with anyone in some time). She’s perfect: her skin is blemish free, it looks smooth and warm – his hands itch to reach and touch her, but he clenches his fists by his sides so hard that he feels his nails biting in the tender skin of his palms. He wants to turn his gaze away from her, but he can’t: his eyes still glued to her form and the way the soft light of candles slides over her skin and creates a warm halo around her head.

She tilts her head a bit, looking at him with a soft smile – one he hasn’t yet seen on her lips.

‘Let’s start, shall we?’ She murmurs warmly and raises one of her hands to her face. She starts tracing her lips with her fingers: gentle, feather-like touches on the delicate skin of her mouth. Her lips part with a soft sigh and her tongue slips out, wetting her fingers. She keeps her eyes on him, her gaze burning him like embers and making him vividly _see_ the things that could happen if he only let her past his guards.

Her fingers are now tracing slowly down her neck, leaving a wet trail in their wake. He forces himself to close his eyes – he does not want to watch it, he really doesn’t. Another moan escapes her lips and his eyes snap open. She’s now touching her breasts: cupping them in both of her hands, fingers delicately circling her nipples. Her breasts are full and her hands are too small to cover them completely, but he knows that his would fit just perfectly-  

No, that’s not him thinking that. It’s her – messing with his brain. He needs to start thinking straight and wake up-

-her hand is drifting lower and lower, circling her belly button, her lips part in anticipation as her fingers continue their journey down and down and-

He pinches his arm.

He wakes up with goosebumps all over his skin, in his bed that suddenly feels too cold. He exhales slowly and looks at the time: it’s only 3am, but he already knows that he won’t get any more sleep tonight.

___

A few hours later he’s already on his way to the shop. He sends Clara a quick text that she doesn’t have to come in today, that he has everything covered and jumps into his car. Once he enters his shop, he feels all the tension leaving his body. He inhales the familiar and calming smell of dust and herbs and lets the quietness and calmness of the room seep into him. This places feels home like no other. He bought it a few years ago, when he came back to London after his 5-year-old journey around the world. It was the usual shop with the equipment for all the supernaturals, just like many other shops in London. Normally, he would stand no chance of making a name for himself and earning money – the market has been saturated with shops like that for ages, but he managed to find a huge gap in the market - a gap that he quickly filled. While the market was overflowing with the places where humans could find and buy potions and artefacts helping them to fight unwanted attention of the magical creatures, there was no place where said creatures could find something that would stop nosy people from investigating and bothering them.

And so he opened his own shop, with products for both supernatural creatures and humans. It’s been hit from the beginning. The vampires were in the desperate need for something that repels soccer mums who thought ‘ _Twilight_ ’ is real and wanted to score their own Edward Cullen. Zombies needed a mobile phone that worked 6 feet under, so that their families know when to dig them out. People needed something that would keep real gnomes from their plastic garden gnomes (the real gnomes liked to hump the plastic ones and the owners were not amused). Some vampires wanted to end their blood-drinking lifestyle and asked him for help. The city council needed his help to solve problems with ghouls living at the cemeteries and with creatures living in the sewers. And so on and so on. Soon he became the go-to guy when it came to dealing with supernatural. There were already people who took care of this aspect of different lifestyles colliding, but they were... unimaginative.

Not only humans are able to adapt to the new society and changing times: the supernatural beings can do it just as well. Some of the people simply didn’t notice it or just chose to disregard it. He accepted it as a thing that naturally occurs and will always occur and decided to work on it. He figured out that bogeymen hate teddy bears and all things cute and nice, he realised that the vampires can stop being dependent on blood only if they find another passion (ice-cream, fashion, cooking, tea, etc.), he managed to explain to gnomes that the stone statues won’t return their advances and strengthen the clay golems were made of. He managed to discover anti-ghoul powder, he could create anti-human perfume. He is the person who helps both sides – hence the nickname he got, _‘the Doctor’_.

He tiredly rubs his face and sighs. It’s too early for the shop to open: it’s just 7am, but he has plenty to do, he thinks whole going through the shelves in the backroom. They’re running low on quite a few mixtures and deterrents – and while Clara is nothing but brilliant with running the shop, she’s quite helpless when it comes to brewing potions. He makes list of all the ingredients they’re running low on and winces when realises than unicorn’s corn in one of them. He still remembers the time when unicorns decided that living in the deep forest isn’t entertaining anymore and that moving near to human population would be a brilliant idea. And people being people – raised on a fairytales that do nothing but lie – firmly believed that unicorns are friendly and fluffy, with their sparkling fur and rainbow manes. The truth is that the unicorns are nasty buggers, psycho killers with diamond hooves. And people realised that approximately 5 seconds after the first brave idiot decided to pet a foal unicorn. The mother flew into a fit of rage and stomped the poor guy to death in less than a minute. After that, no one ever tried to touch another unicorn. Bless. He can’t be more grateful that the elves still hate everyone and everything that isn’t them and sit in the darkest and deepest of forests. Because if they came out...

He puts the kettle on to make a strong pot of coffee, because his eyes shut themselves on their own accord and he just can’t – won’t – fall asleep now. So: coffee first, then work. At least that’s the plan.

 

___

There are two stages of sleep: NREM and REM. They’re different: during NREM, the first three stages of sleep, there’s nearly no eye movement, the muscles are not paralysed like they are during the REM stage and what is more important: dreams occur rarely and are not as vivid as in the REM stage. The REM stage is the opposite – to put it crudely. Your muscles are paralysed, eyes move rapidly and _oh_ , you dream. The stages intertwine: NREM dominating during first hours of the night with shorts periods of REM sleep that lengthens during the night.

Technically, it should be easy: sleep just enough to get some rest, without sleeping into the REM stage. But it’s never that easy or simple. When your brain is depraved of the REM stage of sleep, it tries to compensate for it next time you go to bed. The stage comes quicker and lasts longer. And if you depraved of this stage for a long time, it’s only a matter of time before you go bonkers or end up in the city morgue.

He knows that. He understands it all so well. He knows it’s a stupid thing to do: sleep only a few hours, before he has a chance to dream and let his mind rest. But he also know that he can’t let the succubus get him and he still hasn’t found anything else that could work on her, so self-induced sleep deprivation it is.

The good news is that it works: he hasn’t dreamed about her in a few days. The bad news is that he feels like crap. He’s constantly tired and grumpy, his head hurts all the time and catches himself drifting off to sleep during the day. He’s also painfully aware that he should get some help, but something is stopping him. Call is professional pride. How come a guy who battles supernatural everyday is plagued by a demon? A sex demon? Honestly.

He’s in the backroom of his shop now, brewing a potion when a ring at the door goes off and Clara greets their customer with a warm ‘ _Hello, how can I help you?_ ’ He drowns out the rest of their conversation, listening only to the melody of it – the brightness of Clara’s voice and the smoothness of the woman’s she’s talking with. He focuses on the right temperature and the precise amount of times he has to stir the potion – he buggered it up a few times already and he doesn’t want to remake this one as well - when Clara pokes his arm gently.

‘What?’ He mutters drowsily.

‘Do we have something stronger against ghouls?’ She asks quickly and he winces a bit at how loud her voice is in his ears. ‘The client wants something stronger than our usual mix.’

‘Well, tell her that we do have something stronger, but for the cemetery ghouls what we offer should be more than enough,’ he replies. ‘There’s no need to use the stronger things on them. Not only it can cause them rash, but they also could get accustomed to the stronger mix, and I’d have to come up with something even stronger, which would be-‘

‘It’s alright, but I am not going to use it on our city ghouls,’ comes a voice from the shop. ‘I need something for wild ghouls.’

This certainly makes him interested. He wipes his hands, lessens the heat under the cauldron and goes to the main area of the shop with Clara following behind him. He finally sees the person who spoke and for a second he’s sure that the world stopped. That or he’s having a stroke. Or the sleep deprivation finally got to him, because the woman he sees in front of him can’t be real.

He’s looking at his succubus.

‘I-,’ he stutters and take another stop in her direction, painfully bumping into the counter. He hears Clara’s snort, but ignores it, staring at the woman opposite of him. ‘You-I... You...’

‘I need something for wild ghouls,’ she repeats slowly as if he’s mentally deficient. ‘Do you have something in store?’

Her voice sounds the same as it did in his dreams, but her tone is completely different: instead of seductive and alluring, it’s a bit commanding. There are also differences in how she looks: her skin isn’t golden, but healthily tanned. Her curls are just as impressive as he remembers from his dream, but they’re pale blonde instead of shiny gold. There are small imperfections on her face: the bump on her nose is a bit more pronounced, her lips are pale and there are laugh lines in the corner of her eyes. There’s an earthy substance to her, one that leaves you no doubts that she is a human.

But she can’t be.

_But she is._

He realises that he’s been silent for far longer than he should and both the woman and Clara are looking at him like he lost his marbles.

‘Yes, we have it,’ he answers quickly, nearly tripping over his feet in his haste to get to the storage room and away from her. ‘How many vials do you need?’

‘Six,’ she answers a bit surprised. ‘Six, please.’

He quickly disappears inside the storage room, trying to find the mix for the wild ghouls and calm his racing heart. He has no idea what is going on, but it’s most definitely not good. He can hear Clara talking with the woman, keeping her company while they’re waiting for his return. He collects the six vials and nearly pushes them into Clara’s hands. He hides in the backroom, observing what will happen next. But nothing extraordinary happens: Clara packs the vials, instructs the woman how to use them, the woman pays and with a _‘thank you’_ she leaves the shop. He lets out a deep breath.

‘What the hell was that?’ Clara’s voice booms near his ear and he jumps a feet in the air. ‘What the hell?’ She repeats and punches his arm. Damn, for someone so petite, she’s ridiculously strong.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel very well,’ he mumbles a quick and crappy apology, but it seems that Clara believes it.

‘Yeah, you look terribly. I thought you’re going to pass out when you saw her,’ she looks at him with worry. ‘Is everything alright?’

‘Sure,’ he tries to smile and hopes it doesn’t look as artificial as it feels. ‘I just... I feel like I know her from somewhere, that’s all.’

‘You’re taking the piss, right?’ Clara asks and stares at him with wide eyes. ‘Even you can’t be this ignorant!’

‘Wha-at?’ He stutters and she lets out a pained ‘ _I-am-dealing-with-an-idiot_ ’ sigh. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It was River Song. The world famous archaeologist. Don’t you read the papers? The media has been crazy about her upcoming expedition. She’s going to The Library.’

Clara keeps on speaking, but he shuts her off.

Because it’s just his luck. Just when he thought that things can’t get any worse, he gets this: an archaeologist.

His succubus is a well known archaeologist. Of all the occupations in the world, she’s an archaeologist. He cringes.

An archaeologist.

Oh great, now his life is really over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN-DUN-DUN  
> a plot twist ensues  
> tho is it really a plot twist? wasn't it predictable? idk man. 
> 
> thanks to all of you who read and (hopefully) enjoyed the first two chapters. I hope you aren't disappointed with the update.  
> I bumped the rating up to M and added warning about dub-con in the tags. I hope it's enough, if not, please tell me. 
> 
> chapter's title from Arctic Monkeys' '505' (of course. I'm eye-rolling at myself, trust me)


	4. oh, who is she? a misty memory?

The first thing he does upon getting home this evening, is turning on his computer and typing _‘River Song’_ in the search bar. A picture of her pops up first, along with a long list of links to various pages dedicated to archaeology. He checks her list of publications and unwillingly lets out a whistle of surprise. She has more publications than any scientist he knows - and he means real scientists, proper ones: mathematicians and physicists, chemists, not archaeologists. She wrote 3 books, gives regular lectures at both Cambridge and Oxford as well as a few foreign universities. What is more, she’s the youngest professor in the last 50 years. Whether he likes it or not, he has to admit that it’s impressive. He even finds a few of her articles and downloads them, saving them in a secret folder on his hard drive. For some reasons, he feels like a teenager hiding his porn stash from his mother - which is ridiculous, because he’s not a teenager anymore, his mother is not here and he doesn’t have a porn stash.

He sighs and runs hands tiredly over his face. He has no idea how is that possible: how this woman can be real and how can she be his succubus? Or how can his succubus be this woman? He’s not sure of anything anymore. He just wants to sleep. He sighs and looks at the screen again: a picture of River Song still displayed there. He turns off his laptop and promises himself that the first and last time he’s search for any information about her. He saw her, he knows that she’s human and that she isn’t some occult-loving crazy. He’ll leave her alone, at least for now: he has enough problems with the dream version of her, he doesn’t need another mystery to solve.

Of course he breaks this vow on the next day.

And on the day after that.

And on the day after that as well.

And on- Okay, you get it.

It’s not his fault, not really. She’s on the news almost all the time, her face is on almost every newspaper: from the respectable ones to the worst rags – he just can’t avoid her. It seems that everyone and everything is talking about her expedition to The Library. He hates to admit it, but he’s also interested in it: she’s going to lead a team into the biggest library on Earth. Correction: to the biggest _closed_ library on Earth. One day the Library just closed itself off and no one walked in there ever since. It was over 50 years ago and he would be lying if he said that he wouldn’t just love to go on the expedition himself.

Today is the day when she’s leaving to The Library with her team and all the websites and papers seem to be writing only about it, so what can he do? He reads the articles. All of them.

‘Stop being so interested in her, I might get jealous,’ an all too familiar voice says into his ear. He grits his teeth as his succubus materialises on his desk. Dressed in a lace nightgown, with her hair tumbling over her arms and a mischievous smile on her lips, she looks like a real person. But he knows that she’s just a figment of his imagination, an image conjured by his tired brain that tries to make up for the lack of REM sleep.

‘Go away,’ he sneers. He hasn’t dreamed of her for some time now – it must’ve been several days. He wakes himself up every few hours and he also managed to modify his sleeping pills: instead of just making him sleep, they make his brain skip the REM stage. He knows it’s stupid and reckless and he’s flirting with insanity, but what other choice does he have?

‘But do you really want me to go away?’ She breathes against his cheek. Suddenly, she’s on his lap, warm and soft, sliding her arms over his shoulders. ‘I’m not really here, you know. You’re the one who’s imagining me here – it’s your mind that brought me here.’

‘My mind is just compensating for the lack of sleep,’ he grumbles and tries to shove her off his lap. Unsuccessfully.

‘Do you ever wonder,’ she continues as if he didn’t do anything, ‘what else your mind could make me do?’

_Gods yes._

‘No,’ he lies, but he knows she can see right through it and her grin deepens. ‘I am not interested in anything you have to offer. _Go. Away._ ’

‘The lady doth protests too much,’ she whispers teasingly in his ear and he shivers despite his attempts to stay unaffected. He feels her smile against his skin when she starts kissing his cheek. Her lips feel warm and soft – as if she was real. He’s still surprised by it – how _real_ she always feels. Whether it’s in his dreams or when he’s awake, she always feels like she’s a proper person. The scientist in him is fascinated by it: how is that possible? Is it all her doing or is it caused by his brain? How can she feel so warm and soft against him when in reality she’s not there at all?

‘No thinking,’ she whispers, placing another one of her kisses in the corner of his mouth. Her hand slides down his arms, gently squeezes his fingers and he watches in wonder when she starts rubbing small circles on his legs. He can’t seem to move, he can only observe as her hand travels up his legs – slowly and teasingly, making him feel hot all over. He knows he should stop her, shake her hands off, but the gentle warmth of her body lulls him into this strange pleasant slumber – he’s too comfortable to do anything else but enjoy her touch. Her fingers climb higher and higher and with every brush of her fingers against his trousers, his breathing gets more erratic. She presses her lips against his jaw, biting lightly and he feels a wave of heat flooding his body when her fingers find their way to his belt and start slowly undoing it.

A few seconds later the belt is undone and with a kiss pressed to his neck, the succubus starts unbuttoning his trousers.

‘There you are,’ he hears her whispering against his neck, tugging at the zipper. ‘Good boy.’

He’s going to stop her any second now – any second. He just needs to gather his strength and push her out of his mind-

‘Okay, I am done for today,’ Clara voice rings sharply in his ears. ‘I counted the money and made a list of everything that we sold today and- Are you okay?’

He shakes his head and quickly looks around. The succubus is gone. _‘She wasn’t here at all_ ,’ he corrects himself, but then he looks down and sees his belt dangling from the belt loops. The trouser’s button is undone and the zipper is half-way down and he has no idea how _that_ happened. Because his hands were on the desk all the time and since the succubus is only in his head and he wasn’t asleep, she couldn’t physically do it. _Could she?_

‘John!’ Clara repeats and his head snaps back in her direction. ‘I asked if you’re okay.’

_‘Oh yeah, I’m great. I haven’t properly slept in a few weeks, I am a few days from going insane from the lack of REM sleep, I pop sleeping pills like they’re mints, I have a bloody sex demon that won’t leave me alone and I can’t sleep, because if I do, she’ll come to me in a dream and suck the vital energy out of me. Probably both metaphorically and literally. I am so sleep deprived that I have visions of said demon even when I’m not sleeping and a second ago she was about to give me a handjob. And oh, have I mentioned that my succubus looks exactly like that super famous archaeologist? No idea how is that possible or how to get rid of that bloody demon. So yep, I am smashing, how are you?’_

Of course, he says none of it. Not aloud anyway.

‘Yeah, I’m great,’ he nods his head and tries to button his trousers without Clara noticing anything. ‘Just zoned out for a second.’

‘Happens to you a lot recently,’ she says with concern. ‘You’re sure you’re fine?’

‘I’m sure,’ he smiles, hoping that it looks sincere. ‘You were saying?’

‘Uhm... We’re done for the day. The money’s counted, left you the list of what we sold today and another one of what we need on the counter and now I’m off. Or do you still need me?’

‘No, go home,’ he waves her away. ‘I’ll close up. And you can take tomorrow off, I’ll take care of everything.’

‘Sure thing, boss,’ Clara salutes with a smile. ‘But just call me if you need me to come over.’

He nods his head and winks, and Clara smiles while quickly gathering her things and heading out. He lets out a sigh of relief. Thankfully she didn’t notice that his trousers are unbuttoned and that he has a bit of a... situation going down there. And if she saw what’s on the screen of his laptop: an article about River Song, things could get really awkward. He’s pretty sure he can hear the succubus giggling somewhere in the room – or maybe he hears it inside his head?

‘Isn’t it the same thing these days?’ He can hear her whispering in an amused tone and with these words he feels her disappearing from his mind. Maybe she decided it’s enough torture for one day.

But then again, he still has to survive the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter is here. yay! or nay. you decide. this week's update is a bit shorter, but if I published everything I'd intially planned, the update would be 9k. I figured that no one would like to read this much in one go. hence the shorter filler chapter.
> 
> thank you for all the kudos and nice words - they mean a lot :). I hope you won't be disappointed by this or furute chapters. 
> 
> the chapter's title comes from I Monster's 'who is she?'


	5. cruel darkness, want you to embrace me

_Knock, knock, knock._

Loud banging echoing through his apartment makes him stir. He emerges from his sleep, slowly and with difficulties. He feels heavy and unable to move – as if someone put him in a barrel of oil. It’s like something sticky and dark enveloped his body and keeps dragging him down, down, down... He closes his eyes.

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK._

The banging becomes unbearably loud and he groans into his pillow. He just wants to sleep. He needs more rest, just let him, a few more minutes.

‘Mr. Smith, please open the door!’ He hears someone calling from the corridor. He mutters a few curses, but finally rolls out of his bed, because whoever is waking up him and his neighbours doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon.

He pads to the door and opens is with what he hopes is an angry scowl of fierce disapproval. He’s greeted by two tall men dressed in black suits, wearing – despite the fact that they’re inside a building – sunglasses.

‘Mr. Smith,’ one of them nods, ‘so glad to see you.’

‘You are? And what are you even doing here?’ He asks harshly. Maybe it’s not what one should greet his visitors with, but the niceness and good manners have left the building the second these two started banging at his door. Hell, the niceness hasn’t even entered the building yet.

‘Agent Hale, agent Baxter,’ the second man says and they both flash their IDs in front of his eyes. He can barely see their pictures and names, let alone their signatures, but he notices the sign of their department.

‘Supernaturals?’ He asks, suddenly feeling wide awake. The Department for Supernatural Events – also called Supernaturals – was formed in the early XIX century. Its purpose was – and still is – dealing with unexpected supernatural phenomena that occur from time to time. A new, so far unknown demon appeared in someone’s house? The scientists working for The Supernaturals would turn up, figure out what it is and cry to either chase it away, negotiate with it (if they could crack its language) or capture it. Then they’d accept all the _‘thank you’_ and drive away in their little black van. He’s worked with some of them once or twice – they’re usually really nice and quiet guys and gals of all species, wearing funny smelling sweaters and big glasses. None of them wore custom made suits and had a gun on them.

‘We need you to come with us, Mr. Smith,’ one of them says and the other one nods. ‘Our department needs your help.’

‘Well, I don’t want to go with you. Goodbye,’ he says and tries to close the door, but one of the men – Hale? Baxter? – stops the door from closing by putting his shoe between the door and the frame. ‘Oh, come on. Get out. I want to go get back to sleep. Whatever you have – you can deal with it on your own.’

‘Usually you’d be right, Mr. Smith,’ Baxter nods. ‘But it’s not a usual case. Please, watch this,’ he adds and hands him a small palmtop. He presses the play button and the short video plays on the screen. It’s only a few seconds long, the quality is appalling – black and white and grainy, but he doesn’t care about it. What the clip shows, stops his breath for a second. He hits replay and watches it again.

And again.

He finally looks up and the agents who are still standing at his doorstep. They’re staring at him with grim expressions on their faces and he swallows heavily.

‘Give me 10 minutes to get ready,’ he says and hands the palmtop back.

‘We’ll be waiting downstairs,’ they nods and close the door. For a few moments he just stands there, motionless, before jumping and yelping in joy. He can’t believe it’s happening – it’s always been his fantasy, his theory, one that has been laughed at by others and now he saw it happen. He knows it wasn’t just an idea of his, some ridiculous dream of his – no. It’s a real thing. _Not that it’s a good thing_ , he thinks and sobers up instantly, heading to the bathroom for a shower. He washes quickly, feeling more alive and energetic that he has in weeks. He picks his clothes, grabs the keys and heads downstairs. There’s a shiny black Mercedes parked on the pavement in front of his building and he gets inside it. Once he closes the door behind him, the engine starts and they’re moving.

‘Who am I meeting?’ He asks the agents sitting in the front.

‘I think you know whom you’re meeting, mister Smith,’ one of them replies with a thin smile and he just shrugs.

‘Just making sure,’ he adds with a smirk. The rest of the drive passes quickly and in silence – at this hour (it’s not even 6am yet, he notes looking at the clock on the dashboard) even London’s streets are relatively empty. They park in front of the Supernatural Department’s building – an atrociously ugly thing situated a few miles from the city centre. One of the agents – Baxter, gets out with him and leads him to heavy glass door. There are no guards and metals detectors are not working, the lights are off. The whole place looks empty and deserted and even more depressing than it looks in the bright sunshine. They walk into an elevator and Baxter presses the button for the last floor. The ride is quick – so quick that he can feel his ears pop from the sudden change of pressure and soon he finds himself at the very last floor.

‘Go to the end of the corridor,’ Baxter says. ‘The door is open.’

He nods and bites back a snarky remark about how this whole situation looks and feels like a B-class action movie. He walks down the corridor and stands in front of large and sturdy looking wood door. He reads the plate on the door. Right. So that is happening. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

‘Come in,’ a voice says.

He pushes the door and steps inside the room. It’s spacious and brightly lit, the walls are painted in warm beige colour and there’s a fluffy rug on the floor. The walls are decorated with pictures of all the creatures and species that live in the society. It certainly doesn’t look like an office of the head of the department. And yet it is.

‘Welcome, mister Smith,’ the woman sitting behind a desk says. ‘I’m Kate Stewart, the director of the-‘

‘I know who you are,’ he says with a polite nod.

And he knows indeed. Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, one of the most powerful women in London, if not in the whole United Kingdom. She’s been running the department for nearly a decade now, making it one of the smoothest running government’s department in the history. She’s been fighting for equal rights for all the species, she’s been implementing laws that made the coexistence between humans and all the supernatural creatures easier and more peaceful. The right person in the right place. He’s always admired her, but up until now he had no chance of meeting her.

‘Of course you know,’ she replies and motions a chair in front of the desk. ‘Please, sit. I am so sorry that I dragged you here at such an ungodly hour. Tea? Coffee? If you’re hungry, feel free to take whatever you like,’ she points to a small table standing next to her desk, where a few plates with small sandwiches, pastries and fruits are. He shakes his head, but helps himself to a cup of coffee.

‘Right then,’ he sighs. ‘I am sure you didn’t ask me here for very early breakfast. In fact, we both know why you asked me here.’

‘Very well,’ she says and presses a button on her desk. Behind her, a screen slides out from a wall. Kate writes something on her computer and an image appears on the screen in front of him: a familiar black and white still.

‘Wait,’ he says, before she has a chance to hit ‘ _play_ ’. ‘You’re not going to make me sign a confidentiality contract?’

‘We know we can trust you. Besides,’ she sighs heavily, ‘there won’t be any need for confidentiality on this one.’

‘Why is that?’ He asks curiously. He worked with the department only a few times, but all the operations he worked on were always hush-hush. He has to sign a mountain of papers saying that he will not disclose to anyone anything he’s seen. They were obsessed with security and secrets in this department and as much as he hated it, he knew they had their reasons. The public – both human and supernatural – doesn’t need to know when a new demon species appears, one that attack everything that emits the slightest aura. Some things need to stay buried deep inside the government’s drawers.

‘Tomorrow – if not today - it’ll be splashed all over the papers,’ Kate says grimly. ‘Now please. Can we start?’

He nods and she presses the play button. A movie he already saw today starts playing, but this version is longer.

This version is far more terrifying.

The whole footage is black and white, grainy and jumpy. There’s a voiceover – whoever was holding the camera was also narrating everything.

 _‘We came in and the first thing we saw were skeletons. Not bodies, just skeletons,_ ’ the voice says, slightly muffled by what he supposes must be a protective suit. ‘ _Just bones. No traces of decomposition, no flesh or hair left,_ ’ the camera pans to the skeletons laying on the floor. There are many of them, the floor is literally littered with them. _‘We haven’t counted the bodies yet, but the reports we were given, stated that when the place had closed off, there had been 4022 people inside. We’ll verify that,_ ’ the camera shows a few people in protective plastic suits, moving slowly among the skeletons laying on the floor. The voice continues, strong and confident. ‘ _We tested the air, it’s clean. No traces of chemical or biological weapons. We’ll take some materials for further analysis. Radioactivity – normal. Nothing else is destroyed: all the furniture and books are in perfect state, only a little dusty. The lights are busted, but we managed to get some power from our own generator, but they’re still flickering. Good thing we have flashlights. I’ll update when we come across some clues_.’

‘Where are they?’ He asks Kate when the clip ends, but she shakes her head and starts another clip.

‘ _Something is going on here,_ ’ the voice speaks again. A woman, he thinks. He tries to gather as much information from the videos as possible, but the quality is terrible and he can’t really see any details. ‘ _Something... Something is blowing out the lights. I know it sounds insane, but it’s happening. We came from there,_ ’ the camera points to a dark corridor behind the narrator, _‘and a second ago it was brightly lighted. It’s like... the shadows are following us,_ ’ his breath hitches at these words. ‘ _I can’t explain it, but- Dave, what is happening? Dave?’_ The image goes blank now, there are a few jumps and cuts and then the narrator can be heard again. _‘We have to get out of here. Something got Second Dave. It got into his suit, it- The visor went dark. He started stuttering and when the visor lighted up again, we saw this,_ ’ he camera shows a suit laying on the floor, but there’s no one inside – not a human anyway. There’s a skeleton inside. ‘ _We have no idea how it happened. I suspect – I am not sure, it’s too improbable to be true, but I suspect there’s something in the shadows. It cannot be a virus or bacteria: there isn’t a species that is able to digest and decompose human tissue at this speed. It must be something supernatural. Something living in the shadows.’_

He’s impressed by how calm and collected the person who filmed it seems to be. It must’ve been hard: walking into a place like this – a cemetery, being faced with supernatural events of this scale and losing a participant of your expedition group must’ve been difficult and yet she managed to keep a cool head and tried to solve the mystery. Not many people would be able to perform in such circumstances. His thoughts are interrupted by another clip.

 _‘It got Dave. Proper Dave. And miss Evangelista. We can’t go back to the main door, they got cut out by the shadows. We’re waiting for Lux to send us blueprints of the place, we need to find another exit. We think... It might’ve take a hold of Anita. But I tainted her visor, maybe it – whatever it is – will think it’s already inside her suit._ ’

‘ _It won’t work_ ,’ another voice in the video says and the camera pans to someone dressed in the protective suit, with the visor tainted black.

‘ _You don’t know what,_ ’ the narrator replies and her voice is hard, but comforting. _‘Just hang in there. Lux is going to send us the plans any second now and we’ll get out of here.’_ The video skips again and new footage appears. The person holding the camera is running, footsteps loud against the floor and her breath harsh. _‘I am near the emergency entrance. It- It got Anita. I’m on my own,_ ’ the voice hitches a bit. ‘ _It’s getting darker in here. I think it’s coming. I’ll try to film it. If I get out of here, mister Lux and I will deadbolt the emergency door as well as the main door. The Turkish authorities were already called, they’ll make sure that no one comes near this place. If I don’t come out of here, the content from this camera will upload automatically to Lux’s computer in about 3 hours,_ ’ heavy breath. On the screen, in the dark corridor where the camera is pointing, three shapes appear. They’re walking slowly, as if they’re not used to walking – or like they know the physics behind walking: muscle and bones movement, but have never walked before. They near the person who’s holding the camera, they’re literally a few meters from her, but then something happens and they turn away and walk away, without looking back. And just like that, the video ends.

The silence in the room is deafening. He can’t believe what he just saw and even though he knew – he suspected that it might be true, he never really expected to be shown a proof.

‘Where was it?’ He asks. ‘When did it happen?’

‘We were informed about it three hours ago,’ Kate rubs her forehead in a way that betrays how tired she is. ‘And as for where it is... I think you know very well the answer to this question.’

‘I don’t know, I merely suspect. But from what I’ve seen... It’s the Library, isn’t it?’

Kate nods and he swallows against the lump in his throat. The Library. It’s where River Song went. It can’t be happening, it simply can’t. He needed her to live, to help him- To help him. But that’s not going to happen now.

‘She’s dead, isn’t she? I mean, everyone’s dead,’ he clears his throat.

‘No, not everyone,’ Kate responds and his heart swells with unexplained joy. ‘There are two survivors: mister Lux, the person who founded this expedition. He was in the van outside the Library, monitoring the whole thing. He had audio contact with the whole crew.’

‘You said there are two survivors.’

‘Yes,’ she nods. ‘The woman – the person who was recording all of this survived as well. As the only one from the group who entered The Library.’

‘What’s her name?’

‘That’s not important right now,’ Kate sighs and he wants to say that no, actually it’s absolutely bloody important. ‘You’ll meet her in due time.’

‘Fine. So, why am I here?’ He asks a bit harshly.

‘You’re one of the best known and most accomplished researches and practitioners in the field and we felt that your expertise-,’ she stops in the middle of the sentence and looks him straight in the eye. ‘Okay, we don’t have time for this. Or maybe we do, but I am really tired of this bullshit. We know you wrote a paper about this subject. You seemed to have a theory that there’s a species that lives in the shadows and that it might be dangerous. Lethal.’

‘I am happy to know you went through my uni reports and papers,’ he snorts. ‘But yes, I had this theory. However, my teacher didn’t like it. He gave me two marks for this paper: A+ for discussion and D for lack of any evidence and proof that this thing is something more than a tale and a theory of a madman.’

‘Now you can see it’s more than just a theory. It seems to be the explanation of what we just saw. Will you help us?’

‘With what? You don’t need my help,’ he says. ‘You have the best scientists from all over Europe working for you.’

‘That’s true. But they’re scientists. Their experience is... Well, it comes mostly from books,’ she says. ‘Not that it’s bad. But the situation we’re facing is unusual. None of them ever encountered something like that – none of them even thought about a possibility of something like that happening. You did.’

‘It was years ago,’ he shakes his head. ‘I was at university. It was just an assignment.’

‘You wrote over 60 pages on the subject of shadows can kill,’ Kate says sourly. ‘I think it was a bit more than assignment. Look, we don’t need you to go there. But once the public finds out what happened... People will panic. We need to assemble a team that will get to the bottom of this and will inform the society about this accident. If there’s a possibility it happens again. If there’s any danger for anyone else. What precautions should be taken. That’s all.’

‘Who else would be a part of it?’

‘Myself. A few of our scientists. Someone from the Ministry of Defence, but only because the prime minister insisted. Mister Lux and the person who got out of the Library. And you if you agree.’

‘Okay,’ he says after a few seconds. ‘Count me in.’

‘I’m glad to hear that,’ Kate Stewart gives him a sincere smile. ‘I want you to know that you can resign at any point. I have no idea how long this... investigation will last.’

‘What do you want me to do?’ He asks, feeling oddly excited. As awful as this whole situation is, he will be able to work on an idea of his that has always fascinated him.

‘If you could prepare a short introduction for everyone. What you found out back in university. What you think it might be. Anything and everything you’ll manage to find. We’ll confront it with what actually happened in the Library. We’ll send you a copy of the tapes we watched.’

‘How much time do I have?’

‘Until tomorrow morning,’ Kate says with an apologetic expression on her face. ‘I know it’s not a lot of time, but we have to hurry. The story will be splashed all over news by today’s afternoon. I’ll make an announcement in the evening and I want us to start working as soon as possible. We can’t meet today, because the expedition team – the survivors,’ Kate says heavily, ‘they’re still in Turkey. They’re going through various tests to make sure it’s not a virus or an infection that can be carried over here. They’ll come home tomorrow morning and come straight here. The meeting starts at 8am. Do you want us to send a car for you?’

‘No, no, I’ll be fine,’ he shakes his head with a smile. ‘Is that all?’

‘Yes,’ Kate replies. ‘Thank you for your time and once again, sorry for the dramatic wake-up. But we needed to react as quickly as possible.’

‘No problem,’ he stays standing up. ‘Just one more thing. Who’s the survivor?’

‘Is it important? You’ll meet everyone tomorrow,’ Kate ask, her expression baffled and curious.

‘I’d like to know with whom I’m going to work. And since I know most of your employees...,’ he says in what he hopes is a flippant tone.

‘Okay then,’ Kate says slowly and his heart starts beating loudly inside his chest. He has no idea why he’s so nervous or even interested nor he understands why he wants her to be the one to survive. But he does – shoot him. He takes a deep breath and Kate speaks again. ‘It’s River Song.’

He breathes out.

‘Thank you,’ he mumbles and nods, opening the door.

‘Mister Smith,’ Kate calls him and he stops in his track. ‘8am, don’t be late.’

 

___

It’s the next morning and he’s late. Of course.

He has an excuse: he’s spent the whole yesterday digging through old books and preparing the presentation. He finished late at night, popped a few sleeping pills and fell dead on his face, waking up at 7:45am with a loud ‘ _oh, holy fuck’_ on his lips. Not that anyone will be interested in his excuses. But at least he didn’t do it on purpose. It’s 8:15am and he’s running down the corridor to Kate Stewart’s office. He stops in front of the heavy door, runs fingers through his hair in a poor attempt to tame it and with a calming breath he knocks on the door.

‘Please, come in, mister Smith,’ Kate’s voice rings in his ears. He opens the door and puts on his best apologetic smile. ‘We’ve been waiting for you.’

‘Yes, I know, I’m sorry, but uhm, things happened,’ he finishes lamely, looking around the room. There are seven people there, sitting behind a big oval table that wasn’t there yesterday. The one person his attention is immediately drawn to, is looking down at the table, not paying any attention to him – or anyone else for that matter.

‘We figured this much,’ Kate’s mouth twitches in a smile. ‘Please, sit down. You know Jess, Robert and Dan?’ She points to the people sitting on her left – a group of the department’s scientists he’s worked a few times with. He smiles at them and nods his head. ‘This is Darren Johnson – a representative from the ministry of Defence,’ he politely nods in the direction of a man dressed in a suit. ‘And now, please meet mister Lux – the sponsor of the expedition to the Library,’ Lux glares at him with an unpleasant glint in his eyes and doesn’t respond to his smile. ‘Last but not least, professor River Song – the participant of the expedition,’ he looks at her intently as if daring her to look up, but she’s still staring at the table. Well then. ‘Everyone – this is John Smith, he’ll be our supernatural consultant on the case. You may also know him as The Doctor. Mister Smith - now that you’re here, can you please start and show us the information you managed to gather?’

‘Right. Yes, of course,’ he tears his gaze away from River and clears his throat. ‘I just want to start by saying that these are not strictly scientific facts. There are no officially documented cases of accidents like this one. There are hints, little stories hidden between the lines, but other than that, there’s nothing. I managed to-‘

‘Wait, you’re the expert who’s supposed to help us?’ River’s voice stops him mid-sentence. ‘You have to be kidding me.’

‘Is there something wrong, professor Song?’ Kate asks and looks from him to River with concern written over her features. ‘Mister Smith is a professional and his credentials are impeccable.’

‘The last time I met him, I got a completely different expression,’ River responds.

‘Last time you caught me on a bad day,’ he quickly says. ‘I can only apologise for that. This situation won’t repeat.’

‘Are you sure?’ River finally looks at him and he’s slightly taken aback how unwell she looks. She’s pale, there are dark circles under her eyes and she looks like she hasn’t slept in a few days. She probably hasn’t, he thinks with pity. And yet, despite being physically and mentally worn out, she seems to be perfectly in control of the meeting. ‘It’s a serious matter. Are you certain you can handle it?’

‘I am sure you will see that I am more than qualified to discuss this matter... If only you let me talk instead of interrupting me,’ he says through gritted teeth. He should have known that she’s going to be like this: all archaeologists are rude and impatient. Well, at least that’s what he expects them to be. Not that he knows many of them – actually, River is the first one he met face to face, but the rest of them must be just like that, right? He looks at her and expects to see an angry scowl on her face, but he sees her mouth twitching in a small smile.

‘Go on then,’ she finally says, still wearing the same amused expression.

‘I- uhm, yes,’ he blinks a few times and tries very hard not to think how much this expression of hers reminds him of an expression he sees in his dreams. ‘As I was saying: there aren’t any written records on what we’re dealing with. There are only small clues. But people have always been afraid of the dark. What if that fear is not illogical? Maybe there’s something hidden in the shadows, something that can harm any living creature it comes with contact with. How many records of missing people are there? Some people disappeared without a trace. They were never found. Situations like that have been happening for ages, here, let me just,’ he flips through his notes to find the needed quote. ‘Here it is: a quote from a XIV century hymn: _‘protect us from the creatures living in the darkness’_. It could’ve been a reference to Satan or demons, but these were usually referred to as ‘creatures of darkness’, not ones living in the darkness,’ he says, gesturing with his hands. ‘There are more random references like this one, you can see the ones I found here,’ he puts a few pages with quotes and references printed on them and watches all the participants of the meeting picking them up and reading through them quickly. ‘These are from hymns, books, stories from various centuries.’

‘Fictional works? Is that all you have?’ Mister Lux asks grumpily. ‘It’s a waste of time.’

‘No, there’s much more,’ he replies with an annoyed sigh. ‘And I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me. It’s not only fictional works, mister Lux. People have been going missing for centuries. Sooner or later they’d get found, either dead or alive. But throughout the centuries, there have been several cases of people going missing, only to be found a few days later, exactly where they were seen for the last time. Only their bones remained,’ that catches the attention of everyone in the room. ‘All the skeletons were cleaned, no flesh left, the clothes and any possession the victims had on them, were untouched. I found 16 case files like this. The oldest is from XVII century. There could be even more undocumented cases.’

‘Anything connecting these cases?’ River asks.

‘No,’ he shakes his head. ‘Except for the state the bodies were found in and the fact that they all disappeared during night or in places described as ‘dark and shadowy’. The cases are from all over the world and from all over time. It can’t be a serial killer or even a serial killer with a few copycats.’

‘Let’s assume we can connect all of these cases to what happened in the Library,’ Jess, one of the scientists, says. ‘So what is it that we’re dealing with? Shadows that kill? Are all the shadows dangerous? I mean, it can’t be the case, right? If it was, we’d all be dead by now.’

‘No, not every shadow. I think... From what I gathered from the clips,’ he scratches his cheek nervously, ‘that thing – whatever it is, it behaves-‘

‘Like a swarm,’ River cuts in. ‘It behaves like a swarm. It didn’t seem like one organism, more like... Thousands of them.’

‘Yes,’ he nods excitedly. ‘That’s what I think as well. And it’s not every shadow that could be infected, but-‘

‘Any shadow,’ River finishes and looks at him with approval. ‘I’ve been wrong about you. You certainly seem qualified for this.’

‘Right, so what are we dealing with?’ Robert says impatiently before he can respond to River’s comment. He turns his gaze away from her and looks at the man who just spoke up. ‘Carnivorous shadows?’

‘No, nothing like that,’ he shakes his head, still feeling River’s gaze on him. It feels like it’s burning his skin, making him itch all over. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm his racing heart. He refocuses his attention on Robert, who’s now looking at him questioningly. ‘No, it’s not the shadows. We’re talking about creatures living _in_ the shadows. I assume that in small groups they’re non-threatening, they become dangerous only when there’s more of them.’

‘And when did them come from?’ This question comes from Johnson who’s been sitting quietly so far.

‘No idea,’ he answers truthfully and turns to Lux. ‘Maybe you could tell us something more about the Library. What exactly happened there all these years ago?’

‘This is not relevant to the case,’ Lux says harshly.

‘I beg to differ,’ Kate retorts icily. ‘It is relevant to the case. We promise you our utmost secrecy.’

‘I- You have to understand that I am reluctant to share any of this with you only because it’s my family’s history,’ Lux starts after a few moments. ‘I’d be grateful if you didn’t share it with anyone, especially the press. The Library was built by my great-great grandfather. It was a gift to his sister’s daughter who loved books. The girl – Charlotte - was sick, too weak to be a part of normal life, so he built her a place where she could spent her time. He chose Istanbul, because it was far from England and no one paid any attention to the little girl who spent her days there. The Library quickly became the biggest one in Europe, as my great-great grandfather liked showing off. He bought books from all over the world: new ones and old ones, cheap penny novelettes and priceless tomes. The place itself was decorated with the most beautiful and ornamental furniture. One could spend a whole day there, just wandering around, not even reading. This has lasted for over 150 years,’ Lux takes a deep breath. ‘Then, on 15th of March, 1962, The Library closed itself off. We don’t know why. Until today, we don’t know how it happened. The doors got closed from the inside. The windows were tinted black. There were people inside and my father tried to start a rescue mission. But the Turkish government opposed. There was no way to get inside, without destroying the building and releasing whatever was inside. They said they couldn’t allow whatever was there to spread all over the country and the world. All the people inside were treated as collateral damage. And that way The Library got sealed off for years.’

‘So why did you decide to open it now?’ Johnson asks.

‘We’ve been thinking about it for ages,’ Lux clarifies. ‘My company has been working on developing technologies that would allow us to enter this place without endangering anyone. We developed suits that are resistant to any kind of biochemical and chemical hazard known to men. We thought it’d be enough... To keep everyone safe.’

‘What exactly are we supposed to do?’ Robert interrupts the silence that fell over the room after Lux’s story. ‘As John said, there are no records of these creatures. We don’t even know what they’re called. Except for the old case files, we have nothing to work with.’

‘I took some samples,’ River says. ‘Not much: dust, some splinters of wood. Bits of wallpapers and carpets. I took a few pages from various books. It’s not much, but maybe you’ll be able to find something on them.’

‘Good,’ Jess nods her head. ‘That’s good. But... Are you sure that these creatures weren’t transported with the samples?’

‘I have no idea,’ River replies, staring at the girl in front of her. ‘I’m not going to lie to you. These things could be infected.’

‘You’d better be careful then,’ Kate says and the scientific trio nods their heads. ‘The samples are already at the lab. You’ll are granted access to everything you may need. If it’s not in our laboratories, just ask and it’ll be delivered as soon as possible. I expect reports as soon as you find anything. If you don’t find anything, I still want a report. If you have any questions, ask them now. If you don’t, you can go and start on the research now.’

The scientists shake their heads and leave the room after mumbling their goodbyes.

‘Right then,’ Kate says once the door close behind the trio. ‘I think that we should discuss the strategy to deal with media now. After my announcement yesterday, they’ve been going a bit crazy, asking for interviews and more information. It’s only a matter of time before they send the public into insanity of panic and we have to stop it. I think we should-‘

‘I have a question,’ he says unexpectedly. Unexpectedly for everyone in the room – including himself, because he can’t register wanting to actually speak up. But there’s something he needs to know, something that has been bothering him since the moment he watched the clips in Kate’s office. ‘And I’d like to have it answered now.’

‘Is it really necessary?’ Kate asks, but he merely nods his head, without turning his head to her. ‘Ask then.’

‘How did you get out?’ He blurts out. ‘Not you,’ he stops Lux from speaking out, ‘you were in the van, outside The Library. You were safe. I am talking about miss Song.’

‘It’s professor Song to you,’ she replies coolly, staring him straight in the eyes. ‘And is it really important how I got out?’

‘Of course it’s important,’ he scoffs. ‘As a scientist you should know that everything is important. But then again, you’re just an archaeologist. I shouldn’t expect much.’

Her eyes light up with anger and he can spot blush creeping up her neck, and for a few seconds he feels satisfaction that he managed to unsettle her. But she quickly regains her composure, her face becomes blank and unreadable and as much as he hates to admit, he’s impressed with it.

‘You’re just a semi-competent owner of a shop and yet here you are,’ she says acidly. ‘Want to bicker about our occupations some more?’

‘No. I just want the answer to my question,’ he maintains eye contact with her and continues. ‘I watched the clips you recorded a few times. Something bothered me about them, but I didn’t know what. But then it clicked: the shadows never approached you. It seemed like they didn’t even notice you. Sometimes they did, but it looked like they needed to focus their attention to _see_ you. So tell me, what’s your secret, professor Song?’

River doesn’t speak for a few moments. She’s sitting perfectly still as if she was turned into a statue. He knows that everyone else in the room is staring at them both and wondering what exactly is going on, but he can’t bring himself to care. He needs the answer and he’ll get it out of her no matter what.

‘Mister Smith, maybe we should skip this part and let professor Song come to terms with what happened,’ Kate says, trying to smooth things out. ‘What happened to her must’ve been a shock and I am sure she’ll answer any questions you have once she settles back in her life here. Right, professor Song?’

‘No,’ River replies and looks at him. ‘No, I will answer his question now. But only to him. Not because I am in any shape or form ashamed of what I’ve done, because I’m not. I didn’t do anything wrong. But the reason why I survived is... It’s personal.’

‘Okay,’ Kate says slowly after a few beats of silence. ‘Mister Lux, mister Johnson – let’s go and meet with my PR advisors. They have some strategies on how to handle this situation with media. And let’s leave these two to do whatever they need to do to sort through their issues.’

After a few moments of grumbling (coming from Lux) and fiddling with stack of documents (Kate and Johnson), everyone leaves the room, except for him and River. He knows he’s staring at her, but he can’t bring himself to care: he’s too curious about her answer. He’s too curious about her in general, he realises. He wants to know everything about her and it’s not because he needs the information to successfully deal with the tragedy in the Library. No, he wants to know everything about her to solve his own problem. He wants and needs to understand how can she be here – a human, perfectly ordinary one – and how can she be a demon, occupying his dreams. Maybe she’s playing him, dragging him into one of her little games. He needs to know that, he needs to figure her out, no matter what are the costs. He rubs his sweaty palms together and clears his throat.

‘Right. We’re alone. Could you please answer my question now?’

‘I could. I will. But first you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone what you heard,’ she says and stops him from speaking again with a small wave of her hand. ‘ _Anyone_. I mean it. As I said earlier – what you’re about to hear is personal. It’s my life. I don’t want it to leak anywhere and become public knowledge without my consent. As I said – I’m not ashamed of it, but-’

‘Fine,’ he nods. ‘I promise. Whatever it is, it won’t leave this room.’

River is silent for a few more seconds, before she speaks again.

‘You were right. About what happened there. I- The shadows didn’t notice me. They passed me by every time. That’s how I managed to survive and get out.’

‘I knew this much,’ he shrugs, but his interest peaks. ‘I know this is why you managed to get out. I don’t understand _how_.’

‘And here I thought you’re the expert here,’ she comments and raises her eyebrow. ‘I’d tell you to guess and let you amuse me with your ideas, but we don’t have time for this. Besides, the sooner you get over this, the better. The shadows in the Library didn’t notice me, because I don’t have any aura.’

‘But-but, that’s-uhm, that’s-’ he stutters for a few seconds, too shocked to form a full sentence, ‘that’s _impossible_.’

‘Only highly improbable,’ River says quietly. ‘There are documented cases of this happening. It happens.’

‘Yeah, once or twice every 300 years,’ he snorts. ‘The last documented case of a child without an aura was over 200 years ago. And you want me to believe that you’re the first person born without an aura since then?’

‘I don’t need you to believe anything,’ she shrugs. ‘You wanted the answer, I gave it to you.’

He pinches the bridge of his nose. It sounds bonkers. It’s nearly impossible that she is what she says she is, but... It makes sense. It would make sense, he corrects himself, if chances of it being true weren’t near zero.

‘I need to test you,’ he stands up from his chair.

‘No, thank you,’ she replies and shakes her head. ‘I don’t need any more publicity and my records to be dragged all over the news.’

‘No, you don’t understand, I can test you on my own,’ he puts a hand inside his pocket, hoping that he took his scanner with you. Thankfully, he finds it in an inside pocket of his coat and quickly takes it out. ‘The results will stay with me. I need a proof.’

‘What is it?’ River eyes the scanner warily.

‘It’s my scanner. Or what my friend mockingly calls ‘a sonic screwdriver’,’ he replies calmly. ‘I designed and built it. It’s a portable device that scans and measures all kinds of supernatural activity, aura included.’

‘You’re joking,’ she looks at him in disbelief as he takes another step towards her. ‘It’ll take at least a decade for this technology to become so compact. Technological giants are working their asses off to create something like that and they have unlimited funds. It’s impossible to build something like that in one’s bedroom and make it work.’

‘Not impossible. Only highly improbable.’

Her head shoots up when she hears her own line used on her. Slowly, she looks at the device in his hand and then back at him.

‘Fine,’ she nods. ‘Do your magic then.’

He smirks, presses the button on his scanner and flicks it gently over River’s body. The scanner beeps after a second and he looks at the small screen to read the measurements.

They show 0.0000.

‘It’s...,’ he mumbles and repeats the actions. And once again the display shows 0.000.

He does it again. And again. And every single time, the result is the same: zero.

‘Are you done?’ River finally asks, when he starts scanning her for the sixth time. ‘I am kind of tired of having you waving that phallic device in my face.’

‘What?’ He squeaks surprised. ‘What are you- It’s not phallic shaped. It’s a perfectly normal scientific device that-‘

‘Yes, okay, fine. Whatever you say, it’s not my business if you’re compensating,’ River rolls her eyes mockingly. ‘What’s your verdict then?’

‘You were telling the truth,’ he sighs. ‘I don’t know how it’s possible, but you don’t have an aura.’

And when he’s staring at River’s relieved and calm face, he sighs once again, because oh, he was so wrong. He might’ve gotten the answer he wanted, but unfortunately, it brought him even more questions.

 

___

 **aura** : is a field of subtle, luminous radiation surrounding a person or object like the halo or aureola in religious art. The depiction of such an aura often connotes a person of particular power or holiness.

 

Every living person has an aura. Scratch that: every creature, living or undead, has an aura. For humans, there’s a scale from 0 to 100, which describes how powerful one’s aura is. New-borns and children in general have auras’ levels higher than adults: children’s auras oscillate around 70-80 points, only to drop several points while they grow up. The average value of aura in the adult human population reaches 55 points. There are individuals whose aura’s levels are lower, and those whose levels are higher. His own aura readings reach 94 – which is an incredibly high result for a human - but he’s met people who has scored merely 20 points on the scale.

Supernatural creatures have much higher readings on the scale. They score from 80 to around 200 points – depending on the creature you’re dealing with. Ghouls and goblins often have relatively low readings – around 80 or 90, but vampires or some demons can score over 200 points. The change in readings makes it easy to spot any disturbances in the environment. The value of aura in your room is higher than usually? You should probably check your wardrobe for a bogeyman. If your own personal readings jump up out of the blue, you might want to see if there’s any demon ready to sink their claws into you.

There’s also another group – just a handful of people who have no aura. Their readings on the scale is 0. It’s an extremely phenomenon: in the last 200 years, in the whole wide world, only a few people were diagnosed with it. Well, diagnosed is a wrong word. It’s not a disease. People who don’t have an aura lead completely normal lives. There’s only one thing that distinguishes them from the others: the supernatural creatures do not notice them. It’s like they’re invisible. People with no aura would never attract any demons. They’re simply not attractive to these creatures. They also could never be or turn into a supernatural creature. Which gives him a bit of a headache to tell the truth.

River Song has no aura. She can’t possibly be the succubus that is currently bothering him. She wouldn’t be able to summon said succubus and set it onto him. She simply is not capable of any of that.

And yet, somehow, he’s stuck with a sex demon that is nearly a walking and breathing copy of her and what is worse, he has no idea how to explain that.

Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer update this time! hope you won't be bored. and succubus!River, but real!River enters the stage... or is she the real!River? who knows? 
> 
> anyway: thank you for all the comments and kudos. you're lovely.
> 
> chapter's title from IAMX' 'oh cruel darkness embrace me'.


	6. it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

The University of London is just as bustling with life as it was when he studied here. The moment he enters the campus, he’s surrounded by a sea of students and their never ending chatter. A few of them recognise him and nod their heads at him – they either worked part-time at his shop or were customers there at one point. Normally, he’d stop and chat with them, but today he has no time for it. He has a meeting in 10 minutes and he still has to find the damn office where the meeting will be held.

9 minutes later, he finally finds the office: it’s in a smaller corridor, further away from the hustle and bustle of the university. The door is heavy and shiny, with a simple doorplate saying ‘ _Jack Harkness, PhD, Faculty of Sex Demons’_. He knocks on the door and enters when he hears  _‘come in’_ from behind it.

He enters a room that is full of books and various figures made from clay, porcelain and stones. Books have titles in languages he doesn’t know, but he doesn’t need to speak other languages to understand the meaning behind the figurines cluttering almost every available surface. There are statues of all heights, depicting people and elves, goblins and werewolves and every other species he can name. They must’ve been created by various artists, but they have one thing in common: they all show men with certain part of their anatomy quite… Swollen. Quite impressively swollen if he’s to be honest.

‘Don’t feel bad about yourself, these are highly exaggerated,’ someone says and he jumps away from the statues displayed on a small coffee table. ‘And don’t compare yourself to them, it’ll only end up with your ego being busted.’

He looks to his right and sees a young man standing behind a desk. He’s tall and well-built, with a smile that Hollywood stars would be envious of. Not your usual teacher then.

‘No, I was just looking,’ he stutters and shakes his head. ‘I’m John Smith. I run this shop-‘

‘I know who you are,’ Harkness replies with a smirk. ‘You’re known in the whole wide London, trust me.’

‘Thank you, I guess,’ he says. ‘I’m grateful that you agreed to the meeting, doctor. If you don’t mind, I have a few questions-‘

‘Of course, but first off: Jack is enough,’ Harkness waves his hand. ‘Second: sit down and I’ll try to answer every question you might have. And last but not least: would you like a drink?’ Jack asks as he pulls a bottle of vodka from behind a stack of books and pours himself a healthy amount in a glass.

‘It’s just 10am,’ he stares shocked at the glass and at Jack.

‘Shit, you’re right,’ Jack sighs and adds more alcohol to his glass. ‘You said it yourself: it’s just 10am. A lot of crap to go through throughout the day. You have to be prepared,’ Jack says with a wink. He sits in a chair behind his desk and for a moment neither of them speaks. They’re staring at each other and it seems that neither of them knows how to start the conversation. Harkness is the first to break the silence. ‘I’m not going to lie, I’m surprised to have you here. Everyone knows you’re the expert when it comes to the supernatural world, so forgive me for saying this, but I don’t understand why you’re here. What could possibly baffle the great Doctor?’

‘I admit that I’ve never been one to ask for help of the academics and usually I deal with problems on my own,’ he says quietly and scratches his cheek, ‘but it seems that I ran into quite a big conundrum. It has to do with, uhm,’ he lowers his voice and looks around, ‘ _sex demons._ ’

‘I figured this much,’ Jack smiles and takes a sip of his vodka. ‘I’ll need more details.’

‘Details? I- uhm. Okay. It’s a succubus. My client has a succubus,’ he lies smoothly. ‘It’s been going for a few weeks now and I have no idea how to deal with it.’

‘A succubus? That’s unusual,’ Jack comments quietly. ‘How exactly have you been dealing with it so far?’

‘I advised him to sprinkle his bedsheets with holy water. Old fashioned salt seems to be working as well,’ he lists. ‘Uhm, he also sleeps without entering the REM phase.’

‘That one is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,’ Jack says quickly. ‘Tell him to stop that right now. It’ll only end up in a disaster. However, holy water and salt are good ideas. Considering how much stigma, shame and guilt is associated with sex in most of the religions, holy water should work as a repellent. At least for now. Okay, anything else? Does the guy know why the succubus appeared in his life? Has he broken up with someone recently? Had a dry spell? Anything big happened in his life?’

‘No, I don’t think so,’ he shakes his head. ‘Everything was normal and then bam! Succubus.’

‘That’s weird,’ Jack frowns. ‘What about his aura readings?’

‘Nothing changed,’ he says, but corrects himself. ‘Well, obviously I never had a chance to test him before the incident, but from what he says, his aura readings has always been on this level.’

‘Interesting,’ Jack mutters and looks at him with interest. ‘Now, am I to understand that your client hasn’t bonded with the succubus yet?’

‘Bonded?’ He squeaks out, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

‘Had sex,’ Jack explains. ‘The real problem begins when one accepts a succubus. And one does that by having sex with them.’

‘But that’s just in your dream,’ he frowns. ‘It’s not real, is it?’

‘See, that’s the problem: it  _is_  real,’ Jack sighs. ‘You are familiar with the theory of narrative, of course?’

‘Everything that exists, exists because there’s a narrative space for it,’ he recites and Jack nods his head. ‘Kids are afraid that something might be hiding under their beds and so the fear turns into a boogeyman that actually lives under the bed. People see a white horse on a hill, think it’d look better with a horn on its head and a unicorn is created. Someone likes being bitten on the neck and someone else likes to give love bites – hence we have vampires. Everything gets created through the sheer power of words and thoughts.’

‘Exactly. This theory has been dismissed ages ago as it put all the power of creation in human’s hands. And the fact is that supernatural creatures exist because they exist – just like us. We have nothing to do with it,’ Jack shrugs. ‘However, with sex demons… This theory may be right.’

‘How so?’ He asks and leans forward.

‘Imagine something like that: back in the day, a servant girl got pregnant. Since she was a servant, no one would listen to her. People would just dismiss her, chuck her aside and no one would accept that it was the son of the family who raped her. Well, they probably knew that, but would they admit it out loud? Never. So they’d say that something must’ve possessed the girl. A demon must’ve gotten to her. She let the demon touch and bed her, it’s her fault! These things would happen all the time. A young boy who just joined the clergy would report that his mentor abused him, but no one would hear any of it. It was the devil! It was a demon! A noble lady got pregnant while her husband was away. She’d never cheat, right? She must’ve fall a victim of a seductive demon. And so on, and so on. People themselves created a space for these creatures. Sex has always been and still is a taboo subject. There’s still a narrative space for succubi and inccubi to exist.’

‘So you’re saying that a part of us is still ashamed of sex and that’s why sex demons exist?’ He asks.

‘No, not really,’ Jack sighs. ‘What I’m trying to say here is that there’s a good chance that they’ve been created out of shame and guilt and desire. They are creatures of lust, made from the most primitive of urges. That makes them dangerous.’

‘That’s not good,’ he says quietly. ‘Right, let’s just forget about this for now. Why is there a succubus on the loose?’

‘What do you mean on the loose?’ Harkness raises his eyebrows. ‘They weren’t banned or anything. Just like any other creature they are allowed to exist among us.’

‘Yes, I know, but I thought… They run the whole porn industry,’ he says. ‘That’s the real influence right there. Millions of people glued to their screens, watching the movies, reacting to them… Why would any demon decide to abandon all that to pursue one person?’

‘I have no idea,’ Jack says honestly. ‘But there’s a theory that each succubus – and incubus of course - has one true partner among humans. They look for them their whole lives and once they’ve found them… Well, let’s just say that they’re the picture perfect example of the clingy partner.’

‘But… Correct me if I’m wrong, but if a succubus chooses someone and pursues them, don’t the object of their affection die from exhaustion?’ He asks with a small tremor in his voice. Jack merely nods his head with a grim smile.

‘That’s not all,’ Jack sighs heavily and he feels his heart stopping for a moment. ‘The problem – the real problem, I mean – is that both succubi and inccubi – they make you want this. They make you long for their touch and affection. At one point their victim may choose not to get out of bed or even wake up just to be with their demon.’

He leaves Harkness’ office 30 minutes later, with a few amulets and books on the subject of succubi. The books feel heavy in his arms, but not as heavy as his heart does when he realises how much trouble he’s in.

 

___

This evening he doesn’t take any sleeping pills. He won’t escape from her tonight – he’ll face her. He falls asleep with dread filling up his stomach like hot, liquid iron and when he wakes up, she’s already there. Per usual, she’s perched on the edge of his bed, looking at him with a small grin on her lips. She’s careful not to touch the part of his bed where he put salt and poured holy water, but other than that, it looks like she feels perfectly at home.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ she says and he lets the warmth of her voice to envelope him for a second. He knows it’s all part of the succubi’s charm and allure, but it doesn’t change the fact that it feels… Nice to be around her. He feels warm and content, blood is pulsing through his veins, making him feel alive. With the demon’s gaze directed at him, he feels wanted. Even though it shouldn’t feel good, it does. He can’t help it. ‘Did you miss me?’

‘No,’ he replies and tries to block her allure from affecting him. ‘But I need to talk with you.’

‘Talk? Why talk? It’s boring,’ she says and the mere tone of her voice suggests at least a hundred things they could do that would not be boring. He shakes his head – he can’t think about it right now, he has to focus on what’s important. And what is important now are the questions he has to ask her.

‘Talking is not boring. It can be very stimulating,’ he blurts out and regrets his choice of words the very next second, when the succubus laughs, throwing her head back and exposing the length of her neck to him.

‘Stimulating? Oh honey, I can show truly stimulating things,’ she says with a dangerous glint in her eyes and he can feel his heart starting to beat faster. He now understands what Jack meant when he said that succubi’s victims want their affection. He himself is experiencing it right now – the magnetic pull towards her, the need to touch her, the pure want to be near her. The succubus is the very definition of temptation and it’s getting harder and harder… Well, more and more  _difficult_  not to just let her past his guards. He has to think fast and do everything not to be affected be her so much, otherwise it may end up in a disaster.

‘Yes, I am sure that you could show me these things, I mean, uhm,’ he stutters and blushes, while the succubus keeps looking at him with an amused grin on her lips. ‘What I wanted to say is that, considering who and what you are, you must know about all the, uhm, stimulating things and- Don’t laugh at me!’

‘But you’re really adorable, I just can’t help myself,’ she replies and winks at him. ‘You seem a bit tense. I could help you relax, you know.’

‘Yes, I know- No, I don’t want you to help me to relax,’ he takes a deep breath. ‘Talk. I want to talk. With you. Now.’

‘Why would I talk with you?’ The demons says and shakes her head. ‘You seem to forget what I am. I could break through your defences and it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. You’re not as powerful as you think you are.’

‘Neither are you,’ he smiles in response, even though he feels a small sense of dread in the back of his head. Could she really break through the protective circle he laid out? Most importantly: could she break his will? ‘You can try to break through my defences. Try is the operative word here. I have an alarm set in…,’ he looks at the watch standing on his bedside table, ’22 minutes. It’ll wake me up and you will be gone. Are you really so sure that you can pass through the protection I laid around me? You are free to try. You can do that or we can talk. Without fighting and trying to hurt each other. How does that sound?’

The succubus stares at him for a few moments before finally nodding her head.

‘Fine, we can talk,’ she says and he breathes in relief – but the sense of relief last only a few seconds. ‘But I want something in exchange.’

‘And what would that be?’ He asks and instantly regrets it, because the succubus smiles dangerously and as much as he hates to admit it, the smile thrills him to the bone.

‘A kiss,’ she answers, looking him in the eye. ‘One kiss, that’s all. I promise to answer all your questions truthfully if you promise to give me one kiss.’

‘You have to be kidding,’ he snorts. ‘No way.’

‘Whatever you want,’ the succubus smiles sweetly. ‘I will go now. And you will be left all alone in this big, empty bed… And no one will answer your questions. You poor thing. I almost pity you. You could have  _all_  the answers. One kiss – that’s all it would take. But it seems you aren’t really that interested in these answers, are you? Well then… I’ll leave you know. Go back to sleep or keep wondering on these little things that bother you… See you soon, sweetie.’

‘No, don’t go, don’t- Okay,’ he exclaims in haste. He can’t believe he just agreed to that. It’s stupid and reckless and gods knows what it might lead to. ‘I- Fine. One kiss. But that’s all. No funny business. You will answer every question I ask you and you will do it truthfully. Promise me that.’

‘I won’t promise you anything,’ the succubus sighs and settles more comfortably on his bed. ‘I’m an honest demons, I don’t break promises.’

‘We’ll see,’ he mutters and tries not to think what the hell he agreed to. That is probably one of his worst ideas and trust him – he’s had plenty of terrible ideas in his life. He tries to ignore the part of his brain that is slightly excited at the prospect of the kiss and focuses on the questions he wants to ask the succubus.

‘Right, first, can I-,’ he puts his hand under the pillow and fishes out his screwdriver he put there before falling asleep. ‘Let me just,’ he flicks the device over the demon and checks the settings.

The reading is way over 300.

‘Well, well, well… Look at you, already introducing toys into our relationship,’ the succubus smirks from her side of the bed. ‘I like men with initiative.’

‘That’s not a toy,’ he says through gritted teeth and tosses the screwdriver behind him. ‘You women are- Ugh, never mind. First question: has someone summoned you?’

‘Summoned me? Summoned?’ The succubus repeats with anger in her voice and her eyes glow with light. ‘Who do you think I am? A forest fairy you can catch with a lump of sugar? You don’t summon succubi.’

‘Okay, okay, I didn’t mean to offend you,’ he raises his hands in the gesture of surrender. ‘I just don’t know you and your kind and I wanted-‘

‘Oh, look at you!’ The succubus coos in delight, but there’s also a devilish twinkle in her eyes that tells him that she’s making fun of him. ‘You actually want to get to know me before we hop under the sheets. How old-fashioned of you! How charming!’

‘That’s not- That’s not what I meant,’ he shakes his head. Gods, his terrible at this. The demons is doing whatever she wants with him and he’s stuttering like a schoolboy. It’s not how he expected it to go. ‘Just stop it! Don’t laugh at me! It’s not funny!’

‘It kind of is, sweetie,’ the succubus says. ‘But fine, not laughing at you anymore, I promise. What else do you want to know?’

He’s silent for a few seconds, wondering what question he should ask next.

‘Why are you doing that?’ He finally says. ‘Your lot has control over the whole porn industry. You have influence over millions of people. Why would you choose to control just one person?’

‘Not this thing again,’ the succubus huffs and rolls her eyes. ‘I’m so tired of answering this question. Yes, we do own porn industry. Yes, you can make shitload of money working there. Yes, in the beginning it’s… Intoxicating. Knowing that people will get off to something you’ve made, to have this power over them- It’s thrilling. It makes you feel nearly almighty. You wouldn’t understand that,’ she shakes her head. ‘For my kind it’s… Everything. We feed off this energy and people’s ecstasy. I used to work there – I monitored the viewers’ responses, analysed what turns them on, made sure to find something that will suit their wants and needs. It was okay. But after a while it felt boring. I wanted more, I wanted a challenge. So I quit. Not going to lie, I’m really glad I did,’ her eyes sparkle with mirth. ‘That’s how I found you. I feel you’re going to be much more fun than my previous job.’

‘Why me though?’ He asks, trying not to think about the fun she’s referring to, because even considering it could be a dangerous territory. ‘You could have chosen anyone. Why me?’

‘Because you’re you,’ she answers simply. ‘You’re… Powerful. Every single demon wants to lay their hands on you. You’re tempting to us, to every creature out there. But they won’t make any move on you, they’re too afraid of you.’

‘And you aren’t?’ He asks curiously.

‘Maybe a bit,’ the succubus shrugs. ‘But that makes things exciting, don’t you think? Besides, I’m pretty sure that sooner rather than later I’ll have you at my mercy. And you’ll come to me willingly.’

‘You’re sure of that?’ He asks calmly.

‘Yes,’ comes her answer. For a few moments they just stare at each other and he can feel that the air around him is thickening. In these moments, he sees – feels – all the ways she could make him beg and crawl to her. He doesn’t know if it’s him imagining these things or if it’s her putting her in his head, but either way these thoughts are-

_Nerve-wrecking._

‘How do I get rid of you?’ He blurts out his next question to stop himself on dwelling on all the possibilities.

‘It’s very simple, actually,’ the succubus replies, not even looking offended by his comment. ‘You have to want it. That’s it.’

‘I do want it,’ he says and grits his teeth when she laughs. ‘I do!’

‘You keep on forgetting who I am,’ the succubus replies and in that moment she looks incredibly serious. ‘If you really wanted me gone, you’d spray your whole room in holy water. You’d spread salt on the threshold. You’d put crosses on every wall in your apartment. But you didn’t. If there’s someone who knows what people want and desire, it’s me. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don’t forget that I feel these things. You may tell me that you don’t want me here, but it’s a lie. You want… Oh, you  _want_. Even if you don’t want me here to fulfil your carnal desires,’ she smirks a bit at that, ‘you still don’t want me gone. You want something, don’t you? What is it? Will you tell me or will I have to pry it out of you? Oh honey, this is getting better and better.’

 He shakes his head. No, he doesn’t want her: he doesn’t want her to stay, he doesn’t want her to ‘fulfil his carnal desires’, he doesn’t want her to invade his dreams with her infuriating smirks and innuendoes. All he wants are answers, that’s all. He doesn’t want her – he never will, no matter what she’d do and how she’d try to seduce him. He’s above that and the need for truth is why he’s still talking with her.

‘Are you done with the part where you’re denying in your head everything I just said? Because I believe we have some unfinished business,’ the succubus’ voice brings him back to reality.

‘Huh?’ He croaks out and she sighs loudly.

‘You promised me a kiss,’ she says in a sing-song voice. ‘Don’t think I forgot about it.’

‘I wouldn’t dream about it,’ he mutters and glances at the clock on the bedside table. He has 4 minutes before the alarm wakes him. He better uses this time well. ‘Okay, two more questions. First: Do you always look like that?’

‘Look like what? Wearing too many clothes?’ The succubus asks teasingly and for the first time tonight he really looks at her and focuses on what she’s wearing.

‘That’s- That’s not too many clothes! These are barely any clothes!’ He stutters, unable to stop himself. The succubus laughs and trails her hands up her body – body that is covered by a nearly see-through babydoll nightie. It’s in a deep shade of blue – one of his favourite colours, if not his favourite – and it leaves very little to imagination. However, it doesn’t stop his imagination from conjuring an image after an image, one more scandalous than the other. No, that’s enough. Focus! He needs to focus! ‘We are not here to talk about clothes! Just answer the question. Please.’

‘Begging already? I like you more and more,’ the demon sends him another smile. ‘And since you ask so nicely… This is how I look, this is how I have always looked. I don’t really understand your question. Why would I ever look differently?’

‘Never mind,’ he shakes his head. He sneaks another glance at the clock. Two minutes. ‘Right. Last question. What do you know about archaeology?’

‘You dig in the ground looking for old thing?’ The succubus replies in a surprised tone. She seems genuinely confused by his question and her answer sounds sincere in his ears. But then again, she might be playing him and he might be dumb enough to believe her. He doesn’t know what to make of her replies and if anything she told him has any value, but right now it’s not the time to think about it. The succubus is looking at him with an amused expression on her face as she pats the space next to her.

‘Come here, dear,’ she says in a hushed tone. ‘It’s really comfortable in here, I promise. You won’t be disappointed.’

‘I-, uhm, I-,’ he stutters and takes a big gulp of air. Shit. He really should have thought that through. He shouldn’t have agreed to it. Gods only know what she’s planning to do with him once he’s out of the safety zone. She says it’s just a kiss, but she’s a demon. Can he trust her? What if she just can’t resist him and she forgets all about the promise the second she puts her mouth on him? The thought is both scary and oddly thrilling – which is stupid, because he should not be thrilled by this prospect. And he  _isn’t_  thrilled by it, not even one bit. But he promised her, right? He can’t back out right now, who knows what a lied to and pissed off succubus can do to a man. ‘Okay,’ he swallows and slowly moves towards her. One more move and he will no longer be protected by the holy water. He’ll be on his own. One last look at the clock: 1 minutes and 13 seconds remaining. He can do it.

‘See? It’s not that bad here,’ the succubus says as she moves closer to him. ‘I’d even say that it could be quite nice here. If you know what I mean.’

Oh, he knows what she means. But he tries not to think about it, because that certainly wouldn’t end well.

‘Time is running out,’ he manages to rasp out through his dry throat. ‘Do what you have to do.’

‘So charming,’ she replies shaking her head. ‘Your bed talk needs some training. Don’t worry, we’ll work on that.’

He fully expected her to jump on him, have his on his back in 2 seconds straight and suck his face clean off. He expected her to be forceful and to demanding, pressing hard against him and taking from him what she deems to be hers.

He never expected the first touch of her lips to be so gentle. He almost misses the delicate press of her lips against his – it feels almost like she’s too shy to kiss him properly. Which is a ridiculous notion, he realises that. The succubi are everything but shy and she isn’t any exception.

For a few seconds she just keeps her mouth pressed to his and unwillingly, he relaxes. Then she leans closer to him and she starts moving her lips: slowly, leisurely - like she has all the time in the world and like kissing him is all she wants to do. It feels good.

No, it feels more than good. It feels quite fantastic, it feels like he’s the very centre of her world. He feels like he’s the only person who matters to her – and he may very well be just that, except in a bad meaning of this word. But does he care about it? He couldn’t give a damn right now. His brain is fuzzy and he can’t for a coherent thought: all he can do is feel.

Her thumbs are caressing his cheekbones and she gently scratches his neck with her fingers. He can’t help but moan at that and he feels her smiling against his lips. He should be outraged by that – by her triumphant smile, by her glee – but he isn’t. He can’t be. He just wants more of that: more of her kisses, more of her touch. As if reading his mind, she licks his lips and he opens his mouth without hesitation. He feel of her tongue sliding against his sends a wave of heat through his body – it feels like every nerve and every muscle in his body is crackling with electricity. He feels that she’s pulling him closer to her – the warmth of her body seeps through his t-shirt, making him wish he could feel her skin against his without any barriers. He needs to touch her – just for a second, just once-

His hands are on her thighs, running up and down, caressing the smooth and warm skin of her legs. He can only imagine what it’d feel to have these legs wrapped around his waist or thrown over his shoulders, to press kisses to the delicate skin of the inner thighs, to feel the muscles jump under his caresses-

The succubus’ nails bite into his shoulders and her kiss grows a bit more forceful now. He kisses her back – licks at the inside of her mouth, nips at her bottom lip with his teeth, while his hands are travelling up her body – hipbones, waist, ribs and-

_BEEP-BEEP-BEEP._

He tries to block out the sound, but he feels the succubus slipping from his grip, he tries to catch her-

_BEEP-BEEP-BEEP._

He tries to keeps his eyes shut-

_BEEP-BEEP-BEEP._

He wakes up breathing heavily. It takes him a few moments to calm his racing heart. He tries to make sense of what just happened: the questioning, her answers that succubus gave him, the kiss-

_Fuck._

The kiss.

He groans at the mere memory of it. His lips are still tingling from it and his skin feels oversensitive. He swears that there are marks on his shoulders and there’s definitely a different kind of mark in his boxers.

He is in even more trouble that he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy, an update! or it could be naaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy, an update! it's for you to decide. I hope you'll enjoy it - or rather, enjoyed it, since this note is at the very end of the page, so you if you're reading this, it probably means you've already read the chapter. eh. nevermind.  
> I want to thank you for all the comments left under the previous chapter. I can only hope that I won't disappoint you somewhere along the way.
> 
>  
> 
> chapter's title comes (of course!) from The Killers' 'Mr. Brightside'


	7. visions are seldom all they seem

The next morning he’s barely alive. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the kiss or because he didn’t sleep a wink after waking up from his succubus-infused dream. Both options are probable, he thinks as he pours himself a cup of coffee. Jesus. He messed up and he messed up royally. How on earth could he have agreed to that kiss? It was clearly a trap and he jumped right in. He should have known that the succubus wasn’t going to play fair and-

Fine. It’s time to cut the crap. The thing is that he agreed to the kiss because he thought he’d be able to resist her. He thought that he’s above it: the attraction, the magnetic pull he feels towards her. He should be above these primitive urges, shouldn’t he? It shouldn’t have been so difficult to keep himself under control. And yet… The second she was close to him, his self-control left the building speeding towards See-You-Never-Again Ville. How could he let that happen? Sure, he knows that his pride takes often the better of him and he often assumes he’s the smartest and most competent person in the room. But this time he’s dealing with something unknown and unfamiliar, he should be more careful. He should have been more careful.

Now he understands what Jack meant by saying that the succubi are dangerous because they make you want them. He felt that last night: the overwhelming need, the desire to be near the succubus, to feel her next to him. The worst thing is that deep down inside he knew that she’s dangerous, but he didn’t care about any of it. Shit. How is he going to get out of this mess?

‘Good morning,’ a voice next to him says and when he turns around to reply, he jumps up and splashes hot coffee over his left hand. Because it’s River Song who’s standing next to him and the mere sight of her – a walking copy of his succubus – is enough to set him off. He knew she’d be here, but it’s too early, he’s too tired and now his hand hurts like hell. ‘Crap! Damn coffee, I just-‘

‘Okay, just calm down,’ River says softly as she takes his burnt hand into hers. With another hand, she first takes the now empty coffee mug from his right hand and sets it on the table, then she grabs a paper napkin and wipes the remaining hot liquid from his left hand and jacket. ‘It’s not that bad,’ she says quietly and grabs a bottle of cold water and presses it to the burnt area. ‘There. All better.’

‘I- I, uhm, I- Thank you,’ he manages to say. He looks at her and once again he’s struck by how similar she is to the demon that is haunting his dreams. She looks like a copy of the succubus – a slightly paler copy, but a copy nonetheless. No, not a paler copy, he thinks to himself as River meets his eyes. There’s nothing pale about River Song. It’s just that compared to the succubus, she looks completely human. When he’s next to her, he has no doubts that she’s a person – a living, breathing, normal person. An ordinary human.

‘No problem’ she replies. ‘It seems that I should apologise. I startled you.’

‘It’s not that, it’s just,’ he shakes his head, trying to come up with a good excuse, something that doesn’t sound like ‘ _I got scared because you look just like the succubus I snogged last night’_. ‘I was lost in thoughts and I didn’t expect anyone to come in so early.’

This is as good of an excuse as any. And it’s partly true: he is here to meet and further discuss the incident at The Library. It’s been 10 days since the tragedy and today the whole team is supposed to meet for a breakfast and fill each other in on the progress of their research. Since he couldn’t sleep, he decided to come in early, counting on some time to get himself together. But then River Song happened and his plan went to hell. He only hopes that someone will come in soon, because he doesn’t feel quite comfortable being around her.

‘Keep that pressed to you hand,’ she says and motions the bottle she’s been holding. He takes it from her and she moves away from him. He feels relieved that she’s no longer standing next to him, but he also feels something different – some sort of pull towards her. Suddenly, he wants to move closer to her, to just be near her. The feeling passes as soon as it appeared and he shakes his head. The damn succubus really messed with his head. He shakes his head again and focuses on River’s voice. ‘How do you want it? Your coffee, I mean. I don’t trust you with pouring yourself another cup.’

‘Uhm, I- Milk. And five sugars,’ he replies. ‘And I can pour myself a cup of coffee! I am very graceful, thank you very much.’

‘You sure are graceful,’ River says as she puts the newly poured cup in front of him. ‘Maybe not in everyday tasks, but I’m sure you have your moments.’

‘Moments? I- I’ll show you moments!’ He exclaims before he can think what he’s saying.

‘You’ll show me? Look at you, we barely know each other and you’re already propositioning. I’m surprised, but I’m not complaining,’ River says with a wink. He nearly chokes on his saliva when he hears that. Is she- Did he just- It’s not what he meant! He feels himself blushing and he tries to explain everything to River, but she laughs out loud at his discomfort. ‘I was just joking,’ she says once she calms down. ‘No need to panic, trust me. You’re so easy to fluster, I just couldn’t resist. Besides,’ she leans in and pats his shoulder, ‘you’re not my type. So relax.’

She says that and moves to sit at the round table that’s standing in the middle of the room. He wants to tell her that he’s not scared of her, he was merely caught by surprise, but just when he opens his mouth, Kate Stewart, Lux and the UNIT scientists walk into the room. They all exchange polite _‘good mornings’_ and take their seats. Soon, he’s the only who’s not sitting and he quickly walks over to the only free chair.

A chair that is standing next to the chair that River is occupying.

Of course.

Because this day isn’t terrible enough already.

It’s not that he doesn’t like River, he thinks as he sits next to her, careful not to touch her. It’s just- _Yes_ , she’s a famous archaeologist; _yes_ , it seems that she’s brilliant at her work; _yes_ , he admits that even he’s impressed by what she’s achieved in such a short time. She seems to be both smart and intelligent, reliable and able to think on her feet. Normally, he’d like to get to know her better, because she sounds like she’d be a wonderful companion, but- She looks like the succubus that is bound to suck the life out of him. And yes, technically she can’t be the succubus – she has no aura, therefore there’s no way she could be responsible for this whole demon mess – but… _But_. He still has his doubts. She looks just like the succubus, she moves with the same grace as the demons does, there are moments when her eyes have the same mischievous spark in them – and just a few seconds ago she flirted with him. Granted, there wasn’t any intent behind it, but-

Crap. The more he thinks about it, the worse his headache gets.

He shakes his head. It’s not the time nor place to think about this – the meeting is about to start and he really should focus on that. He sneaks a glance at River, but she’s sitting motionlessly, looking at Kate who clears her throat and waits for all the conversations to subside. It seems that River isn’t bothered by his presence at all – she seems not to even know or notice that he’s sitting next to her. He feels- Disappointed? Relieved? He’s not sure.

‘Good morning everyone,’ Kate says. ‘I’m happy to see all of you here. As you know, we’re here to report the progress we’ve made on The Library case,’ he notices River’s hands curling into fists at that statement and feels a strange need to comfort her. Thankfully, before he can embarrass himself with some kind of dumb and unnecessary action, Kate speaks again. ‘The public is still curious about the tragedy, but the panic and initial craze have subsided. That doesn’t change the fact that we registered activity of a few newly formed groups that think that what had happened in The Library was just a hoax, meant to cover something bigger. We are afraid that they may want to bother you, professor Song,’ Kate looks at River with worry.

‘No need to worry about me,’ River replies with a tight smile. ‘I can handle them,’ she adds in a tone that leaves no doubt that she wouldn’t have any problems dealing with some conspiracy wackos.

‘I’m glad to hear that,’ Kate replies and there’s a hint of amusement in her voice. ‘What about the press? Aren’t they too pushy?’

‘I’m handling them,’ River says. ‘Although, they stopped calling me after I told one of them where they can shove their microphones and cameras.’

‘Yes, after that they started pestering me,’ Mr. Lux grumbles from the other side of the table. The man looks tired and stressed out – and he can’t blame him for that. The expedition Lux had funded, instead of solving a family mystery, resulted in of the team dying. The public wants answers, the media is breathing down his neck and it doesn’t look like he and River get along. Anyone would be stressed in a situation like that.

‘We’ll try to do something about it,’ Kate cuts in before Lux can say anything more. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like the science team to report their findings,’ she turns to the three people sitting next to her. ‘Jess, could you tell us what you found out?’

‘I’m afraid we don’t have much,’ Jess says with a sigh as she sets down her mug filled with tea. ‘We’ve run various tests on the samples professor Song provided. However, the results were inconclusive.’

‘What do you mean?’ He asks and leans closer. Jess bites her lip and shakes her head.

‘Let me start by saying that all the samples had been representative and they got to us in immaculate state, which says something if you take under consideration the conditions in which they had been taken. However, there were some difficulties,’ Jess looks up. ‘We had no idea what we’re dealing with. We didn’t know if the samples were infected and if they were, we had no idea whether or not they posed any danger to us. We also didn’t know if whatever was in the samples, could be detected and measured by our usual methods. There is a chance that we made mistakes, it’s unavoidable, especially if working under pressure of time and so little background knowledge-‘

‘Okay, we get it,’ Kate cuts in with a polite smile. ‘I am sure you did what was necessary and I trust that the results you achieved. Now, please, tell us what you learned.’

‘We managed to establish that it’s not a virus nor a bacteria,’ says Jess. ‘Whatever that is, it’s a living organism. It’s microscopic in size. It seems to be feeding on organic matter, preferring muscle tissue, but it’s also able to digest connective tissue. However, we concluded that the organisms are able to do that only if they’re in a large group. Alone they seem to be harmless.’

‘So they do behave like a swarm,’ he says and Jess nods. ‘Anything else you’ve noticed?’

‘We checked all the samples for their presence and the creatures were found only in the pages of the books and the splinters from the furniture,’ this time it’s Robert who speaks. ‘They don’t seem to feed on it, only to live there. We don’t know why they would not inhabit any other environment in The Library. At least we didn’t find them in anything else other than books and furniture, but that doesn’t mean they don’t live there normally, it just-,’ Robert looks down slightly flustered. ‘Sorry, I got carried away. Something else we found out is that these creatures live in the shadows. And yes, I know it’s been said before, but we noticed that they’re active only in shadowed places. They can survive outside the shadows, but they seem much less active then.’

‘We had no luck with identifying the species,’ Jess adds resigned. ‘We tried to compare its DNA to all the data in our database, but nothing came up. Nothing. This species – it’s unknown to the science. Maybe if we had the remains from The Library, we could deduce something from there. Alas…’

‘Thank you,’ Kate says once Jess finishes speaking. ‘You did a great job. Could I ask for your further assistance if the need arises?’ She smiles as the trio nods their heads. ‘Wonderful. Now, has any of you come up with anything else? John?’

‘I have something,’ River says before he can respond to Kate’s question. Normally, he’d be annoyed at this kind of behaviour, but right now he’s too curious to pay any attention to her lack of manners. Besides, she’s an archaeologist. What else can you expect from them? ‘It’s about what Mister Smith said in our last meeting – that there were more cases like what I’ve- what happened in The Library. You said that there were more occurrences like that and that you believe that there could be even more undocumented cases, right?’ She turns towards him and for a second he’s unsettled by how sharp her gaze is. Her eyes are different shade than the succubus’ – instead of vivid, jadeite green, River’s eyes are a mixture of green, blue and golden. He can see fierce independence and intelligence shining in there and if there any qualities he finds really attractive, these two are it. Which doesn’t mean he finds River Song attractive, oh no. He would never- It’s just- The fact that he has sex dreams about someone who looks like her doesn’t mean he finds her – the real her – appealing. Not in the slightest. Not at all.

‘Yes, uhm, yeah,’ he finally responds. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. He really needs to get a hold of himself. ‘I suppose there must be more cases like that. It’s just that no one really paid any attention to them. No one thought that the real danger may be in the shadows.’

‘I think I found another fully documented case – one that you might’ve missed,’ River says. ‘Has any of you ever heard about Forest of the dead?’

Everyone except for Kate shakes their heads.

‘You mean the discovered village? The one in Bolivia?’ Kate asks curiously.

‘The very same,’ River replies. ‘It’s been quite a big case, so I’m quite surprised that you haven’t heard about that. But then again, it’s archaeology, so it might not interest everyone,’ she quickly looks at him with a glint of sarcasm in her eyes. ‘Long story short: five years ago a group of archaeologist discovered a village in one of Bolivia’s forests. The village looked abandoned, but upon further inspection, they discovered corpses hidden among the grass and bushes. At first they thought it was a cemetery or a place where some tragedy had happened, but soon they noticed that something was off. It looked like all the people living there were killed at the same time, during their everyday activities. There were no signs of struggle or fight. It’s like they just dropped dead. There was no flesh left, only their bones,’ River takes a sip of her coffee and continues. ‘Samples were taken and analysed. It turned out that the skeletons were over 200 years old. However, no one could explain what had happened in the village. Why had everyone died at the same time? Why no signs of fight? There were no signs of any bacteria or virus that could suggest some kind of epidemic, no toxins that could suggest a mass poisoning. No one could come up with a plausible explanation of what might’ve happened in the village. And to make matters worse, another body appeared. I guess it must’ve been there all the time, but no one noticed it at first. It was a body of a boy – his age was estimated to be around 15. He was wearing modern clothes. Just like with the people from the village, only his skeleton remained. The tests showed that he died 10 days before his remains were discovered,’ River pauses and lets that information sink in. ’10 days. And all they found was his skeleton.’

‘That’s… Highly improbable,’ Jess says. ‘The decomposition varies, it’s different for every organism, but to clean off body to its skeleton in a matter of days…’

‘It wasn’t cleaned from the flesh in a matter of days,’ River says. ‘The report says that the boy’s body was cleaned from the flesh in a matter of seconds.’

‘Fuck,’ comes Kate’s voice and he thinks it pretty much sums up how he feels right now. This whole thing feels like it’s been made up, but it isn’t – it’s truth. He saw the evidence and he keeps being presented with more. Every time he thinks he’s seen it all, the universe shows him that he has seen nothing yet. It’s… Wonderful. ‘I’m sorry, you haven’t heard that. I was just surprised,’ Kate sighs. ‘Is there any way we could look into the reports from that expedition?’

‘I called the leader of the expedition, she agreed to send us all the official reports and the articles written about it,’ River says.

‘You said official. Is there something unofficial too?’ He asks eagerly.

‘Not unofficial per se, just confidential,’ River shrugs. ‘Since they couldn’t explain this thing in any way, it all got packed in a box with a _‘confidential’_ staple on it. To get access to it, we need an authorisation from the Bolivian government. Miss Stewart,’ she turns to Kate, ‘I’m afraid it’s something you have to take care of. I tried to get all the reports in well, not exactly official way, and I was met with a firm no.’

‘Of course,’ Kate nods her head and stands up. ‘I can- I will get on it right now. Sorry for cutting this meeting short, but I think that the quicker we get the documents, the better. Professor Song, I trust that you’ll send the reports you’ve obtained to all the people present here?’

‘Yes, it’s not a problem,’ River replies. Kate smiles at her and then with a polite _‘goodbye’_ , she leaves the office. Everyone starts gathering their things and discussing everything that has been said during the meeting. He stands up from his chair as well, feeling slightly nervous and excited. He’s excited because a theory of his turned out to be truth. He can’t believe it’s happening and that now there’s a proof for that. That’s just- It still boggles his mind that it’s not something his mind has just made up one night. And now he’s closer and closer to finding about the truth and getting the answer he’s been looking for for a few years.

And he is nervous, because he’s going to talk with River. He’s not sure what about – maybe about the case they’re working on? – and he’s not sure if he’ll manage to ask her any questions without making an idiot out of himself, but he will try. He doesn’t know why, but he feels this strange need to be around her. He can’t explain it – he doesn’t know her and he’s pretty sure that even if he did know her, he wouldn’t like her one bit. And yet, he wants to be near her. It’s probably because she looks like his succubus and she might – somehow - be a solution to his problem. He doesn’t know how she could help him, but he still hopes that by some miracle, she just might.

He takes a deep breath, gathers all the courage he has and turns towards River. He opens his mouth, ready to bombard her with questions, but-

River isn’t there.

He turns around, wondering if she already left, but he spots her standing with the science trio. She’s chatting with them, smiling brightly at something Robert just said. He feels something heavy settling in his stomach. It’s just- He somehow can’t imagine River smiling like that at anything he says. But it’s fine, he tells himself as he quietly leaves the room. He doesn’t need her to smile at him. Nor he wants that. Not one bit.

He sighs and walks towards the elevator. The only good thing is that his head stopped hurting.

 

___

London is strangely calm and quiet at 2am, he thinks as he walks down a small and narrow street. It’s a chilly night, but he doesn’t mind it one bit – it helps him to fight off the sleepiness. Truth to be told, he should be at home, in his bed, getting the rest he needs, but he just couldn’t do that. There are a few reasons for that. First, his mind was buzzing with everything he found out during the morning’s meeting. Second – just like promised, River sent all the participants of the meeting the report and articles about The Forest of the dead case. He’s spent the whole afternoon and evening reading through them – over and over again. He compared them to all the case files he’s gathered over the years and tried to find similarities between them, something that would bind them together. So far, he had nothing. He knew that there must be something – something that connects all these cases, but he can’t see it. Not yet at least.

There’s also another reason why he’s wandering the streets instead of sleeping in his bed: he’s afraid to fall asleep. He’s scared that once again he would dream of the succubus and after the last dream he’s not sure how the next one could end. He’s no longer afraid of the succubus – now he’s afraid of his reaction to her. He’d thought he’d have no problems with resisting her. He should have no problems with resisting her. Yes, she was a sex demon, but he deals with demons every day – it’s his damn job. He should know better, he should-

He shouldn’t.

The truth is that he shouldn’t have thought that he is above it, that he is better than her. That he is above this sexual attraction and he shouldn’t have thought that he can just ignore it. It didn’t help him at all, it caused more damage than good. He was supposed to overcome the succubus, to get rid of her and he ended up making out with her. And he enjoyed it, which is even worse. And now he is afraid to fall asleep, because he’s not sure he’d be able to resist her if she appears in his dreams again.

‘Okay, enough,’ he tells himself when he reaches his destination. He pushes a heavy glass door and walks inside the place he knows so well. Immediately, he’s bathed in warm yellow light, smell of tea and cinnamon pastry. It’s so comforting and familiar that he already feels better and a bit less troubled. Usually full and bustling with life, tonight the bookstore is devoid of customers.

_‘The midnight oil’_ is a bookstore – his favourite one. He’s been a faithful customer for a few years now. It’s a small bookstore, a hole in the wall really and normally it would stand no chance against big bookstore chains London is full of. However, a few things make _‘The midnight oil’_ unusual and therefore popular. First of all, it’s open from dusk to dawn. It’s the only bookstore in London – if not England – where you can but books only after the sun sets. Second: there’s always a selection of freshly baked pastries for you to buy, as well as coffee and tea – not to mention a wide range of wines. You can buy your books, order a cup of the beverage of your choice and a still warm cinnamon roll and sit in worn down armchairs, reading your newly purchased books for a few hours. As for books, well, there’s a whole another story. It seems that you can find everything in the bookstore – everything except for Jane Austen. As Jeremy – the owner of _‘The midnight oil’_ – says ‘ _yes, Jane Austen was smart, she was a good writer, a brilliant social observer, swore like a sailor and could drink a man under the table, but that doesn’t change the fact that her books bore me to death. Well, they would bore me to death if I could die_.’

Oh right. That’s another thing that makes _‘The midnight oil’_ quite special – its owner, Jeremy, is a vampire. An over 300-year-old vampire who dislikes Jane Austen and is obsessed with baking. Take that, Waterstones.

‘John. Good evening. Nice to see you,’ Jeremy’s voice greets him. He looks up to see the vampire behind the counter, looking at him with a welcoming smile. Like always, Jeremy is dressed in a custom tailored suit that makes him look like a true gentleman. ‘Would you like a piece of cheesecake? I baked a fresh one today.’

‘Thank you, maybe later,’ he replies and walks towards the counter.

‘I see. So it’s a work-related visit,’ Jeremy nods his head. ‘What can I help you with tonight?’

He smiles at Jeremy’s comment. There were more than a few times when Jeremy had helped him by suggesting and finding just the right book. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be the same this time.

‘A thing or two,’ he replies with a smile. ‘First: I need books about shadows.’

‘That’s a vast subject,’ Jeremy says slowly. ‘Care to be more specific? Do you need books on physics of light? Children’s books? Fairy tales? Supernatural crime books?’

‘Yes,’ he nods. ‘All of these could be helpful. Actually… Get me everything and anything you can think of. As long as it’s about shadows.’

Jeremy blinks a few times, lets out a long-suffering sigh and disappears in the back of his shop. A few moments later he comes back with a handful of books and drops them all on the counter.

‘There you are,’ Jeremy says and presents each book to him. ‘One book on physics. Three books with fairy tales. One crime novel about a killer who kills with the help of shadows and one ducumentry on missing people. It mentions the words ‘shadows’ quite a few times. You said you wanted everything and anything about shadows, so-’

‘No, no, these are great,’ he says. ‘Thank you.’

‘Glad I could be of help,’ Jeremy nods his head. ‘What about the cheesecake now?’

‘Well, I-,’ he starts awkwardly. ‘Uhm, I- You know-‘

‘Right. You want something else,’ Jeremy says. ‘And that must be something unusual – more unusual than your normal requests – because you can’t even say it out loud. Spill it, young man. I’ve been around for 300 years, not much can baffle me.’

‘Ineedbooksonsuccubi,’ he mumbles and sighs when Jeremy looks at him in confusion. ‘I need books on succubi. Uhm, anything you have? You know, science and uhm, not science.’

‘So you want to buy erotic novels,’ Jeremy states and he’s very glad that tonight the bookstore is empty. ‘That’s nothing to be ashamed of!’

‘I am not ashamed of it!’ He exclaims and feels himself blushing. ‘It’s just research!’

‘Of course it is,’ Jeremy nods his head with a serious expression on his face. ‘Give me a moment.’

When Jeremy disappears once again in the back of store, he nearly hits his head on the counter. Why is this happening to him? How on earth did he get himself in this mess with the succubus, the insomnia, the people-eating shadows and the archaeologist? Why can’t his life be simple, just this one time?

Jeremy stops his train of self-pitying thoughts by dropping a stack of books on the counter, next to his hands. This time he brought even more books than previously – there’s at least two dozens of them and from what he can see most of them are romance novels. Wonderful. Just… Wonderful.

‘Here’s your research material,’ Jeremy says and despite the vampire’s calm face, he knows that the bookstore owner must be laughing at him on the inside. ‘Is there something else you require?’

‘No, that’s all,’ he sighs and finds his wallet. ‘Although…,’ he hesitates for a second, ‘I could use that cheesecake. And two cinnamon rolls.’

Around 20 minutes later, once he’s back home, he puts the purchased books on the desk in his living room and heads to the kitchen to put the kettle on. He puts his pastries on a plate and waits until the water boils. It’s after 3am, so there’s no point in going to bed now. He may as well do some research and look through the books he bought.

‘You got some books? How nice!’ The succubus’ voice rings from the living room and he nearly splashes hot water on his hand. ‘Wow, these look interesting.’

He sighs and emerges from kitchen balancing a cup with hot tea and a plate with cinnamon rolls and cheesecake. The succubus is sitting on the desk, wearing another short nightie that barely covers anything – and she’s going through the books he bought.

‘Yes, I bought books. And I don’t remember letting you go through them,’ he says and sets the cup and plate on the coffee table. ‘Get lost. I’m busy.’

‘Rude again! And here I am to check if you’re fine. After our last encounter you seemed a bit… Flushed. Just wanted to check if you’re not coming down with something,’ the succubus smiles and winks. ‘Besides, how many times I have to tell you? It’s your brain that brings me here.’

‘My brain is telling you to go now,’ he grumbles and sits in the armchair. ‘Off you go. I have research to do.’

‘Research? That’s what you call research?’ The succubus picks one book up. ‘‘ _Four succubi and one man_ ’. That’s your research? Or maybe _‘You need two to tangle’_? Or _‘Taming the rebel’_? _‘Curvy, blonde and supernatural’_? _‘A Midsummer Night's boner’_? Honey, if you need research on that subject, I’d be more than happy to help you,’ she says and licks her lips. ‘Just one word.’

‘I have even two words for you. _Go away_ ,’ he mutters and grabs the books from the desk. ‘I can deal with that on my own.’

‘You’re telling me that you’re going to take matters in your own hands?’ The succubus asks innocently. ‘Can I watch it?’

It takes him a few seconds to catch her meaning.

‘No, I- What are you- No!’ He stutters and watches the succubus laughing at him with her head thrown back. ‘That is- I would never- I mean, I would but- No, I wouldn’t!’

‘Okay, okay, stop flailing around,’ the succubus hops of the desk and walks towards him. She moves with so much grace it nearly takes his breath away. It’s like a cliché, but he feels like time stops when he watches her: it’s like watching a piece of art come to life. Not that he’d ever admit that to her.

‘I’m not flailing around,’ he finally manages to say. She’s standing in front of him, just a few inches separating them.

‘You are flailing. Orally,’ she says in an amused tone. ‘Now, gotta go. I’ll leave you to your research. I hope it’ll leave you… Satisfied,’ she adds and stands on her tiptoes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Before he can react in anyway – push her away or gods forbid pull her closer to him, she’s gone. He can still sense the warmth of her body and smell the scent of her skin. He wishes-

He takes a deep breath and looks at the books on the desk and the cup of tea and plate of pastries on his coffee table. And then he realises that it’s not how he wishes to spend these early hours of the day. And he realises he definitely doesn’t want to spend them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments left under the last chapter, they mean a lot :). hope you'll enjoy this update as well.
> 
> chapter's title from 'once upon a dream' by an artist of your choosing.


	8. collaborations don't work

A few hours later, around 10am, he’s sitting in the backroom of his shop, pretending to be working on a cure for the flu that took over the zombie population. You’d think it’s not a big deal – the zombie are undead, so what can the flu do to them? Quite a lot, especially when it comes to their limbs. Try to sneeze when your limbs are in the state of decay. One ‘ _ah-choo’_ and you could lose a leg or an arm – or a nose. It’s no fun. So yes, he should be working on the cure, but instead he’s reading the romance novels he bought. Granted, they’re not the best piece of literature he’s read – they’re quite appealingly bad, but at least they’re hilarious. He hasn’t learned anything new about succubi from them – except for the fact that the sex demons are quite innovative when it comes to sex positions – but they let him forget about his own terrible situation for a moment. And yes – the grammar and spelling could be better, not to mention the sex scenes, because one’s sexual organs just don’t work that way – or at least they haven’t when he checked the last time. But mindless entertainment is mindless entertainment. He won’t complain.

He’s 11 pages away from finishing _‘My daughter’s nanny is a succubus!’_ when he hears a loud bang and ‘Where is he?’ shouted loudly. He can hear Clara trying to stop the intruder, but he knows it’s all in vain. No one can stop the Scottish hurricane also known as Amy Pond.

‘Why the hell haven’t you told me?’ She barges into the backroom – with an angry scowl on her face and a newspaper in her hand. ‘You are useless!’

‘Hello to you too,’ he mutters and closes the novel he’s been devouring. Now he’ll have to wait to see if Danielle forgives her husband for betraying her with the succubus-nanny! It’s a cruel world. ‘What haven’t I told you?’

‘That you’re working with River Song,’ Amy plops on the chair on the opposite side of the table and hands him the newspaper she’s been clutching. ‘There! I can’t believe that you haven’t told me!’

He looks at the newspaper Amy showed him.

‘Daily Mail? Really?’ He scoffs. ‘You shouldn’t read it. It’s mind filth.’

‘Maybe it is, but they know more about my friend that I do,’ Amy points out bitterly. He takes another look at the article on the front page. ‘The group of experts still in the shadows of ignorance!’ He reads out loud. ‘First: in the shadows? Honestly, worst pun ever. Second: it’s not ignorance, we’re just still working on finding out what really happened in The Library. Which-,’ he stutters as Amy trains an accusatory look at him, ‘which doesn’t mean I am in any way associated with the group of experts that works on finding out what happened in The Library.’

‘Your name is in the article, together with all the other names, you moron,’ Amy says and smacks his arm with her hand. ‘And the list of names had been given by an official from The Supernatural Department.’

‘Oh. Okay. Okay. So… Have I told you that I work with River Song?’ He says and shrugs. ‘Besides, since when do you care whom I work with?’

‘Since you’re working with River Song!’ Amy exclaims. ‘Do you have any idea who she is?’

‘She’s an archaeologist,’ he replies, trying his best to sound bored out of his mind.

‘No. She’s _the_ archaeologist,’ Amy says with emphasis. ‘When someone says ‘archaeology’ it’s River Song they think about. She’s like Indiana Jones, except real and more badass.’

‘She seems nothing special to me,’ he shrugs and nearly laughs at how lame and untrue this sounds. Fortunately for him, Amy is too busy repeating ‘ _unfuckingunbelievable_ ’ under her breath.

‘John, do you know what I do for a living?’ Amy asks. ‘And I don’t mean this part-time job chasing away demons with you.’

‘You write scientific articles for various newspapers.’

‘And? What else?’

‘You’re studying history and you’re in the process of getting your PhD,’ he grumbles out.

‘And what is my project and thesis about?’ Amy asks with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

‘Uhm… Something about…Queen Nefertiti?’ He shoots and prays that he’s right. Because if he messed up this one, Amy will never let him forget it.

‘Correct!’ Amy claps with fake enthusiasm. ‘You deserve a potato medal. And do you know what River Song specialises in?’

‘I have no idea nor I care,’ he replies.

‘Ancient Egypt,’ Amy continues completely ignoring him. ‘She has extensive knowledge of this era, she has access to various publication and just thinking about her collection of books makes me weak in the knees.’

‘Does Rory know about it?’ He asks, trying to divert Amy’s attention but the focused look in her eyes tells him it’s all in nought.

‘I want to meet her,’ Amy says and he nearly chokes on his saliva.

‘What? No. No. No way, that is not happening!’ He exclaims and shakes his head.

‘Why not?’ Amy asks outraged. ‘One phone call. That’s all you’d have to do, really. Please, John-‘

‘No,’ he shakes his head. ‘I’m not- I am no some kind of scientific match-maker! I don’t- No. Just no. Set a meeting with her, like all the other people do.’

‘You think I haven’t tried?’ Amy shifts in her chair. ‘There was even a date set up, but after she came back from The Library, she cancelled all her meetings. Especially those with journalists,’ Amy says sourly. ‘And since I work as a freelancer for a few newspapers, I am on her blacklist. Probably. I don’t know. John, listen, normally, I wouldn’t ask for it, but please. You know her! You work with her. It can’t be that difficult to just call her and say _‘hey, so my super amazing friend would like to meet you and chat about history.’_ ’

He resists the urge to bang his head against the table and exclaim ‘ _yes, Amy, it is difficult! Sometimes even_ hard!’. He can’t call River and ask her to meet with Amy. He simply can’t do this. There’s the whole succubus business and the fact that he’d really prefer to stay clear away from River Song. He also can’t imagine what would happen if Amy and River met. He has a firm suspicion that they’d get along and that is a quite terrifying thought. These two together – that could be something he’s not sure he’d survive. It’s definitely a good idea to keep them apart and he’s planning to put that plan in motion.

‘Amy,’ he says after a bit, ‘I- I can’t do that. I just can’t. Don’t ask me to do this again.’

‘Is it your final answer?’ Amy asks with her eyebrows drawn together.

‘Yes,’ he nods his head. It makes him uneasy to refuse her on something so simple, but he just can’t bring River Song into his life.

‘Fine,’ Amy sighs heavily and gives a small shrug. ‘It was worth a try though. I’m going to ask her for another meeting. Maybe she’ll agree this time.’

Wait a minute. What is happening? Usually, Amy would fight him until her – or his – last breath. It’s weird that she’s giving in so easily.

‘Aren’t you angry?’ He asks carefully. ‘Aren’t you going to try to persuade me? Or shout at me and call me an idiot? Or I don’t know, storm out in an angry way?’

‘Well, I am a bit disappointed,’ Amy admits, ‘but I figure that if you don’t want to help me, you really can’t do that. And I’m going to respect that.’

‘I am quite speechless,’ he says, staring at Amy. ‘I’m shocked to my very core. You just sounded like an adult!’

‘Shut up,’ Amy mumbles. ‘I am mature beyond my years, thank you very much.’

‘You sure are,’ he laughs and feels himself relax. He never expected Amy to understand and accept his decision so easily. He’s glad that he doesn’t have to fight her on that, because she would demand some explanation and he is not sure he can give it to her.

Amy stays for a while and they chat about everyday things: his shop, Amy’s studies and how Rory’s doing at work. When Amy leaves, he feels a tiny bit better: refreshed, calmer and like a normal person with normal and mundane problems. And he still can’t believe that Amy dropped the subject of meeting River Song so quickly. Maybe she’s really getting more mature? He never thought he’d see the day.

A few days later a phone call wakes him up. The woman on the other side of the phone talks quickly, in a panicked tone and he assures her that he’ll be there to help as soon as possible. He jumps out of his bed, takes a brisk shower and runs to his car. 15 minutes later he’s knocking on Amy’s door. She opens it, looking wide awake and ready to leave the house here and now.

‘Hi, good morning,’ he says and grabs her arm. ‘Let’s go. We have work.’

‘Okay,’ Amy quickly closes the door behind them, but not before shouting ‘ _bye, Rory!_ ’ and getting some muffled ‘ _bye_ ’ in response. They nearly race to his car and he starts it even before Amy can fasten her seatbelt.

‘Where are we going?’ Amy asks as he takes a sharp turn left.

‘The British Museum,’ he replies. ‘There’s a mummy on the loose.’

‘Oh. Fine,’ Amy says and settles more comfortably in her seat. Normally, she’d ask him hundreds of questions about the incident - when did it happen? How? What mummy? - but not today. Today, she’s sitting quietly, not even commenting on his driving. If he wasn’t so focused on getting them to the museum as quickly as possible, he’d probably find it suspicious. Alas…

They park outside the museum and hurry inside. A young woman is waiting for them by the entrance.

‘Good morning, I’m Osgood,’ she introduces herself and invites them inside the museum. ‘I’m the curator here. I am here to help you and assist with any problems you may face and provide you with explanations.’

‘Thank you, that’s very thoughtful of you,’ he smiles and gestures towards Amy. ‘This is my assistant, Amy Pond. Now, can you please tell us what exactly is going on?’ He asks after the two women shake hands. ‘I wasn’t told much on the phone.’

‘Right,’ Osgood nods as they start walking down the corridor. ‘There’s a mummy on the loose. Not in the museum, but in the basement where we keep artefacts prepared for shipping or storage. A sudden change in aura of the mummy was reported yesterday, but it wasn’t a big jump, so it was ignored.’

‘Isn’t it always?’ He mumbles and hisses when Amy elbows his side. ‘Okay, sorry, that comment was unnecessary. I’ll try to help you, but I am not a specialist in this subject. You should have called Joffrey Peterson.’

‘We did,’ Osgood replies as they walk down the stairs to the museum’s cellars. ‘He was the one who detected the change in the mummy’s aura. He was supposed to come here today and check on it, but unfortunately, he came down with something. Some nasty stomach bug or something.’

‘Peterson isn’t that good anyway. He just talks big, nothing else,’ Amy mutters and shrugs when he glances at her. ‘Anyway, what is the mummy doing?’

‘Right now, it’s destroying everything that’s nearby,’ Osgood sighs. ‘No one knows how to stop it. The personnel is out of ideas. You’re our last hope.’

‘No pressure at all,’ he gives out a short laugh as they stop in front of thick wooden door. Osgood knocks on it and shows her ID to a guy who opens the door. He looks at Osgood, her ID, then moves his gaze to Amy and him. After a while he nods his head and moves aside so they can come inside. They walk into a small room and Osgood leads them towards another room. They can hear faint noises coming from it – noises that grow lounder and stronger with every step they take towards the room. Once they walk inside, they see a huge area that is packed with various artefacts from all time periods. A good number of them is laying smashed on the floor.

‘What’s with the cage?’ Amy asks and he notices that the mummy is surrounded by thick bars, running from the ceiling to the floor.

‘We had to do something to keep the mummy contained and stop it from spreading damage to the other parts of the museum,’ Osgood replies. ‘I know, it’s not the best solution – certainly not the most human – but we didn’t know what else to do!’

‘You lot,’ he sighs. ‘Okay, never mind that. What else has the mummy been doing?’

‘Pushing things on the ground. Smashing vases. Looking into drawers, taking things out of them, shaking said things and them dropping them on the floor,’ Osgood says. ‘It’s been like that for hours.’

‘Are there any patterns to what it’s been doing?’ He asks but Osgood shakes her head.

‘I don’t think so,’ she says. ‘At least we haven’t noticed anything. Her movements and choices seem to be random.’

‘Wait a moment,’ Amy hushes them. ‘It’s… I think it’s saying something.’

Both he and Osgood turn their heads and focus their attention on the mummy. At first he doesn’t notice anything, but after a bit he realises that Amy was right: the mummy’s lips, hidden behind the dirty bandages, are moving. The words are barely audible and even if the mummy was talking louder, he doubts he could understand it. However, he walks closer to the creature behind the bars and listens in.

‘Can you understand anything?’ Amy asks after a few minutes. She’s standing next to him, looking at the mummy with concern and curiosity.

‘No,’ he admits and shakes his head. ‘I have no idea what it’s saying. I can’t even say whether it’s an order or a prayer, some kind of a list… I can’t decipher anything it says. I don’t understand the language!’

‘Isn’t there any way to translate what it’s saying?’ Osgood asks and he sighs.

‘Sure, there is a way: get Peterson here,’ he says. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you here. I know next to nothing about mummies. I could try to calm it down or tranquilise it, but I already know it won’t work. I can’t communicate with it, I don’t understand what it’s saying- You need an expert here. And your expert is Peterson.’

'Well, you do know another person who is a specialist on ancient Egypt. Even _the_ specialist', Amy says with an innocent expression on her face.

'Who are you talking about?' He asks confused and starts shaking his head when Amy raises her eyebrows. 'No. No way! I'm not calling River Song.'

'But she could help us!' Amy exclaims.

'You could call River Song?' Osgood asks with hope in her voice. 'That would be amazing!'

'I can deal with this in my own! I don't need River Song,' he says but sighs when the two women look at him with disbelief on their faces. 'Okay. I can't. But there's no need to call that woman. I'm sure we'll figure something out-,' just add he says it, the mommy grabs a vase through the bars, shakes it and then drops it on the floor. He can feel Amy's and Osgood's glances burning holes in him. 'Fine. Fine,' he says through gritted teeth. 'I will call River bloody Song.'

Amy let's out a small squeak of delight and claps her hands. She calms down when he looks at her. There's something going on with her, he thinks. But he doesn't have the time to think about it now, because he is about to call River and ask her for help. Wonderful.

Kate Stewart had made sure that the whole team working on the Library incident could contact each other anytime - they had each other’s' phone numbers and emails. He just hoped he wouldn't ever have to call River of all the people.

He takes a deep breath and dials her number. She picks up - damn her! - after just two signals.

'River Song, hello,' he hears in the receiver and the sound of her voice renders him speechless. He knows this voice - he keeps hearing it in his dreams. In his dreams the voice alone could seduce him. It's so strange to realise that this time it's a voice of a real person - a person who doesn't want to get in his pants and suck out his vital energy. 'Hello?' River repeats and it stirs him back to consciousness.

'Hello. John here. John Smith,' he starts. 'We work together on the Library-'

'I know who you are,' River replies. 'It is quite difficult to forget a guy wearing a bow tie. What do I owe the pleasure?'

'What is wrong with bow ties?' He grumbles.

'There's nothing wrong with bow ties. They look absolutely charming and dashing on some people,’ River says in a tone that clearly suggests that he’s not a person who can pull off a bow tie. He’s about to reply with a snarky comment and hang up, but she speaks first. ‘Okay, I highly doubt you called me to talk about your unfortunate fashion sense. What’s going on?’

‘My fashion sense is impeccable,’ he mutters and tugs on his bow tie. ‘There’s a mummy on the loose.’

‘Excuse me?’ River says in a surprised tone. ‘Care to explain?’

‘A mummy. On the loose. In the basement of the British Museum. It’s destroying every artefact around it,’ he says quickly. ‘I don’t know what to do-‘

‘What else is it doing?’ River interrupts him.

‘I- Nothing else,’ he replies. ‘It’s saying something and smashing things. That’s all.’

‘What is it saying?’ River asks and he sighs in frustration.

‘I don’t know!’ He exclaims. ‘I don’t speak mummy and it refuses to speak English. Could you please get here and help me- Us?’

 He expects a snarky remark from her, making fun of how he needs her help and that he indeed is a semi-competent shop owner, but nothing like that comes. River merely says _‘I’ll be there in 20 minutes’_ and hangs up. For a few moments he’s just standing there with a phone glued to his ear, not believing that it was so easy.

‘So… Will she come here?’ Amy asks, bouncing on her feet.

‘Yeah, she will,’ he sighs. ‘Said she’ll be here in 20 minutes. Though she’ll probably be late. You know how these archaeologists are.’

River Song proves him wrong. Not only she’s not late, but she arrives 5 minutes earlier. She walks into the room, following a tall security guy. He can’t help but be immediately drawn to her: it seems like his eyes can see only her.

‘Okay, here I am,’ River says as she walks over to him. His mouth goes dry and he has to take a deep breath to calm his racing heart. What the hell is going on with him? ‘What’s happening?’

‘This mummy woke up and started destroying everything nearby,’ Amy says and moves closer to River. ‘It was reported that there was a small change in its aura, but nothing too significant.’

‘Thank you,’ River smiles at Amy. ‘You are?’

‘Amy Pond,’ Amy replies, trying to sound casual, but failing at it spectacularly. She has a huge and excited grin on her face and for a moment he feels guilty for not wanting to introduce her to River earlier. It had to come to this- A thought appears in his head, but he quickly shakes it off. Amy wouldn’t… Would she? Amy’s voice interrupts his further thoughts. ‘I work with John. Well, I help him from time to time.’ Amy says to River. ‘And can I just say that it’s great to meet you?’

‘Likewise, dear,’ River replies with a smile. ‘It seems that you’re the bright one in the duet.’

‘I sure am,’ Amy replies proudly.

‘Can we please stop this session of your little self-admiration club?’ He asks. ‘There is a more important thing to take care of.’

‘Oh, are you jealous that we’re not fawning over you?’ Amy asks mockingly.

‘I don’t need- I don’t want you to fawn over me!’ He says in an outraged tone. ‘Why would I want that? I don’t- It’s just there are really important things here! Like the mummy that is destroying these priceless artefacts! Why don’t you talk about it, huh?

‘We could do that, but only if you stop screaming,’ River says and without waiting for his reply, she turns to Osgood. ‘Please, forgive me for not introducing myself. River Song.’

‘I know who you are,’ Osgood replies eagerly. ‘I’m Osgood, the curator of the museum.’

‘The youngest curator in the history of this museum,’ River says with appreciation. ‘I read about you. I’ve also read your thesis and I must admit, it’s really impressive.’

For a second he thinks that Osgood is going to pass out. The girl goes red, then all white and then red again. Thankfully, she gets herself under control before he decides to call an ambulance.

‘Thank you,’ Osgood croaks out. ‘I would never expect you to read something of mine.’

‘Don’t sell yourself short, you should be really proud of what you’ve achieved so far,’ River replies with a kind smile. ‘Now, can you tell me something more about the mummy? How long has it been here? Has anything changed around it recently?’

‘The mummy has been here for 3 years now,’ Osgood explains. ‘It was lent to us by The Egyptian Museum of Berlin. It’s been on display all the time. Just last month we moved it here, because we were changing the exposition. Next week we are supposed to pack it and send it back to Berlin.’

‘Has the Museum in Berlin been informed about this incident?’ Amy asks and Osgood shakes her head.

‘No, we hoped – we hope – to solve it on our own,’ Osgood says. ‘We will inform them if the need arises, but for now there’s still a chance to fix it.’

‘I’ll see what can be done,’ River nods her head. ‘The mummy. What has it been doing?’

‘I told you!’ He cuts in before anyone else replies. ‘It’s been smashing things. Smashing things and muttering something. That’s all.’

‘No,’ River looks at him and shakes her head. ‘That’s not all. It looks like it’s just smashing things, but it’s not just that. Look at it.’

‘I have looked at it,’ he grumbles, but sneaks a curious glance towards the mummy.

‘Not properly, it’d seem,’ River says. ‘Come on. You’re supposed to be good. Look at it and tell me what you see.’

He shrugs, but takes a step towards the cage where the mummy is held. He doesn’t care what River Song thinks of him and he most certainly doesn’t want to impress her. It’s just an opportunity to learn something new. Nothing else.

For a few moments he stares at the mummy and notices nothing new. It behaves just the same way as it has earlier: picking things up, shaking them, looking inside and throwing on the ground.

Picking things up, shaking them, looking inside and throwing on the ground.

Picking things up, shaking them, looking inside and throwing on the ground…

‘It’s looking for something!’ He exclaims. ‘It’s looking inside every single thing it picks up. It shakes it, as if it wants to check if there’s something inside it.’

‘That’s what I’ve noticed as well,’ River says. ‘It’s the first thing I noticed when I came in here. It seems that the mummy’s moves are random, but they aren’t. It moves in a sequence, doing the same thing over and over again.’

‘But what is it looking for?’ Osgood asks.

‘We have to find out, don’t we?’ River says and walks to the cage. She listens closely, but after a while she shakes her head. ‘I can’t hear it properly. I can hear some of the words, but it’s not enough. I have to go inside.’

‘What? No!’ He walks over to her and grabs her arm. ’You can’t go in there. It could be dangerous. We don’t know how the mummy will react.’

‘I’ll be fine,’ River replies coolly. ‘Now, if you could take your hand from my shoulder…’

He immediately drops his hand from her arm. Gods, he behaved like an utter idiot. If there’s someone who can safely enter the mummy’s cage, it’s River. She has no aura, so the mummy won’t even notice her. Besides, even if she was in any danger, who is he to protect her? She sure can take care of herself and doesn’t need his help in the slightest.

‘Anyone’s got the key?’ River is already by the cage’s door. ‘Okay, never mind that,’ she says and take out a bobby pin from the back pocket of her jeans. With just a few flicks of her wrist, the door to the cage is open and she’s stepping through them.

He can hear Amy’s ‘ _holy hell’_ whispered in awe. He doesn’t understand why Amy’s so impressed – it’s a cheap party trick that anyone could learn. Granted, he could never learn it, but hey – he has other talents.

‘Stay outside, everyone,’ River throws over her shoulder as she walks closer to the mummy. ‘Amy – make sure that he specifically stays outside.’

Amy nods her head eagerly and closes her hands around his arm. He nearly scoffs at that. He doesn’t need anyone’s protection! And he doesn’t need to be coddled like a petulant child. He is about to say just that, but he can’t keep his eyes and attention from River who is now slowly approaching the mummy. She moves slowly, carefully, with stealth and grace he can only dream of possessing. He expects the mummy to jump on her any second now, but nothing like that happens – the mummy doesn’t even acknowledge River’s presence. It continues to pick things up and throw them on the ground, all while mumbling something incoherent. Incoherent to everyone expect for River, it’d seem. He can see that she’s listening intently to whatever gibberish the mummy is saying.

‘Okay,’ River says slowly as she backs out of the cage, ‘I think I know what the problem is.’

‘What is it saying?’ Amy asks first, leaning closer to River. ‘Did you understand it?’

‘I did,’ River says and her mouth twitch.

‘So? What is it saying? What does it want?’ Osgood asks impatiently and the grin on River’s lips gets more mischievous.

‘Well, the mummy doesn’t speak in full sentences, I suspect that after such a long time of mummification, it simply lost the ability of coherent speech. Not to mention that there’s a problem with translation – some words it uses don’t have their equivalents in English,’ River says. ‘But from what I could understand, the mummy keeps on repeating the same words: ‘ _gone_ ’, ‘ _lost_ ’, ‘ _need back’_ , ‘ _want back’_ and ‘ _my pussy_ ’.

‘What?’ He exclaims in a tone so high pitched that Amy covers her ears. ‘It said what?’

‘My pussy,’ River repeats and looks at him with amusement on her face. ‘I am sure it refers to a cat. In Ancient Egypt it was a fairly common practice to mummify cats with their owner. Though now I’m wondering, maybe ‘my pussy’ means something else. Do you have any ideas?’

He opens and closes his mouth, feeling that he’s blushing. River is staring at him with an annoying smirk on her face and he knows that Amy and Osgood are also looking at him, wearing the very same expression of amusement. Damn River Song to hell.

‘I- I was just surprised, that’s all,’ he says lamely. ‘What else could it mean? We all know that…, uhm, pussy,’ he says in a hushed tone, ‘means a cat. Right?’

‘Of course, dear,’ River says in a patronising tone and turns to Osgood. ‘From what we know, the mummy had a cat. It probably had been mummified with it and I guess it must’ve been displayed with it all the time. And it seems that the cat is gone now. Could it still be on display? Or maybe it’s been moved to another room?’

‘I- Wait, just give me a second,’ Osgood says and pulls out her phone. She calls someone and talks with them for a few minutes. When she finishes, she turns to them with a sheepish smile. ‘You’re right, professor Song. The mummy does have a cat and it’s been displayed for her ever since it’d been discovered. But someone must’ve mixed it up and the cat’s mummy is in another storage room. I asked to have it brought here.’

‘Do you think it’ll fix the problem?’ Amy asks River.

‘I hope so, because as much as I hate to say it out loud, I’m out of ideas,’ River says.

As it turns out, she didn’t have to worry. The second the cat’s mummy is brought into the room, the mummy’s chattering seems to stop. River walks inside the cage once again, this time bearing the mummified cat in her hands. She lays it gently on the floor near the mummy and slowly walks away. The mummy picks the cat up and to everyone’s surprise, starts petting it. Then – still bearing the cat in its hands – it walks back to its sarcophagus.

‘Okay,’ Osgood says as the mummy gets inside its coffin. ‘That was both surprising and impressive.’

River just smiles in return.

As they leave the museum, he walks behind River and Amy who are talking animatedly. He could walk with them, but they talk about history or archaeology and he doesn’t want to be bored to death. Besides, he‘s had enough of River’s smugness for one day. Okay, so maybe what she did back in the basement was a bit impressive, but not _that_ impressive. He’s seen – and done! – better.

When they reach his car, he doesn’t even say goodbye: he just gets inside his vehicle and waits for Amy to bid River goodbye. He has to wait for a few minutes, because it seems that the two women can’t stop talking. He gets more and more grumpy with every word they exchange – even though he can’t hear any of it. When Amy finally gets into his car, she’s beaming like she’s just been offered all the stars and the moon.

‘Isn’t she just amazing?’ She asks as they observe River walking towards a shiny black motorcycle, standing a few feet away from his car. ‘Look, she even rides a motorbike! I told you she’s like a cooler and real version of Indiana Jones!’

‘Don’t exaggerate,’ he mutters and starts his car. ‘She’s nothing special.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ Amy asks. ‘She is- Have you even seen what she did in that basement? The mummy hasn’t even approached her! And she solved this problem in a matter of minutes! I am so glad that Peterson told me about this mummy-,’ Amy’s eyes widen and she shuts her mouth. It takes him a few seconds to connect the dots.

‘You did it on purpose,’ he states and Amy just stares at him, trying her best to look innocent. ‘You arranged the whole thing.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she finally says and bats her eyelashes. ‘How could I do that such a thing?’

‘Easily,’ he says and sighs. ‘I was kind of surprised that you were ready the second I knocked on your door this morning. You didn’t ask as many questions as you normally would, as if you knew where we were going. And then you just came up with the idea of me calling River. Amy! That’s not how one does things!’

‘It’s not my fault!’ Amy exclaims and throws her hands in the air. ‘I just wanted to meet her. Besides, Peterson is an asshole and you know it. And come on, it’s not like you haven’t learned something new today!’

‘That you’re sneaky and can’t be trusted?’ He mutters.

‘No,’ Amy shakes her head. ‘That you already know. But you have to admit that it was worth it. What River showed was quite impressive. And you learned something about mummies! Who else can say that they saw a mummy missing its pussy?’

‘Amy!’ He whines. ‘I’m driving! Don’t say words like that while I’m driving!’

‘You’re blushing again,’ Amy giggles. ‘When River said ‘pussy’ I thought I’d be able to fry an egg on your cheeks.’

‘That’s not funny!’ He says. ‘It’s just- Never mind. And yes, I’m going to admit it: I am glad that I gained a new experience today. However, you have to promise me that you’ll never pull off something like that. Okay?’

‘Fine,’ Amy says after a brief consideration. ‘Fine. And don’t worry about Peterson. He’ll be fine by the evening.’

‘What did you do to him?’ He asks, but shakes his head when Amy gives him a slightly terrifying smile. ‘You know what? I don’t want to know.’

For a moment they drive in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts.

‘So now that you’ve met River Song, is it over? Will you stop being obsessed with her?’ He asks as he parks the car in front of Amy’s house.

‘I am not obsessed with her!’ Amy rolls her eyes. ‘I just appreciate her. As should you. And you really need to stop being such an asshole around her.’

‘And why is that?’ He asks tiredly.

‘Because I invited her for a dinner on Saturday,’ Amy states proudly. ‘And you’re coming as well.’

‘No, Amy- No, it’s-,’ he stutters through the dread that paralysed his throat. ‘That is a-‘

‘A wonderful idea, I know!’ Amy says and presses a kiss to his cheek. ‘Brush up on your manners and see you on Saturday!’

He’s so petrified that he doesn’t even pay attention to Amy leaving his car.

River Song will now be Amy’s friend.

Great. This is exactly what he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops. nearly a month without an update. funnily enough, a month ago this chapter was already written. I just kind of lack the energy and time to upload it. still: I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I wish I could promise it won't happen again, but unfortunately, I can't promise anything.   
> I hope you'll manage to enjoy this chapter - if there's anyone still reading this fic. if there isn't... well, that's awkward. see you next time!
> 
> chapter's title comes from FFS' 'collaborations don't work'


	9. it's my party and I'll cry if I want to

For the next few days he keeps wondering how on earth he’s going to get out of Amy’s dinner party. He comes up with at least a dozen excuses, each one more ridiculous than the other. Friday’s night rolls in and he makes his decision: he’s simply not going to the dinner. No excuses. He is an adult after all, if he doesn’t want to go somewhere, no one will force him. Sure, Amy will probably chop him into pieces for that, but he doesn’t care.

Saturday comes and nothing happens. No angry phone calls from Amy, no angry demands for him to come over and help to set the table. It’s weird and so unnerving that he jumps up at every single noise he hears. He expects Amy to barge into his apartment and drag him into her dining room, shouting curses and kicking his ass as they go. When his doorbell rings at 6:15pm, he’s a nervous wreck. He walks towards the door, knowing that whoever is behind it won’t just go away. He takes a deep breath and opens it, ready for the backlash that must be waiting for him.

Nothing like that comes.

Instead, he’s greeted by the sight of a familiar blonde man, staring at him with a gloomy expression on his face.

‘Rory!’ He exclaims in surprise. ‘Uhm, what are you doing here?’

‘You know what I’m doing here,’ Rory says and pushes past him into his apartment. He plops onto the couch with a tired sigh.

‘I am not going to the dinner,’ he says stubbornly and closes the door.

‘I know,’ Rory says. ‘I am here to change your mind.’

‘You won’t change my mind, Roranicus,’ he shakes his head. ‘Go back to Amy and tell her that you did all you could, but I wouldn’t be budged.’

‘Yeah…,’ Rory draws out and looks at him with misery and desperation written all over his face. ‘Amy said that if I don’t get you there, she’ll hold me personally responsible for that.’

‘What? She can’t do that!’ He shakes his head. ‘She can’t do that-‘

‘She’s Amy,’ Rory sighs. ‘She can do anything.’

He considers that for a few seconds and he realises that Rory is right: if Amy wants something, she will get it. Even if it means playing dirty.

‘I really don’t want to go to that dinner,’ he whines and Rory looks at him with sympathy.

‘I know,’ Rory says. ‘I don’t know why you’re so against it – Amy just told me you’re being a moron and that I have to drag you to our place even if you cuffed yourself to your desk.’

‘I might do just that,’ he mutters.

‘You can try,’ Rory nods. ‘Or you can come with me. Think about this dinner as of an evening with free food and alcohol. An occasion to catch up.’

‘I know, but-‘

‘We invited Clara and Martha,’ Rory adds. ‘Amy invited some guys from the uni. You’ll meet some new people. Amy says you need that.’

‘Does she, really?’ He asks curiously and Rory makes a face.

‘Not quite,’ Rory admits. ‘She says you need to get laid and get a life – preferably in that order. And she says it’s her duty to help you with these things.’

‘How magnanimous of her,’ he says sourly and Rory snorts at that. ‘Fine, I’m going to that damn party.’

‘Good,’ Rory lets out a relieved sigh. ‘But hurry up – we have about 30 minutes to get there. Amy won’t take kindly to us being late.’

In the end, they’re 15 minutes late and it’s his fault. He couldn’t decide which bowtie goes best with the shirt he chose to wear and then he couldn’t find the braces. When they walk into the Amy’s and Rory’s house, everyone is already socialising. The guests are standing in small group, chatting animatedly and no one notices their arrival – only Amy waves her hand at them. Rory quickly disappears in the kitchen, saying he has to put some final touches to the main course and he joins everyone in the living room.

River Song is the first person he notices there. She’s standing in the corner, talking to Clara and her boyfriend – and seems completely oblivious to his presence. He doesn’t know what he expected, but he’s not disappointed that she doesn’t notice him. At least that’s what he tells himself.

‘John! Long time no see,’ he turns around to see Martha Jones standing in front of him. She used to work with him a few years ago, before fully committing to being a doctor.

‘Martha!’ He envelops her in a tight hug. ‘Missed you! Where have you been?’

‘Oh, here and there,’ she replies with a smile. ‘Been travelling around the world for a while, doing some doctor-y stuff. Now I’m back – at least for a bit.’

‘You know, if you ever get bored of the medicine thing, you can always come back and work with me,’ he winks and the second he says that, he feels a smack to the back of his head. ‘Oi, what was that for?’

‘Martha is busy saving lives, she wouldn’t go back to your little shop, you moron,’ Amy – because of course it was Amy who smacked him, who else? – says with a roll of her eyes. ‘She’s a doctor now!’

‘Well, I am the Doctor,’ he says and straightens his bow tie. ‘I save people too. When I say people I mean all the creatures that need my help. Isn’t that true, Pond?’

‘It is, but you succeed not because of your knowledge, but because of pure luck and stupid ideas,’ Amy responds and Martha laughs when she hears that. ‘Don’t get all grumpy, you know I’m telling the truth, raggedy man.’

‘Excuse you, I have immense skills,’ he says, trying his best to sound strict. ‘I am gifted in various areas, I have travelled the world, I can communicate with various creatures and-‘

‘And yet you couldn’t solve the problem with the mummy,’ Amy pats his shoulder with take sympathy.

‘Amy! That was- That was difficult! It was a case and a creature I knew nothing about, I just couldn’t-‘

‘Of course you couldn’t,’ Amy pouts. ‘Thank gods that River Song was there to save the day.’

‘Oh, just-,’ he grits his teeth and grabs Martha’s arm. ‘Come on, Martha! I want to talk with someone nice and smart for a change.’

For the next few minutes, Martha and he talk, catching up on the time when they haven’t seen each other. She tells him all about how she travelled the world, about the wonders she’s seen in the faraway places, about everyone she’s met and befriended. He half-heartedly tries to convince her to come and work for him again, but she refuses with a smile.

‘Right,’ Martha says after a bit. ‘Do you know River Song well?’

‘What? No, not at all. Just a bit,’ he shrugs. ‘Why are you asking? Just please, don’t tell me you’re a fan of hers.’

‘Me? Nope,’ Martha says with a small grin. ‘But it seems that you are one. You can’t seem to take your eyes off of her.’

‘What? That’s ridiculous!’ He splutters and turns towards Martha who’s now openly laughing at him. ‘I don’t look at River Song. You’re being a bit absurd. All the travelling must’ve gone to your head.’

And he really wasn’t looking at River. It was her- Yes, it was her who constantly was where his eyes were trained. Not his fault in the slightest.

‘If you says so,’ Martha replies, still sporting the same amused smirk. ‘What’s the deal here?’

‘There’s no deal here,’ he starts to protest, but when Martha raises her eyebrow with a ‘ _oh really?_ ’ look on her face, he sighs. ‘There’s no deal. I work with her on solving The Library case.’

‘I didn’t know, I’m sorry,’ Martha says quickly, biting her lower lip and sneaking a glance at River, who’s now talking with one of Amy’s friends. ‘I am glad that she’s looking better than she did when she came in for the examination. I hope she’s also feeling better.’

‘Excuse me? What did you say?’ He turns towards Martha again and leans closer. ‘What examination?’

‘I was the doctor who examined her after she’d come back from The Library. Mister Lux and she had to go through two examinations: one in Turkey and the second one when they arrived here,’ Martha explains. ‘And I really can’t tell you more. Doctor-patient confidentiality.’

‘I understand,’ he nods. ‘But… Was there something about her when she came in… Something unusual? Something that made you-‘

‘John,’ Martha shakes her head. ‘I can’t. And even if I could, I wouldn’t.’

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,’ he sighs. ‘It’s just that we have barely anything in The Library case. I just thought that maybe there was something about her appearance or behaviour that could give me some clue and help me with coming up with a new idea. That’s all.’

‘She was in shock,’ Martha says after a moment of silence. ‘The slightest sound made her jump. I can’t blame her, after what she’d been through. She tried to it, but… She admitted to having troubles sleeping. She refused any help from us. She let us run all the tests on her, but she wouldn’t let us help her. We offered her a session with our psychologist -  he is an expert when it comes to helping trauma victims – but she politely declined. She said she was going to be fine.’

‘And you believed her?’ He asks, a bit more aggressively than he should. ‘You should’ve known better.’

‘I knew she wasn’t fine,’ Martha says sharply. ‘But I couldn’t do anything. We couldn’t keep her there against her will. Besides, people from the Supernatural were already waiting for her. She might’ve felt pressured to leave the hospital as soon as possible.’

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-‘, he starts awkwardly, but Martha just waves her hand and says _‘don’t mention it’_. He doesn’t know why he acted this way – he can’t explain why he felt so angry about how River had been treated and that she hadn’t been given the time to recover – and thankfully he doesn’t have the time to dwell on it, because Amy and Rory call everyone for dinner.

The dinner passes uneventfully. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with that: the food is great, he’s sitting between Clara and her boyfriend and Martha so he’s having fun, othr guest seem to get along, but- He can’t help but constantly sneak glances at River. She’s sitting at the opposite side of the table, surrounded by Amy’s friends – _male_ friends, as he notes bitterly – and she seems to be having a great time. He wishes he could say that River is rudely ignoring him, but that wouldn’t be the truth. She did acknowledge him: she nodded her head in greeting and smiled at him before they all sat at the table. They didn’t have any other chances of interacting, but it seems that River is completely oblivious to him, while he can’t stop noticing her. It’s quite annoying actually – once again he’s aware of her every movement, of every time she laughs at a joke told by that handsome guy sitting next to her. While he notices every single thing she does, River ignores him. Okay, not ignores him – she simply doesn’t pay any attention to him. And it’s not something he expected to happen. He’s not quite sure what he expected – for her to greet him with some mean and rude remark, to drag him into a long and pointless discussion (a discussion which he’d win, of course) or jump on him and snog him senseless… Wait, where did that come from? He shakes his head. _Enough_. He needs to get himself together and stop focusing on River Song.

And he succeeds – almost. He gets into a discussion with Martha, he teases Clara and her boyfriend, he pokes fun at Amy and he nearly doesn’t notice that River and the hot guy sitting next to her are getting more and more cosy. It’s none of his business, he thinks as he observes them from the corner of his eye, but do they have to sit so close together? Is it necessary?

A few hours later, when the party is dying down and everyone is just a bit tipsy and starting to leave, Amy comes with a brilliant idea. And when he says ‘ _brilliant_ ’, he means absolutely bloody terrible and disastrous idea.

‘John,’ Amy says a bit too loudly and slurring on the words slightly, ‘why don’t you give River a lift? You live quite near each other, so that shouldn’t be a problem.’

He freezes and he’s sure that River is just as shocked as he is. What the hell is he supposed to say to that?

‘I, uhm… No problem?’ He says lamely, trying his best not to look at River. ‘I mean if River doesn’t have anything against it-‘

‘That’s not necessary,’ River says at the same time. ‘I can take the tube, it’s fine, really.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Amy exclaims. ‘John will happily take you with him, won’t he? It’ll be like…,’ Amy makes a face, trying to come up with the right words, ‘it’ll be like showering together to save water! But in a car!’

‘Okay, I think that’s enough,’ says Rory as he hauls Amy up from an armchair. ‘I think you need to go to bed.’

‘Are you propositioning me?’ Amy says in a seductive voice – or what she must think is a seductive voice. To him it sounds more like a wailing of a whale.

‘No, I am merely making sure you’re not going to embarrass yourself further,’ Rory says in a tired tone. ‘Come on. John, River – can you let yourself out? I have a drunk Scot to take care of.’

‘Oi, I am not drunk!’ Amy exclaims and waves her hands, nearly hitting Rory in the face. ‘I’m having fun! Where is everyone?’

‘Everyone went home. They’ll be in their beds and sleeping in no time,’ Rory says patiently as he leads Amy towards the stairs. ‘And so will you.’

‘John, River… Are you going to bed too?’ Amy says as she walks up the stairs, leaning heavily against Rory’s arm.

‘Yes!’ He exclaims in response. ‘I mean no! No, we are not going to bed! I mean, we are, but not together. Separately. We will go to bed, but separately. Not together. Two different beds, in two different flats. So beds yes, but not-‘

‘Oh, shut up,’ River says, looking at him as if she can’t decide whether he’s drunk, mentally deficient or just plainly stupid. ‘Just- Let’s go.’

He follows her out of the Ponds’ house without even thinking. He stops by his car, but River keeps on walking.

‘What are you doing?’ He asks in confusion.

‘What does it look like? I’m going home,’ River responds without turning around.

‘But I am supposed to give you a lift,’ he says, feeling a bit lost.

‘And I am saving you the trouble,’ River says and this time she turns to face him. ‘It’s obvious that you don’t want to do that, so I’m doing you a favour here.’

‘What? Don’t be ridiculous,’ he says and shakes his head. ‘I promised Amy I’ll get you home and I will do it.’

‘We will tell Amy that you did give me a lovely lift home,’ River says. ‘I’ll even compliment your driving skills. She will never know!’

‘Of course she will know! She’s Amy!’ He throws his hands in the air. ‘Come on. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s late, all kinds of people are out there.’

‘I can take care of myself,’ River says stubbornly and raises her chin as if she is taunting him to say otherwise.

‘I am sure of that,’ he says. ‘And that’s why I am not concerned about you, but about all the poor souls who might think it’d be a good idea to cross you.’

He swears he sees a ghost of a smile on River’s face and strangely enough, he feels quite proud of himself for making her smile. He has no idea why he insists so much to give herr a lift. He could easily just wave his hand at her, say ‘ _if you don’t want to go with me, fine. Be careful and be safe!_ ’. Then he’d get into his car and forget about this whole evening. And yet…

‘Fine,’ River finally says as she starts walking towards him. ‘But you really don’t mind?’

‘I will mind if you continue this pointless discussion,’ he shrugs and points at his car. ‘Come on, hop in.’

‘Wait… Is that your car?’ River stops and looks dark blue Beetle. It’s an original Volkswagen 1303 from 1973 and it’s his one true love. He renovated it with his own bare hands and it’s the best car he’s ever had. Granted, it’s a bit stubborn and sometimes refuses to ignite, but no one is perfect, right?

‘Yes, it is my car,’ he says sharply. ‘Got a problem with that?’

‘It’s…,’ River starts and he expects her to say something people usually say when they see his car: ‘ _garbage_ ’, ‘ _trash_ ’, ‘ _a tin can that should be thrown away a long time ago_ ’. He heard it all and he has a long list of responses to every single of these statements. However, River surprises him once again. ‘It’s really nice,’ she says with a hint of appreciation in her voice. She opens the door and gets inside and he stares at her for a few seconds before quickly jumping onto his own seat.

‘I am a bit surprised,’ he says as he starts the car. ‘I would never guess that you’d like a car like this one.’

‘I am an archaeologist. I like old things,’ River says in an amused tone. It takes him a few seconds to get the meaning behind her words.

‘Hey, that was really rude!’ He says and River giggles quietly at that. It’s a nice sound and he discovers with a small shock that he wouldn’t mind hearing more of it. It’s an unexpected thought and he feels a bit flustered. ‘So, where do you want me to drop you?’ He asks before his brain comes up with something stupid and embarrassing to say.

River tells him her address and for a few moments they drive in without talking. After a while, the silence starts making him uncomfortable.

‘So, uhm,’ he starts awkwardly, ‘did you enjoy the party?’

‘Yes, I did. Amy and Rory are amazing,’ she says warmly.

‘They are,’ he nods. ‘Just don’t tell them I said that. You seemed to get on pretty well with that guy, that Amy’s friend, uhm, what’s his name?’

He tries to ask this question as casually as possible, because gods forbid River thinks he’s jealous. _As if_!

‘I did get on well with him. And his name is Ramone,’ River says lightly.

Ramone? _What kind of name is Ramone?_

‘Someone called John Smith should really be making fun of other people’s names, you know,’ River says and he realises that he said that last thing out loud.

Crap.

‘Well, it’s not my fault that he’s called Ramone!’ He says a bit too loudly even for his taste. ‘No one forced him to be called Ramone! But then again, you’d understand him, wouldn’t you? With a name like yours…’

‘See? That’s why I didn’t want you to give me a ride,’ River says exasperated. ‘We can’t have a normal and civilised conversation. You don’t like me, I get it. That’s fine-‘

‘I don’t like you? Who said I don’t like you?’ He asks in shock. ‘What are you even talking about?’

‘No one had to tell me that,’ River sighs. ‘Most of the time you look like you’re either scared of me or what to strangle me. As I said – it’s okay, I don’t need you to like me-‘

‘Look who’s talking,’ he says bitingly. ‘You’re constantly snarky in my presence and you’re always Miss Know-It-All. It’s insufferable!’

‘I can’t help acting like that! You behave like a giant man-child all the time!’ River rolls her eyes. ‘Maybe some women find it endearing, but I don’t! I don’t get it: you are supposed to be competent and professional, but every time I work with you, you seem to be a blubbering mess!’

‘At least I don’t act like I am better than everyone around me!’

‘You sure do! ‘ _Look at me, I wear a bow tie, I am the Doctor, I am chummy with everyone in London! I wear a tweed and drive a Beetle, look how cool I am!_ ’’

‘I don’t sound like that!’

‘You do!’

‘Yeah? And you know what? Your hair is annoying!’ He says and stares straight ahead, just to notice that for the last few minutes they’ve been standing in front of River’s building. He has never noticed when they got here – the argument with River stole all of his attention.

‘That’s rich, coming from a man with a fucking quiff,’ River mumbles and he’s about to respond to that when she takes a deep breath and speaks again. ‘Right. That was ridiculous. This whole argument and the both of us. This was just- Unbecoming.’

‘That’s true,’ he says and feels ashamed of himself. How could he say all these things to her? Sure, he does think all that about her, but that doesn’t mean he had to shout it out loud at her.

‘I am not going to apologise though,’ River says and he suddenly feels like he’s stuck in some badly written sitcom. Because look at him! He’s in a car with a stubborn and infuriating woman, who looks like a succubus that’s haunting him. And he has to work with her – the woman, not the succubus – and he just doesn’t know how. If there’s someone who’s directing his life, that person is a massive asshole.

‘Well, I am not apologising either,’ he says stubbornly.

‘Now that we have that settled,’ River says and he can feel her rolling her eyes at him – like she has any right to do that, ‘we have to settle some rules.’

‘Rules?’ He repeats.

‘Yes, rules,’ River nods. He looks at her and even in the dim light cast by the street light, he can see that she’s still flushed from their argument and that she’s also wearing a very determined look on her face. ‘Whether we like it or not, we work together. And this case is… It’s definitely bigger than any of us. And it’s far more important.’

‘I agree,’ he nods.

‘I am thrilled that we finally agree on something,’ River says with a fake enthusiasm. ‘I think we should make a deal.’

‘A deal?’ He says carefully. Last time he made a deal with someone who looked like River, he ended up being snogged nearly to death and woke up with an erection. He should be more cautious this time.

‘Yes, a deal,’ River says patiently. ‘A pact of non-aggression.’

‘And what exactly would that entail?’ He asks. Careful and cautious. That’s his motto.

‘We will try our best not to antagonise each other. No arguments, no petty remarks. No insulting each other. I will try not to be a ‘ _know-it-all’_ ,’ River says with distaste, ‘and you will try to be on your smartest all the time. We will act as adult and professional people who are forced to work together. We don’t have to socialise outside work. As far we I am concerned, if we meet each other outside work, we can pretend we don’t know each other. And once we solve this case, we go our separate ways and forget about each other.’

‘Fine. Okay. I’m in,’ he says quickly and nods his head. What River proposed seems fairly sensible and as much as he hates to admit it, they do need to start act like professionals. They won’t achieve anything if they keep on antagonising each other all the time. And if a deal like this is going to help them with that – so be it.

‘Wonderful,’ River says with a satisfied smile and nods her head. ‘We have a deal.’

‘That we do,’ he says seriously.

‘To a non-aggressive partnership,’ River says and extends her hand towards him. He clasps her hand in his and the second his skin touches hers, his head spins. He feels a strange wave of peace and warmth enveloping his body and for the briefest second he feels… complete. He gapes at River, but she seems to be absolutely unaffected by what he’s feeling. She slips her hand from his and with a quiet ‘ _thanks for the ride, goodnight_ ’ she gets out of his car.

He has no idea how long he sits in the parked car, staring at his hand and wondering if what he just experienced really happened or was it just a figment of his imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, an update after a nearly month. I know, okay? I know. hopefully the next one will come quicker ~~(that's what she said! aaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!)~~
> 
> if it feels like a filler chapter where nothing really happens, that's because it is just that. sORRY.  
> I hope that you had lovely holidays and that 2016 started peacefully for you. I also hope you enjoyed this chapter, if not, well, feel free to shout at me. jk, don't do that, I'll shout back. and sorry for any typos/mistakes, per usual they're all mine.
> 
> chapter's title from Melanie Martinez 'pity party'.


	10. friends are somewhere getting wasted

The next few weeks pass uneventfully. And when he says uneventfully, he means that he still works on solving the mystery of The Library, he works in his shop where tries to help everyone who needs his assistance and he still has a succubus that prevents him from getting a full night of rest and pops uninvited when he’s awake. In the last 3 weeks he’s gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep per night. It’s not nothing, but it’s also not enough – he knows it and he can feel it in his bones. He’s tired and feeling worn out all the time and that’s not helping with solving all the mysteries around him.

So when Amy calls him on a Friday evening asking him to go on a pub crawl with her and Rory, he wants to decline. He is exhausted, he’s busy and he’s still trying to find out why the succubus is making his life a living hell. However, he always forgets how persistent Amy is.

‘Come on, John,’ she sighs into the phone. ‘We haven’t seen each other in nearly a month. Clara told me you almost don’t leave the shop. You deserve a break! You should have some fun.’

‘According to you going to a number of pubs and getting drunk out of my mind is the break I need?’ He asks and he swears he can hear Amy rolling her eyes at him.

‘You know me,’ she says. ‘But fine, if you don’t want to do that, we can just go to one place,’ the tone in which Amy says _‘one place’_ suggests that it’s not something she’d ever do, but since she has a big heart she will indulge him and his silly little ideas. ‘I heard that The Pandorica opens tonight after months of being closed. What do you think?’

Oh, Amy knows all his weak spots. The Pandorica is a pub he really adores – it’s a small place, situated in a basement of an old building and it looks like it’s been there for centuries. It has this industrial look: bare walls with visible bricks, wooden tables and chairs and soft white lights – it all makes a surprisingly peaceful and home-y zone. And they have a custard-flavoured margarita. What’s not to love about that?

‘Okay,’ he responds. ‘But just one drink. And this time I mean it.’

‘Of course!’ Amy replies giddily. ’Just one drink. 8pm, don’t be late!’

At 8:10pm the Ponds and he are sitting in a small corner booth – the last free place in the pub. He isn’t surprised that the pub is so popular tonight: there’s an advertisement hanging on the front door saying ‘ _The Pandorica opens: -20% on every drink’_. Eugene – the owner of the pub – certainly knows how to entice the public. Eugene knows all the tricks when it comes to running a pub: he has 70 years of experience in the business. He’s 125 years old and he still looks as good as when he died, at the age of 55 - minus the slightly grey skin and limbs that may become unattached at any given moment. But that’s the life of a zombie.

Soon the Ponds and he are sipping their drinks and exchanging the stories of the last few weeks. Rory is in the middle of telling them how he had to explain to a 70-year-old lady that she can’t be pregnant and the fact that she doesn’t have period anymore doesn’t mean she’s the next Virgin Mary, when Amy puts her drink on the table and says in a hushed tone.

‘Look! It’s River! There, by the door. She’s with some guy.’

He slowly turns into the direction of the entrance and sees River Song with no one else, but Jack Harkness by her side. Wonderful. Before he can even start panicking, Amy is already waving her hand in their direction and shouting River’s name.

‘What are you doing?’ He asks in a whisper.

‘I am inviting them over,’ Amy says in an _‘isn’t that obvious’_ tone. ‘There’s no free place, so they can sit with us.’

He wishes everything was as simple as Amy makes it out to be. Sure, he has seen River twice since they decided on their non-aggression deal and he has to admit – the pact was a great idea. They didn’t waste any time on unnecessary arguments and managed to work well together. This, however, is completely different. This is a social situation and he has no idea how to handle it. Should he behave like River and he are best friends? Or just treat her like a colleague? And what the hell is he supposed to do with Jack Harkness? What is he even doing here? He has no time to think about answers to any of these questions, because River and Jack are already by their table.

‘Amy, Rory. John,’ River says warmly – although he notices that she says her name a bit less warmly than Amy’s and Rory’s. Not that he pays attention to these things. ‘This is my friend, Jack Harkness.’

Oh. Of course Jack and River are friends. Of course they are.

‘Yeah, John and I know each other already,’ Jack says as he shakes hands with Amy and Rory.

‘You do?’ River asks. ‘I had no idea.’

‘Yeah, we uhm, I needed some help and uhm, Jack was nice enough to help me,’ he says through a haze of panic. ‘That was very, uhm, helpful of him.’

‘I think you had enough to drink, John,’ Amy says with a smile. ‘You already have problems with talking. Next thing we know, you’ll be taking off your clothes while doing karaoke!’

‘Hey, that only happened once!’ He exclaims and feels himself blush.

‘Actually, you only remember it happening once,’ Rory deadpans. ‘In fact, this happened about 5 times, I think.’

‘I am not sure we want to see that,’ River says with a small smile. ‘I think we’d better get going.’

‘No, don’t be silly, stay with us!’ Amy exclaims. ‘There’s plenty of space!’

‘Uhm, you’re sure you don’t mind?’ River asks with hesitation in her voice, first looking at the Ponds and stopping her gaze at him, as if asking for his permission.

‘No, it’s okay,’ he says. Wait. Did the words just leave his mouth? Why would he agree to it? What is wrong with him?

‘Thank you,’ Jack smiles. ‘Now, let the next round be on us. What are you drinking?’

Once River and Jack are off to order the drinks, Amy looks at him questioningly.

‘What?’ He mutters.

‘Nothing. I am just surprised that you agreed to it so quickly,’ Amy says.

‘I didn’t want to be rude,’ he shrugs.

‘That would be the first,’ Amy sighs.

‘Oi, excuse me! I am very polite-,’ he starts, but Rory hushes them both with a pointed look.

When Jack and River arrive with everyone’s drinks, he expects it to be awkward: a forced small talk, lame jokes told only to break the silence – but nothing like that happens. To his surprise, they all get on almost too well: both River and Jack are quick with jokes, they can talk on almost every subject and they capture everyone with their charisma. Even though he felt a bit strange and awkward towards River at first, the feeling quickly melted away. They banter, but for the first time it feels playful rather than unpleasant. It’s a nice change, he thinks. But the true highlight of the evening is Jack flirting with Rory and Amy getting more and more jealous of it. He’s not sure if she’s jealous because Jack is flirting with her man or because he’s not flirting with her. Knowing Amy, it could be both.

He announces that he’s buying the next round of drinks and heads towards the bar. For the first time in months he feels relaxed and carefree and as much as it pains him to admit it, he thinks that Amy was right: he needed to have a bit of fun. He’s leaning against the counter, waiting in the queue, when he feels the air changing around him and a familiar voice sounds on his right.

‘And I was about to complain that you never take me anywhere, sweetie,’ the succubus sounds amused. ‘But here we are! It’s like you read my mind!’

_There goes my evening of fun,_ he thinks and turns towards her. _This is exactly what I needed – River Song and the her bloody succubus look-alike in one place at the same time._

The demon is sitting on the counter, looking all golden and tempting in the warm lights of the pub. This time she’s wearing a dress – even though he’s not sure one could call it a dress. It looks thin and flimsy, barely covering her… womanly parts.

‘It’s unsanitary, sitting on a counter like that,’ he says, trying his best not to stare at her thigh that is nearly pressed against his arm. It’s so close he can feel the warmth of her skin through his shirt and it makes him a bit light-headed. Or maybe it’s just the alcohol.

‘If you were a gentleman, you’d let me sit on your lap,’ the succubus replies teasingly. ‘But never mind that, we can discuss me sitting on various parts of your body later. It’s our first date! How exciting!’

‘It’s not a date! I came here with friends,’ he mumbles, trying not to attract anyone’s attention. He’s the only one who sees the succubus and he’d rather not be labelled as the city’s freak who talks to himself.

‘Shouldn’t you introduce me to them?’ The succubus winks at him and her eyes travel to the booth where the Ponds are sitting with Jack and River. ‘Oh, I like what I’m seeing! Sweetie, if you ever feel like a threesome, we should definitely invite the handsome dark-haired one. Isn’t he just dashing? But I guess that the blonde one isn’t bad either. He has a big nose and you know what they say about men with big noses.’

‘That they need a big handkerchief?’ He answers distractedly as he scans the pub for River. She’s not at the table, and even if she was, the succubus wouldn’t notice her. But where is she? Maybe her disappearance has something to do with the fact that the demon materialised here? What could it- _Oh_. There she is. He spots her in the opposite corner of the pub, talking animatedly with some guy he has not seen before. Right. That rather rules out her having anything to do with his succubus hanging over his head right now.

‘John!’ Eugene exclaims and stirs him from his thoughts. ‘What can I get you?’

‘Huh?’ He asks slightly confused and looks around – the succubus is gone. He blinks a few times, shakes his head and returns Eugene’s greeting with a smile. ‘Sorry, I got a bit distracted. As for what you can get me… One custard Martini, one screwdriver, one kriek and two Black Russians.’ He watches as Eugene prepares the drinks, making sure that no finger falls into either of them. When the zombie is done, he pays for everything and heads back to the table.

‘Five drinks? I think one may be unnecessary,’ Amy says as he sets the glasses on their table.

‘How so?’ He asks, trying to sound flippant and pretending not to notice that River is still not at the table.

‘River is talking to a hot dude, right there,’ Jack says.

‘They’ve been getting along quite fine,’ Rory adds and he feels his blood freeze a bit at that.

‘Well, we’re not going to disturb her then,’ he says as he sits down. ‘I am sure she can take care of herself.’

They talk and drink and he almost doesn’t notice that River isn’t there. Almost. He can’t help but sneak glances at her from time to time: she’s still talking with that guy and she seems to be having a grand old time. Which is fine. Good for her. He doesn’t care.

River joins them about an hour later, when all of them have drunk two more drinks. Correction: two rounds of shots. Apparently that’s what happens when you let Jack and Amy buy the next round.

‘Look who’s back!’ Jack says loudly. ‘How was the guy?’

‘He was okay,’ River replies with a secretive smile and slides back into her seat. ‘And it seems that you didn’t waste your time. Vodka? This early in the evening? It can’t end well.’

‘Don’t change the subject,’ Jack says with a slight hiccup. ‘Are you going to do him?’

‘A lady doesn’t kiss and tell,’ River says with a wink.

‘I’d do him,’ Jack says. ‘In fact, if you’re not going to, I just might.’

‘Jack, you have a boyfriend,’ River says. ‘I don’t think Ianto would be happy to have another guy in your bedroom.’

‘I can be persuasive,’ Jack leers.

‘I really don’t need to hear anything more,’ Rory raises his hands in the air.

‘Oh, don’t be so shy,’ Jack smiles and pokes Rory’s side. ‘I am sure Ianto would love to welcome you-‘

‘Hey, that’s my husband your talking to!’ Amy says with a small scowl on her face. ‘You can’t just proposition him like that! You should court him first!’

River and Jack burst into laughter, Rory gets more and more red with every second and he decides that it’s a perfect moment to go to the loo. He washes his hands and splashes some cold water on his face, hoping to sober up a bit. Once he feels a bit more alert, he takes a deep breath and exits the toilet. In the doorway, he runs into someone – a tall, well-built guy whom he instantly recognises. It’s the same guy River was talking to! The man apologises and gives him a wide smile – and even in the dim light of the bathroom, he can see that the guy is sporting a nice pair of sharp fangs. The guy is a vampire.

His first thought is: River sure knows how to pick them. His second thought – that normally would be his first thought, if only he wasn’t so tipsy – tells him that it’s impossible. River couldn’t have flirted with a vampire. She has no aura – he shouldn’t be able to see her. Suddenly, he feels terribly nauseous and it has nothing to do with all the alcohol he has consumed. He needs to talk with River and he needs to do it now.

He hurries to their table, but to his surprise, River is absent – and so is Jack.

‘Where is River?’ He asks quickly.

‘Jack was misbehaving and she decided to take him home,’ Rory says. ‘I think we too should do it.’

‘I need to talk with her,’ he says. ‘Now.’

‘What’s the hurry?’ Amy asks. ‘What got your bowtie in a twist?’

‘Not your business, Pond,’ he shakes his head and heads towards the door. ‘Maybe I’ll catch her. See you later!’

He nearly runs outside and scans the street in front of him. And there she spots her – you really can’t miss all the hair. That’s the good news. The bad news is that she’s about to get in the taxi.

‘River!’ He shouts at the top of his lungs as he starts running towards her. ‘Wait a second!’

He can see the hesitation on her face, but she waits until he gets to her.

‘I need to talk to you,’ he pants.

‘Can’t it wait?’ She asks. ‘I need to get Jack home.’

‘No, it can’t,’ he says firmly. ‘This is important.’

River stares at him for a few seconds, then sighs heavily and leans down to say something to Jack, who’s already sitting in the taxi. After saying a few sentences to him, she moves to the driver and hands him a few banknotes and says something that probably is Jack’s address. Once the taxi leaves, River turns to him and looks at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

‘You wanted to talk with me, so talk,’ she finally says. ‘What was so important that you couldn’t call me tomorrow morning?’

‘That guy you flirted with,’ he starts, observing River’s face. ‘He was a vampire.’

‘Yes, he was,’ River nods.

‘You also ordered drinks at the bar. And Eugene is a zombie,’ he continues. ‘We both know that neither of them should be able to see you. Not to mention all the _flirting_. So… Are you going to tell me what is going on? Because right now there are quite a few thoughts running through my head and neither of them is good.’

River keeps on staring at him with a grim expression on her face and without uttering a word. Finally, she sighs and sits on the pavement.

‘Come on, sit down,’ she gestures to him. ‘It may take a while.’

He obediently sits next to her. Despite the late hour, the air is still warm and smelling of grass. He’s sitting next to River Song, with the light of the moon shining upon them. Someone could call this situation romantic. He calls it one big mess.

‘I didn’t lie, in case you’re wondering,’ River stars quietly. ‘I don’t have an aura.’

‘So how could you interact with Eugene and the vampire guy?’ He asks, turning his head to look at her. River seems to be lost in her own thoughts, as if she was sitting here all alone.

‘It’s difficult sometimes. Not having an aura, I mean,’ she starts quietly. ‘A huge part of the society doesn’t notice me. I don’t exist for them. It has always been- Oh, never mind,’ River shakes her head. ‘It’s a problem, that’s what I wanted to say. But I found a way to cheat it.’

‘How?’ He asks in a surprised whisper.

‘Like this,’ River says and shows him her hand. For a second he stares at it dumbly, not sure what she’s showing him, but then he notices a thin silver ring around her ring finger. ‘Reminds you of anything?’

He takes her hand in his and peers closer at the ring, gently touching it with his index finger. The ring is silver in colour, but it’s not made from silver. No, the texture is completely different: polished, but slightly rough. It feels like it’s made of wood.

Wood. Silver. With aura.

‘No,’ he says in awe. ‘It’s- It’s not possible.’

‘But it is,’ River says with a small but proud smile.

‘It’s made from The Silver Birch. The Silver Birch,’ he repeats and River nods her head. ‘How did you get it?’

‘It was given to me,’ River says slowly as she takes her hand from his.

‘By whom?’ He asks curiously.

‘A friend,’ River says. ‘Well, a girlfriend. It was a long time ago.’

He nods his head and steals another glance at the ring on River’s finger. It’s just a ring, one may say. It’s not a big deal. Wrong: it _is_ a big deal. The Silver Birch is the only tree in the world that has an aura. It’s a birch with bark so smooth and shiny that it looks like it’s made from liquid silver – hence the name. For centuries it’s been the holy tree of the dryads: they’ve been looking over and protecting it, making sure no one damages it in any way. The fact that The Birch has an aura would be enough reason for someone to try and cut it down, make it their own and use it for their own gain. If someone crazy enough decided to make a wand from The Birch, who knows what the consequences would be? Anything could happen.

‘So this girlfriend of yours… Was she-,’ he asks and River stops him mid-sentence.

‘Yes, she was a dryad. Half-dryad, half-human to be precise,’ River explains. ‘Thanks to the human half, she was able to see me. She was the first person who gave me an idea what might be happening with me. You know, the no aura thing. She gave me the ring to make my life easier,’ River pauses for a moment. ‘Or as she put it, to make me less lonely.’

He doesn’t know what to say. He never would’ve guessed that having no aura could come with such a burden. For him it’s merely a scientific and nearly medical curiosity – and somewhere along the way, he forgot it’s River’s life. She has to live with that: being ignored and not seen by many. He can’t imagine that happening to him – he can’t even imagine what it must feel like.

‘Why don’t you just wear the ring all the time?’ He asks, trying his best to stay calm and keep his thoughts clear, unclouded by any kind of sentiment. ‘That would solve all the problems, wouldn’t it?’

‘I wish I could,’ River shrugs. ‘The problem is that the more I wear it, the more it loses its power.’

‘It’s impossible,’ he blurts out. ‘The Silver Birch- It’s been there for centuries. It’s been thoroughly examined. It’s the most stable source of aura in the whole known world!’

‘And yet,’ River says. ‘This ring’s aura levels dropped from 65 to 40 in the last 20 years. It drops a bit every time I wear it. It seems that I drain the aura from that thing. That’s why I don’t wear it all the time. If I did, its power would disappear.’

His head buzzes with thousands thoughts per second. What does it all mean? How can River drain the power from the ring? Could she – while wearing the ring – have enough power and aura to summon a succubus? Or become the succubus? But it’s unlikely – he saw her flirting with that guy when the succubus was right next to him. Could she do both these things at once? _Unlikely, but not impossible_ , he thinks as he sneaks a glance at River.

She’s staring at the ground and looking as if she’s already regretting telling him everything. When she’s sitting like that – calm and quiet, looking almost hopeless – it’s difficult to believe that she could have anything to do with the demon plaguing him or with the carnage in The Library. All the evidence he’s been presented with points out to her utter innocence, but something still makes him want to stay guarded around her. Who knows what would happen if he trusted her completely and let her in?

‘I think I’ll get going,’ River stops his thoughts. ‘Listen, what I just told you-‘

‘I won’t tell that to anyone,’ he says quickly. ‘It’ll stay between us.’

‘Thank you,’ River says and for a second it looks like she wants to tell him something more, but she shakes her head. ‘Look, the taxi that took Jack – I asked the driver to come back. It should be here any second. You want to share?’

‘No, thanks, I think I need to walk it all off,’ he says with a smile. Something akin to regret passes over River’s face and with a quiet ‘ _goodbye_ ’, she gets into a taxi that just arrived. He stares at the leaving car and once it disappears from his sight, he starts walking in the opposite direction. The walk home doesn’t really help to cool his and he’s sure that another sleepless night is awaiting him. But he couldn’t be more wrong. As soon as his head hits the pillow, he falls asleep and sleeps like dead.

He wakes up the next morning and for the first time in months he feels truly refreshed and relaxed. He looks at the clock – 10am? Did he really sleep for 10 hours? Without any dreams? He stares at the wall in disbelief and then lets out a loud yelp of joy. Take that, life-sucking demon! Take that! Had he known that the key to a dreamless night is a party, he’d have been going out every night the succubus started bothering him.

Who would have thought that a party might be the solution to his problems.

 

___

The fact that he can’t even come close to solving The Library case is incredibly frustrating. What is more infuriating is that he knows he is close to uncovering something, but he keeps on missing it. It feels like he’s looking at the answer through a half-transparent screen: he can make out the shape, but he can’t really say what it is. It’s driving him mad. Every morning he puts every file on the case on the table in his living room and studies them over and over again. Today is the same: all the files are in front of him, a cup of tea in his hands as he carefully reads every typed sentence. It seems that it’s going to be another day of disappointment, another day when he doesn’t solve anything and gets up from the desk with a headache. But then something suddenly clicks in his head and he looks up from the notes in shock. Of course. Why haven’t he thought about it in the first place?

He sorts through the papers and reads a few selected passages. He checks them over and over again and then he knows. Okay, yes, he still can be wrong about it, but at least he has something to look into now. He grabs his phone and selects River’s number, but his call goes straight to the voicemail.

_‘River Song here. If I’m not answering my phone, it means that I ameither  digging up some old artefacts in a faraway place or I’m giving a lecture to a bunch of students. Leave your message and I’ll call you back.’_

Feeling disappointed that he can’t share the news with her straight away, he stares thoughtfully at the papers covering his desk. He hates waiting and he knows that if he doesn’t share his discovery soon, he may just burst into pieces. After a few seconds of consideration, he packs all the files, stuffs them into a briefcase, grabs his car keys and runs down to his car. As River’s voicemail message said: if she’s not answering her phone it means that she’s either doing some archaeology thing or she’s teaching archaeology. He really doubts that she’s on another expedition right now, so he heads straight to the university she works at.

20 minutes later he’s standing in front of the lecture hall a friendly janitor directed him to. He’s just a few feet away from River and suddenly he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t just barge in there – she is working after all. But then again – he has news. And it could be potentially important news, so maybe he should just walk in- Okay, screw it. He’s going in. He straightens his bowtie and runs fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath and walks inside the hall.

And only then he realises his mistake.

The hall is full. Really full. It looks like every single seat is taken and now everyone is looking at him. Okay, he didn’t expect that to happen. He figured that there’ll be hardly any at the lecture – after all, who would like to study archaeology? As it turns out, around 150 people.

River notices him – her eyes narrow and her lips twitch slightly in annoyance – but she doesn’t stop her lecture. She continues on talking and her students, one by one, turn towards her and he is just standing there, feeling and looking like an idiot. There’s no place where he can sit, nor he can back out now. He looks at River again and it seems that she’s completely forgotten about him – or she’s ignoring him on purpose. And if there’s one thing he really hates, it’s being ignored.

‘Okay everyone,’ he says loudly before he can think about that he’s doing, ‘get up. The lecture is over.’

That certainly gets everyone’s attention - including River’s. She’s staring at him, her gaze sharp and definitely displeased and he can’t help but feel a tiny bit proud of himself.

‘Stay in your places, everyone,’ River says calmly, hushing all the whispers in the hall. ‘It’s clearly just some kind of a joke. Never trust a man in a tweed and a bowtie. Rule #34. Write it down.’

‘Very funny,’ he mutters to himself as he runs down the stairs towards River’s desk. He knows that everyone is staring at him so he tries his best not to trip and fall down the stairs – even though he knows River would love him to do that. He can read it in her body language: her whole body is tense and he can basically see the ‘ _I will kill you as soon as I get my hands on you_ ’ waves she’s been sending since he set a foot in the hall. He can deal with her wrath later.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ She hisses out when he nears her. ‘You are disturbing my class. This is not what we agreed on.’

‘I know, but it’s important,’ he replies quietly, leaning closer to her. ‘It has to do with The Library. I think I found something.’

River looks startled when he says these words. For a moment she looks at him with disbelief and hope in her eyes, and then she turns towards her class.

‘Okay, the class is over for today, you are free to go’ she says to her students and ignores the joyous shouts from them. ‘However, as I’d hate you to waste this remaining hour of the lecture on something idiotic, I think you should go to the department’s library and study for the next week’s test.’

Disappointed groans come from the previously cheering students, but River just smiles at everyone.

‘The more you complain, the more difficult the test will be,’ she adds. ‘If I were you, I’d really go to study now.’

He and River watch as the hall empties. Every person leaving the hall is looking at them: trying to guess who he is or trying to determine who he is to River. To be honest, that’s not something he knows himself.

When they are alone, River finally turns to him.

‘This better be good,’ she says slowly.

‘It is,’ he nods and places the files on her desk. ‘I’ve been reading through the files again. I knew that we’ve been- I’ve been missing something here. And I think I found it.’

‘What is it?’ River asks, glancing at him and at the papers he laid in front of her.

‘I think I know where these things come from,’ he says excitedly. ‘From the beginning I knew there’s something connecting all the cases: the Forest of The Dead case, The Library, all the missing people files.’

‘I think it’s been established that all these accidents occurred in dark and shadowy places,’ River says with her eyebrows drawn together. ‘Isn’t that it?’

‘It is. But there’s something else,’ he says. ‘I found another pattern. All these accidents have something to do with wood.’

‘Excuse me?’ River looks at him like he just lost his mind.

‘Wood. _Trees_. That’s what we need to be looking at,’ he explains. ‘Look, take the forest. What grows in the forest? Trees. Moving on to The Library: the books. What are they made of? Trees. Take this case,’ he picks up a few pages, ‘a girl, 16 years old, lost. Presumably fled home. Last seen? By an old wooden church. Another one,’ he points a stack of papers to River, ‘a marriage. Suspected murder, but they never found the killer. Only clothes and bones were found at the crime scene – which was a lovely little wooden house. This one-‘

‘Okay, I’m getting the picture,’ River interrupts him. ‘You’re saying that these creatures – whatever they are – that they live in the trees.’

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I think they lay their eggs there.’

‘But if the tree is taken down, the eggs hatch wherever it’s been transported to,’ River says and he nods at her words. She may be a bit annoying, but she sure as hell is smart.

‘Exactly,’ he continues. ‘It’s just a theory though. We need a proof. We should-’

‘We should go to these places,’ River says quickly. ‘Take samples of the buildings or books and then test them for the presence of these creatures. If they’re there, we’ll know your theory is right.’

‘This is exactly what I wanted to say,’ he says with a huff, but he doesn’t feel annoyed. It’s nice to find someone who gets what he’s saying without having to explain it to them a dozen times.

‘Kate knows about that, right?’ River asks him as she starts gathering her things.

‘Uhm, actually…,’ he stutters. ‘No, she doesn’t.’

‘But you informed the scientific team, right?’ River looks at him questioningly. ‘And Lux? The guys from the ministry of defence?’

‘No, I- Uhm, I came straight here,’ he admits and in this moment it hits him – River was the first person who came to his mind when he made the discovery. No one else even crossed his mind. He opens and closes his mouth, because he honestly has no idea how to explain it. How did that even happen? Why did he come straight here, to River, and ignored everyone else who should be informed about this? He chooses not to dwell on it right now. ‘I uhm, I just figured out you might want to know about it.’

‘Thank you,’ River says sincerely. ‘It means a lot.’

For a few moments they just look at each other, without exchanging any words. In these few seconds – this brief moments of silence – something changes between them. He knows that. He just doesn’t know what it is.

‘Right,’ River is the first to speak up, ‘I think that we should call Kate and inform her about everything, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah,’ he says shortly, not really trusting his voice right now. He gathers all of the papers from River’s desk as she calls Kate and sets up a meeting with her. They leave the lecture hall and walk through the empty corridors, going straight to the exit and his car parked right in front of it. Neither of them speaks and yet they know exactly what the other one is going to do. It should freak him out – and in a way it does. It startles him how easy it is to be with River like this. It feels nearly effortless.

_Maybe it’s because they are focused on something else and have no opportunity to insult each other_ , he thinks as he looks at River getting into his car.

Yeah, that must be it.

Or _maybe_ that’s something entirely different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, an update! and this time it hasn't been a month! trust me, I am shocked just as much as you are.  
> things are getting explained in this one. or maybe they get a bit more compllicated? I wouldn't know.
> 
> thank you for all the comments, kudos and substrictions. they're mindblowing and they mean quite a lot. I hope you won't end up being disappointed with this fic.
> 
> the chapter's title comes from The National's 'green gloves'.


	11. and it feels like your entrance just caused the temperature to rise

The next two weeks prove to be quite tiring and tasking. He has decided to check all the places where people had gone missing and check if there’s any trace of the creatures that had been found in The Library. And he hasn’t been the only one who came up with this idea – River tagged along with him. Although saying that she tagged along would be a bit of a stretch. Actually, it’d be a lie. She never asked to be included with the search. She just appeared on every spot he’d chosen to investigate – and she always appeared before him. It has happened 3 times already! It’s just so- Oh, he doesn’t even know how to call it. They have never talked about it, he has never expressed his desire to investigate any of these places to her and yet there she was – already in the middle of exploration when he arrived.

He has no idea how she knew which place he’d investigate first. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe they simply applied the same logic to the investigation: first the place that was the closest to London, after that they both decided to move north. It’s an obvious choice, really, but it still kind of freaks him out that both River and he thought about it at the same time and chose the same days to see these places. He no longer knows what to think about it, so he just tries not to overanalyse it. One may say that he’s avoiding this subject, but he’s just ignoring it for the time being. It’s easier this way.

As surprising and confusing River’s appearances are, he would be lying if he said he doesn’t enjoy working with her. It’s much easier to work with someone on this case – especially if that someone is River. Sure, he still has his objections about her, but he can’t deny that she’s intelligent and sharp. She notices things he would never pay any attention to and she always remembers things he forgets about. What is more, she makes him want to be better. Someone could say that he wants to impress her, but that’s not true. It’s a ridiculous notion that he can only laugh at. Why would he want to impress River? He has no business doing so. He merely wants to work more effectively – and River’s presence helps him with that. He really would prefer not to think how she does that, but right now he has nothing else to do. He’s 60 miles away from York, in some godforsaken village, it’s raining so hard that he can’t see anything through the windows of his car and most importantly, River is not here. Not that he is waiting for her – he isn’t, it’s just… It doesn’t feel right to be here alone. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t had a chance to do any exploring today: it’s been pouring for the last hour and he hasn’t left the safety and warmth of his car.

 _Maybe River won’t be here today_ , he thinks, staring at the raindrops splattering against his windscreen. The weather is dreadful and she’d have to ride her motorcycle here – which in this rain would be a terrible idea-

Someone tugs at the door on the passenger side and opens it, letting in a gust of cold air. Before he can say anything, this someone jumps onto the passenger seat and shuts the door behind them with a loud ‘ _thump_ ’.

‘Hey, you’re making me wet!’ He exclaims as his unexpected guests shakes a few droplets of water onto his arm.

‘Shouldn’t that be my line?’ River – because _of course_ it’s River, who else would it be? – says in an amused tone.

‘River,’ he sighs and rolls his eyes. It seems that there’s having a succubus has its advantages – he no longer blushes upon hearing something suggestive. That’s the only upside of this whole sex demon situation and if he’s to be honest, he could do without it if it meant that he’d get his old life back. His old, boring, succubus-less life. ‘Oh my,’ he says when he takes another look at her. ‘You’re soaked!’

‘I wonder why,’ River mutters as she takes off her wet leather jacket. The shirt she’s wearing underneath it is wet as well, so are her jeans and her hair.

‘You look like you’ve been jumping through puddles and ponds,’ he says. ‘Ha, ponds! Wait a moment… River, have you jumped into a river?’ He asks and giggles at his own joke. ‘Oh come on, it was good!’ He whines as River just stares at him with a face expression that clearly says ‘ _are you kidding me?_ ’

‘It wasn’t,’ she says as she tries to dry her hair with his scarf she picked up from the dashboard.

‘It was!’ He says heatedly. ‘It was a pun and it was funny! It makes me _punny_!’

‘No, sweetie,’ River replies and throws the now damp scarf to the backseat. ‘It just makes you very _pun_ chable.’

‘I see,’ he says and has an equally smart reply at the tip of his tongue, but he has no chance of saying it. ‘River, what are you doing?’ He stutters out instead and watches as River lifts up her shirt.

‘John,’ River says with a sigh, ‘I was driving in the pouring rain for an hour, because there was nowhere to stop. I am soaked to the bone. I am not going to spend another second in these wet clothes.’

‘But, but-,’ he says over the giant lump in his throat, ‘you can’t change your clothes here! There’s very little space.’

‘I’m very flexible,’ she says with a hint of amusement in her voice and he tries his best not to imagine just _how_ flexible she may be. And in what situations. ‘If it makes you uncomfortable, just close your eyes for a minute.’

‘No, wait-,’ he says and clasps a hand over his eyes and tries to block the images of River taking off her clothes from his mind, ‘wait, uhm, there’s a diner. Or a café, I don’t know- It’s just a few miles from here. We could go there and get some tea or- Or something. And you can change your clothes there.’

‘I am still cold,’ River says and he peers at her through his fingers. She’s sitting next to him, soaking up the passenger seat and looking miserable as hell. Without thinking, he shrugs off his tweed jacket and hands it to her.

‘Here,’ he says, pushing the jacket onto her laps, ‘you can wear it. You should probably take off your shirt first- I mean, it’s wet and can’t be too comfortable,’ he sees River smirk growing wider with every word he says and feels that he may die from embarrassment any second now. ‘I didn’t mean it like that!’ He blurts out and closes his eyes as a wave of mortification washed over him.

‘You know that you’re basically saying I should slip into something more comfortable, for example your jacket?’ River replies and thankfully her voice isn’t angry but entertained. ‘Right then, Mr. Gentleman: I’m taking off my shirt now. Keep those eyes of yours closed.’

He does keep his eyes closed, he really does. Keeping them closed is not a problem – unlike telling his mind to stop conjuring various images: images of River taking off her shirt – as well as the rest of her clothes; River in various states of undress, River in nothing at all- _No, no_ , he’s not going _there_. He will behave like a civilised human being and not like a ball of filthy urges and indecent visions. He will not listen to the sound of River’s shirt hitting the floor of his car and-

‘You can open your eyes now, no nudity that may shock your young and impressionable soul,’ River says brightly and he slowly uncovers his eyes. River’s shirt is laying on the backseat – it looks like she just decided to chuck it behind her, without any care for his car’s upholstering.

‘If there are any stains, you are going to pay for cleaning,’ he says with a frown.

‘If there are any stains?’ River repeats. ‘The whole car is one big stain. When was the last time you cleaned it?’

‘It’s not important,’ he mutters and finally looks at River. She sitting next to him, wrapped in his jacket that is too big for her. She kind of looks like a kid who raided her grandfather’s wardrobe – which is absolutely not sexy - and yet… His mind can’t stop thinking that she is pretty much naked under the tweed. That alone is enough to make him feel warm all over. If you add it to the fact that it’s River wearing his jacket…

Look, he has never understood when guys talked how they liked when their girlfriends wore their clothes. He has always cringed when he heard when his mates at college said that seeing your shirt on a girl feels like taking a claim over an undiscovered territory. He’s always scoffed at that. _You don’t own other people and you don’t have a claim over them_ , he thought _. And just because a girl is wearing your shirt doesn’t mean she’s yours!_ But it seems that his opinion on this rapidly changing as he’s staring at River. Suddenly, he feels a surge of possessiveness running through him – one he can’t understand or explain. He can’t comprehend the sudden need to claim River as his own and to make everyone know that she’s his – which she most definitely isn’t. She’d probably tear his head clear off – as well as other parts of his body – if she knew his thoughts right now. And yet he can’t stop picturing how it’d feel to take off the jacket from her body and marking her in a completely different way.

‘You look,’ he finally says, his voice sounds a bit hoarse even in his own ears, ‘uhm, you look…’

‘Ridiculous, I know,’ River shrugs. ‘But wearing a tweed and looking ridiculous is better than sitting here in a wet shirt.’

Okay, so ‘ _ridiculous_ ’ is not the word he planned on using, but it’s definitely better than anything that threatened to fall from his mouth. Gods know what word his brain would choose to embarrass him with.

‘Well, you know, it takes this special something to pull off a tweed,’ he says, silently grateful that she managed to pull him out of his weird state of senselessness. What is wrong with him? He has no idea where all these thoughts came from. He could blame it on letting himself think and behave like a typical man for a moment, but the thing is that it has never happened to him before. He has never felt so… primal and possessive about anyone. And this time he can’t even blame lack of sleep, since he’s been sleeping pretty well as of lately.

‘It’s a shame that none of us has this special something then,’ River says and before he has a chance get offended – he definitely has what it takes to rock his tweed jacket – she adds: ‘You mentioned a diner nearby. I hope it wasn’t just idle talk.’

‘I don’t do idle talk,’ he says as he starts the car, hoping that he remembers where the dinner is situated. And that he can spot it in the pouring rain. The ride passes in silence – partially because he doesn’t trust himself not to say something completely idiotic and out of place and partially because he’s focused on the road in front of him. When 15 minutes later they park in front of a small diner, he feels utterly exhausted. Please, let them have tea and some kind of cake there.

‘Okay, how are we going to do it?’ River asks and he looks at her feeling more than a bit surprised.

‘How do we do what?’ He squeaks out and various visions of what she might be suggesting flood his brain.

‘How do we get to the diner, obviously,’ River replies and he feels both relieved and slightly disappointed that this is how she ended the sentence. ‘It’s still raining cats and dogs out there.’

‘Uhm, I haven’t thought about,’ he says and takes a deep breath to calm himself. ‘I guess we’ll have to run for it.’

‘Run for it,’ River repeats staring through the window as if measuring the distance between the car and the diner. ‘Okay then. The second person to get through the door pays for everything,’ as she says that, River grabs a small bag from her lap, throws the car’s door open and starts running towards the building. He stares at her retreating form for a second before he jumps out of his car and starts running after her. The rain almost immediately soaks through his shirt and he nearly trips on the wet and slippery pavement, but he makes it to the diner in one piece.

‘Oh look, here comes the big loser,’ River says teasingly as he enters the diner.

‘That was cheating,’ he says to her. ‘You had a head start.’

River laughs at his words – a low, pleasant sound that sends a shiver down his spine.

‘Excuses, excuses,’ she says with a cocky smile. ‘I’m going to change now. Could you order us tea in the meantime?’ Without waiting for his answer, she walks in the direction of the restroom.

‘Unbelievable,’ he mutters to himself as he approaches the counter. ‘Unbearable and cheeky and insufferable.’

‘Good afternoon, dear,’ an older, slightly chubby lady says to him. ‘I never thought anyone would visit us today, not in such rain. What can I get you?’

‘Two cups of tea, please,’ he replies with a smile. ‘And a big plate of chips. And maybe two apple pies if you have any? And a cheesecake.’

‘Not a problem,’ the lady smiles at him. ‘It’s a shame your date didn’t work out.’

‘Excuse me?’ He says as he looks for his wallet. It takes him a few seconds to understand what the woman just said. ‘No, no, no. We are not- We are not together. Well, we are together, but not _together_. We are not a couple,’ he laughs awkwardly, hoping that River won’t choose this precise moment to leave the restroom. He really doesn’t need her pointed stare and her mocking tone right now. ‘We just work together, uhm, and we are not a couple. Definitely not. And we will never will be,’ he finishes and pushes a £20 note into the woman’s hand. He flees from the counter and sits at a small table that is set in a corner, far away from the counter and the woman standing behind it. His cheeks still feel hot with embarrassment. Why would that lady think that River and he are together? They are the least probable couple material ever. They are _The Couple That Would Never Happen Even If The Survival Of The Human Race Depended On It_. This much he’s sure of.

‘Thank you for letting me borrow it,’ his jacket lands – neatly folded - on the table in front of him. He raises his gaze to see River – this time fully clothed in her own clothes, thank gods – sitting opposite of him. It must be his brain malfunctioning – from all the rain and River wearing his clothes, and confusion that someone might’ve thought that they’re a couple – because his next words are a surprise even to him.

‘No problem,’ he hears himself saying. ‘You can wear it anytime you want.’

It takes him a second to register the meaning behind his words, but he doesn’t have a chance to panic about them -  no, instead he chooses to panic about the grin on River’s face.

‘Oh, you say the sweetest things,’ she says and once again her voice is filled with laughter. ‘Although I am pretty sure you say it to all the girls.’

‘What? No! I don’t- You’re the only one I said it to and-,’ he stutters and only River’s deepening grin tells him that he’s making the situation worse.

‘So you’re saying that I’m special?’ River says fluttering her lashes.

‘Here you are, kids,’ says the counter lady – who seems to have appeared out of nowhere – as she places everything he ordered on the table. Her gaze skates from River to him and after a brief consideration, she leans towards River and says in a loud whisper: ‘Don’t worry, dear. He’ll grow out of this and see everything for what it really is,’ and with that, she sashays back to the kitchen.

‘Okay. What was that about?’ River asks him, her eyes wide with confusion.

‘No idea,’ he lies smoothly. ‘Here’s your tea.’

River gives him another look, as if she’s not quite sure whether or not she should believe him, but blessedly, she drops the subject. Instead, she accepts the mug he slides towards her and in return she hands him sugar and milk.

'Do you think we'll find anything there?' River asks, breaking the silence.

'I don't know,' he answers simply. 'I think that everything we see there - it will be like in all the places we have visited so far.'

'Which isn't much,' River says. He shrugs. To be fair, they haven't found anything spectacular - they monitored each area, checked it for presence of the carnivorous shadows and asked questions to people who might’ve known something. Now he can better notice patterns in the creatures' auras and the more data he and the research team have, the better chance they have of understanding the creatures themselves.

'Everything we found out and discovered will be valuable later on,' he simply replies.

'I know,' River says and takes a sip of her tea. 'I just thought that we would have something more by now.'

'Should you be working on this case?' He asks without thinking and watches as River's expression hardens. 'I didn't mean it like that- it's just that you are-'

'I am the only person who survived this expedition,' River says coolly. 'So yeah, I think I have every right to work in this case.'

'Sorry,' he mutters sheepishly. Maybe he should just stop talking and eat his cake.

'It is fine,' River says as he takes a bite of the cheesecake. 'I understand where your concerns are coming from. Miss Stewart did suggest that maybe I should take part in this investigation, but... I wanted to. I need to.'

For a second he ponders over her response.

'Does anyone know how - why you survived in the Library?' He asks and River jest shakes her head in response. 'Uhm, and who else knows about your, uhm, your-'

'My peculiarity?' River finishes with a small smile. 'Not many people. My aunt. A few friends. One or two exes.'

'Your parents?' he asks, but River shakes her head once again.

'They died before I found out and understood what is wrong with me,' she says.

'I'm sorry, I didn't know-,' he apologies, but River cuts him off with a wave of her hand. He's quiet from a moment before asking another question. 'And how did you find out that you have no aura?'

'Well, aren't you a curious boy today?' River asks with amusement. Before he can apologise again, she starts talking. 'It did take be some time. I was born in England, but when I was little, we moved to USA. At first, no one noticed anything. I guess no one paid attention. When my parents died,' she purses her lips for a second, 'my aunt adopted me. I was about 10 years old then, so you'd think people would start noticing that none of the supernaturals even acknowledge me. However, my aunt lived in a small village in Texas,' River says and he groans in understanding. Texas used to be - and still is - an unwelcoming place for any supernatural creatures. For some reasons people living there are still scared of anyone who is different than them. 'Yeah, exactly. I haven't met many supernaturals until I moved back here, when I was 19. When I lived in America, I simply thought that the supernaturals preferred to stay away from humans. But it was a different story here. I saw that they ignored me. At first I thought that they stayed away from me, because of my accent or hair or because of some other stupid reason. But then I realised they can't see me.'

'When did you understand what is going on?' He asks, sitting on the edge of his chair. His cheesecake, long forgotten, stands in front of him and he doesn't even protests when River slides the plate towards her and takes a bite.

'First semester of college,' she says once she finishes the cake. 'There was a girl - half-human and half-elf. One day she just came to me and asked if I realised that the supernaturals can't see me. When I said yes, she asked me if I suspected why it's the case. Then she told me about the rare cases of having no aura. I got tested and _voila_ \- I had my answer. A few months later I got the ring and since then my life has been much easier.'

‘Okay,’ he says slowly, trying to process all the information he’s just heard. ‘But your aura reading has to be recorded in your medical files. How come you’re not a medical phenomenon by now?’

‘Any records can be tampered with or erased. And the results may not always say the truth,’ River replies. ‘And don’t look so appalled. I didn’t break anywhere or hacked any computers if case you have to know. I could have done that, but I didn’t.’

‘Then how did you- Oh. You wore the ring to your medical aura reading?’ He says.

‘I can neither confirm nor deny it,’ she replies, but the glint in her eyes tells him all he needs to know.

‘Why did you do that?’ He asks. ‘That’s… Dangerous! And irresponsible!’

‘Maybe I didn’t fancy becoming a research subject,’ River says flatly. ‘And I’d have ended as one. Poked and probed at every possible occasion. I didn’t want to be defined by the lack of aura. Simple as that.’

When she finishes speaking, he feels like a moron. River’s right – she wouldn’t have been left alone had anyone known that she has no aura. Various doctors would knock on her door, government representatives would call her every day, journalists would never leave her alone. She’d be new and fresh and original – and people always want a piece of someone like that.

Heavy silence falls between them. The pleasant banter that was here just mere moments ago is gone and he feels guilty about it. River’s staring through the window and he can see that his last question has somehow hurt her. He never meant to do that and he can’t help but feel terrible about it. To his surprise, he realises that he doesn’t want River to feel bad or hurt. Well, he doesn’t anyone to be hurt, but in this moment, it occurs to him that he cares for River Song. He chooses to examine this revelation later, when he’s not sitting opposite of her. But right now, he has to – _wants to_ \- do something, anything to make her feel better and make the atmosphere between them a little less awkward.

‘So… What’s your favourite book?’ He asks the first thing that comes to his mind. River turns to him and looks as if he just lost his mind. ‘What? We can sit here and stare at the rain and not talk to each other or we can talk about… Uhm, things.’

River opens and closes her mouth, as if wanting to contradict him, but then she shrugs as if to say ‘ _what the hell_ ’ and answers his question. And just like that, they effortlessly slip into a conversation, discussing subjects varying from customs of various supernatural species to the worst reality show they’ve ever seen. It’s easy and pleasant and fun to talk with River like that – she’s quick with retorts, she’s smart and has an opinion on everything. At one point he thinks he stay like that forever – immersed in a conversation with her, with no interruption and no problems.

‘You do know that it stopped raining about 40 minutes ago?’ The waitress comes to their table and collects their empty mugs and plates. ‘I thought I should let you know, because it doesn’t seem like you’ve noticed it.’

River and he look at each other and then through the window. The sky is still grey, but at least it’s not pouring anymore.

‘Thank you,’ River says to the waitress, ‘we got a bit… I think we should go,’ the last words are directed at him. He glances and her and sees that the carefree and animated woman he talked with is gone. River he’s looking at right now is focused and determined. ‘We really should go and examine that house.’

‘Yeah,’ he nods, but River is already walking out of the diner, not waiting for him and not looking back. He catches up with her by his car. They get inside in silence, in silence they drive to the abandoned house. Without exchanging any words they investigate inside of the house, scribble down notes and take pictures. Once they exit the hut, he offers to drive River home in his car – her motorcycle is still wet from the rain and the roads are slippery – but she declines with a polite smile. He watches as she wipes the seat of her motorbike from the excess of water and then hops on it, quickly riding away towards London. He watches her until she disappears from his sight and with a heart that all of sudden feels too heavy, he gets back into his car and starts his own journey to London.

When he arrives at his flat a few hours later, he feels exhausted and ready to drop onto the nearest horizontal surface and sleep for days. He decides to take a quick shower and head straight to bed – but before he does any of it, he checks his phone.

23 missed calls and 1 text message.

All of them from Jack Harkness.

Oh. Okay.

 

___/p>

The next morning at 10am, he’s already in Jack’s office.

‘Sorry for yesterday,’ he says as he sits in a chair opposite of Jack’s desk. ‘I wasn’t in London and I was pretty occupied, so I must’ve missed all your calls.’

 _Yeah, you were occupied with River Song_ , his mind sing-songs. _How come you haven’t mentioned that?_

‘Not a problem,’ Jack smiles. ‘It’s probably nothing important, but I’ve been thinking... Your customer. The one with the succubus, right? Is he still bothered by it?’

‘I- Uhm, yes. But the succubus seems to have backed off a bit,’ he mumbles, not sure where Jack is heading.

‘Ok, that’s good,’ Jack smiles. ‘I am a bit surprised to hear it, but it’s good. Anyway, I’ve been researching this subject. I’ve found various articles about the succubi and most of them point out the same thing: succubi are usually drawn to men who are alone. Combine that with how territorial they are and we have an often deadly mix. Now, does your customer lead an active sexual life at the moment?’

‘I have no idea,’ he says quickly and feels blush creeping up his neck. ‘Why?’

‘Because it may be that the succubus backed off because there’s a woman in the guy’s life,’ Jack states. ‘There’s some evidence that sometimes the succubi leave when their target finds a girlfriend – or sometimes not even a girlfriend.’

‘What do you mean?’ He asks and stares at Jack.

‘What I mean is that there was a study that showed that men plagued by succubi noticed that the demons started leaving them when they either entered a permanent relationship or had a one-night stand.’

‘What?’ He screeches out so loudly that Jack flinches. ‘You want me to go and- To tell the guy that he needs to shag some random person? That’s-‘

‘I am not telling you to do anything,’ Jack shrugs. ‘I am merely telling you results of a study. That’s all. And said study proved that casual sex, a one night-stand, a fling – however you want to call it – helped the victim to get free of their sex demon. That’s all.’

Jack keeps on talking, but he zones out and tries to collect his own thought.

Okay, so the succubi don’t like it when one is in a stable relationship. That’s a shame, because he is not in any kind of relationship. The succubi also don’t like it when you have casual sex with random people. He is not having casual sex with random people.

And he is not going to start having it now.

Or is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm.  
> yeah.  
> an update after... 3 months? what can I say... it was a terrible mix of writer's block and laziness. I can only hope it won't repeat.  
> thank you for all the comments and kudos on the previous chapters. it's surprising that some of you are still reading this fic. hope you'll enjoy this chapter. all the mistakes/typos are mine.  
> chapter's title comes from 'the element of surprise' by The Last Shadow Puppets.
> 
> also: happy anniversary of River's and the Doctor's wedding! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!


	12. once again I was just dreaming of bumping into you

When the door to his shop rings open, he doesn’t even look up from the mixture he’s preparing. He’s preparing a potion for a teething vampire baby and it requires his utmost attention. He just needs to stir it three more times clockwise, add 5 drops of rose water, stir it one time counter clockwise… Once pink smoke appears over the cauldron, he puts away the wooden spoon he’s been  using and looks up at the visitor.

‘Hello, how can I- River?’ He asks in surprise when his gaze lands on River Song. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Hoping to buy a few things,’ she replies. ‘Actually, one thing.’

‘Yeah, what is it?’ He asks, wiping his hands on his apron. Shit, he’s wearing an apron. A pink apron with a single corn cob drawn on it and with _‘uni-corn’_ written under it. That’s not something he wants to be wearing when he’s around River. Not that he cares what she thinks of his apron.

Forgetting about how utterly ridiculous she must be finding his apron, he looks at her again. He hasn’t seen her for nearly two weeks, ever since the rainy afternoon they spent in the diner. In the two weeks he’s visited 3 more sights where mysterious disappearances had occurred in the past. River didn’t come to any of these places. He was a bit surprised by that – ever since the beginning she’s been very invested in the whole case. Why did she suddenly drop the research? He even pondered sending her an email with his findings, but he decided against it. She’ll get all the information once the research team compiles a report summing everything up. He didn’t want to bother her in any way. Besides, he didn’t really have time to think about her – he has been busy, busy, _busy_! He has a shop to run and potions to make and people to visit. He’s had no time to think about River Song.

Okay, that’s a lie. He did think about her – especially in the mornings that followed the nights when the succubus occupied his dreams. And that happened almost every night for the past two weeks. He’s been starting his mornings with a huge cup of strong coffee and thousands questions on his mind. _Why has the succubus chosen him? Will it ever leave? Is River Song who she says she is? Is she telling the truth? When and why did he start trusting her?_

River opens her mouth – ready to explain what she needs – when suddenly a ghost appears next to her.

‘Hi. You are John Smith, right?’ The ghost asks him, completely ignoring River. It’s a ghost of a man – tall and slim, maybe in his early thirties. The ghost wears skinny jeans, rolled up enough to reveal his ankles and a v-neck shirt with collar stretched so much that you can pretty much see his belly button. He looks like he’s deeply troubled and in need of help.

‘Uhm, yes? How can I help you?’ He starts uncertainly, glancing at River who just shrugs her shoulders as if saying ‘ _sure, why don’t you, it’s not like he can even see me’_. One quick glance at River’s hands makes him realise that she’s not wearing her ring right now – and so she’s invisible to the ghost. Okay, this may be interesting. Or incredibly awkward.

‘I am a ghost,’ the ghost states.

‘Yes, I can see that,’ he replies and mentally checks all the traits that every ghosts possesses: pale and pearly, nearly translucent, overly sensitive. ‘You are a ghost,’ he repeats and sees River smirking at him. ‘I can’t do anything about it.’

‘No, that’s not why I am here! Oh my, where are my manners. I’m Sheppard,’ the ghost introduces himself and extends his hand. He has no choice but to shake Sheppard’s hand and once his skin touches the ghost’s, he feels a wave of cold running down his body. Touching ghosts feels like dipping head first in liquid nitrogen – do that for too long and you turn into an ice sculpture.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sheppard,’ he says and gently pries his hand from his grasp. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘As I said, I’m a ghost,’ Sheppard sighs and sits – or rather hoovers – on the counter. ‘That is not a problem. I don’t want to be back to the world of the living. I’ve suffered so much humiliation and oppression when I was alive… You can’t even imagine it.’

‘That’s terrible,’ he says, already moved by Sheppard’s confession. ‘What happened?’

‘I was a vegan,’ Sheppard dramatically reveals. ‘And no one wanted to hear me talk about my lifestyle! I tried to help people – I wanted to make them see that going vegan would utterly change their lives – but they wouldn’t even let me finish one sentence!’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ River asks out loud with annoyance clear and loud in her voice and he can’t help but feel the same way. ‘Ask him how he died.’

‘I can’t ask that! That’s inappro- That’s awful!’ He tries to cover up his mistake by faking a cough. ‘If you don’t mind me asking… How did you die?’

‘It was traumatising,’ Sheppard says in a grave voice, but anyone could see that he’s loving the attention. ‘I choked on a cocktail tomato. I am sure it all happened because the tomato wasn’t organic.’

River starts laughing.

‘That’s, uhm…,’ he looks for the right words while River is howling right next to him. ‘That must’ve been… I can’t even imagine what it must’ve felt like.’

‘No one can,’ Sheppard sighs. ‘I can’t even describe it. But I am strong, I got over it. I accepted my death.’

‘You did?’ He asks, feeling a bit surprised. ‘Uhm, okay, that’s good. So you don’t want me to bring you back from the dead? Because I don’t do these things. It’s impossible.’

‘Bringing me back from the death? No, never!’ Sheppard shakes his head. ‘I am perfectly fine with being dead.’

‘Right… So what’s the matter?’ He asks and tries to ignore River muttering ‘ _I am sure that his friends are also okay with him being dead’_. She isn’t helpful in the slightest.

‘I don’t think I am any good at being a ghost,’ Sheppard says dramatically. ‘No one is afraid of me!’

‘I’m not surprised,’ River mumbles and he doesn’t have it in himself to scold her. With his lanky form and hipster clothes, Sheppard is not someone you’d ever be scared of. He’s more like the one person you always try to avoid at the parties, because you know that if you let him talk, he’ll bore you to death – no pun intended.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!’ Sheppard continues. ‘I registered at the Ghost Union, I got the membership card, look!’ Sheppard waves a piece of transparent paper in the air. ‘I watched all the required ghost movies! I waited to get assigned to my house!’

‘And what happened then?’ He asks, pretending to be interested.

‘And nothing! That’s the problem!’ Sheppard’s exasperated shout nearly deafens him. ‘They don’t pay any attention to me! I talk to them and they just ignore me. I have no idea what to do. And you know what they do with ghosts who aren’t scary and good at their job! They send them to Disneyland!’

‘It’s a nice place,’ he says and Sheppard loudly snorts.

‘A nice place! Huh! Maybe if you go there for entertainment! But do you think it’s nice to work there?’ Sheppard stabs his chest with an icy cold finger. ‘All the heat, all these kids running around, all of them high on sugar and covered in vomits! They are little monsters! Not to mention that you have to wear that stupid costume – and I doubt they make it from bio-cotton. And-‘

‘Okay, I’ve had about enough,’ River mutters and pulls out her ring from the jacket’s she’s wearing. She slides it onto her finger and clears her throat. ‘Hey, excuse me, mate.’

‘Huh?’ Sheppard turns and jumps in the air when he sees River standing right next to him. ‘Holy crap, you nearly scared me back to life! How did you get here?’

‘I’ve been standing here for a while and listening to your story. It’s fascinating, really,’ River says with an overly bright smile – one he knows is fake – but Sheppard doesn’t see it as such. Instead, he straightens his back and turns to face River. ‘It must be agonising, being in your situation. I can’t bear to think that such a talented young man may be underappreciated. I could offer you some advice if you don’t mind.’

‘Of course I don’t mind!’ Sheppard explains and scoots closer to River. ‘Tell me all you know, please,’ Sheppard finally remembers that he is also in the room. ‘Listen, you don’t mind, right? No offence, but she seems to be a bit more professional than you are.’

‘Be my guest,’ he replies, raising his hands in the air. ‘I am sure my, uhm, colleague will be of utmost help to you.’

River just grins in response. What the hell. Maybe it’ll be entertaining.

‘First of all,’ River starts, ‘you have to change your approach a bit. People aren’t scared of ghosts anymore, at least not of traditional ghosts. You have to go with the flow, so to speak.’

‘And how do I do that?’ Sheppard asks, looking completely enraptured.

‘It’s simple – you hit them where it hurts,’ River says with a sweet smile. ‘If they’re at college, tell them they’ll never pay of their students loans. You can also mention that they won’t find a job in their field, because no one is ever hiring. Or if they find a job in the field, it’ll be so poorly paid that they will never make ends meet.’

‘That’s so brilliant! I have never thought about that,’ Sheppard bounces in the air excitedly. ‘What else?’

‘If you want to scare someone older, you may always tell them that their spouse will leave them - and take all the money with them. Or that they kids will turn out to be utter failures.’

‘River,’ he cuts in, ‘are you sure it’s-‘

‘Hush, John,’ River hushes him in a threatening tone. ‘I am _helping_.’

‘Yes, she is! Unlike you she is useful! So be so kind and don’t interrupt us!’ Sheppard replies snottily. ‘Please, continue.’

‘If none of that works, you can always unload the heaviest ammo,’ River says and lowers her voice, as if she iss confiding her deepest and darkest secrets. ‘Tell them that no one cares about their posts on facebook. No one wants to see yet another picture of their breakfast on Instagram and no one wants to see yet another selfie of theirs. And tell them that  no filter will make them look cute.’

‘River-‘ he starts but no one is paying any attention to him. Sheppard is twirling in the air, looking a bit like an overgrown Tinkerbell.

‘This. Is. Amazing.’ Sheppard says, punctuating each word with a twirl. ‘I am going to try them out right now!’

And then he disappears with a quiet ‘ _poof_ ’.

‘You owe me a coffee,’ River says with a self-satisfied smirk. ‘And discount for what I need to buy.’

‘River, did you just-,‘ he asks in terror.

‘Yep,’ she replies, still smiling.

‘But what you said-‘

‘I know!’

‘He will definitely end up in Disneyland now!’ He exclaims and shakes his head. ‘All the things you told him about – these kind of scares are strictly forbidden!’

‘I know,’ River repeats with a shrug of her shoulders. ‘And if Sheppard wanted to be a proper ghost, he’d have known it as well. But it doesn’t seem to me that he cared about that, I think he cared about being an annoying douchebag.’

‘Wait a moment, you can’t judge him like that,’ he says weakly in Sheppard’s defence.

‘Come on, you didn’t like him either,’ River sighs. ‘The difference is that I got rid of him in 3 minutes while you would have been stuck with him for centuries. So… What about the discount?’

He opens his mouth to protest, but closes it just as quickly. To be quite honest, he did find Sheppard to be a bit of an asshole. A really annoying asshole. And River’s right: he wouldn’t know how to deal with Sheppard and hadn’t it been for River, Sheppard would still be here. What River did, might’ve been slightly immoral, but hey, at least Sheppard is gone.

He really owes her a favour.

‘Fine, discount it is. But first, coffee,’ he nods his head. River looks at him as if she was slightly taken aback by his proposition. ‘What? You said I owe you a coffee. I could use a coffee myself. So… Coffee?’

‘Coffee,’ River replies with a smile that makes his heart skip a beat. ‘But just to be clear: you’re paying.’

 

___

_This is a terrible idea_ , he thinks as he sits at the bar, drinking his second beer. A terrible and dreadful idea, but he is desperate. So far he’s tried everything: sleeping and not sleeping, pills and spells, so he may try a one-night stand.

In the end, he blames Jack Harkness for this – it’s all his fault. Jack was the one who spelled this idea out for him, who suggested that casual sex may be a way to get rid of his succubus. Without this notion, he’d have never thought about it – and he most certainly would never even entertain the idea of actually _doing_ it. And yet…

He may as well fault his own brain. His incredibly tired and fatigued brain. He hasn’t been sleeping well in… Gods, it’s been almost 3 weeks now. The demon is back with full force and she doesn’t let him have a full night of sleep. He can feel his resolve slipping, he’s been pulled deeper and deeper into her little games and her seduction, and he’s not sure how much longer he can resist her. He needs to do something to break free from the demon that plagues his dreams – before he loses his mind or does something stupid. Like bonding with the succubus for example.

And so here he is: sitting at a bar in a snazzy club at 10pm on Saturday evening, hoping to find someone he fancies and someone who may fancy him.

But the more time passes, the more he thinks he made a mistake coming here. And it is not because he condemns one-night stands. If people want to do it and they don't hurt anyone doing it - let them do it. But it's just not for him. He prefers his relationships to start slowly, he likes to get to know a person instead of starting everything with a _bang_. Maybe he is just too old for that.

Maybe he should just finish his beer and go home.

'Look who we have here… I have never expected to see someone like you here,' over the pounding music he hears a familiar voice. For a second he thinks it must be his mind playing tricks on him, but then he turns right to see no one else, but River. He doesn’t have the time to think if it’s merely a coincidence or if she’s stalking him, because she's leaning on the bar, looking at him with a small smile on her lips and wearing... He tries his best not to look at what she's wearing, but he is pretty sure it's something black and tight and quite revealing, and _no_ , he really should not be looking at her.

'What do you mean?' He asks and drowns the rest of his beer in one long gulp.

'Nothing bad. It's just that you don't seem like the type to go to a club like that,' she shrugs. 'That's all.'

'I'm complicated and full of surprises,' he mutters. 'And what are you doing here?'

River smirks. He can’t put his finger to it but something makes her grin seem slightly predatory. Maybe it's the way her lips are painted in deep red, or how her lashes are longer and blacker than usually. Maybe it's because of the dim lights in the club, or the music that makes his heart beat faster. Maybe it's just the alcohol in his bloodstream that makes him see things. It doesn't matter.

'I'm on a date. He's getting us drinks,' River replies. He can't stop but stare at her lips. 'But the real question is what you're doing here. Are you on a date? Waiting for someone?'

'No, no, I'm here to uhm...,' he stumbles for words, 'to _uhm_ , you know...'

'I can't believe that,' River says slowly and the smile on her face grows with every second. 'You are here to hook up with someone!'

'What? _No_!' He squeaks out and feels his face getting hot. 'I don't-'

'It's okay,' River waves her hand. 'Nothing to be ashamed of. Do what you want to do. Or in that cause do whom you want to do.'

Crap. It's just his luck. Of all the people he could have met here, he met River Song. And now she's talking to him about hook-ups. Can the floor part and swallow him up? And can it hurry up, please?

'This, however, won't do,' River says and points at his attire.

'What's wrong with my clothes?' He asks, surprised enough to forget about his embarrassment for a second. 'They are perfectly-'

'Not fit for here,' River sighs. 'I'm sure this geeky sexy professor thing you have going on works on some people, but it won't work on the crowd here. So... Take off your jacket.'

'What? No!' He clutches at his tweed and shakes his head.

'I'm here to help you,' River says patiently. 'Take it off. Unless it’s your chastity belt.'

Just when he thought this night can’t get any weirder. But then again, what does he have to lose? Surely not his dignity. He lost it a long time ago. He shrugs the tweed off and puts it on the bar stool next to him.

'Better?' He asks and River nods.

'A bit. Now, what else... Oh yes. Can I?' She asks and vaguely motions in his direction. He nods even though he doesn't know what she wants to do. The next second be nearly forgets how to breath, because River takes a step towards him and is now standing between his legs. She's close enough for him to smell her perfume and feel the warmth of her skin.

Close enough for him to touch her.

'What are you doing?' He says, swallowing heavily. River doesn't reply but gently takes off his bowtie and unbuttons two top buttons of his shirt. For the briefest moment her fingers touch his neck and it feels as if she burnt him.

'We're getting somewhere,' River says, leaving closer to him and putting his bowtie in the pocket of his discarded jacket. 'What else?' She takes a small step back and studies him. 'The braces are staying. Let's leave a girl something to hold on to,' she says with a playful suggestion in her voice. His heart stutters at her words and suddenly there are images in his head: _River’s back against a wall, one of her legs hooked against his hip, her head thrown back as he presses kisses to her neck, her hands clutching at his shirt and suspenders as his own hands trail up her thigh and move higher and higher-_

He's aware that River is saying something as she's pulling up the sleeves of his shirt - her fingers gently skim his skin and it feels like every cell in his body is set on fire. He feels lightheaded and breathless. It feels nearly painful, the sudden need he feels. He wants to pull River closer, gather her into his arms, breath her in, devour her. In this moment he feels ready to do anything to touch her and just feel her skin under his palms. His traitorous hands inch up, up as if looking for River-

'Here we are,' River says. ‘Much better.’

He licks his lips and tries to come up with something to say – at least something that isn’t a muffled moan. He balls his hands into fists and exhales, wondering once again what is happening to him. He has a succubus – fine, this much he can handle. Well, maybe not handle, but he can deal with it. But fantasies about River Song are not something he can manage. How the hell did they even appear in his head? They’re ridiculous and stupid, and it’s not like it’s something he wants to happen – he’s not even attracted to her for gods’ sake. Why do these things keep happening to him? He tries his best to be a good person, he doesn’t deserve this shitstorm that is currently happening in his head.

‘Thank you,’ he finally croaks out and River smiles, making his heart beat wildly in his chest.

‘You’ll thank me if it helps you,’ she replies and looks over her shoulder. She must spot someone in the crowd, because she raises her hand and waves at the person. ‘Okay, I must go. It seems that my date has finally gotten us drinks.’

He desperately looks for some excuse to keep her here with him, even though it’s probably the last thing he should do. Thankfully – or maybe not, he doesn’t know anymore – River pats him on the cheek and saying ‘ _good hunting, soldier’_ to him, she disappears in the crowd. He sees her walking to a tall and well-built man, who puts a hand on her waist and tugs her closer to him when she approaches. River accepts her drink from the guy’s hand and presses a rather lengthy kiss on his lips and-

Okay, he’s had enough - he is not looking at it any longer.

He shifts in his seat and ponders his options. He can go home, bury himself under his duvet and hope that all of his problems will disappear in the morning. He can stay here, pick someone up and hope that shagging them senseless will make all his worries disappear. Or – and right now that sounds like the best possible option – he can get another drink and not to dwell on everything that has happened between River and he in the last 5 minutes.

‘Scotch please,’ he says when he sees a bartender. ‘Make it double.’

When he finally stumbles into his apartment, it’s around 3am and everything looks a little blurry and out of focus. Everything is slightly blurry and since when does he have two pairs of bedroom door?

Maybe it’s because of all the alcohol he’s consumed this night. Who knows? Who cares? The alcohol was great! Thanks to that second martini he met that girl… What was her name? Rhonda? Lana? Sarah? Lora? Uhm, he can’t remember it right now. But he remembers that she was nice and she laughed at his jokes. He also remembers that she liked to dance and to put her hands on his ass while doing so. He remembers that they left the club together and that they both nearly lost their balance when he kissed her. It was an okay kiss – or at least that’s what he thought back then, when he was kissing her. But there was something lacking, something he couldn’t put his finger on. But he kept kissing the girl, hoping to find that missing piece. When they parted, she told him that her flatmate is out of town for the weekend and that maybe he wanted to… He nodded his head, taking her in: dark brown eyes, straight blond hair, her make-up slightly smudged – and he remembers himself thinking ‘ _I have to try’_. The girl kissed him again, told him to wait for her as she went back to the club to tell her friends she’s leaving.

The second she disappeared from his eyes, he started walking away without even looking back.

_‘That’s not the way to do it,_ ’ he thought as he wandered the empty city’s streets. _‘I can’t do it. Not like that, not with her.’_

His head hits the pillow and he lets out a small yelp of victory. He made it to his bed in one piece! He closes his eyes and feels the whole world spinning behind his eyelids. Everything he’s drunk and eaten this evening is threatening to make a rather sudden and messy reappearance. This is not good. This is very bad. He takes a few breaths and grits his teeth, until the carousel in his head calms down.

He probably should take a shower or at least clean his teeth, but he can’t make himself get up now. The bed is so soft and warm, and really, all he wants to do is sleep. He feels himself sleeping into unconsciousness and then he sees her there – his succubus waiting for him on the edge of his dream. He knows he should wake up and fight her off, but his eyes are heavier and heavier with every second.

The last thing he remembers is the succubus whispering ‘ _oh, you are so going to suffer in the morning’_ and running her fingers through his hair.

This night he isn’t plagued by any dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look.  
> less than 3 months since the last update! unbelievable! I too am shocked. hope it's not too terrible and that you don't hate it. per usual, thank you for all the comments. it's nice to know that people still read this fic. 
> 
> chapter's title from (obviously) Arctic Monkey's 'why'd you only call me when you're high?'
> 
> p.s. I have nothing against vegans!


	13. this space is tight, I'm running out of air

When he gets over his hangover – which takes him a day and a half (it’s still quicker than getting over the embarrassment he’s feeling. He’s not sure he’ll ever get over that) – he decides that never again he’ll try a night-one stand as a way to get rid of his succubus. Maybe he won’t just never try a one-night stand – his recent club escapade proved that it’s clearly not his cup of tea.

He also decides to avoid thinking about what happened between him and River that night. Although, to be fair, nothing happened between them as it seemed that he was the only who felt anything. River just tried to help him and he behaved like a typical asshole – thinking with his dick instead of his head. He really has no idea what has come over him to even entertain the idea and River and he- _No_ , he’s not going to let his thoughts wander in that direction ever again. At least that’s the plan – but he’s going to stick to it.

He rubs his eyes and re-focuses his attention on the papers in front of him. He was given the first draft of the report on the creatures from The Library – the science squad put together all the information they’ve managed to gather so far. They have found out some important things: like the aura’s pattern the creatures possess, how they work and so on, but they still don’t know so many things. For example if these things have a name or how one can fight them. He sighs and decides to look through his notes again and compare them to the report. Maybe that’ll help him to come up with some new idea? Or maybe he’ll see a pattern in something that looked perfectly normal and unsuspicious before?

Suddenly the air around him thickens and he feels the familiar tingling on his skin. He doesn’t even have to turn around to know that his succubus just appeared in the room – unwanted and uninvited per usual.

‘Hello, honey,’ he hears her voice and without even looking at her he knows that she’s sitting on the desk, close enough for him to touch her. ‘I see that you are back to the land of the living. How was the hangover?’

‘As terrible as you can imagine,’ he says through gritted teeth.

 ‘That’s what you get for drinking as much as you did,’ the succubus says. ‘Care to explain why I smelled another woman on you?’

He looks up to find her looking slightly on edge. He remembers what Jack told him about the succubi: they are possessive and territorial. He really doubts that his succubus will take kindly to the fact that he snogged some random girl last night. But then again, he doesn’t care.

‘No, not really,’ he replies and shrugs. ‘But maybe you’ll explain why you didn’t ambush me when I was drunk?’

‘I know from experience that some men have problems with getting it up when they’re sloshed out of their minds,’ the succubus fluffs her curls. ‘Besides, I’ve told you: it’s more fun if you’re willing.’

‘I’m never going to be willing,’ he says and even he realises how untrue these words sound. The succubus snorts next to him and he doesn’t look up, not wanting to see her undoubtedly amused expression. But then a small thought, one that resides in the back of his brain hits him with the force of a freight train. ‘Wait a moment,’ he says slowly, almost afraid to say it out loud, ‘you’re not always here.’

‘How quick of you to notice,’ the succubus mocks. ‘I am starting to think that I’m the brains and you’re the beauty in our relationship.’

‘No, no, I mean,’ he thinks frantically, feeling so close to discovering something important, ‘you are not always with me, that is obvious. But sometimes you don’t even appear in my dreams for days. Or weeks. Why?’

‘Don’t you know? Absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ the succubus laughs lightly, but there’s something in her voice, something that makes him think that maybe she isn’t telling him the whole truth.

‘No, that’s not true,’ he shakes his head and leans closer to her. ‘You are a demon. If you could, you’d pester me every night. You used to do that. So what changed?’

‘Nothing changed. Maybe I just wanted you to start missing me,’ the succubus says sharply and that’s when he knows he hit a nerve.

‘Something is stopping you from appearing here all the time,’ he says excitedly, nearly bouncing in his chair. ‘What is it?’

‘As if I’d ever tell you that,’ the demon says coldly.

‘Ha! So you admit it’s true!’ He snaps his fingers. ‘Oh, this is Christmas. This is just amazing. I am going to figure out what it is and-‘

‘You’ve been working on this thing of yours for some time now, haven’t you?’ The succubus changes the subject so quickly that surprised by this, he stops talking. ‘Found out anything interesting?’

‘Even if, why should I tell you anything? Besides, why do you care?’ He asks carefully.

The demon smiles smugly, as if she won a game he didn’t know they were playing.

‘I care about a great deal of things,’ she simply replies. ‘And I know just as many.’

The last sentence hangs in the air between them, filled with suggestions and promises.

‘You know something about these creatures?’ He asks, trying not to get his hopes up. It may be just another trick of hers.

‘Yes, there is a possibility that I possess some knowledge about the subject you’re researching,’ the succubus says with a smirk, her gaze focused on him with almost painful intensity.

‘Tell me,’ he blurts out.

The succubus’ warm laughter fills the room.

‘Aren’t you just precious?’ She finally says. ‘Don’t you know that knowledge is a gift? It comes with a price.’

‘What price?’ He asks even though he already knows he won’t like the answer.

‘I think you know what price,’ she replies lazily, raising her hand and trailing her fingers across his cheekbones. ‘I deal exclusively in kisses.’

‘I am afraid we won’t make this deal,’ he responds, ‘and besides, how can I know that you’re even telling the truth?’

‘You can’t,’ the succubus smiles. ‘I am a demon after all. It wouldn’t be wise to trust me.’

‘I know,’ he says. ‘I don’t trust you. You’re nothing but trouble.’

‘Oh, I am so much more. I could show you,’ the mere tone of her voice fills his head with various images, each one more inappropriate and raunchy. Damn the succubus. And damn his terrible brain.

'Thank you, but I'm not interested,' he replies. The succubus shakes her head.

'It is quite sweet that you're still lying to yourself,' she says with an annoying smirk. 'But whatever rocks your boat sweetie. And remember - I could rock it harder.'

With these words and a cheeky wink, she disappears. He breathes out in relief. It's getting more and more difficult for him to resist her. And now that she's saying that she knows something about the creatures from The Library... It's a lie, even he – one of the most gullible creatures ever born - knows that.

But is it really a lie? After all, the succubus is supernatural and so are the monsters from The Library. Maybe she knows something more about them, maybe she has met these things before, maybe she isn't merely wanting to get another kiss out of him. Maybe it's a risk worth taking?

Damn, look at him. He is seriously considering taking up on the succubus' offer. He must be going bonkers. And he really, really needs to get rid of her, the sooner the better.

He slaps his forehead. Unwillingly, the succubus gave him a clue today. Maybe there really is something that prevents her from appearing in his dreams and haunting him when he's awake. Now he only has to find out what it is.

He opens his laptop and starts up the calendar app, where he jotted down every single appearance of the demon. Now all he has to do is cross-reference it with various data - weather, phases of the moon and positions of the planets, religious holidays and so on. There must be some connection here! He sits and stares at the screen as the computer processes the data. He is so close to getting rid of her, he can taste the freedom at the tip of his tongue- And then the screen flashes and shows him the results.

There's no correlation between the succubus' appearances and the data he chose.

_Fuck._

Okay, no need to panic. Now he chooses the days the succubus didn't stalk him and cross-references it with the previously chosen conditions.

Again, nothing.

He bangs his fists against the desk. There must be something he is missing, something right in front of him, too small for him to notice.

With shaking hands, he enters one more request in the app. It’s a long shot and very unspecific, but he has to try it. _What connects the days the succubus didn't bother him?_ This time he doesn't have to wait long for the answer, but when he reads it for a second he wishes he never asked that particular question.

Because it turns out that the succubus didn't visit him on days when he’s met or in any way interacted with River Song.

___

 

‘Good morning, I have an appointment with miss Stewart,’ he says to a young man sitting in the reception of The Supernatural Department. ‘My name is Smith. John Smith.’

‘Right,’ the man replies and types something on the keyboard in front of him. ‘Yes, there you are. 10am. Now, please, wear this,’ the receptionist pushes a visitor ID towards him. ‘Do you know where miss Stewart’s office is or do you want me to take you there?’

‘No need to trouble yourself, I know how to get there,’ he smiles. ‘Thank you.’

‘No problem,’ the guy says. ‘One more thing: miss Stewart has an unexpected guest right now, but I am sure they will be done in a second. Could you please sit in the waiting room by her office? There are refreshments available.’

He just nods and heads towards the elevator and not even a minute later he’s walking down the corridor leading to Kate’s office. The waiting room is next to it and he goes there, sitting in one plush armchair with a heady sigh. Kate asked him for this meeting so they could talk in private about the discoveries he’d made about The Library case. And as much as he hates to admit it, it’s not much. Fine, they all know more than they knew when the case started, but they still don’t know enough. He just wishes-

Suddenly, through the open door to Kate’s office, he hears two voices. One of them belongs to Kate and the other belongs to River. He straightens in his chair. What is she doing here? Is she the unexpected guest the guy at the reception talked about? Why is she here? Had she been invited to the meeting between Kate and he, she’d not have talked with Kate without him. What is going on here?

As he tries to focus and hear what the women are talking about, he also tries to block the memory of his recent find. He doesn’t even want to think about it, because it’s too ridiculous to be true. River Song cannot be the cure for his succubus problem. It’s absolutely bonkers. Except it isn’t. When he thinks about it (and he thinks about it a lot, it’s basically the only thing he’s been thinking about lately), it all makes sense. River has no aura and is immune to any supernatural phenomena. It may be that him being in her presence stops the succubus from pestering him. He has no idea how is that possible, but it seems to be the case. Which is just wonderful, because all he needs to do right now is go to River and ask her ‘ _sorry, can I move in with you to the end of my life? I need to get rid of a succubus and you seem to be helping me with that’_.

Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.

He sighs and focuses on the voices coming from Kate’s office. Even though he can’t see the women’s faces, just by the tones of their voices he can tell they’re both on edge.

‘I can’t allow that, I am sorry,’ Kate says and although she tries her best to sound calm, he can hear tension in her voice.

‘Actually, you’re the only person who can allow it,’ River replies. ‘So please, let me do this. Let me go back to The Library.’

What? River wants go back to The Library? Is she insane? His heart is beating wildly in his chest and he walks closer to the door of the waiting room, hoping to hear the conversation better.

‘I can’t. I really can’t do that. I am not letting anyone near that place until we know more about what is hidden there,’ Kate says. ‘Besides, it’s not only my decision to make. We’d have to involve our government as well as Turkish. Even if I agreed to this idea, they would never.’

For a few moments, there’s only silence. He thinks that Kate must’ve convinced River but when he wants to go back to his chair, River speaks again.

‘I lost my whole team,’ River says quietly. ‘They all died there. I was supposed to ensure their safety. I- They weren’t just my team mates. I worked with them for years. They were my friends.’

He sucks in a deep breath. He has never heard River sound so… Pained. He wonders if she ever talked to anyone about that – about what she’d faced in The Library and about the loss she’d experienced there.

‘I need to go back there,’ River continues. ‘They deserve to have a proper burial. Their families deserve the chance to properly say goodbye to them. I owe it to them. We owe it to them.’

‘I understand,’ Kate says softly. ‘And I can assure you that once we discover what the creatures from the Library are and how we can defend ourselves against them, we will go to retrieve the bodies from there.’

‘It’s not good enough,’ River says. ‘Do you know that their families call me? They ask me how I can sleep knowing that their children and spouses are lying in a faraway place, their bones scattered on the ground, like they’re animals. What am I supposed to tell them?’

‘I am sorry. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But I can’t allow you to go back there. At least now yet,’ Kate sighs. ‘That’s my final answer.’

‘Do you know who still calls me as well? Journalists,’ River’s response comes immediately and it’s as quiet as it’s threatening. ‘Every single day they’re begging me for an interview.’

‘You wouldn’t do that,’ Kate says and her voice sounds strained.

‘Oh, I would do that,’ River says and he doesn’t doubt it for a second. ‘I don’t want to do that. But I would if I had no other option.’

‘River, please, be reasonable,’ Kate says, trying her best to sound placid. ‘Things like that only cause damage.’

‘Exactly. Imagine how much damage would be done if the public found out that the government doesn’t want to bring back home the citizens who died on the mission,’ River says coldly.

‘Are you threatening me?’ Kate asks in an equally cold voice that sends a shiver of fear down his spine.

‘No. I am just saying that there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to bring my friends’ bodies back home,’ River says quietly and in that one simple sentence, he can hear how tired and drained she is. He’s never seen her as that – to him she’s always seemed strong and upbeat, as if The Library hadn’t happened to her. How could he have been so blind? ‘Please, Kate… I don’t want to do anything harsh. I just want to give them what they deserve. What every person deserves.’

He hears a chair scratching the floor and a shuffle of bags and papers. Even in his current, slightly dazed state, he has the presence of mind to move back and hide himself behind the door of the waiting room. He hears River saying ‘ _goodbye_ ’ to Kate and walking out of her office.

He falls back onto the armchair. In his head, he repeats the conversation he just overheard over and over again. River wants to go back to The Library. She nearly threatened Kate Stewart. She seems hell bent on going back to that place and there might be nothing to stop her from doing so.

What if she goes back there and shares the fate of her dead team mates? Something might’ve changed, she could now be as much in danger as anyone else. She could die there. What happens then? And as much as he hates to admit it, he can’t help but think what happens to him if River dies. She’s the only one who helps him with the succubus problem. What if she dies? Will he never be free?

He closes his eyes and tries to calm his frantically beating heart.

He’ll deal with it.

Somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in a month? that's totally extreme. I can't believe it either.  
> yes, I know that this chapter is a bit short, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to write anything for another week or so and I decided to publish what I've already written. hope you're not too disappointed with it.  
> thank you for all the comments under the previous chapter. you're the nicest!
> 
> chapter's title from Barcelona's 'response'.


	14. and your innocence I will consume

On the next day he’s knocking on the door of River’s university office. It’s 7:56am, he has barely slept during the night and his thoughts are all jumbled. But he has a plan.

Well, sort of a plan. He certainly hopes for the best.

‘Come in,’ River’s voice rings from behind the door. ‘Unless you’re Jeffrey Attkins and you came here with another poor excuse on why you don’t have your paper finished.’

He takes a deep breath and steps inside the office. When he enters, he takes a quick look around. Unlike Jack’s office that’s cluttered with various figurines and knick-knacks, River’s office is clean and neat. The room has nearly impersonal and cold feeling to it, and it feels almost as if River made sure not to give any hints about her personality there.

‘Who’s Jeffrey Attkins?’ He asks and in the same moment he curses internally. What a great way to start a conversation! He didn’t even say good morning like a civilised human being. Great.

‘Jeffrey Attkins is a lazy asshole, who thinks that because his father has money, he doesn’t have to work or learn,’ River replies. ‘Now that we explained the issue that is my worst student, good morning. What are you doing here at this frankly ungodly hour?’

‘I could ask you the same question,’ he laughs nervously.

‘I work here,’ River says, looking at him like he’s mentally deficient. Actually, now that he’s listening to himself, he decides that he very well may be an idiot. He certainly sounds like one.

‘Uhm, right, you do,’ he says and clears his throat. ‘Sorry, I was just being silly. I am here, because I need to talk with you.’

‘Right now?’ River asks looking at her watch. ‘I have a lecture in 10 minutes. Can’t it wait? We could grab a coffee later this week or-‘

‘I know you want to go back to the Library,’ he fires, not waiting for her to even finish.

River’s whole body tenses and she’s standing so still that it seems like she’s a stone statue.

‘And how do you know that?’ She asks quietly, her lips twisted in a frown. ‘Did Kate Stewart send you here?’

‘What? No!’ He exclaims and shakes his head. ‘I would never-‘

‘Listen, I really don’t have time for this. Nor I want to hear all the bullshit you’re about to spew out,’ River says and something akin to disappointment crosses her features. ‘Now, as I said, I’m busy. Could you-‘

This is not how he planned it to go. River must’ve misunderstood him and now she thinks he’s here as Kate’s negotiator. He has to salvage this situation and he has to do it now.

‘I want to go with you,’ he blurts out. Well, there goes his carefully prepared speech. River looks at him, raising her head from the stack of papers she’s been pretending to sort. They stare at each other for a while and neither of them speaks.

‘Why?’ River is the first to break the silence, looking at him with suspicion written all over her face. ‘Why would you want to go there?’

He opens and closes his mouth. He can’t tell her the truth, this much he knows. He doubts that River would take kindly if he told her ‘ _hey, so I have a succubus that looks like you and I suspect that you are the only thing that can keep that demon at bay, so I want to go to the Library with you to make sure nothing bad happens to you_ ’. He’s pretty certain that if these words left his mouth, River would karate chop him to death or call for a psychiatrist. Or both of these things at once. And since he can’t tell her the truth, he’ll go with half-truth.

‘I am curious,’ he says slowly. ‘I’ve been… These shadows have been a subject of my studies for years. I want to see it with my own eyes. I want to study them as much as I can, I want to understand them.’

‘It can be dangerous,’ River replies.

‘I don’t mind the danger,’ he says. ‘Some mysteries are just worth solving, no matter the costs.’

A ghost of a smile appears on River’s lips at his words. Somehow, it makes him strangely exhilarated. How silly of him.

‘Let’s say that I believe you,’ River says and he turns his attention from her mouth and focuses on what she’s saying. ‘Let’s say I agree to take you with me. How do you plan to convince Kate to let us go there? I talked with her about it and-‘

‘She didn’t agree, I know,’ he says and stutters when River gives him a questioning look. ‘I mean, uhm… I gather she didn’t agree? She couldn’t have agreed to something so crazy and-‘

‘John…,’ River’s voice cuts through the air like a knife. ‘How do you know I talked with Kate about going back to The Library?’

‘I might have heard a bit of your conversation?’ He says quickly. ‘By chance, really, it’s not that I planned to do it, I just, you know, I was there and you were there and you were talking and I-‘

‘So in other words you just eavesdropped?’ River says and the tone of her voice betrays that she’s amused rather than enraged by this little fact.

‘I might have done that, yes,’ he lets out a loud sigh. ‘But I didn’t do it on purpose. I did have a meeting with Kate, but you got there before me, and neither of you were talking quietly, so I kind of heard it all.’

‘ _Kind of_ ,’ River repeats and this time he can clearly hear the amusement in her voice. ‘And here I thought that you were sent to discourage me from going there. My mistake. So… What is your plan now?’

‘Huh?’ He croaks out, oh how intelligently.

‘What are you planning to do now?’ River repeats. ‘Because if you heard my conversation with Kate, you know what my next step is.’

‘You want to go to the press and start a shit storm,’ he shrugs. ‘Sorry for being so blunt, but that’s what I gathered from the talk you had with Kate.’

‘I don’t see any other option,’ River shakes her head. ‘I don’t want to do that, so if you have any other ideas, I’m all ears.’

‘I do have a plan,’ he says proudly. ‘I set a meeting with Kate for today. And you’re coming with me.’

‘Let’s say I go with you,’ River says. ‘What are you even going to tell Kate?’

‘I don’t know yet,’ he admits truthfully. ‘Hey, don’t look at me like that! It’s a plan!’

‘It’s not a plan, it’s hoping,’ River says and shakes her head. ‘That’s a terrible idea!’

‘It may be so, but it may be terrible enough to be on its way to being awesome,’ he says. ‘Trust me, I know what I’m doing.’

River mumbles something he can’t here – although it sounds something like _‘that’s what he said’_ _and ‘you have no idea what you’re doing’_. But she finally agrees to go with him to meet Kate.

Wonderful.

Now all he has to do is to convince Kate to let them go back to The Library.

Piece of cake.

___

‘I hope you realise that you put me in a really uncomfortable position,’ Kate says coldly, looking at River and him from behind her desk. ‘And I didn’t think that you would try to drag someone into this insane and dangerous mission with you,’ she says that while looking accusingly at River.

‘First of all, it was him who came to me,’ River replies, meeting Kate’s gaze without flinching. ‘I would never drag someone into this insane and dangerous mission, as you put it. Least of all him.’

‘What do you mean, least of all me?’ He asks and looks at River. ‘What does that even mean?’

‘Have you seen you? You look like a walking hazard to others and yourself,’ River says with a sigh. ‘I feel like I need to have a first-aid kit every time I’m around you. Every time you walk next to me, I’m afraid that you’ll fall down and split your head wide open.’

‘Oh, oh! Look at that!’ He exclaims in outrage. ‘Split my head, you say? I am sure you’d never have that problem, since your hair would probably split the pavement! And I’ll let you know that I am very agile and dexterous.’

‘If you say so,’ River says in a tone that loudly and clearly suggests she doesn’t believe him.

‘I do say so and I can say even more, you Indiana Jones wannabe-‘

‘ _Enough!_ ’ Kate slaps her hand against the desk. ‘I won’t be sitting here and listening to your banter. That’s not why we’re here, so be kind enough to stop your bickering for a while. Now… Are you ready to behave like adults?’

He closes his mouth and looks down sheepishly, feeling more than slightly embarrassed. River and he are here to discuss a serious matter and yet they act like spoiled kids. Kate will never take their idea seriously! He sneaks a glance at River and finds that she, unlike him, is staring Kate straight in the eye.

‘Yes, we are ready to talk,’ River says calmly.

A few minutes of awkward silence fill the room as neither of them speak.

‘Right, I see you are not going to make this easy,’ Kate starts. ‘You both want to go back to The Library. While I understand and respect your reasons, River,’ Kate says softly, ‘and I see why you want to go there, John – I just can’t agree to let either of you to go there. You can threaten me with whatever you want, but it won’t change anything.’

‘We’re not going to threaten you with anything,’ River replies and when Kate gives her a disbelieving look, she sighs. ‘Fine, _I_ won’t threaten you with anything. Not anymore.’

‘That’s a relief,’ Kate says. ‘And I must say that after our last conversation, I made sure I had private numbers to every editor-in-chief in London. I would kill your interview before it reached the press.’

‘I expected nothing else from you,’ River says and somehow, these words sound like a praise. ‘Still, we need to talk.’

‘I told you, it just can’t be done,’ Kate shakes her head. ‘I talked with the prime minister and a member of the Turkish government – and neither of them would ever allow anyone to enter the Library again. There won’t allow any official expeditions or missions, not anymore.’

‘See, ‘ _official_ ’ is the key word here,’ he says. ‘What if the mission was unofficial?’

Both River and Kate look at him like he just lost his mind. Who knows, maybe he did.

‘If you’re thinking that I’ll let you go on a mission to a foreign country without the permission of our prime minister and without the permission of the Turkish government, you must be mad,’ Kate says sternly. ‘Over my dead body – no, not even then-‘

‘No, that’s not what I meant,’ he cuts in and stops Kate from delivering at least an hour long monologue, ‘I was thinking that maybe, uhm, you know, we could go there with your permission, but our mission wouldn’t be known to public.’

River turns to him and he spots a glint of understanding in her eyes. She gives him a small smile as if to ensure him that’s she’s with him on this one.

‘No, this is out of the question,’ Kate says. ‘What if something happens to you? How would we explain that?’

‘You’d say we acted without your permission,’ River says. ‘You’d deny all knowledge of our mission and both of the governments would condemn us.’

He gapes at River in surprise. This isn’t exactly what he had in mind, but if he already suggested this idea, he must be ready to suffer the consequences.

‘That’s madness,’ Kate breathes out. ‘You’re both insane. What do you even want to achieve? What do you want to prove? That you’re brave? Fearless? Insane?’

‘You know why I want to go there. Nothing has changed since we spoke last,’ River says looking Kate straight in the eye. ‘If that doesn’t convince you, then what else can I say?’

For a moment, Kate doesn’t say a word. She seems to be lost in thought, considering the situation she’s been presented with.

‘If I agree to talk on your behalf – and I want you to know that it’s a big if,’ Kate finally says, ‘tell me how do you imagine this mission to go?’

River and he exchange a quick look and for a second he’s sure they don’t need words to understand each other.

‘We could to Turkey on our own,’ he starts. ‘A last minute cheap flight. We could rent a car and use it to get to The Library. I am sure that after the mission one could make sure that the car would be destroyed, not to leave any evidence.’

‘Or we could use a car that was conveniently left for us near the airport,’ River says. ‘Nothing too flashy obviously. It would be good if the whole thing could be carried during night hours. Now, I imagine that The Library and the whole area around it is protected?’ River asks and Kate nods her head in response. ‘Okay. Well, then it’d be nice if one of the guards left his position for 5 minutes. Preferably, a guy who guards the back door, the one I escaped through.’

‘How much time do you think you’ll need inside?’ Kate asks.

‘Three to four hours,’ River replies. ‘It shouldn’t take longer.’

‘And what then? Considering you’re successful – what then?’ Kate leans across her desk. ‘How do you plan to get out of there?’

‘There could be a small team nearby,’ he says. ‘Just a few people with a car. If everything went according to the plan, we could contact them and they could help us to move the bodies.’

‘And I guess you’ll come back to England as national heroes. Bringing back bodies to the grieving families. Fair enough. But what if something goes wrong?’ Kate sighs. ‘With an unofficial mission you wouldn’t be guaranteed an extraction. You’d be left alone there. No one would help you. No one will know what happened to you.’

‘So be it,’ River answers. ‘I accept it.’

‘So do I,’ he says.

Kate studies them for a few moments. Her gaze is hard and penetrating and he’s trying his best not to blink or look down. Then, after what feels like eternity, Kate speaks.

‘Go. Both of you,’ she says, sounding tired. ‘I’ll try to... I’ll see what I can do. You’ll be informed if any decision is made.’

River and he leave Kate’s office without saying another word. They don’t even speak to each other, both too lost in their own thoughts.

When three days later they’re called to a meeting and told that the mission is a go, he knows that there’s only one more thing he has to do.

___

It takes him a few hours to get everything he needs and prepare himself mentally for what’s planning to do. By the time it’s 11 pm, his nerves are in tatters and he’s ready to climb the walls. But he’s done so much already and they’re leaving for The Library in less than a week and if he does this one last thing, hopefully he’ll be better prepared for the upcoming mission.

‘Hello sweetie,’ he hears behind his back. He turns around to his succubus perched on the edge of his desk.

‘Ha! It worked!’ He exclaims and jumps out in joy. ‘I knew it would!’

‘What worked?’ The succubus asks curiously, looking around the room.

‘The summoning circle!’ He exclaims again and points to the symbols he drew on the floor just a few minutes before.

‘The summoning circle?’ The succubus repeats as she looks at the shape on the floor. ‘And why would you need a summoning circle?’

‘To summon you, of course!’ He says. ‘In the past, I’ve used it on small fearies and forest spirits, but I’ve never used it on a spirit as powerful as you! I did have to make a few changes in the spell and the ritual, but-‘

‘Wait a moment,’ the succubus interrupts him, looking cross. ‘Did you just compare me to a fearie?’

‘Well, not really,’ he coughs, feeling himself shrink under the demon’s heated gaze. ‘I just said that I do know how to summon smaller and less powerful spirits and-‘

‘I can’t believe it!’ The succubus throws her hands in the air in an outraged way. ‘Here I am, thinking I’ve finally found a guy who gets who I am and then _bam_! He compares me to a forest spirit! To a fearie! I don’t think anyone has ever insulted me this much in my whole existence! And you have the nerve to- Wait a minute, is it a vibrator?’

‘Uhm, well, yes,’ he says as they both look in the centre of the summoning circle. ‘It’s uhm, wait a minute…,’ he looks at the package in the trash bin, ‘it’s a _Utimi Upgraded Silicone 10 Speed G Spot Vagina and Clitoris Vibrating Vibrator_.’

‘And you put it in there because..?’ The succubus asks, sounding both intrigued and offended.

‘You know, you summon fearies by putting sweets or fresh fruit in the circle,’ he says, ‘and I wasn’t sure what a sex demon may want so...’

‘So you decided to get a big ass dildo,’ the succubus sums up and this time a smile lights up her face. Suddenly, she starts sniffing the air around her. ‘What is that smell?’

‘Oh that?’ He straightens his back and looks at her with pride on her face. ‘This is a scented candle. I figured that a succubus may like scented candles.’

‘I see,’ the demons says and walks to the coffee table where the candle is standing. ‘And that’s why you picked a candle called ‘ _Baby Powder’_?’

‘The shop was about to close, I grabbed the first one on the shelf,’ he admits. ‘I tried, okay?’

‘Just so you know, a scent of baby powder is not sensual,’ the succubus sighs as she sets down the candle. ‘Now… What do you want? Oh, don’t make such a surprised face. You must want something, otherwise you wouldn’t try to summon me here.’

‘I did summon you here!’ He says. ‘I drew a summoning circles, I have lures and you are here! It worked!’

‘Honey,’ the succubus says patiently, ‘it didn’t work. I am not inside the circle.’

He stares at the succubus and then stares at the circle drawn on the floor.

Crap.

How could he have not noticed that? If the circle had worked, the succubus would be trapped in the circle, unable to get out. And yet she’s still prancing around his living room as if she owned the place.

‘How- How are you here then?’ He gapes at her. Does it mean he didn’t have to embarrass himself by buying the dildo? And the candle?

‘The usual way – I wanted to be here and so here I am,’ the succubus says and runs fingers through her hair. ‘So, I repeat my question: what do you want? You must be pretty desperate if you’d tried to summon me here.’

He considers his options for a second. One: he could pretend that he wanted to summon her just because he wanted her, or two: he could tell her the truth. Both of these options could be catastrophic in the long run, but it seems that option number too could be a little bit less catastrophic. Truth it is then.

‘I need your help,’ he says and sits on the couch. ‘I… You said you know something about the creatures I’ve been studying. I need to know everything about them.’

The succubus stares at him and a smile appears in the corners of her mouth.

‘Please,’ he adds and her smile grows bigger. She has him at her mercy and she knows it. Worse – she likes it.

‘You look so pretty when you plead,’ she says sweetly, but the expression on her face is far from sweet and pleasant – it’s feral and dangerous, as if she was ready to devour him right then and there. He shivers and the worst thing is that he’s not sure whether it’s a shiver of fear or anticipation. The demons must notice his reaction, because she smiles even wider. ‘Very well. You’ll get what you want. But as I said before – everything comes with a price. Especially knowledge.’

‘Fine, yes, I know, you want a kiss,’ he rolls his eyes. ‘Okay.’

‘No,’ the succubus shakes her head. ‘This time, _you_ have to kiss me. Not the other way around.’

Kiss her? sure, he can kiss her. No problem.

‘Deal,’ he says and licks his lips.

‘Deal,’ the succubus repeats and extends her hand. He takes a few steps towards her and the moment her hand touches his, he feels a tingling sensation spreading along his hand and this time it has nothing to do with the succubus’ touch. He looks down and-

They’re standing inside the summoning circle which means that now he _has_ _to_ kiss her – he’s magically bound to do it. Fuck.

‘You tricked me,’ he says, looking up at her.

‘I am a demon,’ the succubus rolls her eyes. ‘It’s in my nature to be crafty. You, of all people, should know that.’

He grits his teeth and bites back a curse. The worst thing is that the succubus is right – he should have known better. He should’ve expected her to drag him into a trap and try to get the better of him. Now he’s at her mercy and he’s not sure if he can rescue himself if the need arises.

‘Lesson learned. I’ll remember better next time,’ he sits on the couch, hoping she doesn’t see how much his legs tremble. ‘Now, what do you know?’

‘No bargaining? No trying to get out of the deal? I must say I am a bit disappointed,’ the succubus raises her eyebrows and he just shrugs, ignoring her taunting. ‘But okay, let’s have it your way. Business first, pleasure later. What do you want to know?’

‘Everything,’ he replies. ‘What are they called? How can one fight them? Where did they originate? How-‘

‘Whoa, okay, slow down,’ the succubus says as she sits on the couch next to him. He tries his best not to get distracted by the smell and warmth of her skin. ‘The creatures you’re so interested in are called Vashta Nerada. As you must know, they live and hunt in the shadows. They move like a swarm. There are millions of them, but if they have to, they make one living organism. As for where they come from… You know how people are afraid of the dark, right?’ He nods his head and the succubus continues. ‘It’s believed that it was humans who created Vashta Nerada. You brought it to life; you with your fear of darkness and your need for warmth and light.’

‘Really? You’re going to stuff me with the theory of narrative?’ He sighs. ‘Try something else. Things don’t just exist because there’s a narrative space for them.’

‘I don’t know what it’s called, I am merely saying what I know,’ the succubus eyes him coolly. ‘Just imagine it: the very beginning of the human race. No means to protect themselves against their enemies. No ways of keeping themselves warm. And everything would get even worse at night. Who knew what hid in the shadows? Who knew what lurked there, ready to pounce at you? Don’t look at me like that,’ the demon says sharply, ‘you wanted information and that’s what I’m giving you.’

‘Maybe you are, who knows,’ he leans back, ‘but see, the thing is that what you’re telling me here – that Vashtra Nevada is man-made? I heard the very same thing about the succubi.’

‘That’s different,’ she replies. ‘We exist because people want us.’

‘I certainly don’t want you,’ he stares at her. ‘Never wanted, never will.’

‘If you say so,’ she says dismissively. ‘But don’t you think that people may want someone who will fulfil their every wish? Even the ones they’re ashamed of? Every single secret, every deepest and dirtiest desire… Just picture it.’

And he does, for a second. He imagines that his every desire and need is catered to, he imagines that he never again has to be ashamed of what his body craves and wants, he imagines-

‘Never mind that,’ he clears his throat, re-focusing on their conversation. ‘How do you fight these things?’

‘You don’t,’ the succubus states. ‘You just run. There’s nothing else you can do. They’ll always devour you. So no, you can’t fight them. You want to be free of them? Set everything they’ve ever touched on fire. That’s the only thing you can do.’

He ponders on that for a few moments. He hasn’t learned much from this conversation, but at least now he knows how to protect himself from the Vashta Nerada if things go wonky. This much, this good.

‘You got your end of the deal. I think it’s time I get mine,’ the succubus’ voice stirs him back to the reality. He notices that she moved even closer to him and now she’s so close that he’d only have to move his hand an inch or two to touch her. He balls his hands into fists.

‘Sure, let’s get it over with,’ he says brusquely.

‘You do know how to sweep women off their feet,’ the succubus sighs and looks at him expectantly. ‘What? Are you going to kiss me or not?’

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. ‘ _It’s just a kiss,_ ’ he tells himself. ‘ _I can do it. I can control myself. She has no power over me._ ’ Before his brain can remind him just how much power the succubus holds over him, he opens his eyes and leans towards her. He presses a quick, chaste kiss to her lips and scoots away.

‘There we go, it’s done. Thanks for your help and-‘ he can’t finish the sentence as a brief but powerful wave of pain hits him. For a second it feels like his whole body is pulled apart in different directions – it feels like every single cell in his body is disintegrating. ‘What the hell was that?’ He whispers when he gets over the initial shock. ‘What did you do?’

‘Me? Nothing?’ The succubus replies with a smile that never reaches her eyes. ‘It’s you. We made a deal, didn’t we? A magic contract. And you just wanted to break it. You wanted a cheap way out and that just won’t do. If you try to do it again, the pain will last longer and will be way worse. I guess that you just have to kiss me like you mean it,’ she finishes with satisfaction in her voice.

Once again he curses his own stupidity. How could he have been such a moron? He should have known… But it’s too late now. Now he has to get out of this mess – preferably unharmed. He can’t get out of this magic contract – the magical bound is impossible to break and it seems to be sentient enough to know when the promise is not fulfilled. Wonderful. Every time he gets out of trouble, he lands himself in bigger and worse situation.

He looks at the succubus. She’s beautiful, he has to admit this much. She’s stunning but dangerous – he can’t forget what lurks behind these emerald eyes and full lips. He’s not sure if the knowledge thrills or terrifies him.

_‘It’s just a kiss,_ ’ he tells himself again as he places one of his hands on her smooth cheek. ‘ _It’s only a kiss, nothing more_ ,’ he repeats in his head as he nears his face to hers. For a moment he wonders if he’d feel the same if he ever kissed River? Not that he wants to kiss her, but-

Every single thought in his brain dies the moment his lips touch succubus’ lips. He tries to remain alert, he tries to remain detached and logical, but he can’t – all he can do now is feel. He feels how soft and pliant the succubus’ lips are under his – it’s like she’s reading every little sign of his body and responds to it. It feels like she wants him to control her, to have her at his mercy – and this realisation goes to his head like the finest champagne. He licks at her lips and she opens them without any hesitation – welcoming him, letting him taste and delight in her. Maybe it’s just her pheromones or maybe it’s some kind of succubi’s allure – he doesn’t know nor care, he just wants more of it. He puts a hand on her shoulder and pulls her closer to him – her skin is warm to touch and it feels that the more he touches her, the hotter and more intoxicated he becomes. The fact that succubus is running her fingers through his hair and scratching her nails along his neck isn’t helping at all – instead of keeping his cool, he’s getting more and more lost in the kiss and in her.

He breaks the kiss and gasps for air. It’s probably time to stop what’s happening, but he can’t do it. He doesn’t want to do it anymore. He tugs the demon closer, closer, _closer_ until she’s straddling him, her legs wrapped around his hips and her arms around his neck. He presses frantic kisses against her collarbone and her jaw, and then he claims her lips again.

How could he ever think that he can resist her? How could he want to resist her? How stupid he used to be, he thinks as his hands roam over the succubus’ body. Having her pressed against him, with her mouth joined with his and her moans reverberating through his body – it feels like heaven. Now he understand what she meant when she said that people want the succubi to exist. The heat he feels when she slides her mouth against his is incomparable to anything he’s ever experienced. He knows that it’s madness and insanity,  but he wants them to consume him. He wants this fire to grow hotter and hotter and never die down.

The succubus starts grinding her hips against him – a hard, fast pace that makes him groan and grasp her hips in a bruising grip. He bucks his hips up to meet hers and even through his clothing he can feel her slick heat against his cock. Involuntarily, his hands start sliding under the short nightgown the succubus is wearing. ‘ _Why not_ ’, he thinks as they’re sliding higher and higher, ‘ _why not just give up the false pretences? Why not just do it? Damn the consequences.’_

Just as his fingers touch the soft skin of her inner thighs, so close to where he wants to touch her, the succubus stops her movements and gets up from his lap. Her hair is wild, her lips are swollen from his kisses and she looks like she wants to do nothing more than devour him, but something stops her. She leans down as if to press another kiss against his lips, but instead of kissing him, she whispers ‘payback time’ and with a soft ‘ _pop_ ’, she disappears.

For a few seconds, he stares at the empty spot in front of him. He can’t comprehend what just happened –they were doing _that_ and she disappears? And then it hits him: the succubus wanted revenge. More than a few times it was him who abruptly stopped what was happening between them and now it was her turn. She decided to get him hot and desperate, just to leave him unsatisfied and thinking about her.

‘ _Well, she certainly succeeded in doing that,_ ’ he thinks as he looks at his rather prominent erection.

Bloody succubus.

He’ll never again make another deal with a demon.

Never ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, an update. finally!   
> sorry for the long wait - work kept me busy and made me brain dead. 
> 
> hope you'll like this chapter. thank you for all the comments, kudos & subscriptions - it's nice to know that someone like this fic, even just a little bit :).
> 
> chapter's title from Muse's 'darkshines'


	15. living in the dark

The week leading to their mission is utter madness. Both River and he are poked and probed by various doctors and specialists - all to make sure that neither of them is sick and could endanger the creatures living in the Library.

'Wonderful,' River mutters when they hurry from one appointment to another, 'now it is us who can endanger these things. Somehow I doubt that the world would suffer if they were exterminated.'

'We have to care about biodiversity,' he says, 'you have to realise how many species had been killed off, simply because people hadn't been careful enough.'

River opens her mouth to respond, but she is interrupted by Jess - the girl who used to work with them on discovering what had happened in The Library. Jess is also one of a few people who know the real purpose of their mission.

'John, River,' she greets them with a broad smile. 'So nice to meet you again. We - well, me and my boys from the lab - are very excited that you're going back there. It gives us such an amazing opportunity to discover more about the Library and the creatures there. Vastha Nerada - that's what they're called, right? How did you find it out, John?'

'Don't bother, he won't tell you,' River says bitterly, 'I've asked him that very question multiple times. He never gave me the answer.'

He rolls his eyes as if he's tired of even hearing the question. What is here supposed to say? _'Yeah, my succubus - who by the way looks exactly like River - told me about it. After that I nearly let her fuck my brains out. Wanna hear about that too?_ '

'It's all about patience and books,' he says, hoping he isn't blushing. The memory of his last encounter with the succubus still leaves him... a bit flustered, to say the least. 'So what do you have in store for us?' He asks changing the subject.

'A few things, actually,' Jess says and looks at the clipboard on her hands. 'We made a list of things we want you to observe. Obviously, we want you to observe everything, but focus on these things,' she says as she pushes sheets of paper in their hands. 'Of course, your observations will be invaluable, River. You've been there before, you know what to expect and if you notice anything different, do jot it down. As for you,' Jess looks at him, 'we know you have experience with the supernatural beings. Write down everything you see and here and think while there. Whether it's scientific or not. Every tiny thing may be helpful. You'll be given small but very sensitive cameras - so film whatever you can and take pics of everything.'

'Okay,' River says slowly, 'is that all you want from us?'

'We far as the research is concerned, yes. But now we have to take a few test,' Jess explains.

'We've been nothing but tested recently,' he laughs.

'I know, but our tests are not as much about your health as they're about how much the Library can influence you,' Jess explains. 'We will perform a selection of tests on you and then we will repeat them after your return. Then we'll know if The Library and Vastha Nerada have influenced you in any way. So... first things first: your auras.'

‘Surely, there’s no need for checking them again,’ River says. ‘The results are in our files somewhere.’

‘I know, I know,’ Jess says gently, ‘but we want to make sure we have the most accurate results before you leave for The Library. I mean, if it’s a problem, then I’ll-‘

‘No, of course it’s not a problem,’ River interrupts her. ‘I was just surprised, that’s all.’

After that everything proceeds smoothly. River’s aura ranks at 39 points - he’s a bit surprised when he hears the results, he remembers River saying that the ring gives her the aura of 40. Maybe it’s the fact that its aura is lowering every time River uses it – and in the past few days she’s been wearing it all the time. His aura is firmly stuck at 94 and he sees River’s eyes widening in surprise when she hears that.

‘You’ve never told me your aura is so high,’ she says once they live Jess’ office.

‘I don’t walk around and talk about it,’ he shrugs. ‘It’s not that important anyway.’

‘It is though,’ River says. ‘If Vastha Nerada responds to the aura, don’t you think it’s dangerous for you to go to The Library?’

‘Hey, don’t worry, I’m not going to bail out on you,’ he jokes. ‘Listen, I am not scared. Nothing bad will happen to us, I promise.’

River merely nods her head.

___

Day before they leave for the Library, River and he go to a debriefing. It’s held in a small conference room, at the very end of The Department for Supernatural Events’ first floor. They were told to sit in there and wait until someone joins them.

‘Hey, you’re not Kate Stewart,’ he says when a tall man enters the room.

‘How observant of you,’ the guys responds and rolls his eyes. He’s wearing a leather jacket, some heavy shoes and with buzz cut hair and the way he stands and walks – constantly alert and ready to strike – you can see that he used to be a soldier. There’s also strangely familiar about him. Weird. ‘Listen, I don’t have the time to screw around. Let’s get this done quickly, okay?’

The man’s accent is so thick you could cut the air with it.

‘Are you from the North?’ He asks before he can stop himself.

‘Are you going to interrupt me all the time with these stupid questions?’ The man says, looking annoyed. ‘If yes, let’s make it clear here and now: I am not going to answer anything that doesn’t relate to the mission. Understood?’

‘It wouldn’t hurt you to be nicer,’ he mutters under his breath.

‘It wouldn’t hurt you to be smarter,’ he man retorts. ‘But then you look like a 5-year-old who dressed up in his grandfather’s clothes.’

‘Excuse me, everything I’m wearing is cool! Just because you can’t appreciate that-‘

‘Guys, can you just stop?’ River cuts in. ‘We’re here for the debriefing. You can compare your manliness once we’re done, okay? Great. Now,’ she directs her attention to the leather-clad man who has the decency to look a bit ashamed, ‘could you tell us why Kate isn’t here?’

‘She decided that it’d be better if there was no record or evidence of her meeting with you two,’ the man responds. ‘That’s why I am here. I helped to plan this mission, so I am the best person to walk you through it. Can we start now?’

He and River nod.

‘Fantastic. I’ll explain everything now and if you have any questions, ask them later. You’re leaving tomorrow at 11:55pm from Stansted Airport. You’ll be in Istanbul at 5:35am, local time. A car will be waiting for you at a long-term parking lot. The keys are here,’ he dangles a big paper bag in front of them. ‘You have rooms booked in a small hotel a few miles from the city centre. The coordinates are in the GPS that is installed in the car. Get in the hotel, go into your rooms and don’t leave. Don’t go sightseeing or anything like that. We don’t want you to get lost or hurt. And here starts the tricky part: you’ll have to get to The Library on foot. Of course, you can take the car to get closer to it, but the last 2 miles or so, you’ll have to go on foot. There will be another car waiting for you closer to The Library – one thanks to which you’ll be able to communicate with the extraction team.’

‘I thought there won’t be any extraction team,’ River says.

‘That depends,’ the guy replies and sighs. ‘If you succeed, the team will come and help you to get out of there. But if you fail – you’re on your own. So I suggest you not to fail. Any questions?’

‘Will we be able to communicate with each other?’ He asks, pointing to River and himself. ‘In The Library, I mean.’

‘Of course,’ the man nods. ‘You’ll be given comm sets with two channels: on one of them you’ll be able to talk with each other, the second one is to communicate with the extraction team.’

‘I thought we would be able to communicate with them only from the car?’ He asks, frowning slightly.

‘Yes, that’s true,’ the man says. ‘The communication from The Library… It’s in case things go really bad and you feel like sealing the place off is the only solution. Also, if the team will not get any signal from you after 12 hours, you’ll be considered M.I.A and the place will be closed off. Forever.’

River and he look at each other questioningly.

‘Look,’ starts the man and his voice gets softer and quieter. ‘No one would blame you if you decided to quit right now. Or even just before boarding the plane.’

‘No,’ River shakes her head. ‘I’m not going to resign.’

‘Me neither,’ he adds quickly. ‘I told you – we’re in this together.’

‘That was very touching, I even think that my eyes got a bit moist,’ the guy says but there’s a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. ‘Catch this, bowtie boy,’ a paper bag hits him, John, on the back of the head. ‘Wow. You’re really graceful. Inside the bag, you’ll find your new passports, plane tickets and IDs. There are also car keys, some money and one credit card.’

‘New passports? What for?’ River asks as she browses the documents inside the bag. ‘Why am I called Adele Jonhson?’

‘We figured it’d be better if your real name didn’t appear anywhere,’ the guy just shrugs.

‘Please, don’t tell me you gave us the same last name and now we have to pretend to be married,’ River says with a frown on her face. ‘Because that’s not something I’m ever going to agree on.’

‘Oh, please,’ the man scoffs. ‘These things only happen in fiction. Besides, I don’t think anyone would ever force you to be married to this guy,’ River lets out a small laugh at these words. ‘Now… Do you have any more questions? No? Good luck then. Because you’re going to need that.’

Then he walks out of the room, leaving him and River alone. For a while they sit without saying a word to each other.

‘I don’t think I like him,’ he finally says.

‘That’s because he didn’t approve of your atrocious clothes,’ River says in an amused tone.

‘That’s not true! First of all, my clothes aren’t atrocious,’ he replies. ‘It’s just that not everyone can handle how cool they are.’

‘Sure thing,’ River nods in mock agreement. ‘Anything else you want to say?’

‘Yeah. I think I know the guy. Didn’t he look familiar to you?’ He asks, but River just shakes her head. ‘No, wait, I am sure I’ve seen him before… Just give me a moment,’ he takes his phone out and types a few words into the web browser. ‘Ha! I was right! Look,’ he shows his phone to River, ‘he was the guy responsible for training Iranian troops back in the 2005, when they faced problems with the werewolves. They sure knew whom to turn to. I mean, we have the best specialists when it comes to dealing with rogue werewolves. After what happened on The Isle of Man in the ‘80s, the government made sure nothing like that would happen again- Hey, is something wrong?’ He asks as he notices River’s hands gripping his phone tightly. Her whole body looks tense and suddenly she’s so pale that he’s afraid she’s going to pass out.

‘No, I’m fine,’ she says with a faint smile. ‘I’m just tired, I guess. I think I’ll head home now. See you tomorrow, eh?’

As he watches as she gathers her things and leaves the room, he wonders what the hell he said wrong.

 

___

The next day – or rather the next evening - when he meets with River at the airport, she seems fine. She’s focused on what’s waiting for them – obviously – but she no longer seems affected by whatever he said or did yesterday. Which is quite a relief if he’s to be honest.

They don’t talk much on the flight to Istanbul, too lost in their own thoughts. River keeps looking at The Library’s blueprints, trying to memorise localisations of the escape routes. He goes through the information on Vastha Nerada, but he can’t focus on anything he’s reading. Finally, he gives up and watches a movie. It’s some kind of sci-fi flick, but the science is all wrong and he keeps pointing out everything that’s incorrect with it until the stewardess asks him to keep his comments to himself, because he interrupts other passengers.

When they land in Istanbul, they find their car and hotel without any problems. Once he’s inside his room, he collapses onto the bed and falls asleep. He hasn’t slept much the night before – he was worried about River and too nervous about the upcoming expedition and now it seems the exhaustion caught up with him.

He wakes up when someone knocks on his door. He gets up groggy and startled, rubbing his eyes and shouting _‘one minute’_ to whoever is standing behind the door.

‘Good morning,’ River says as she barges into his room, a bottle of red wine in her hand.

‘Uhm, good morning?’ He croaks out as he closes the door behind her. ‘Isn’t it too early for wine?’

‘It’s never too early for wine,’ River replies. ‘Besides, it’s 1pm! A perfect hour to start drinking.’

‘I haven’t eaten anything,’ he mumbles, ‘and I need to wash my teeth.’

‘I ordered room service, they should bring us lunch in a second,’ River says. ‘But as for brushing your teeth, it’s something you have to deal with on your own. Sorry.’

He blinks sleepily a few times, nods his head and goes to the bathroom. He takes a quick cold shower to wake himself up and when he emerges (with his teeth squeaky clean), the food is already set on the table and River is closing the door behind the room service guy.

‘Wow, it smells delicious,’ he says as he walks closer to the table. River just nods her head and fills their glasses with wine. ‘Do you really think we should drink now?’

‘We may not get the chance to do it later,’ she shrugs. ‘Besides, we won’t move from here until what? 9pm? It’ll be fine.’

He hesitates before lifting his glass to his mouth. Well, River is right – they won’t be leaving the hotel until the evening. Besides, a glass of wine never killed anyone.

Throughout the meal, they talk about some casual, everyday things: books, politics, work. Neither of them brings up The Library and what may be waiting for them there. River seems oddly relaxed and carefree, and he can’t help but comment on that.

‘I figured that nothing I do now will change what may happen there,’ she says and takes another sip of her wine. ‘Besides, I kind of feel that everything will go fine this time.’

They finish their meal and wine and River retreats to her room to take a nap. He follows suit – he takes a nap, but in his own bed, not River’s. When at 9pm she knocks on his door again, all traces of playfulness are gone from her face – she looks business-like and focused on the task in front of them. He grabs his jacket and together they leave the hotel.

They drive to The Library and leave the car a few miles away from it just as they were told to. They walk the remaining distance in total darkness and silence – all he can hear is the beating of his heart. Suddenly, he feels nervous. What they’re about to do is dangerous, brazen and frankly, a bit stupid. But hey, he’s not going to back off now – and he knows that neither is River.

They reach the van – it’s hidden in the trees, but he’s not looking at it right now. All he can focus on is the large building in front of him

The Library.

He’s seen photos of it, he’s watched videos, but nothing could depict its real size. The building – now merely 400 ft away – is giant. It must’ve been beyond beautiful in its glory days – all white walls and golden roof - but now you can see that time took its toll on it. The walls are no longer snow white, they’re dirty and covered in rather awful-looking graffiti. Some windows on the lower floors are smashed and what must’ve have been a luscious and green garden is now unkempt and wild. In times like this, he wishes he had a time machine – he’d just go right back to the past and see everything with his own eyes.

‘John, come on,’ River’s voice stirs from his thoughts. She’s already in the van, looking at him expectantly. ‘You can admire it once we get out of there.’

He nods his head and hurries to join her. The van is cramped with various objects – three radios, a tv, a small table and two chairs, a few sets of headphones and so on. On the table there are two comm sets and he immediately checks them – thankfully, both of them are working. He and River quickly establish that the tv is a CC-TV, allowing them to observe what’s happening inside The Library thanks to the few cameras that remain and still work there.

They check everything twice: if they have the blueprints, whether or not they can hear each other through the comm sets, if their flashlights work and if they have a supply of batteries. Finally, when there’s nothing left, they look at each other.

‘Ready?’ River says and he nods his head. Together, they walk to the van’s exit. River’s about to open the door, when she speaks up. ‘Oh, I almost forgot. One more thing.’

She turns around quickly and for a second he thinks that she’s going to kiss him – a sort of a good luck kiss (he saw these things happening in the movies, shut up) – but instead she punches him.

He’s not sure what happens next, because he falls on the ground and everything gets blurry and dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because cliffhangers are cool!  
> I'm sorry for that, I really am. it was supposed to be one huge chapter, but I want to polish the second part of it and I figured that if I posted everything, it'd be too long/tedious to read and you'd get bored. 
> 
> thank you for all the nice comments under the last chapter - they gave me a little heart boner (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧. 
> 
> chapter's title comes from Marina & The Diamonds' 'electra heart'.


	16. it won't be long before I disturb you in the dark

When he regains his consciousness, he feels a bit dazed. What the hell just happened? He only remembers River turning around and hitting him... River! Where is she? He looks around the van, but it’s empty. Shit. Was River stupid enough to go into The Library on her own? Is she insane?

He tries to get up but when he lifts his ass up a few inches, something pulls him down. What in gods’ name- He awkwardly turns his head to see that his belt loop is tied to the table – the table that’s bolted down to the floor. And to make matters worse, he’s tied with a freaking zip tie. For a few seconds he just freezes as his brain refuses to comprehend this mess of a situation he’s in. Right, so let’s put everything he knows together: River knocked him out, tied him to a table and then went to The Library on her own. What is he supposed to do now? That wasn’t in the debriefing!

He spots his comm set on the table, so he stretches his arm and puts it in his ear. Thankfully, it works.

‘River, what the fuck? Where the hell are you?’ He shouts into the microphone.

‘Oh, you woke up,’ River’s voice sounds slightly muffled. ‘I was getting worried that I hit you too hard.’

‘Then you shouldn’t have hit me in the first place!’ He shrieks and tries pulling at the zip tie that is binding him to the table – with no success.

‘Sorry dear, I just wanted to save you from making a big mistake,’ River says. ‘You shouldn’t have come here.’

‘Don’t you think it was my decision to make?’ He replies, still trying to break the string.

‘It was a really stupid decision, so I chose to ignore it,’ River replies lightly.

‘Why would you even do that? We’re a team!’ He says with frustration. ‘We were supposed to work together!’

‘I am not letting anyone else get hurt in here,’ River says sharply and her voice is so raw that it takes his breath away for a second. ‘Now, stay there until I come back.’

‘Yeah, right,’ he snorts into the microphone. ‘Sure as hell will.’

One last time he pulls at the plastic tie, but it holds firm. He slumps against the table’s leg. _Think._ He needs to think. If he can’t break or cut it, he’ll have to do it differently. But how? And then the answer comes to him.

‘River,’ he says into the microphone, ‘I’m taking my trousers off.’

A long pause.

‘Not that I’m not into these things,’ River finally says, ‘but don’t you think it’s not the right place and time? Usually, I prefer to be in a more comfortable position – if you know what I mean.’

‘River!’ He exclaims as he struggles to take off his trousers – an activity quite challenging in such a cramped space. ‘That’s not what I meant and you know it. I am taking off my trousers to break free.’

‘Am I to understand you’ll come in your pants?’ River asks, sounding amused despite the whole situation. He chooses to ignore her comment.

‘Crap, that’s so _hard_ ,’ he mutters when he bangs his shoulder on the table’s leg for the third time. ‘I never thought it’d be this hard.’

‘John, are you sure you want me to listen to this?’ River says and he can hear laughter in her voice. ‘I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe you want me to leave you alone with the hard task you have in hand?’

‘Do you really have to do that?’ He asks annoyed when he finally manages to slip off his trousers. ‘Does someone pay you for these comments?’

‘No, I just like to annoy you,’ River replies cheerfully. ‘Jokes aside – John, don’t leave the van. Stay there. I mean it.’

‘Not gonna happen, Song,’ he stands up, stretches and tunes out everything that River is saying into his earpiece. His legs feel a bit numb, but he’ll deal with that. He looks at his discarded trousers – still tied to the freaking table – and sighs. He is not spending next 5 hours on untying the bloody zip lock. He’ll just have to go to The Library in his pants. He’ll be like all the female superheroes – unnecessarily scantily clad. Maybe they’ll give him a name – something like ‘Supernatural Hunter’ or ‘Handsome and Misunderstood’. Yes, he’d definitely like the last one, but knowing his luck everyone would just call him _Captain With No Trousers._

He gets out of the van and looks around. He sees a door – must be the one River used to get inside. Fortunately, he doesn’t see any guards around, so without further ado he runs towards The Library. Once he reaches the door, he opens it and steps inside. As soon as he closes the door behind him, he’s surrounded by darkness. It’s not evening kind of darkness, it’s not darkness you have in your room when you turn off the lights. It’s something different, far more sinister and dangerous. It feels like he jumped into a puddle of something sweet and dense – this darkness feels sticky like honey, it surrounds him completely and leaves little room to breathe. He can feel his heart beating loudly in his chest and for a moment he thinks that he should’ve stayed tied up to that table. He takes out his aura scanner and turns it on – immediately it shows 357 on the display. Well, crap. That’s definitely not good.

‘River, I’m inside,’ he says, trying not to show how uncertain and shaken he feels.

‘That’s what he said,’ River mutters in his ear. ‘And before you get flustered – that’s something I actually heard from my boyfriend once. He wasn’t my boyfriend for much longer. Pretty safe to say I broke up with him 3 minutes later.’

He can’t help but giggle at that.

‘Poor guy,’ he says when he calms down.

‘Poor guy?! Poor me,’ River sighs as if the memory truly pained her. ‘It was me who ended up disappointed.’

He tries his best not to laugh out loud.

‘As fascinating as this story is, I’d like to know where the hell are you,’ he says once he calms down and starts walking in the complete darkness.

‘You’re sure you want to be here?’ She asks and he says ‘ _yes_ ’ before he can change his mind. ‘Fine. Let’s meet in the reception area. You have to walk straight ahead all the time until you reach this big oval room. Don’t turn anywhere. Got it?’

‘Yeah,’ he murmurs and lights up his flashlight. ‘Let’s go then.’

As he walks, he moves his flashlight around trying to see what’s around him, but it seems that the darkness around him is consuming the light. It feels like everything that’s inside this place is a shadow ready to destroy and devour everything alive. Normally, he’d laugh at himself for coming up with such a wacky idea, but this time he knows there’s a distinct possibility something like that may happen. One time, when he points his flashlight onto the ground, he sees bones lying there. He quickly flicks the light away from there, but the thought that 4022 people died in here – that there are 4022 skeletons here – doesn’t leave his mind.

Suddenly, he hears an ear-piercing scream echoing through empty walls. Without thinking, he starts running in that direction.

‘River!’ He shouts, but there’s no response. _Please_ , he thinks, _don’t let anything happen to her._

He runs until his lungs burn, but even then he doesn’t stop. When he reaches the reception room, after what feels like ages, he’s greeted by a terrifying sight: River is back against a wall and a tall figure in a plastic suit is getting closer and closer to her. The whole room is bathed in milky yellow light and there are shadows everywhere – and some of them are getting closer and closer to River. Right now he can’t for a coherent plan, so he does the first thing he can think of: he runs straight into the figure that approaches River. He hits it in full force and it falls to the ground, like a sack of bones. He doesn’t wait for it to get up – he grabs River’s hand and shouts ‘ _run!_ ’. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to repeat himself – River bolts to the nearest door so quickly that he nearly loses his footing. They sprint through the corridors and rooms, not paying any attention to where they run. They bolt into a small room and quickly close the door behind them.

‘Do you think we lost it?’ He asks breathing heavily.

‘Yeah, I think we should be fine for now,’ River says and leans against a wall. ‘How did you like your first encounter with Vastha Nerada?’

‘They’re creepy assholes, that’s for sure,’ he says. ‘Wait a moment – how could that think see you?’ In response, River lifts up her hand and he spots the ring on her finger. ‘Are you insane?! Why did you even take this with you?’

‘Look who says it – _Mr. I Could Be A Unicorn Because My Aura Is Almost 100 Points_!’ River spits out. ‘It was a terrible idea to bring you here.’

‘Bring me here? I wanted to come here! I chose to come here!’

‘I shouldn’t have agreed to that. I shouldn’t have encouraged you,’ River says quietly. ‘Enough people have died here, this place doesn’t need another victim.’

‘I am not a victim,’ he respond. ‘And it’s not like you’re out of the harm’s way here! Ever thought that something may happen to you?’

‘Nothing will happen to me, I’ll make sure of that.’ River says and walks around the room as if she was trying to distance herself from him.

The room they’re in is fairly small – there are a few shelves with books and desks – it could have been one of a studying rooms in the past. He pushes a button on one of the lamp desks and to his surprise it turns off, shedding the room in weak light.

‘Hey, look! This lamp works!’ He bounces on his feet and turns on another lamp. This one works too and soon almost all the lamps are on. ‘Incredible! These lamps still work after what? 50 years? How is that even possible?’ He turns to River, only to see her staring at him with her mouth wide open. ‘What? Is something wrong? Do I have something on me face? In there a spider in my hair?’

‘You’re wearing a Donald Duck briefs,’ River says slowly.

‘Yes. Is something wrong with that?’

‘Let me say it again: you’re wearing _Donal Duck briefs_ ,’ River emphasises while staring at his nether region with intensity that makes him want to cover his crotch with his hands.

‘These are my lucky pants!’ He says. ‘Everyone has lucky underwear! Don’t you?’

‘You know, usually when people get lucky, they have no pants on,’ River says and he blushes when he gets the meaning behind her words. ‘But then again you are a 12-year-old.’

‘How many times to I have to tell you that I am mature?’

‘John, you’re wearing Donald Duck briefs!’ River exclaims and throws her hands in the air.

‘Well, it’s all your fault! You wouldn’t know any of that if you hadn’t tied me up with a freaking zip lock!’ He shouts back.

‘Oh, excuse me! Next time I’m tying you up, it’ll be with handcuffs. Would that be better?’ River says and he imagines a very inappropriate way in which she could use handcuffs on him. Okay, he needs to calm down before things get _really_ uncomfortable and awkward. 

‘So, have you uhm, found anything?’ He asks awkwardly to change the subject.

‘Yes,’ River sobers up. ‘I think- I’m certain I found Dave’s body. Well, that what remained of his body anyway. And the thing that attacked me in the reception area… It was wearing Anita’s suit.’

He reaches out and squeezes her arm in reassurance. River lifts her head up and gives him a heartbroken smile. He starts to understand why she tried to lock him out of The Library: she lost so many people here during the previous expedition and he knows that she feels that it was partly her fault. She was responsible for them and she couldn’t do anything to protect them.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he says softly and she nods her head.

‘Come on,’ she says. ‘We have to find the others.’

He takes a deep breath before leaving the safe haven of the small room they’ve been occupying. They step out straight into darkness.

This time they walk slowly, lighting the way in front of them and making sure they don’t step into anything nasty. It takes them a few minutes to locate where they are – in their haste to get away from Vastha Nerada they ran to the end of the east corridor – and now they have to go back to the reception room and start they journey from there. Will the creature still be in the reception area? He shivers. He would be lying if he said that the prospect of encountering Vastha Nerada again doesn’t frighten him – now he understand what the succubus meant when she said that you can only run away from them.

‘Wait!’ River grabs his arm and tugs him backwards. ‘Look!’ She points at something in front of them. At first he doesn’t know what she’s pointing at, but then he notices.

‘Oh. Another working lamp,’ he says. ‘That’s just bizarre.’

‘Not the lamp, you pillock. Look at the floor!’

He glances at the floor and immediately understands what River means: the shadows are moving and they’re moving towards them.

‘That is the opposite of good,’ he says. ‘What do we do now?’

‘There’s another way to the reception area,’ River says and tugs at his hand. ‘Come on, I don’t think we should cross this thing.’

They turn left in the nearest corridor and continue their slow journey. Along the way, whenever it’s possible, he takes pics and tries making short videos with River’s camera – seeing as his is in the pocket of his trousers. He realises that the pics and videos won’t show much, but maybe they’ll manage to capture the bizarre spookiness of this place. Besides, it’ll be additional material for him and the science team to study.

They walk into another room when he spots a body on the floor – and just like the one from the reception room, it’s wearing a suit. It must be another member of River’s team.

‘River,’ he says gently. ‘Look in the corner.’

River’s gaze lands on the body and she immediately runs towards it.

‘River! You can’t- You have to be careful!’ He says, but River is not listening to him – she’s already kneeling next to the skeleton.

‘Proper Dave,’ he hears her whispering. They both sit for w few moments without saying a word.

‘River,’ he finally breaks the silence, ‘I think- We should go.’

She looks up at him with hollow eyes, devoid of any emotions.

‘Come on,’ he helps her to stand on her feet. ‘We can- Do you think we should take his body with us? To the reception?’

‘Yes,’ River says. She straightens her back and looks once again at the body. When she looks up, her eyes are no longer empty – instead they’re filled with rage so intense that he has to fight the urge to take a step back. _It’s River,_ he tells himself. _She’s not going to do anything irrational, right?_

He picks up the body and they once again start walking towards the reception. River is now holding both of the torches and navigating them through the long and dark corridors.

‘I know where we are,’ she says after a while when they stop so he can get a bit of rest. ‘The next corridor… It was where Ms. Evangelista split from us. They attacked her there.’

He sees the body the second they start walking down the corridor. River walks closer to it and drops to her knees, running her hands over the suit as if hoping that the person who once wore the suit might still be alive.

‘River, how far away from the are we?’ He asks and looks around.

‘5 minutes, I’d say. Why?’

‘We’ll have to go back for her,’ he gestures to the body on the floor.

‘No, I can carry her,’ River shakes her head.

‘I am sure you can, but someone has to carry the torches,’ he explains. ‘Hey, look at me. We will come back for her. We will.’

‘Okay,’ River nods her head and stands up. ‘Come on then. Let’s go.’

When they enter the reception area, he’s relieved to see that the suit that was pestering River is now on the floor, immobile and unthreatening. He can hear River letting out a sigh of relief. They leave Proper Dave’s remains next to Anita’s and go back to Miss Evangelista. Once her skeleton is next to the first two, River turns to him.

‘Now we have to go back for Dave,’ she says and bites her lip. ‘Unless you want to stay here. I can go on my own.’

‘No!’ He exclaims and his voice echoes in the empty room. ‘I mean, we should stick together. It’s safer this way.’

River casts a look at the bodies of her friends and then starts walking towards one of the many corridors leading out of the reception area. He follows her and in silence they walk for a few minutes. He wants to say something, even something stupid, just to occupy his mind with something, but he can’t: any noise seems inappropriate here. They pass a few bodies on their way – remains of the people who died when the Vastha Nerada first attacked.

‘I wish we could take them away from this place,’ he says quietly.

‘Me too,’ River whispers back.

Dave’s body is at the end of the west corridor – it’s hidden in a small alcove that’s obscured from the view by a few big plastic plants.

‘He was trying to escape,’ River says when he picks up the remains, ‘but they caught up with him. If only I could…,’ she doesn’t finish.

‘What do we do now?’ He asks when they’re back in the reception.

‘We can’t exit through the main door, it’s deadbolted,’ River says. ‘I think we have to go back to the emergency exit.’

‘I was afraid you’re going to say that,’ he sighs. ‘Right, so how do we do it? I carry the bodies one by one, you light the way? Or do we risk it and walk without the torches? It’d be quicker that way, but- River, are you even listening to me?’

‘John,’ River says in an alarmingly calm voice, ‘do shut up and turn around. Please.’

He does as she says and when he faces what’s behind him, he nearly pisses himself: the bodies of River’s team, bodies that were harmlessly lying on the floor just a second ago – they’re now standing on their feet. What is worse, they’re slowly moving closer to River and him.

‘Fucking shit,’ he manages to say. ‘River, we have to go. Now,’ he grabs her hand and tugs forcefully. ‘Now!’

But River doesn’t move – she just stares at the four shapes approaching them.

‘This is our forest,’ one of the shapes says and he’s so surprised that he stops trying to make River move and run. ‘This is our place.’

‘No. It isn’t,’ River replies and her voice sounds harsh and cold.

‘We were brought here,’ the shape says again and he reaches for the camera in River’s pocket and starts filming. ‘We grew up here. We hatched here. We live here.’

‘You killed people,’ River says and takes a step towards the creatures. Suddenly, the lights in the reception turn on and the whole room is full of moving shadows.

‘They were food,’ the thing says again.

Its voice sounds all wrong – it lacks emotions and any kind of intonation. It’s like the creature didn’t know how to talk – like they merely understood the physics behind it, but not the emotional impact a voice could carry.

‘They were food,’ the creatures repeats, ‘and so are you.’

The shadows on the floor start advancing towards them, until they create and trap them in a circle – a circle that is getting smaller and smaller with every second.

Something flickers in River’s hand – he turns his head in her direction, only to see that she’s holding a lighter in her palm.

‘River, what are you doing?’ He asks, but she ignores him. He notes – not without the feeling of sick panic – that both the creatures in the suits and the shadows on the floor are creeping closer and closer to them: they’ll close in on them in a few mere seconds.

‘Let us go,’ River says and when the creatures don’t stop, she raises the head with the lighter in the air. ‘How long do you think this place is going to burn?’ That seems to stop the creatures for a bit. One of them – the one that talks – moves its head as if considering the answer. ‘Considering that almost everything is made out of paper or wood… I’d say it’d burn for ages. And the fire would catch pretty quickly.’

‘River,’ he says quietly, ‘what the hell are you doing?’

She ignores him.

Of course she does.

So let’s sum it up: not only he’s a prisoner of deadly flesh-eating shadows, but he’s also imprisoned with an archaeologist who must’ve gone bonkers and is now trying to set everything around them on fire. Great.

‘You let us go and nothing bad will happen,’ River says slowly. For a few torturous seconds nothing happens – except for him nearly getting a heart attack – and then the shadows get closer to them. In less than 5 seconds, they’ll close in on them and it’ll be the end.

‘River,’ he says, his voice high and panicked. ‘We-‘

‘John, put down the camera,’ River says and her voice is cool and composed.

‘Why?’

‘Because I am going to set this whole place on fire,’ she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the universe. ‘And I really don’t want to have it recorded.’

He can’t argue with this reasoning. Except he can.

‘River! You can’t set fire to this place!’ He says, but obediently puts the camera down. ‘This is the biggest library in the-‘

And in that very moment River drops the lighter in the bin standing by her right leg. The bin is full of old and dry newspapers and leaflets that catch fire almost instantly. The shadows flocking around them back away at the sight of fire – and the shadows in the suits do the same thing. A flicker of hope starts burning in his heart.

River kicks the burning bin and it flies toward the wall where the wooden shelves with magazines and cheap paperbacks are. The fire starts consuming them the second it reaches them and then, a loud and inhuman shout ricochets through The Library. It’s a shout of a pained animal: wild, angry and unending.

He looks around – all the shadows are now swirling around the whole room as if trying to escape it. The suits – occupied by the shadows just seconds ago – are now lying on the floor, once again empty and harmless.

‘Come on, we have to go!’ River shakes him by his arm. ‘The whole place is going to be in flames in minutes!’

She runs to the bodies on the floor and grabs on of them.

‘Are you going to help me or will I have to drag your skinny ass out of here too?’ She asks and that makes him move. He walks towards River and also takes hold of one of the suits and they start they walk towards the emergency exit. They can hear the creaking of the burning furniture and the pained screams of Vastha Nerada, but neither of them looks behind. Once they reach the exit, they deposit the two bodies there and turn around to make the way back to the reception for the remaining skeletons. He has enough presence of mind to get in touch with the extraction team and tell them that their help would be appreciated.

‘Oh, and bring the fire brigade with you,’ he says while running through the corridor.

‘Fire brigade? What the hell?’ The voice in the receiver sounds confused. ‘What did you do?’

He turns the comm off without answering the question.

They run into the reception and gasp in shock – the whole room is filled with smoke and fire. The flames are consuming everything now – shelves, carpets, chairs and numerous magazines – and the heat is unbearable. Suddenly he’s very glad he’s not wearing any trousers.

‘River, do you think we should go there?’ He says as River starts barging inside the room. ‘It’s dangerous.’

‘Stay here if you want to,’ she replies without looking at him. ‘I am going to get them, with or without your help.’

He sighs and follows her inside without hesitation. Because really, what else can he do?

They walk into the reception, trying to see and navigate in the sea of smoke and fire. Suddenly, he hears a creek and he looks up, just to say a large ceiling joist breaking apart and falling down. Horrified, he realises that the joist is falling down at River – or rather where she will be in two seconds. Without thinking he lunges forward and grabs the back of River’s shirt, pulling her back with all the strength he possesses. He can hear the shirt tearing at its seams, River’s yelping in surprise and milliseconds later, the joist hits the floor with a sickening crushing sound.

‘Wow, that was- Thank you,’ River says, turning towards him. He can see that her eyes are wide in terror and he can feel her heart beating madly against his palm.

‘The pleasure’s all mine,’ he replies and starts coughing. ‘Come on, we have to hurry, the smoke is getting worse.’

River nods and they run towards the two bodies. They grab them and leave the reception area. The smoke is now filling the corridors and it’s getting harder and harder to breathe. He knows he’s slowing down and so is River. They stop for a moment, hoping to rest and catch a breath of fresh air.

‘We have to go,’ he says and feels a bit lightheaded. ‘The fire is spreading and… Uhm…’ He sways a bit.

‘John,’ River walks closer to him and touches his face. ‘Are you okay?’

He nods, even though he feels sick to his stomach and ready to pass out.

‘Yeah,’ he croaks out.

‘Come on, we’re close to the exit,’ River says and grabs his arm, dragging him along with her.

The walk to the exit door seems longer than before. Every few minutes one of them stops and leans against the wall, trying to regain strength. He finds it harder and harder to force his feet to move and for the first time he thinks that he’s not going to make it.

‘River, he says between coughs, ‘I can’t- Just leave me here.’

‘Shut up, you idiot,’ she replies and once again grabs his hand. ‘I told you that I am not letting anyone to be left behind this time.’

He doesn’t remember much from their exit: all he register is the fresh air on his face, and the coolness of the dawn on his skin. He falls down on the ground, tired and weary to the bone. He doesn’t know how long he lies there with his eyes closed, getting soaked by the morning dew – he only knows that River is next to him and that by some miracle they made it out of The Library. After a while, he hears sirens of the fire brigade and heavy boots hitting the ground nearby. He and River really should get up and brief someone in on the situation, but neither of them can move.

‘Okay, I don’t want to be nosy,’ someone standing above them speaks and he opens his eyes to see a short and plump woman in a uniform, ‘but where the hell are your trousers?’

He hears River’s laughing at that – a loud and beautiful sound – and he can’t help but join her. The woman standing above them is looking at them with the mixture of amazement and trepidation, but he doesn’t care, because this very moment – with tiredness numbing his bones, the freezing ground under his back and River’s hand next to his – is the most perfect moment he’s had in the last few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, two chapters in a week. that's crazy.
> 
> thanks for all the comments/kudos/subscriptions! and most of all, thank you for not murdering me for the cliffhanger in the previous chapter. I hope you enjoyed this update and that you're not disappointed. 
> 
> chapter's title from 'megalomania' by Muse


	17. if I lose control, I feed the beast within

‘I can’t believe you went to The Library and didn’t tell us anything!’ Amy hisses out and punches his arm. He’s sure he’s going to have one hell of a bruise there: in the last 5 minutes she has punched him on the exact same spot 6 times. He has to admire her precision.

‘Amy, I told you – it was a secret operation. We weren’t allowed to tell anyone,’ he sighs and moves a few inches to the left, hoping that putting some distance between him and Amy will save him the pain.

‘We are your friends! We aren’t just anyone!’ Amy shouts, punctuating every word with a punch. Well, apparently he hasn’t moved far enough. Next time he offends Amy, he’ll make sure he’s suitably far away from her – another galaxy, perhaps.

‘Hey, Amy, that’s enough,’ Rory cuts in and hands her a glass of red wine.

‘Thank you, Rory,’ he breathes in relief and smiles at the other man. Good, old Rory. You can always count on him.

‘That’s enough for now,’ Rory adds in a threatening tone. ‘We shouldn’t leave any visible marks on him.’

‘You’re right, Rory,’ Amy perks up and smiles at her husband, ‘that way when they find his body, they won’t suspect us!’

‘Exactly,’ Rory says, sitting next to her.

‘Thanks guys,’ he sighs. ‘You could be a tiny bit more supportive, you know? It wouldn’t hurt you.’

‘Our support ended when you decided to go on a mission that could get you killed,’ Amy says angrily.

‘Actually, it ended when you let yourself be photographed in your Donald Duck briefs,’ Rory adds. ‘That was the last straw.’

He groans and bangs his head against the table. Why do these embarrassing things have to happen to him all the time? So yes, he did wear a pair of Donal Duck briefs to The Library. Big deal. However, someone took a picture of him in it – he doesn’t know who that was, but it must’ve happened right after River and he had escaped from The Library. The picture was sent to Daily Mail and ever since then, everyone he’s met with mentioned the briefs to him. Even at the press conference River and he had to attend after coming back to England, the first question directed at him was ‘ _why did you go to the Library in your pants?_ ’ He was too shocked and flustered to answer the question and it came down to River to save the day – or to make it worse, he’s still not sure which option was it.

_‘I tied him to a chair by his belt loop to stop him from going inside The Library,’_ River simply said and he swears that the moment these words left her mouth, all the cameras and microphones turned towards her. And ever since then she’s been England’s sweetheart: every journalist wanted to interview her, magazines’ editors wanted to have her on their covers, little girls of all species developed a sudden interest in archaeology and wanted to be like River when they grow up. (For comparison: he got a crude Donald Dick nickname and was sent a hundred pairs of briefs with Donald Duck print. Talk about injustice.)

River kept ignoring all of these things: she changed her phone number, hasn’t accepted any photoshoot or interview offers and kept to herself as much as she could. She won’t even pick up when he calls her. Not that he calls her often – he just wanted to ask how she’s doing and maybe grab a ‘ _hey, we survived The Library_ ’ coffee or something like that. Nothing too fancy, although if she was in the mood for something fancy, they could go out and have a dinner in some small restaurant. It wouldn’t be a date or nothing that ridiculous – they’d just hang out as friends. Or colleagues. Or you know, people who went through near death experience together.

‘Okay, so I am dumbo,’ he sighs and lifts up his head. ‘Will you ever forgive me?’

‘I don’t know,’ Amy shrugs. ‘At least you’re finally acknowledging that you’re an idiot. Just… John, you’re not alone. We care about you, you’re our friend. Our family. What if something had happened to you there? We wouldn’t even know.’

‘I’m sorry, I really am,’ he says and he feels guilt squeezing at his throat. He has never really looked at this through Amy’s and Rory’s eyes, he has never thought about their feelings. He should have, but at the time he was so focused on the mission that he couldn’t think about anything else. It’s not an excuse of course, but… ‘Listen,’ he says and looks at his friends, silently hoping they’d understand, ‘I should’ve told you, I know. I should have found a way to let you know. And I know that you’d try to persuade to stay, not to go there – but  had to, okay? I had to.’

He’s afraid that he’ll face their backlash, but instead he’s met with the very rare sight of Amy being slightly misty-eyed and sniffing and Rory looking at him with quiet admiration.

‘Fine, let’s say that we forgive you,’ Amy says and grabs a paper tissue from the table and blows her nose. ‘I am not crying, it’s just an allergy. Just so you know. Crying is for kids and Rory.’

‘Oi!’ Rory exclaims in outrage. ‘What does it even mean?’

‘It means that you cry easily,’ Amy says, turning towards her husband. ‘Remember when we saw ‘ _Finding Dory’_? You cried so much we ran out of tissues. But don’t worry, I still love you.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ Rory says sarcastically. ‘And I am not ashamed of these tears. There were some very sad scenes in the movie.’

‘He’s right, Amy,’ he cuts in. ‘There were some sad parts. Like the moment at the end when Dory sees the shells? I cried like a baby.’

‘You are a baby,’ Amy and Rory say at the same time and when they start laughing, he feels like a giant burden is lifted from his shoulder and soon he joins them – feeling oddly light and carefree for the first time in a while.

 

___

While the mission to The Library is behind him, the subject is still not closed – at least not for him and the research team. With so much material and data River and he brought back from The Library, the science trio from the Supernatural Department and he are writing an article on the Vastha Nerada. It means that not only he has to put all this thoughts and notes in one coherent piece, but that he also has to dig through various thick volumes for even more information. The science team performs additional tests on the material that River had brought back from her first expedition and it seems that soon they’ll be able to put together an interesting and probably ground-breaking article. But there’s still a lot of work in front of them.

He stretches in his chair and checks the time – it’s 1pm, which means that he’s been hunched over books for over 4 hours now. He’s hungry, his back hurts and he has to get out of this reading room or he’ll go bonkers. He gathers his phone, wallet and his notes, leaving all the books and magazines on the table. There’s hardly anyone in the Institute of Historical Research Library – he’s not sure if that’s because the students are lazy or they just find this subject boring – so he’s not worried that someone will snag the books he’s reading. Besides, he’ll back here soon – as soon as he gets something to eat. But first, he’s going to visit River. One could say that he’s in the neighbourhood and well, he hasn’t seen her in over two weeks, so it’d be really nice to catch up with her – over lunch for example.

He starts walking towards River’s office and he’s about to turn into the corridor where it’s situated, when someone grabs his arm.

‘Well, well, well – I can’t believe that I have the privilege of seeing the other half of the magnificent Library duo,’ says amused voice that he immediately recognises as Jack’s. ‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be giving interviews or something like that?’

‘Haha, very funny,’ he replies and looks at Jack, only to have the man wink at him cheekily. ‘I’ve been spending the last few days in the library here, if you must know. Doing research for a paper.’

‘Really? You want to write something about Vastha Nerada?’ Jack asks and he simply nods. ‘That’s amazing. I’d like to hear more about it. Are you done for the day?’

‘No,’ he says. ‘I’m feeling a bit peckish and I thought that I could maybe visit River and uhm, grab something to eat with her. Do you want to join?’

‘I’ll happily join you, but I am afraid that we won’t have the pleasure of River’s presence,’ Jack says slowly.

‘Oh? How’s that?’ He says lightly, trying his best to mask the disappointment he’s feeling. It’s not that he’s been looking forward to this day and gathering the courage to actually go and see River – nothing like that. Never.

‘Don’t you know? She’s in Azerbaijan. They uncovered some old ass coins there and she was asked to go there as an expert,’ Jack says with pride in his voice. ‘She’s been there for 10 days now.’

‘I see,’ he says and musters a smile. In a way he’s glad that River is busy and not just ignoring him, but on the other hand… Well, _whatever_. It’s not like he cares. Not that much anyway. He clears his throat. ‘I didn’t know River is an expert on coins.’

‘She’s River Song, the person the whole archaeology world goes to when something new is uncovered,’ Jack smiles. ‘Usually, she consults over Skype, but I guess that this time she just wanted to be away from all the hustle here. So what about that lunch? Is the offer still valid?’

‘Of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?’ He asks. ‘I just hope that you know a nice place nearby, because in the last few days I’ve been eating in the canteen here and it’s not very good.’

‘You’re a braver man that I thought,’ Jack says in mock terror. ‘The food in canteen is pure poison! I am surprised you’re still alive. But fear not my friend – I know just the right place.’

Ten minutes later they’re sitting in a small Thai place, waiting for their orders and sipping green tea.

‘So, how was it? In The Library, I mean,’ Jack asks when they run out of small talk topics.

‘River hasn’t told you?’ He asks in confusion.

‘Only the basics,’ Jack sighs. ‘And I didn’t want to push her. She doesn’t want to talk about this place. I can’t blame her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am curious.’

‘It was… It was terrifying. I wish I could say that I wasn’t scared, but it’d be a lie,’ he laughs and shakes his head. ‘I can’t even describe it. I would never want to go back there, not even if I was assured that it’s all fine and safe.’

‘You didn’t have to go there in the first place,’ Jack says, looking at him carefully.

‘I did though,’ he protests and waits until the waiter puts their plates in front of them and leaves. ‘I had to go there. I knew it could end badly, but I just wanted to go there, to see this place and these creatures. And I didn’t want to River to go alone.’

‘Yet she almost made you stay behind,’ Jack says, taking a huge bite of his food. ‘Crap, that’s spicy.’

They don’t talk much during the meal, both too occupied with the food – which is delicious – to focus on anything else. But during this whole time, there’s a thought growing in his brain – small at first, but getting bigger and bigger by with every second. Should he ask Jack about that? After all, he knows River quite well – they seem to be friends – plus, he’s honest enough to answer it in a straightforward manner.

‘You know, I’ve been wondering,’ he starts uncertainly when the waiter takes their empty plates away, ‘and I just can’t understand it. Why did River lock me out? I mean, yes, _I know_ , she didn’t want me to get hurt but… I am not some random guy who entered The Library from the street. I am prepared to interact with the supernatural and fight it if necessary. So why?’

Jack’s face grows serious and distant.

‘You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,’ he quickly says, but Jack just shakes his head.

‘It’s not that I don’t want to answer that,’ Jack says. ‘It’s just something- I think it’d be better if you talked with River about it.’

‘I can’t do it now as she’s not in England,’ he shrugs. ‘Besides, I don’t think she’d like to talk with me about this.’

Jack seems to be considering something for a few seconds before he starts talking.

‘She didn’t lock you out because she thought you’re ill-suited for the expedition or wouldn’t be able to deal with whatever you’d meet there,’ Jacks says quietly. ‘She knew you’re a competent person, trust me, but you have to understand that it wasn’t easy for her to get back there – especially not with another person who could get hurt. I think that she’d prefer to go there on her own, but then you tagged along and well, I guess a part of her was relieved. Still, she felt guilty about dragging you there.’

‘I wanted to go there,’ he cuts in and Jack just shrugs.

‘I know that, you know that,’ Jack says finishing his tea, ‘but tell that to River. And it’s not just that. She’s lost people, you know.’

‘In the previous expedition,’ he nods. ‘Her whole team.’

‘Yes, that too,’ Jack says and he suddenly looks much older and sadder than he normally does. ‘But it’s not just that. It’s… You know about her… _unusual qualities_ , I gather?’ Jack asks and he only nods in response. ‘It’s not easy for her to live with this. She doesn’t talk about this much, but sometimes I think she sees it as a curse.’

‘Some would welcome a curse like that,’ he says, thinking about himself. Oh, what he would sometimes give for not being seen and heard, for not being the human with one of the highest auras in Europe. Sometimes he wishes he could be just average and normal, not the magnet for all the things weird and supernatural.

‘Some would,’ Jack admits, ‘but I am not sure if River’s one of these people. I can’t imagine what it must feel, not to be seen and heard if you don’t wear a piece of accessory on you. She never complains about it, but I’ve known her for some time and I saw how this affects her life and her relationships. It’s not easy to build something meaningful when your significant half doesn’t notice you when you take off a ring. Same thing with friendships.’

He stares at the table, not sure what to say. He suspected that River’s lack of aura must influence her life, but he didn’t know it affects it to such an extent.

‘I understand that it’s not easy for her,’ he finally says, ‘but that doesn’t change the fact that it was my decision to go to The Library. I knew what I was getting into, unlike her team and she when they first had entered that place. I get that she felt the need to protect me, but she didn’t have to do that. I can defend myself. I am not-‘

‘You really don’t get this,’ Jack says and runs fingers through his hair. ‘River didn’t think you’re a damsel in distress who needs to be protected. She just didn’t want to think about another death for the rest about her life.’

‘What do you mean, another death? None of these death were her faults,’ he says raising his voice.

‘I know, but I don’t think she feels like it,’ Jack says.

‘Well, that’s just stupid,’ he says and wants to say something more, but Jack interrupts him.

‘What do you know about The Isle of Man massacre?’ Jack asks and the question is so sudden that he sits stunned for a few second.

‘What does have to do with anything?’ He asks Jack.

‘Just tell me,’ the other man says.

‘It was the biggest breach of the non-aggression pact in the last 250 years,’ he starts, unsure where it’s all going to lead him. ‘A group of radical young werewolves, pumped full of various drugs and alcohol, attacked a small suburban neighbourhood in Douglas. They slaughtered everyone who lived there: adults, children, elders, no exception. Everything happened in the dead of night and before the police was called, it was done.’

‘Survivors?’

‘None,’ he says and he remembers the news coverage from that day: videos and pictures censored by the television and papers, because they were too gruesome and disturbing to post. He remembers asking his parents why it all happened, but neither of them could explain it to him.

‘You sure about that?’ Jack asks with his eyebrows raised.

‘There was a story that there was a child who survived it,’ he sighs. ‘But I don’t know how it’d be possible: if there has been anyone to walk out of there unharmed, they’d have to be invisible to the werewolves. They’d have to leave no trace, to evidence, they’d just have to have no aura-‘ The realisation hits him and he suddenly feels sick to his stomach. Now he understands – or at least starts to grasp when River had gone through and why she behaved like that in The Library. ‘I- I had no idea.’

‘Not many people know about that,’ Jack says. ‘I didn’t tell you that so you can feel sorry for her, just wanted you to understand her better.’

‘I know, it’s just-,’ he says quietly, still in shock. ‘But why didn’t she say anything?’

‘Why? Oh come on, don’t be an idiot,’ Jack laughs bitterly. ‘Can’t you imagine what would happen? Sooner or later the story would leak to the press and all the mayhem would start. The miraculously saved child found after so many years! The little hero! Everyone would start wondering how on earth did she survive. And someone would guess it.’

‘I understand that she doesn’t want the publicity, but people knowing that she has no aura – that wouldn’t be that terrible,’ he says.

‘Yeah, right,’ Jack snorts. ‘Other that everyone would just invade her privacy, her career would be endangered. Her every achievement would be undermined and questioned. Everyone would ask if she’s successful because she can enter the areas no one else can? Maybe she isn’t really that smart, maybe it’s just luck. Don’t you know how that works? The science world is harsh, especially for women.’

‘Yeah,’ he whispers and looks at Jack. ‘Has she ever talked with someone about it? A doctor, a therapist?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Jack sighs. ‘I think that she feels a bit guilty about it - that she survived while the rest of her family and friends died. She was just a child when it happened. Thankfully, her aunt took care of her after that, but it’s one of this things that plague you forever. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.’

He nods and falls silent. So many thoughts are running through his head right now, he can barely make sense of them. He wishes he could help River – both the present her and her younger version – but he also knows it’s out of his hands. He wishes she would talk to him about that, but he knows it’ll never happen. He’s not as close to her as Jack is and he doubts he’ll ever be. Why does it all have to be so complicated? Why can’t he just be her friend and be there for her when she needs someone?

‘I know you wouldn’t share this story with anything, but just in case – if this story hits the newspapers, I’ll hurt you,’ Jack says when they part ways and even though he smiles, the threat in his eyes feels real.

‘Duly noted,’ he says and salutes as he walks back towards the Institute of Historical Research, but truth to be told, writing the article is now the last thing on his mind.

 

___

A few more days passes and things don’t really change: he’s still spending most of his days in Institute of Historical Research’s library and River is still out of London. Not that it’d make any difference if she was in London, mind you. He made a decision – he’ll stop pestering her. If she wants to get in touch with him, she will. If not – well, he’ll have to accept it.

Oh wait – one thing has certainly changed. His succubus is back. He hasn’t seen her for over two weeks – all the time he’d spent with River preparing for The Library trip must’ve kept the demon at bay – but now she’s back. And to make matters worse, she’s toying with him and she’s doing it on purpose. She must be. She’s planning to make him go insane – and sooner or later she will succeed.

These days – or rather nights – she behaves like a ghost. He can’t see her, but it doesn’t mean he can’t feel her: he senses her in his dream, lurking somewhere in his room, ready to pounce on him – and when he wakes up in panic, she isn’t there. It happens a few times every night and it doesn’t take a genius to guess that he hasn’t been sleeping well. Or at all. Sure, he caught an hour of sleep here and there, but it isn’t enough.

He needs coffee. Desperately. But that would be his… 3rd? 4th today? Gods, he has no idea. He probably shouldn’t pump himself so full of caffeine, but what other choice does he have? Now he only has to decide on the coffee. Should he get the one from the coffee machine on the corridor – the beverage that taste like battery acid and smells like burnt rubber or should he actually make an effort and go to the small coffee shop at the opposite side of the campus? Going to the coffee shop would mean that he’d get something drinkable, but it’d also mean that he’d have to leave the warmth of this room. And he’s just too tired to do that: this small study room is cozy, quiet and no one disturbs him here. Maybe he should just forget about coffee for now and take a short nap. Right here, on this table. No one will notice… And just when he’s about to rest his head on his folded arms, he feels it – the sudden change of the temperature, the electricity that makes his hair stand on end. He knows he’s no longer alone even before his succubus appears next to him.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ she says, pushing the books away and sitting on the desk he’s working on.

‘I’m busy,’ he says through clenched teeth. The succubus’ laugh is loud, bright and lovely.

‘Oh honey,’ she says and runs fingers through his hair, ‘I think you deserve a break.’

‘Maybe I do, but I do not want to spend it with you,’ he says quietly. ‘Go away.’

‘Here I thought that you might be missing me,’ the succubus replies. ‘We haven’t seen each other for such a long time…’

‘And I think it should continue this trend,’ he snarls, finally looking at her. Per usual, the sight of her kind of takes his breath away. He knows that it’s physiologically impossible, but this is exactly what happens: sometimes, when he looks at the demon, he forgets how to breathe. Yes, he realises that it sounds like something take straight out of a badly written erotic novel, but the succubus simply glows and the air around her shimmers with promises. He licks his lips and quickly looks away.

‘You say the most horrible things,’ she pouts playfully at him. ‘Why don’t you just admit that you missed me?’

‘That’s easy: I didn’t miss you,’ he shakes his head and tries to read the book in front of him. ‘ _Tries_ ’ is the key word here.

‘Wow, you’re good. I almost believed you,’ replies the succubus and leans closer to him. ‘Now, tell me the truth.’

‘That was the truth,’ he snorts. ‘I didn’t miss you.’

‘Cut the crap,’ the succubus says and grabs his chin, forcing him to look at her. Her eyes shine with anger and yet he finds it difficult to turn his gaze away. ‘We both know you want me-‘

‘I don’t want you,’ he denies and she laughs again. She releases his face from her grasp and slowly trails her fingers along his jaw and neck. Her touch is soft and delicate like he touch of feathers and he forces himself not to lean into it.

‘I think that you proved the opposite more than once,’ she says and her eyes slide down his body and he feels the sudden urge to cover his crotch with his hands. ‘Oh, I see you remember,’ she says with a smile. And gods help him, he does: he remembers every kiss and every caress he and the demon exchanged. He’s not sure if he could ever forget any of that and he’s not sure if he’d ever like to forget them. ‘Since we share so many nice memories, so why not go one step further? Why not create something more… _memorable_? What’s the issue? Would it be your first time? I really doubt it. And even if it was, just tell me and I’ll be gentle, I promise,’ she presses a delicate kiss to the corner of his mouth. ‘Unless there’s someone else you fancy. Oh, _there is_!’ The succubus exclaims excitedly even though he doesn't say anything. ‘Tell me, who is it? A boy? A girl? You don’t have to say anything, just show me. I could make them yours, honey. They’d do everything for you,’ the demon’s voice drops and suddenly he can’t stop listening to her. Her voice wraps around him like the softest silk and caresses his skin, leaving him feverish and desperate for a real touch. ‘They’d fall to their knees to adore you. They’d do anything you asked them to. _And so would I_ ,’ the succubus leans in and is now whispering into his ear, her breath tickling his neck. He’s captured by her words, the warmth of her voice and her closeness. He knows he should block her out and make her disappear, but he can’t – nor he wants to. It seems that the succubus knows she has his full attention now, because she keeps talking and gods save him – he keeps listening to her. ‘I’d fulfil every single one of your desires. I’d let you do anything to me… How would you like to have me? Would you like to fuck my mouth until you come? Or would you prefer to take me from behind and shag me until I'd be hoarse from moaning? _Or maybe_ ,' the succubus' voice is barely audible now and unconsciously he moves closer to her, holding his breath, not to miss anything she says, 'maybe you'd like _me_ to have all the control. Maybe you'd like to be at my mercy, to bring you closer and closer to the edge until you begged me to let you come? Maybe you'd want to be tied up, unable to touch me or yourself? Maybe you’d like to be teased until you couldn’t take it  anymore? Would you like that, sweetie?' The succubus asks and he whimpers when her lips brush his ear. His breath is coming in short puffs, how heart is pounding in his chest and he feels like he's just been set on fire. He's painfully hard and he thinks that he may come right now, just like that, just from listening to her words.

'What do you want, honey?' The succubus asks and he can't even answer that - all he can do is stare at her and drink in her beauty. His lust-clouded brain registers that she's leaning closer to him, her lips nearing his and he can't bring himself to stop her. The distance between them almost closes, his hand - so far clenched into fists - move to gather her into his arms. So close, she's _so close_ -

A huge group of students enters the library, arguing loudly and making him jump in his seat. The succubus disappears without a sound, leaving him aching and desperate for her touch. His hands ball into fists again, nails digging into the palms of his hands. The pain does nothing to distract him from the need that fills his whole body. He has no idea how long he sits in there - lost in his thoughts and desires, replying everything the succubus said to him in his head.

 

___

When she comes to him that night, he's waiting for her. There are no guards against her in his room and he doesn't have the strength to pretend that he forgot to lay them. The second she appears in his bedroom she knows that he's done, that he's given in – or maybe given up. She moves towards him: slowly, gracefully, making him wait and when she kisses him, he can taste triumph on her lips. But it doesn't matter - all that matters now is that he's touching her and she's touching him, leaving a trail of fire on his body. He can't even think, all he's capable of right now is feeling: her fingers and mouth exploring his body, her skin pressed against his, her moans mingling with his. When she finally sinks onto him, he feels that he may just black out from the heat and pleasure consuming him. Each stroke of her hips sends him closer and closer to the release and when he comes, he can see only the succubus - her body above his, her skin glowing in the warm light of the room, her scent teasing him and making him drunk on her. How could he resist her for so long? Why did he? Why did he waste so much time? What was the point?

The rest of the night feels hazy and bursting with pleasure - kisses and caresses, warmth and desire. He doesn't think about anything else but her. It's only when he wakes up in the morning and discovers hickeys and traces of her fingernails on his body, he realises just how badly he fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that chapter is probs one hell of a mess. I don't even know any longer. I'm sorry if it's shit.
> 
> chapter's title from 'human' by Of monsters and men


	18. I overdream every dream, my love, when I dream about you

‘John, watch out!’ Amy’s scream pierces through air and makes him turn towards her. ‘In front of you! Duck! _Duck_ , you idiot!’

He looks at what’s in front of him and quickly jumps to the left to hide under a solid oak table. A huge porcelain vase hits the spot where he was just a second ago and it’s followed by 3 mugs and a bottle of vodka. _Right_. This is very not good.

When Amy and he were called to deal with an over-active poltergeist, it looked like a standard intervention, nothing outrageous or dangerous. However, they’ve been here for nearly an hour now and made zero progress: the poltergeist is causing havoc in the whole house and they are unable to stop it. Think! He needs to think!

‘Okay, what do we do now?’ Amy asks him, joining him under the table. ‘This poltergeist is batshit crazy!’

As to prove her words, a chandelier falls on the floor next to them and the poltergeist flies around the room, laughing loudly at the destruction it’s created so far. The entire room is a mess: furniture are either smashed or toppled over, curtains are torn, the wallpaper is in pieces and there are crude words – and even cruder pictures – sprayed on it. The poltergeist has sure been busy. Containing a creature like that shouldn’t be difficult – poltergeists aren’t powerful ghosts: they are pranksters, but they are not dangerous. But it seems that there’s an exception to every rule: this particular poltergeist is out there to set the world on fire.

Let’s hope that only metaphorically.

‘John, we have to do something,’ Amy says and huddles closer to him, ‘and we have to do something quickly! Because we’ll either die or this lunatic will get out!’

Doesn’t he know that? He’s aware how out of control this poltergeist is, but it seems that his brain is malfunctioning today. He can’t think about any solution – everything is just a bit hazy. No, focus. He has to focus!

‘Okay. We have to throw some Anti-Mischief Powder on it and then bottle it up,’ he says slowly.

‘I know! But how are you planning to do that? This thing is quicker than a squirrel on cocaine!’ Amy hisses out.

‘Distract him! Yes, it’s a great idea! Distract him and dump the powder on it and then I’ll bottle it up!’ He exclaims.

‘Bottle it up? Do you even have a bottle?’ Amy asks. ‘And distract it _how_?’

‘I have a jar,’ he replies and pulls out a small jar from his jacket’s pocket.

‘Pickles?’ Amy says as she looks at the jar. ‘Is it a jar for pickles? Is there still a pickle inside?’

‘Well, yes,’ he says and quickly eats the remaining pickle. ‘What, I broke the last poltergeist containing bottle. I had to improvise!’

‘Great,’ Amy rolls her eyes. ‘Improvisation. Because that always ends well. Will the jar even keep the poltergeist inside?’

‘I am not sure,’ he admits and scratches his head. ‘Just… Make sure to throw a lot of powder on that guy.’

 ‘Oh, I will,’ grumbles Amy crawling from under the table. ‘I’ll drown this asshole in powder. You just watch. _Oi, loser_!’ Amy shouts at the poltergeist as she stands up. ‘Hey, I’m talking to you! Look at me!’ The poltergeist stops what it’s doing (throwing books from the shelves) and turns towards Amy. ‘Stop that nonsense right now and come here, so I can kick your ass!’

The poltergeist stares at her for a few seconds, blinks a couple of times and then throws the book in his hand at Amy.

‘Hey! What did I say?’ Amy shouts as she ducks to the right to avoid the tome flying in her direction. ‘Stop that!’

But it seems that the poltergeist isn’t easily intimidated – even by someone ginger and Scottish.

‘John? A little help would be great right now!’ Amy exclaims as she runs around the room avoiding the books thrown at her. ‘Really. Right now!’

‘Just get close to it!’ He shouts. ‘And be careful, I think it’s going to throw a copy of ‘ _Gone with the wind_ ’ at you!’

‘You’re completely useless!’ Amy shouts back and turns around just in time to catch the thick book – ‘ _Gone with the wind_ ’ indeed – in her hands. Without thinking she throws it back at the poltergeist. The book flies straight through its body, but at least that catches the poltergeist’s attention -  for a second it stops creating havoc and just stares at the object that just landed on the floor behind its back. It’s exactly the distraction Amy needed – she runs towards the ghost and spills half of the Anti-Mischief Powder over the poltergeist’s head. Before the spook can do anything, the powder freezes it in place.

‘John! Come on! Capture it before it escapes!’ Amy says and he realises that for the last few seconds he’s been just stupidly staring at the scene in front of him. He scrambles to his feet, trying his best to be as swift as possible, but the poltergeist is already breaking free from the influence of the powder. There are still a few feet between him and the ghost and he won’t make it-

Amy runs towards him and grabs the now empty pickle jar from his hand and with a well-practiced movement of her hand, she captures the poltergeist in the jar. Quickly, she closes it and sets it on the table that somehow survived the mayhem.

Right. Okay.

So that happened.

It takes them another 45 minutes to tie everything up: write a statement, call a cleaning team and a representative from The Spirits Department who will collect the poltergeist. It’s nearing 4pm when they’re finally walking to his car and as he digs for the keys in the pocket of his trousers, Amy clears her throat.

‘Give me the keys,’ she says.

‘What?’ He looks at her in surprise. ‘Why?’

‘You’re not in the state to drive,’ Amy says quietly. ‘John, please.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he shakes his head. ‘I am great. I don’t even know where did you get that idea from. Come on, hop in.’

‘I am not getting in the car with you,’ Amy says. ‘You think I haven’t noticed how off you were today? You were slow, you behaved like you were paralysed – and look at you now – your hands are shaking, you’re sweating… Why am I even talking with you? Just give me the keys.’

He drops his gaze to the ground, because he just can’t look at Amy right now. She’s looking at him with concern, but there’s also anger in her eyes – and the worst part is that he knows that her anger is justified. He was off the game today: he was slow and distracted and while no one got hurt, he could’ve put Amy and himself in danger. He’s an idiot.

‘Okay, let’s do it your way,’ he says and throws Amy the keys. ‘Just don’t go too fast.’

‘It’s not like you can go fast in this blue garbage,’ Amy mutters catching the keys and moving to the driver’s side. ‘Get in.’

The ride to his flat passes in silence: Amy is focused on driving and he is too tired and nervous to speak. _Maybe Amy will let it go_ , he thinks as he sneaks glances at his friend. He knows that there's no chance in hell that this will happen, but hey, one can dream.

'Here we are,' Amy says when she stops in front of his flat.

'Uhm, thanks,' he says awkwardly. 'Do you want be to call taxi for you?'

'No,' Amy says and turns to face him. 'I want you to talk to me.'

'What about?' He asks, buying himself time. If he behaves like an idiot, maybe Amy won't bother with questioning him.

'What about? Oh, I don't know... Maybe about your behaviour today. And it's not just today - you've been off for the past couple of weeks,' Amy says, focusing her eyes on him. 'I didn't want to bring this up, I thought that maybe you were having a bad day... But you were having many bad days lately. I'm worried about you.'

'There's nothing to be worried about,' he replies, trying to sound cheerful. 'Really, it's nothing-'

'Is it though?' Amy asks. 'It sure didn't look like nothing today. You were so out of your depth... And it sure wasn't the first time. What's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing.'

For a second he is tempted to tell Amy the truth. It would be so nice to have someone know about his problem, to have someone's support and help. It'd be so much easier not to be alone with this whole mess. He even opens his mouth and the words are on the tip of his tongue - the confession ready to slip from between his lips. It'd be so easy...

'It is nothing,' he says and quickly corrects himself, 'well, it isn't _nothing_ , but it's also not something important. Yes, I've been a bit... Not myself lately. But it's nothing serious. I've been a bit tired, that's all,' as he says this he realises how much of an idiot and a coward he is.

'Tired? Why?' Amy asks with her brows furrowed.

'I am a bit busy these days,' he shrugs. 'Running the shop, consulting with supernatural cases, writing the paper on Vastha Nerada... I'm not that young anymore.'

'You sure aren't,' Amy nods. 'But that doesn't change the fact that you haven't been looking well for a while now. Are you sure you're not sick?'

Damn Amy and her stubbornness.

'I am sure I'm not sick,' he musters a smile. 'It is just that I haven't been sleeping well. That's all.'

'You're having trouble sleeping? Why? Is it because of the Library?' Amy asks with concern. 'Maybe you should see someone about it. I have a number to a great specialist - he helped me with my insomnia a few years ago.'

'Thank you, but I'll deal with this myself,' he says quietly. 'And it is nothing to do with the Library, I promise.'

_Yeah, it has nothing to do with the Library,_ he thinks _. I just have a succubus that shags me every night and sucks all the strength out of me. No big deal, eh?_

'Are you sure?' Amy asks.

'Yeah, I'm sure,' he repeats the words like a broken record and feels like an utter asshole. He's lying to his best friend because he's too scared and embarrassed to admit the truth. 'I have had a lot going on lately and even at night I can turn my brain off. I will be fine soon, I'm sure.'

Another lie. He's not sure if he's going to be alright ever again.

‘You promise?’ Amy asks, but he can see that she’s a bit more relaxed now.

‘I promise. You can stop worrying about me now,’ he lets out a laugh.

‘It’s difficult not to worry about you when you’re all pale and shaky,’ Amy responds, but this time she smiles. ‘But if anything happens, you know you can tell me, right? Rory and I will always be there for you.’

‘I know and I appreciate it, truly,’ he says and squeezes her hand. ‘Thank you. Now… Off you go to your husband. He’s probably moping without you.’

‘He most certainly is,’ Amy says with a smile. ‘Maybe you want to come over? We could order pizza and watch some dumb movie.’

‘Amy,’ he sighs. ‘Once again: thank you for your concern. But I really am okay. A bit tired, that’s all. You don’t have to fret.’

‘Fine,’ Amy says and sticks out her tongue. ‘Just remember this moment next time you complain I am not caring enough.’

‘I will,’ he nods his head. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to call you a cab?’

‘I’m sure,’ Amy says. ‘It’s a nice day for a walk.’

He waves Amy goodbye, closes his car and walks to his flat.

‘Fuck,’ he mutters once he’s inside his apartment. ‘Fuck. I am a moron.’

He collapses onto the sofa and closes his eyes. He could have told Amy the truth, he should’ve done that. It’d take a lot of time to explain this whole mess, but- But what? Nothing would change, except for the fact that Amy and Rory would now be burdened with his trouble. Besides, he’s not even sure if he could describe this situation to them – or to anyone. He himself can barely understand it as it is, so he really doubts that someone not involved in this whole thing could understand it.

And he thought that having the succubus plaguing his dreams is bad enough. Now he is bonded to the sex demon and everything is even worse.

Or maybe better.

See? He doesn’t even know anymore.

That’s the problem. Now he sees it.

Jack had told him once that the succubi make you want that: the desire, the lust, the sex. And the worst thing is that it’s true. He’s experienced it first hand, so he knows just _how true_ this statement is.

He wishes he could say he’s fighting the succubus and her influence over him, but the truth is that he isn’t. He’s not even trying. How can he when it feels so good? How can he try to get rid of her when she makes him feel all these things? And he doesn’t just mean sex – although yes, the sex is great – but also… When he’s with the succubus, he feels this intimacy that he’s never experienced before. Oh yes, he realises it’s yet another one of her tricks, but he’s fallen for it. She has her whole attention always focused on him, his needs and his pleasure: how can he want to lose it? How could anyone want to lose it?

The part of him that it’s not driven by sex and pleasure understands that he needs to stop. When he wakes up in the morning and feels utterly exhausted, he tell himself it was the last time. When he can’t focus, when he forgets what he wanted to say, when he sways and feels lightheaded – he promises himself that this night he will fight her, that this night he won’t let her devour him.

He always fails.

Truth to be told, he doesn’t really try that hard. Of course, he lays down the spells, he sprinkles holy water on his sheets and spills salt on the threshold of his bedroom. But it’s always not enough: the spells are always too weak, there’s not enough salt or the holy water isn’t sprayed evenly on his bed and so the succubus always finds her way to him. Or maybe he always lets her find her way to him. Does it even matter?

What matters is that he misses the succubus and he yearns for her and that wants to feel her and kiss her and get lost in her and forget about everything else. He's afraid that he'll come back to her again and again until the end of... Exactly. The end of her? Or maybe the end of him?

 

___

'Are you sure you're okay, John?' Clara's gentle question makes him jump in his seat. He glances at the potion simmering on the cooker in front of him. What potion is it? For teething baby vampires or for lucious fur for werewolves? He must have dozed off and now he can't remember...

'John?' Clara comes closer to him and puts a hand on his arm.

'Uhm, sorry, I got lost in thoughts,' he lets out a nervous laugh. He sniffs the potion - it smells of menthol and aloe - definitely a potion for teething then. He needs to wait until it starts boiling and then add a few drops of deer's blood and it'll be all ready.

'I asked you if you're sure you're fine,' Clara asks again with concern in her voice.

'Of course I'm fine!' He responds. 'Why are you asking?'

'You have been... A bit weird lately. I mean, weirder than usually,' Clara sighs. 'Absent-minded and forgetful. It's like there's something else occupying you all the time. And I can't count all the times when you napped at work. You've been looking a bit sick recently-'

'I am great, really,' he quickly interrupts Clara. The lie slides effortlessly from his tongue. He's gotten quite good at lying to his friends – he does it quite often these days. 'I may be a bit under the weather, but that's all. Nothing serious!'

Clara purses her lips as if to say _'I don't buy it, but I won't pursue this... For now._ '

'Do you want to go home early today?' She asks. 'I can close up.'

'No, thank you,' he smiles at her. 'You go home, I'll finish the potion and close the shop.'

'Are you sure? Because I can stay and help you-'

'I'm sure. Go on, go home and do what all you hip and young kids do these days!' He winks at her. 'Go clubbing or, uhm, I don't know... What are you even doing tonight?'

'I'm going for a cooking class,' Clara replies and starts gathering her things. 'Today we'll be learning how to make soufflés. If I bake anything worthwhile, I may bring it tomorrow, so you’ll get to taste it!'

‘Uhm, that’s not necessary,’ he clears his throat. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate Clara’s efforts at cooking, but she clearly is not made for it. She often brings some of the things she cooked or baked and he tries them and well… He tries to be encouraging and enthusiastic about everything he eats. And if he spits everything the second Clara turns around… She hasn’t caught him doing that. At least not yet. ‘I mean, I am sure that there’ll be nothing left to bring here. Your friends from the class won’t leave even crumbs!’

‘Still, I’ll try to save something for you!’ Clara’s smile could brighten half of the city. ‘Okay, I’m off. You are I can leave you here on your own?’

‘I am sure, Miss Oswald,’ he nods his head. ‘Go and be the next Mary Berry.’

Clara waves him goodbye and closes the shop door behind her.

He’s alone.

He lets out a breath he’s been holding for some time now. The truth is that _no, he’s not fine_. He’s tired and weak, his head feels like it’s about to explode and he can’t focus his attention on anything. There’s also something else that makes him feel so uncomfortable and achy – he misses the succubus. It feels like actual physical pain, like an itch he can’t scratch, hunger he can’t satisfy. And this time it’s all his own making. Well, one could say that this whole mess is of his own making, but this time it’s because he’s finally doing something to get rid of the succubus.

She came to him 3 days ago, at night, and per usual he only pretended to keep up the fight. He let her in, he let her kiss and caress him until he was putty in her hands and then he felt it, for the first time so clearly and powerfully: when her lips were on his, he could _feel_ the energy being drained from his body. He got scared. He panicked. He pushed the succubus off of him and out of his dream. He woke up panting and covered in sweat and that night he hasn’t slept anymore. Ever since then he’s been on guard all the time: every time he felt the succubus appearing during the day, he distracted himself or went to where the people were. At nights, he used every measure available to make sure that the succubus wouldn’t be able to get close to him: salt, holy water, crosses, baby toys (because there is nothing less sexy than a pink plush doll). And it worked surprisingly well – the succubus has left him alone. It’d be a smashing success if he didn’t crave for her so much. He thinks that this is how addicts might feel: the need to get one more hit, no matter how damaging it may be to them. Fuck, what wouldn’t he give for one more night with her. He feels like shit with and without her, so what difference would it make?

_No._

He must remain strong.

He turns off the heat under the potion. He can’t think today, he’ll make it from the scratch tomorrow. He needs to get out of here and get some air. Maybe if he goes for a walk now, he’ll be able to sleep better at night. He quickly tidies up, closes the ship and goes out – _out out out._

The hustle of London’s streets doesn’t do anything to calm him. If anything, he feels even more alone among all the people rushing past him. He walks where his legs take him. He walks and walks, until he can’t tell where he is anymore. He walks until he has to force himself to take the next step and until his breath is ragged and comes in short pants. His head hurts and everything starts to look a bit fuzzy, but he knows – no, he feels – that he must get somewhere, so he pushes forward and forward… Then suddenly there it is: the feeling of warmth and calm. He’s standing in front of the door and they’re shining and they’re golden and there’s a force that pulls him in and he knows that once he goes there _, everything will be fine_ -

He takes a step, one last and final step-

And then his feet give away and he _falls, falls, falls_ -

 

___

He wakes up, but he doesn’t open his eyes, not just yet. Instead, he stretches under the duvet and takes a deep breath. Gods, it’s been ages since he felt so refreshed and well-rested. He feels so warm and safe, and the bed is so soft and he would happily stay here for the rest of the day, but he knows he can’t. He has to go to the shop and finish that potion, and if he’s not mistaken, a lisping banshee wants to meet and ask him about speech therapy. He can’t stay in bed, no matter how much he wants to, so it’ll be better to get up now and just face the day and everything that awaits him. He opens his eyes-

This is not his bedroom.

Panicked, he closes his eyes and opens them again.

Still not his bedroom.

_Crap._

What the hell is happening?

He needs to calm down. There must be a logical explanation to all of this. He breathes deeply and looks under the duvet – he’s still wearing his trousers and socks, he has his shirt on and his jacket is laying on the chair by the bed. At least he didn’t go out and have sex with a complete stranger. A little relieved, he looks around and takes in his surroundings. It’s an average sized room, with walls painted in warm, pale yellow colour, with simple but tasty wooden furniture and a big fluffy carpet. There are pictures on the walls: a few pictures of pyramids, another one showing the insides of a catacomb and wait, is that an elfish castle? It’s almost impossible for people to go this far into elfish territory, so whoever took this pic must be really good-

‘I see you’re awake,’ a voice comes from the direction of the doorway.

‘ _Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_ ’ He lets out a very undignified yelp and jumps on the bed. ‘River! What the hell are you doing here?’

‘I live here. But what you’re doing here is a true mystery to me,’ River replies and leans against the doorframe. ‘No, none of that,’ she cuts in before he has a chance to explain himself – well, explain himself as much as he can. ‘It’s 8am on a Saturday. I haven’t slept much last night and I need caffeine and food before I hear whatever you will tell me. So,’ she sighs and looks at him, her eyes focused and determined, ‘I’ll prepare us some breakfast and you’ll take a shower. Then we’ll talk. Okay?’

He can only nod, too stunned to say anything.

‘Great. Bathroom is on the right,’ River says. ‘I left you some clothes to put on.’

And with that she walks out, leaving him alone in her bedroom.

_He is alone in River Song’s bedroom._

Somehow he found his way to River’s apartment – worse, to her bedroom! Not that being in River’s bedroom is so bad – she has really nice sheet and a comfy bed – but how did that happen? He remembers nothing from the last night and if River demands any explanation – and of course she will – what will he tell her? He lies down with a sigh. Maybe if he goes back to sleep everything will just fix itself?

‘Screw it,’ he says after 30 seconds. He fucked up. He needs to do something about.

He gets up and heads to the bathroom, where he takes a brisk shower and puts on the clothes River prepared for him: a pair of sweatpants and a simple black t-shirt. He looks at his reflection in the mirror for a few seconds, takes a deep breath and following the smell of coffee, he goes to the kitchen, where River is busy making scrambled eggs.

‘Hi again,’ he says when he enters the kitchen. ‘Uhm, thanks for the clothes.’

‘They belonged to my good-for-nothing ex,’ River shrugs. ‘At least now he’s useful in some way. Go on, sit there,’ she points to a small table where cups of coffee are already standing, ‘everything will be ready in the minute.’

He obediently sits at the table, feeling more and more nervous with each second. Is River going to poison him? Does she know about his… Problem? Is she angry with him? There are even more questions floating in his head and none of them can be answered – at least not just yet.

‘There you go,’ says River putting a plate in front of him. ‘Nothing too fancy, but I hope you’ll like it.’

He nods his head and starts eating. To be honest, this could be the most delicious meal he has ever tasted and he wouldn’t know it. He’s too stressed out to feel anything other than blinding panic, so every bite he takes tastes like cardboard. River seems to be a more bit at ease – she’s clearly enjoying her meal and even trying to make a small talk with him, but when he replies only with monosyllables, she stops talking.

‘Right,’ she finally says once she cleans up the plates. ‘Do you want anything to drink? Tea? More coffee?’

‘No, thank you, I’m fine,’ he croaks out.

‘I suppose you don’t remember what happened last night?’ When he shakes his head, River’s face softens and runs fingers through her hair. ‘I’ll tell you what happened – at least what I witnessed and then you’ll tell me your side of this story. Okay?’

‘Yeah,’ he whispers and takes a sip of his coffee.

‘I came back from Azerbaijan a few days ago, so I have to catch up with work,’ River starts quietly. ‘Papers, tests, you name it. Yesterday evening I decided to stay home and mark essayss. Not my favourite way to spend a Friday evening, as you can imagine,’ River sighs. ‘Around 9:30pm I heard someone knocking on my door. I was a bit surprised, because I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I went to open the door anyway. And that’s when you fell into my arms. Literally,’ River fixes him with an intense glare. ‘You’re lucky that I caught you, otherwise you’d have smashed your head on the floor. You weren’t in a state to say anything coherent, so I assumed you were drunk out of your ass. Luckily, I’m friends with Jack, so I know how to deal with people in this state. I dragged you inside, wrestled you out of your jacket and tried to put you to sleep. I thought _‘oh, he’s going to sleep it off, wake up in the morning and I’ll get to tease him about this whole thing’_. But then I realised that you weren’t drunk, were you?’ River asks and he shakes his head. ‘Exactly. I didn’t feel any alcohol from you and you weren’t behaving like someone who’s tipsy. You behaved like you were ill. Feverish. You… You wouldn’t let go of me,’ as River says that, she turns her head to glance through the window. ‘You just held my hand and the moment I tried to move, you looked like you’re in pain. I couldn’t even call anyone – Amy, Rory or an ambulance – because you wouldn’t let me leave your side. So that’s where I stayed most of the night. And now comes my question: _what the fuck happened last night_?’ Her voice is sharp and steely and he knows that she’ll accept nothing but the truth – even if she has to beat it out of him.

‘I don’t know,’ he replies. His brain is still trying to process all the information that River just provided him with. He came here? To her? And he wouldn’t let her leave his side? He woke up feeling well-rested for the first time in weeks and it’s all because of River? Now he’s truly fucked.

‘Don’t give me that bullshit,’ River says angrily. ‘If you had the guts to come here in such a state, you should have the guts to tell me how you got into that state.’

‘I don’t mean that I don’t know… I know how it happened. I just don’t remember how I got here. Or why,’ he says and River raises her eyebrows in confusion.

‘Okay… I understand precisely nothing,’ she says. ‘Care to explain?’

‘I wish I could,’ he sighs. ‘I remember leaving my shop yesterday evening and walking around London, but that’s it. I don’t remember anything else.’

He sits silently for a few moments, staring into his now empty coffee cup. Somehow, he managed to make an even bigger mess of things. How on earth did that happen? How did he get here? Okay, he has some inkling of how and why he got to River’s apartment, but still.

‘John,’ River says softly and when he looks up, her face is a picture of concern. ‘What is happening?’

He stares at her and once again catches himself thinking how nice it’d be to tell the truth. Just this once. To have someone who knows about his secret, to have someone who can share his burden, someone who could help him. But he can’t. He shouldn’t tell this to anyone, last of all River. He’ll deal with this on his own. He opens his mouth to say something – anything – that will sound at least a bit plausibly and satisfy River’s curiosity.

‘I have a succubus and I’ve bonded with her,’ he says instead and clamps his hand over his mouth.

_Shit._

Why did he say that?

Was there a truth serum in his scrambled eggs?

To tell the truth, River seems to be as much surprised by his confession as he is. She leans back in her chair and stares at him, looking shocked and startled.

‘A succubus. You have a succubus,’ she repeats. ‘You know what? I need more coffee. And I think you need it too.’

20 minutes later they both drinking their second coffee and he finishes telling River about the succubus. He hasn’t told her everything, of course – some things should remain his secret. Besides, he’s not sure if he could tell them without blushing bright red. He’s still not sure why he told River all of that, but the words kept flowing from his mouth and he couldn’t stop them. He feels weirdly relieved now that he shared this with someone.

‘So to sum it up: you have a succubus, you shagged her and how she’s stalking you, sucking the vital force out of you. No pun intended,’ River winces at her own choice of words. ‘And you didn’t go with this to anyone. Right. Great decision. Very manly.’

‘You think so?’ He asks in surprise.

‘Of course not,’ River scoffs. ‘You behaved like an idiot. But let’s put that behind us. The more pressing question is: why did you end up _chez moi_ last night?’

Ah. The question he’s been dreading. The question he still doesn’t know how to answer.

‘Uhm, I don’t know…,’ he says slowly, hoping to buy himself some time. ‘I can only guess, but that’s not, you know, proven or anything-‘

‘Guess then,’ River says.

He takes a deep breath.

‘I’m guessing that’s… It could be caused by your lack of aura,’ he blurts out. ‘I think – I might be mistaken, but I also could be right – that you cancel out the succubus’ power. Somehow. You have no aura and she’s one of the most powerful creatures I’ve ever encountered and well, it could even itself out? Or maybe not that, but you seem to minimise the influence the succubus has on me. I’ve noticed it before – when we were working on The Library case. When I worked alongside you, when I spent time with you, the succubus wouldn’t bother me for days, sometimes even weeks. She just wouldn’t appear.’

‘Is it your pick-up line? Because if it is, then it’s definitely not working,’ River says and he feels so embarrassed he can barely speak.

‘No! I would never- I don’t… No, really, you have to believe me-‘ he starts apologising, but River waves her hand.

‘It’s okay, I was only joking,’ she tells him, before taking a sip of her coffee. She stares at him over the rim of her cup, as if considering something important. ‘What do you expect of me?’

‘Huh?’ He asks in confusion.

‘What do you expect of me?’ River repeats. ‘How do you want me to help you?’

‘I- I don’t want anything from you,’ he shakes his head. ‘You asked me why I landed on your doorstep last night, so I did. There’s nothing more to it. You don’t have to do anything. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything to help me.’

River looks at him for a few seconds without saying a word.

‘I want to make a deal with you,’ she finally speaks.

‘A deal?’ He squeaks out and a chill runs down his spine.

‘Not _that_ kind of deal,’ River rolls her eyes. ‘I am not going to fuck the succubus out of you, don’t worry. But I have an idea.’

‘And what idea that might be?’ He mumbles, looking down at the table, certainly not imagining River fucking the succubus out of him. Ha! As if that would ever work!

‘I keep the succubus away from you, is that right?’ River says and he nods his head. ‘You want to keep her away, right? So it’s simple: we spend some time together and she stays away from you.’

‘What? You’d do that? Why?’ He asks furrowing his eyebrows.

‘Because for some strange reason I like you and I don’t fancy seeing you suffer,’ River says simply. ‘Is this enough of a reason for you?’

‘Yeah, it is,’ he says. ‘You said it’s a deal though. So what do you want in return?’

River bites her lower lip and takes a deep breath.

‘I want to you to try and help me get an aura,’ she states.

‘What? But that’s impossible!’ He exclaims. ‘It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just get you an aura.’

‘But you could try and come up with something that provides me with an aura, right? Something like my ring but that doesn’t wear off?’ River asks almost pleadingly.

‘I- I don’t know. Maybe. But I’m not sure,’ he scratches his cheek. ‘I won’t promise you anything. I don’t want you to get disappointed.’

‘Deal,’ River responds almost immediately.

‘Just like that?’ He asks in surprise.

‘Just like that,’ River smiles. ‘So… What about you?’

He hesitates for a few seconds. It’s so tempting – he could spend time with River and get rid of the succubus. It’d be _so easy_. But what River wants from him in return… It’s a huge task. Not to mention that it’s almost impossible to achieve – but then again he always loved impossible things.

‘Deal,’ he finally says and smiles for the first time this morning.

When he leaves River’s apartment a few minutes later, he feels chipper than he’s felt in ages. There’s only one small cloud on the horizon: while he’s told River that he has a succubus, he never told her that the succubus is her spitting copy.

Well… Let’s hope that he will never have to tell her that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. an update. I too am surprised. another update that is probably too long, oops. sorry? 
> 
> thank you for the comments, kudos and subscriptions. they all mean a lot, truly.   
> a small psa: my life may be a bit crazy/busy in the upcoming weeks, so I don't know when I'll be able to write and update. I'll try to do my best, but hey, my best is usually 'meh'. what can I do? so if you feel like dropping this story like a hot potato, I'll understand. 
> 
> chapter's title is from White Lies' 'is my love enough'. (their new album is so good? I just love it. give it a listen if you can)


	19. there's nowhere to go but into you, into you

_It should be awkward_ , he thinks, _this whole deal with River_. It should be, but somehow it isn’t. Okay, it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable for the first 5 minutes during their first meeting, but he said something stupid, River laughed and _bam_ – they were fine. They still are fine and that really makes him happy – not just because being around River protects him from the succubus, but as it turned out, he simply enjoys spending his time with her. She’s the only person whom he can be honest with - he doesn’t have to hide behind lies with her, because she knows his secret and doesn’t judge him for it nor thinks about him less because of it.

Right. Enough soppiness. He has a mission to fulfil and he has to be at his most agile now. He’s standing in front of the door to River’s office, his hands are occupied by two paper cups filled with hot beverages and he only now realised that he has no way to knock on the damn door. Wonderful. He tries to hold both cups in one hand, but he nearly spills steaming coffee all over himself, so he stops fiddling. He only has to think and the solution will come to him; it must be obvious and simple and-

Of course! He has to knock on the door with his head! He bangs his head against the door – _once, twice, thrice_ and he prepares to hit the door for the fourth time but before he has a chance to permanently injure himself, the door opens and River stands in them, looking very unimpressed and unamused.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ She asks instead of a simple and pleasant ‘hello’.

‘Trying to knock on the door! In case you haven’t noticed, I’m holding two cups of delicious coffee, so I had to be creative with knocking,’ he says and rolls his eyes. ‘It’s not an easy task to knock when your hands are busy!’

‘Have you thought about putting one cup on the floor and then knocking with your free hand?’ River raises one of her eyebrows. ‘Or you know, kicking the door gently? Anything but hitting it with your head! You could’ve gotten a concussion!’

‘Well… I just thought it’d be quicker,’ he admits and shrugs. ‘Besides, it worked!’

‘How are you still alive is beyond me,’ River sighs, but opens the door wider and lets him in. ‘Come on, get in. You couldn’t have arrived at a better time – I am grading test and I need coffee. Otherwise, I may just start crying.’

‘You crying? Somehow I can’t picture that,’ he says and hands River one of the cups.

‘You’re right. I’d just hunt all these idiots down and smack them with the thickest book I own,’ River replies and takes a sip of her coffee. ‘Oh gods, yes. This is exactly what I needed.’

 _No one should be able to enjoy their coffee so much_ , he thinks as he listens to River’s little pleased moans and sighs. _These are not coffee appropriate noises. These sound more like adult movies appropriate noises._

‘Uhm, so what are you grading?’ He asks to distract himself as he makes himself comfortable in one of the chairs.

‘Tests of my so-called bright students,’ River replies sourly. ‘I am sorry to say but they’re as dense as black holes. I am pretty sure that light bends around some of them.’

‘That can’t be right,’ he says once he gets his laughter under control. ‘Maybe you’re just too harsh. Besides, how could one get an archaeology test wrong? There’s nothing difficult about it!’

The look River gives him would terrify a lesser man. Thankfully, he is not one of those men.

‘What did you just say?’ She says in a tone so icy that he can feel his coffee turning into a frappuccino.

‘I mean…,’ he swallows nervously as River keeps glaring at him in a way that suggest he should buy a coffin really soon, ‘I mean, well, it can’t be that difficult. Archaeology, I mean.’

‘Very well. Prove it then,’ River says with a big smile and hands him a piece of paper. ‘Since you’re so smart and archaeology is trivial… You shouldn’t have any problems with this test. I'm sure you're going to ace it,’ River says. She continues to stare at him in a way that rapidly makes him rethink a few things and realise that he is, in fact, one of the lesser men.

‘Okay, fine,’ he takes the test from her, acting nonchalant. ‘I am sure I'll complete it with the maximum score.’

And he sure will. It is archaeology for gods’ sake! It can't be difficult! He is intelligent, he'll nail it. For the next 20 minutes the only sounds in the room are River's frustrated growls as she marks the remaining exams and him muttering under his breath over the test.

‘Okay, I'm done,’ he says and hands River the test. ‘Mark me! I mean, mark the test. Not me.’

‘I wouldn't dream of it,’ River smiles sweetly. ‘Okay, let's see… Oh. This is going to be good.’

Two minutes later she pushed the test towards him and her smile is even sweeter. ‘Here you go, John.’

‘How much did I get?’ He peers at the mark. ‘What? ZERO? How could I get zero points?’

‘I am asking myself the same question,’ River says looking very pleased with herself. ‘Archaeology is so easy, right?’

‘It is impossible! I must've gotten at least one right!’ He exclaims.

‘And yet here you are, not answering even one question right. It's quite an achievement, because even my most idiotic students scored at least 5 points,’ River says. ‘So… What are we going to do now?’

‘Huh?’ He mutters, still staring at his test. How on earth did he do that? How does one get 0 points? Maybe he had a brief stroke and that's why he made so many mistakes? ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’

‘I was saying that you owe me an apology,’ River grins. ‘Don't you think?’

‘Apology for what?’ He asks. ‘I didn't do anything wrong!’

‘Really? Offending my discipline of choice and my line of work isn’t anything wrong?’ River asks. ‘Come on, I'm waiting.’

‘Don't be ridiculous, I'm not going to apologise for that!’ He shakes his head but when he sees the look River is giving him, he changes his mind and he does it rather quickly. ‘Okay. Okay. I was wrong. Archaeology isn't as easy as I thought it is. Happy?’

‘Satisfied. For now at least,’ River smiles and goes back to grading the tests. He sticks his tongue at her when she's not looking and makes himself more comfortable in his chair. He tries not to bother her, but it proves to be a tad difficult.

‘I have been thinking…,’ he says when he can't sit still anymore.

‘Thinking? You? That's impossible!’ River says teasingly. ‘I do hope it was better that what you did during the test.’

‘Oi! I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to be like that!’ He huffs.

‘Is it a promise?’ she asks mockingly. ‘Please, say it's a promise.’

‘Fine! If that's what you want!’ He crosses his arms and turns away from River. Oh, if she's so funny and hilarious, he'll show her! He doesn't have to talk to her, he doesn't have to talk at all! He can be quiet and just sit here without saying a word – without even breathing in her direction. She'll regret making fun of him - she'll be the one begging him to talk with her again.

However, River doesn’t seem to be phased by his silence – she keeps on reading the tests without even looking at him. Fine, he can make do without her attention. He’s an adult after all. He fiddles with pens on River’s desks, looks at a few journals she has there, takes out his phone and plays Atomas for a bit. Then, when he thinks that enough time has passed and River surely must be languishing without talking with him, he speaks.

‘So, I’ve been thinking-,’ he stops when River chuckles at his words. ‘What?’

‘Nothing, it’s just that you lasted the whole of 94 seconds without talking. Is it your personal record?’ She laughs, but he can see the fondness in her eyes, which makes him feel a bit flustered.

‘I just didn’t want you to feel neglected,’ he shrugs trying his best to play it cool. ‘Anyway, can I now say what I’ve been thinking?’

‘Of course, honey,’ River leans back in her chair and fixes her attention on him. ‘But tell me: if I said no, would that stop you?’

He chooses to ignore her.

‘As I said, I’ve been thinking that we should start working on trying to give you some aura,’ he says and River’s expression immediately turns serious. ‘Ha, that got your attention, didn’t it?’

‘Of course it did, you moron,’ River rolls her eyes. ‘What are you thinking about exactly?’

‘There are objects with certain properties - their aura often affects everything around them,’ he starts. ‘They either make other auras stronger or in very rare cases – weaker. I have a few of them in my store – I thought we could try them out and see if any of them work with you.’

‘I think we’d be wasting our time,’ River says. ‘Been there, done that, trust me. Nothing works on me – nothing except for the Silver Birch and I drain that one as well.’

‘I know that,’ he nods his head, ‘but by combining a few objects maybe we can find a combination that works for you. We won’t know unless we try.’

River bites her lips and then nods her head.

‘Okay, let’s try it,’ she says. ‘It’s not like I have anything to lose.’

‘Great!’ He exclaims and jumps from his seat. ‘You won’t regret it, I promise! So – Saturday, 10am? My shop?’

‘Sure, of course- Wait, where are you going?’ River shouts after him.

‘I have to prepare! See you!’

And off he runs.

 

___

Turns out that his preparations were for nothing. He has spent the last 3 days on coming up with various combinations of rocks, leaves, pieces of unicorns’ horns, holy opals – and so on – hoping that at least one of them would be fine for River. He’s created a number of various necklaces, rings and bracelets – they are cluttering a drawer in his desk and all of this for nought.

He can’t meet with River today – a patient called and he has to do a home visit. Although ‘home visit’ is a bit of stretching it.

‘Right, so Andrew will come later today – you know, the goblin,’ he explains to Clara as he gathers his things. ‘There’s an anti-stinky feet ointment for him in the fridge. He knows how to apply it, so you don’t need to explain anything to him. Just be careful when you accept money from him – they may be slimy. He likes to keep his pet snails in his pockets, together with everything else. What can you do, he is a goblin. Oh, and if anyone – and I mean _anyone_ – comes in to see me, tell them I’ll call them later today.’

‘And who would come to see you, huh?’ Clara asks teasingly. ‘Some girl maybe?’

‘What? No-no, why would you think that-‘ he shakes his head. ‘There’s no girl-‘

‘Good morning,’ River says entering the shop. ‘I hope I’m not late?’

‘Is that whom you’ve been waiting for the whole morning?’ Clara asks leaning over the counter and if he’s not mistaken, she unabashedly checks River out. ‘Never would have guessed.’

‘Shut up,’ he quickly hisses out to Clara and turns to River. ‘I tried calling you. Multiple times.’

‘I don’t answer my phone when I’m driving. What is going on?’ River asks and looks at his equipment.

‘I have to leave,’ he sighs. ‘An emergency home visit.’

‘Oh- But we were supposed to try out these various new things,’ River says and over her shoulder he can see Clara’s eyes nearly budging out of the sockets.

‘I know,’ he says and grans River’s arm and nearly drags her to the exit, away from Clara and her too curious eyes and wait _, is she taking a picture of them_? ‘I know, I promised, but Bubbly needs me and I just can’t let him down.’

‘Who’s Bubbly?’ River asks in confusion.

‘He’s a dragon,’ he replies. ‘And my friend.’

‘A dragon,’ River slowly repeats. ‘That’s… But dragons don’t live in England anymore! Japan? Sure. Ethiopia? Cairo? Of course! Russia or Norway? Yes. I’ve seen some of them. But there are no dragons in England!’

‘And that’s where you’re wrong,’ he smiles at her and resists the sudden and completely ridiculous urge to bop her nose. ‘Bubbly lives just outside Bromley.’

‘Can I go with you?’ River asks after staring at him for a few seconds.

‘Sure! I’d love to have some company,’ he beams and can’t help but feel a bit flustered by the smile River gives him in return.

‘What? I’ve been working with you for over two years and you never even asked if I want to see Bubbly!’ Clara shouts from across the room. ‘All I heard was ‘ _no, sorry Clara, he doesn’t like strangers_ ’.

‘Ignore her,’ he says to River as he pushes her out of the shop, away from Clara’s accusations. ‘Clara is a great girl, but she gets a bit weird sometimes, you know.’

‘Can’t blame her, being around you all the time,’ River says playfully. ‘Oh come on, it wasn’t even that mean. Just stating the fact.’

‘State whatever you want,’ he sticks his tongue at her. ‘Come on, Song. We’re going to see a dragon.’

‘Okay, so why did Bubbly stay in the UK?’ River asks once they’re in his car and making way through crowded London’s streets. ‘I thought that all the dragons left the country during Queen Victoria’s reign.’

‘Most of them did, yeah,’ he nods his head. ‘Some stayed for the next century and left before WWII. And some stayed for good, like our pal Bubbly. He says it’s his home, he’s been living here since he was a little egg. His words, not mine.’

‘Why is he called Bubbly though? It doesn’t sound like a name for a dragon.’

‘He overheard that word once and liked the sound of it. He doesn’t really comprehend the meaning of it, there’s no word in his language to describe it,’ he explains and River nods her head in understanding.

‘Why are you seeing him today? Is something wrong with him?’ River asks and he laughs quietly.

‘He’s over 400 years old! So yeah, there are a few things he has problems with,’ he replies. ‘First of all, he has terrible indigestion. You wouldn’t believe how terribly his farts stink. His scales are falling out. And since he loves chocolate, he needs to have his teeth checked regularly. Not to mention that he is a bit overweight. But the biggest issue is that he’s allergic to fire.’

‘You’re shitting me,’ River blurts out. ‘He’s a dragon. He can’t be allergic to fire! It’d be like a fish allergic to water!’

‘Been there, done that,’ he shrugs. ‘Jim The Fish. Finding a cure for him was a challenge, not gonna lie.’

‘Half of the time I don’t know if you’re making things up or telling the truth,’ River says and he laughs in response.

‘What can I say: I am a man of mystery!’

‘If you say so,’ River says sceptically. ‘But don’t people mind that there’s a dragon living near their town?’

‘Are you kidding me? Everyone loves Bubbly!’ He exclaims. ‘They visit him, bring him chocolate, read books to him… It’s them who call me if Bubbly is unwell. But really, he’s like a really big, really old and really beloved dog. You’re going to love him, trust me!’

‘If you say so,’ River repeats and changes the subject to something non-dragon related. They talk about these boring and mundane things – although it seems that nothing is ever mundane when River is involved, even talking about work and London’s traffic – until they reach the borders of Bromley.

‘We’re almost here,’ he says when they near a big forest. ‘Just a few more miles, after that we have to go on foot.’

10 more minutes of a bumpy road later River and he stop by a small stream.

‘Do you want me to help you with anything?’ River asks when he struggles with his bags.

‘Nah, I am fine,’ he says, pushing out his chest. ‘It’s not a long walk, 5 minutes max. Come on!’

River follows him obediently down the stream. And suddenly there it is, as always, the strong wave of aura – one that comes not only from power, but from age and wisdom.

‘Can you feel it?’ He asks quietly and River nods her head. A few more steps and he can already see a stack of rocks in front of which Bubbly is lying.

‘Oh my,’ River whispers and he doesn’t even try to hide his smirk. _Oh my_ is the right reaction when you see Bubbly for the first time. It’s not only the amazement by the sheer size of the dragon – even though Bubbly is about 50 ft tall and 75 ft long – but also the shock of seeing the colour of his scales for the first time.

‘Have I forgot to mention that Bubbly is a golden dragon?’ he chuckles at River who gapes at him and Bubbly with her mouth open. ‘My bad.’

‘John, how very nice to see you,’ Bubbly’s voice – low and deep – rings in his ears. ‘I haven’t expected you to come so quickly.’

‘Anything and everything for you, Bubbly,’ he replies with a smile.

‘And who’s that with you?’ Bubbly asks turning his head towards River who is looking at the dragon with both awe and fear.

‘Oh, that’s my friend,’ he starts. ‘She didn’t believe that there are dragons in England, so I decided to prove her wrong.’

‘I’m River Song,’ River introduces herself and takes a step towards Bubbly. ‘Nice to meet you.’

‘The pleasure is all mine,’ Bubbly replies with a smile – or what would be a smile if he didn’t have mouth filled with huge and sharp teeth. To her credit, River doesn’t even flinch. ‘John never brings anyone with him. Except for that girl, Martha. He brought her once. But only once. Shame, she was a brilliant one. And you, dear…,’ Bubbly stares at River with strange intensity, ‘you’re something different, aren’t you?’

‘I wouldn’t know,’ River replies with a shrug. ‘But then again, you have to be different to be friends with John. Otherwise you’d go bonkers.’

‘Oi!’ He starts to protests, but his words are drowned by Bubbly’s laughter – a sound so loud and powerful that he can feel the earth tremble beneath his feet.

‘You’re right,’ Bubbly manages to say between bursts of laughter. ‘John is certainly something else! I mean, have you seen his clothes?’ The dragon starts laughing again and this time clouds of smoke come out of his nostrils.

‘Oh no,’ he whispers because if Bubbly doesn’t control himself soon, a bad thing is going to happen-

Suddenly, fire comes bursting out of the dragon’s jaw and thankfully, River ducks just in time, so she doesn’t get turned into a human torch. However, a small tree behind her didn’t duck and now it resembles a lump of coal. _Oops_.

‘Blimey, I always forget about it,’ Bubbly coughs loudly. ‘Bloody allergy,’ he coughs again. ‘Now I’ll have rash for the next week. Unless John has my meds with him. How is it, my boy?’

‘Oh, I see,’ he pretends to be angry, ‘it’s okay to make fun of me, but if you want something from me, I am your boy?’

‘You can’t refuse me,’ Bubbly sniffs, ‘I am just a poor old dragon, all alone in this big foreign country…’

‘You were born here, your big lizard,’ he snorts. ‘Stop trying to be charming, it won’t work on River.’

‘How do you know that?’ River and Bubbly ask at the same time, look at each other and start giggling. At least time, Bubbly doesn’t set anything on fire, bless.

‘Fine, fine, whatever!’ He raises his hands in the air. ‘You two gossip while I work. And yes Bubbly, I do have the meds for your allergy. Now, why did you call me today? What’s the matter?’

‘My tail is killing me,’ Bubbly sighs. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong, but it won’t stop hurting. The tip hurts the worst.’

‘Your tail. Of course,’ he rubs his eyes. ‘I am going to head over to the part of you that doesn’t make fun of me. Try not to fart while I’m there, okay? River, you’re going with me?’

‘No! She’s going to stay with me and keep me company,’ Bubbly replies and turns his full attention to River. ‘Now, tell me something about yourself, darling.’

He shakes his head and goes to see Bubbly’s tail. He examines it carefully, every inch of it and the closer he moves to the tip, the clearer it is that there’s something wrong. The end of Bubbly’s tail seems to be tender and swollen, but there is no indication what might’ve caused it… Wait a minute-

‘Bubbly!’ He shouts. ‘There’s a dead hedgehog at the end of your tail! You must’ve smashed it and its spikes went through your flesh!’

‘Oh. That explains a lot,’ Bubbly shouts back. ‘Are you sure that the hedgehog is dead?’

‘Yeah, I am pretty sure,’ he replies, staring at the flat shape that used to be a 3D hedgehog. ‘I’m going to clean the wounds and place some bandage over them – if I can find something long enough. It may take a bit!’

‘Never mind! Take your time, River and I are having a great time!’ Bubbly yells to him.

Soon, he can hear Bubbly and River talking, laughing at something and murmuring something – secrets maybe? - to each other. He hears that River tells Bubbly about some dragons she encountered while travelling and working – and Bubbly’s reactions are quite hilarious.

‘What? Jezebel claims that he’s over 700 years old! That son of a dragon!’ Bubbly shouts in outrage. ‘I remember him when he was still an egg! And he is the face of an anti-aging cream? Ridiculous! He’s not even 300 years old!’ And then he keeps on going on and on, telling River how stupid and incompetent Jezebel has been his entire life – really, _it’s a miracle this dragon knew how to distinguish between his head and ass!_

It seems that River and Bubbly became fast friends, he thinks as he bandages Bubbly’s tail. But, he discovers with a hint of surprise, it doesn’t bother him at all. If he were to be honest, there’s a reason why he almost never brings anyone to see Bubbly – he likes to think that his relationship with the dragon is unique. Not many people can say they’re a dragon’s doctor and friend. But somehow he doesn’t mind that River now knows about Bubbly and gets on well with him. It feels right that Bubbly likes River and that she likes him back.

He just likes when his friends get along.

And he likes putting smile on River’s face. There’s nothing weird about it, right?

 

___

‘Come on, try this one.’

‘It’s what, 15th one I’m trying?’ River says with resignation as he hands her a necklace. ‘It’s pointless.’

‘It’s number 14 to be precise,’ he pushes the necklace into her hands. ‘Come on, you have to try this. Who knows? Maybe that’s the one.’

‘Somehow I doubt it,’ River says under her breath, but puts the necklace around her neck. ‘Look John, maybe we should just stop. What I’ve asked of you is difficult and I’m slowly starting to think it’s undoable. So why don’t we just give it a rest?’

‘Hush,’ he shakes his head. ‘We’ve only just begun. We’re bound to experience a few hiccups along the way.’

‘We’ve been hiccupping for the last two hours then,’ River says. ‘Really, it’s just-‘

‘Hush!’ He repeats, this time a bit more forcefully. ‘I am taking measurements,’ he flicks his pocket aura meter in the air and points it at River. A few seconds later, the results are displayed on the screen.

0.0000.

Just like all the previous 13 times.

‘Okaaaaaay,’ he draws out. ‘At least now we know that the golden pomegranate’s seeds don’t work for you either. Let’s write it down and there’s another one I want you to try.’

River groans in frustration and he barely stops himself from joining her. They’ve been sitting in the backroom of his shop for the last two hours, trying to see if any of the necklaces and bracelets he had made for River does anything to improve her aura. So far, they had no success. Not for a second he expected it to be an easy task, but he never dreamed it’d be this challenging.

‘That’s the last one for today, I promise,’ he says and hands River a delicate bracelet. ‘Black opal, peacock’s feather and a scale from Bubbly’s neck. Interesting combination if I can say so.’

‘I wonder if Bubbly knows you’re using his scales in such fashion,’ River murmurs.

‘Bubbly wouldn’t mind,’ he replies. ‘He likes you.’

‘What’s the point of the opal? It has no aura whatsoever,’ River says and shrugs. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I’ve been researching this subject for ages. I know some things.’

‘I don’t question your knowledge,’ he replies. ‘And while opals, unlike rubies and diamonds, don’t have aura, they help to stabilise and maintain it.’

‘You can’t stabilise something that isn’t there,’ River sighs. ‘Peacock’s feather. What’s what for?’

‘Attracting the aura,’ he explains. ‘Hey, don’t laugh! This is exactly how it works. Peacocks have their beautiful tails to entice and attract a partner, right? It kind of works like that on aura. When I say ‘kind of’, I mean it doesn’t work like that at all: you can’t just attract aura. At least I don’t think you can – I should probably carry out some experiments on this- Wait, where was I? _Right_. Peacock feather. Attracting aura. Well, more like gathering it from around the person or object who wears it. I hope that a scale from a dragon is self-explanatory. Now, stop fidgeting and let me measure- Oh. _Oh_.’

He checks the reading on the scale again and looks at River.

‘I think we found just the right combination,’ he says with a smile and shows River’s the readings.

‘That’s… I thought that would be impossible,’ River stares at the results in wonder. ‘I thought…,’ she stops as her voice breaks.

‘I know,’ he places a hand on her shoulder. ‘See? Told you we’d make that work.’

He sneaks another glace at the results on the display of his aura meter. It’s nothing spectacular – the reading says 19.674, so it’s relatively low, but for River this reading is incredibly high. This experiment showed that there’s a chance for River to have an alternative to her ring. And who knows? Maybe if he tweaked the bracelet a bit – added a few more opals and feathers – maybe then it’d work better? And maybe if River wore the ring and the bracelet together, the two accessorises’ influences would sum up and provide River with stronger aura? He needs to check that out-

‘We have to celebrate it!’ River exclaims and claps her hands.

‘What? Yes, sure, we will, but once I’ll improve the-,’ he starts, but River shakes her head.

‘No, we need to celebrate now! I’m taking you out for drinks.’

‘But- My shop is still open!’

‘Sweetie, with all die respect, I really doubt that someone will come here at 7pm on a Saturday evening,’ River says as she starts getting up and collecting her things. ‘Chop chop!’

‘But- My car is here. And your motorcycle! How are we going to get home?’ He asks frantically.

‘Gosh, if only things like taxis and Uber existed,’ River smiles. ‘Come on. When was the last time when you went out and had fun?’

‘If by having fun you mean ending up with a terrible hangover-‘

‘Yes, this is exactly what I mean,’ River winks. ‘You’ll regret it in the morning, but it’ll be worth it. Please! You deserve it. I never thought something like that would be possible and yet you made it so. It should be celebrated.’

He should refuse – he should stay in to work and perfect the bracelet, see what makes it more powerful and what would be more effective for River – he realises that, but when he looks at River and sees how her eyes are filled with joy and how excited she is, he knows that he won’t be able to refuse her.

‘Okay, fine. But only a few drinks!’ He says and grabs his jacket. ‘I am not letting you go all outrageously alcoholic!’

River just laughs.

…

He should’ve known better.

He should’ve stayed at home.

RAll he remembers from last night are bits and pieces - River's laughter, silly stories they told each other, pub after pub they visited and the drinks-

_The drinks._

Oh yeah. That's why he feels like crap.

But thankfully he can sleep in, he's on a soft bed and his warm, and while something is tickling his face, he's too tired to even open his eyes. He's going to sleep for the rest of the day and once he can open his eyes without a headache threatening to split his head wide open, he will drink a swimming pool of water. Yes. That's a good plan. But for now, back to sleep.

'John,' someone says next to his ear, 'your hands are on my arse.'

'What?' He asks and makes the effort to open his eyes. What he sees - granted, his vision is a bit blurred - nearly gives him a heart attack. He’s in his living room – which is not what makes him panic – and sprawled on top of him is River, her hair tousled, her face bearing marks of his shirt's buttons. And yes, his hands are on her ass.

He panics.

'Oi! I told you to take them off, not to cope a feel,' River mumbles. 'You have to pay to do this.'

Great. So now he is _squeezing_ River's ass.

He panics even more and that's when his alcohol-clouded brain suggests him a solution and without thinking he does exactly what his brain tells him to - with a high pitch scream of terror, he pushes River off of him - and off of the narrow sofa they were sleeping on.

When he realises what exactly is happening, it's too late - River is falling down with a shout that matches his own in pitch and loudness. But apparently, she is not going down alone - she grabs his arm and tugs him to the floor with her.

'Ouch', They groan in unison.

'That was painful,' he says and looks down only to see River beneath him with her face scrunched in pain.

'You no say,' River snarls and pushes him off of her. 'Why did you push me off, you moron?!'

'I panicked,' he admits sheepishly. 'You startled me! I thought I was alone!' And then a horrible, terrible and downright scary thought enters his mind. 'Wait... We didn't, did we?'

'Did what? Had sex?' River turns her head to look at him. 'No, we didn't. Neither of us was in a state to even undress and wash our teeth. I am pretty sure we just somehow stumbled here and fell on the couch. So don't worry, nothing happened.'

'I am not worried, I just-,' he stops, because what exactly is he supposed to say? That if - hypothetically speaking of course - anything happened between River and he, he'd like to remember everything? He shakes his head and overcomes the wave of nausea that hits him. ‘Gosh, I feel terrible.’

‘Ditto,’ River groans quietly. ‘We are too old for this.’

‘How did we even get this smashed?’ He asks. ‘I told you that we shouldn’t have mixed beer and vodka.’

‘John, I was the one who said that,’ River protests. ‘You were the one who bought us vodka and then decided that whiskey would be a great chaser.’

‘Really?’ He frowns. ‘I don’t recall that bit.’

‘Don’t worry, I don’t recall a few bits myself,’ River replies. ‘Hey, don’t fall back asleep.’

‘Why not?’ He mumbles drowsily and closes his eyes. ‘I want to.’

‘First of all, we are on the floor,’ River yawns in reply. ‘And we are too old to sleep on the floor. We don’t even have a blanket. Or pillows.’

‘We do,’ he stretches his hand and pulls a throw and two pillows from his sofa. ‘See? All nice and cozy.’

‘We should eat something. And probably take a shower,’ River lists but her voice gets quieter with every word she says. ‘And we should-‘

‘Shhhhh,’ he says, ‘I am trying to sleep here.’

‘I hate you,’ River says but scoots closer to him. ‘You’re stealing the blanket.’

‘I am not,’ he shakes his head, already half-asleep. ‘And you don’t hate me. You adore me.’

‘You wish,’ River mumbles into her pillow.

And gods help him, but he kind of does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm.  
> so y'know... sorry for the almost 2 months without an update, but I had a crazy time (moving to a new apartment), so there was really no time to even think about writing.  
> once again, I am sorry.   
> I hope that this chapter is readable and a bit entertaining. if not, then I am triple sorry. 
> 
> chapter's title from Tessa Violet's 'tennessee'.


	20. the radio said we're in for a fall

‘Are you shagging River?’ Amy asks when he answers the phone. No ‘ _good morning’_ or ‘ _hi, how are you, want to meet for lunch?_ ’ Nothing.

‘What?’ He asks once he overcomes his shock. ‘What the heck are you talking about?’

‘I asked you if River and you are shagging,’ Amy repeats and her voice gets a bit louder. ‘It’s not a difficult question!’

‘But it’s a completely inappropriate question!’ He exclaims and shakes his head mouthing ‘ _nothing_ ’ when Clara looks at him with concern on her face. ‘I am at work. You can’t just call me in the middle of the day and ask me if I- _if I’m shagging River_ ,’ he says that last part under his breath, making sure that Clara doesn’t hear it. He also abandons his place behind the counter and moves to the backroom, because if this conversation continues to be this… Bizarre and inappropriate, he’ll need some privacy. And some room to shout. ‘Besides, it’s none of your business!’

‘Of course it’s my business, I am your friend,’ Amy states and he realises that in her crazy ginger head that statement is logically correct. ‘I have every right to know that!’

‘No, you don’t!’ He shouts into the phone and takes a deep breath to calm himself down. ‘Amy. These things are private. I don’t ask you have often you and Rory are… intimate.’

‘4 times this week,’ Amy answers without missing a beat.

‘But it’s only Tuesday- Ugh, never mind,’ he makes a face. ‘See, I didn’t want to know that. For me, it’s too much information. I respect your private life and I’d like you to return the favour.’

‘So are you shagging her or not?’ Amy asks again after a few seconds of silence.

‘For gods’ sake,’ he sighs and rubs his eyes with his free hand. ‘No. I am not shagging River.’

‘But why?!’ Amy exclaims so loudly that he moves the phone away from his ear. ‘Why aren’t you two doing it?’

‘Because we are just friends,’ he explains patiently. ‘We are not attracted to each other.’

‘Bullshit,’ Amy mutters. ‘And Clara told me that she saw you two together – River came to your shop and said you have to try some new things out! What were these things if not some kinky sex positions? And then Jeff – remember Jeff? – told me that he saw the pair of you in the club - and you were all cosy and giggly together! What was that if not preparation for some kinky sex position you had discussed earlier?’

‘Amy-‘ He cuts in, because he knows that if he lets her talk, she will talk until the early evening, ‘ _Amy_. Listen to me. The only kinks I have are the ones in my neck. And I’ll say it one more time: River and I are not shagging.’

‘But why not?’ Amy whines.

‘Because we are just friends, nothing more,’ he says and tries not to think that it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself of that. ‘Besides, why do you care if I shag her or not?’

‘First of all, it’d do you good if you got some,’ Amy says and he can’t help but roll his eyes. ‘Second of all-‘

‘Yes, I am listening,’ he says and hears Amy’s loud sigh.

‘If you were shagging her, by the power of your penis, she’d be family. And that would mean I could raid bookcases in her apartment and pester her for books I can’t get from the libraries,’ Amy finishes.

‘… Amy, did you even hear yourself? By the power of my… _penis_?’ He whispers, looking behind his shoulder to make sure that Clara’s not listening. ‘What are you even on about?’

‘I don’t know. At first it sounded good, but now that I think about it… Yuck,’ Amy says in a disgusting tone. ‘I don’t even know what came over me. I need to bleach my brain now.’

‘Oh, you need to bleach your brain?’

‘Don’t be a sissy,’ Amy replies and he swears he can hear her rolling her eyes at him. ‘But John… Are you sure you are not shagging River?’

‘How many times do I have to tell you? We are just friends- Okay, you know what? I have to go,’ he says hurriedly, because his _just friend_ River is now walking straight towards him. When did she get here? ‘Bye!’

‘Hey, you can’t just hang up on me like-‘ Amy screeches, but he hangs up. Just because he can. Take that, you ginger menace!

‘River, hi, what are you doing here?’ He says and even in his ears he sounds a bit… Harried. However, River doesn’t seem to notice it – she’s wearing a nervous and stressed expression herself.

‘You’re going to a party with me. As my plus one,’ she says instead of ‘ _hello_ ’. Seriously, what is with the women today? Have they forgotten their manners?

‘I am what?’ He says, forgetting to chastise River for her lack of manners.

‘You’re going with me. To a party. As my plus one,’ River repeats and there’s a slightly crazy look in her eyes, one that makes him swallow nervously.

‘Right, okay. Wait a moment,’ he leans against a desk. ‘First of all: what party?’

‘An annual party at my faculty,’ River sighs and sits on a chair. ‘It’s a boring affair, but I have to be there.’

‘But why do I have to be there?’ He asks. ‘You don’t seem like the type that has to ask a friend to go to a party with her.’

‘Normally, I wouldn’t,’ River says and runs fingers through her curls, ‘but my ex might be there.’

‘And you want to show him-‘

‘ _Her_ ,’ River corrects him.

‘-and you want to show her that you are doing okay,’ he finishes.

‘Well, I don’t know if doing you can be considered doing _okay_ , but hey, beggars can’t be choosers,’ River says teasingly. ‘Hey, I am only joking. You’re a great catch and one day you’ll make someone very happy, I am sure of that. And there’s one more thing.’

‘Yeah?’ He asks and braces himself for some new information he is not prepared for.

‘There’s this one asshole that just won’t understand that I am not fond of his affections. Even spraining his wrist didn’t help to deter him from me,’ River says. ‘Of course, he sprained his wrist by accident. I just happened to be around.’

‘Of course,’ he repeats and looks at her. ‘So basically, you want me to be your boy toy and your bodyguard for the evening.’

‘Exactly!’ River exclaims with a smile. ‘Any problems with that?’

‘I think I’ll manage,’ he responds with a smile of his own. He’s going to a party with River. What’s not to be happy about?

It’s only when River leaves and his initial joy fades a little that he realises that he doesn’t have one very important thing: a proper suit.

Well, crap.

 

____

The party is… Well, it’s a party. There are drinks and food, there’s live music and people dressed in their Sunday best. Even he is wearing a suit – a brand new one, bought just for the occasion. He might’ve even gotten a new haircut and if he was to be frank, he’d say he looks pretty damn fine.

River is looking pretty damn fine too. Not that he cares about these things. He just can’t help but notice that the green dress she’s wearing makes her eyes even more mesmerising and the red lipstick makes it difficult to focus his attention on anything else than her mouth. She looks simply radiant and he knows he’s not the only one who noticed that – it seems that almost everyone’s eyes is focused on her and it gives him a strange feeling of satisfaction that River is spending this evening with him. Not that he’d ever admit that.

Still, whether River is looking amazing or not, this is a party of the Archaeology Faculty. It’s for archaeologists, so it’s boring by definition. No amount of nibbles, wine or looking at River can help with that.

‘River,’ he whispers over his glass, ‘can we go now? I am bored.’

‘Unfortunately, we can’t,’ River says through gritted teeth while pretending to smile to someone across the room.

‘We’ve been here for ages,’ he whines and snatches another mini burger from a passing waiter.

‘It’s been less than two hours,’ River sighs. ‘We can’t leave just yet. We have to stay here for at least one more hour. We will leave after they serve cake.’

‘There’ll be cake? We didn’t you tell me earlier?’ He asks excitedly. ‘Hey, don’t look at me like that. Cake is important.’

‘Of course it is,’ she says with a small smile. ‘Your bowtie is crooked. Here, let me-,’ her hand gently brushes against his throat as she fixes his bowtie and he feels very hot all of the sudden. ‘There, all better.’

‘River, why is everyone looking at us?’ He mumbles and takes a big gulp of his wine, hoping that it’ll help him to feel a little less flustered.

‘Oh, so you’ve noticed,’ River says with a raised eyebrow.

‘Of course I’ve noticed! I notice everything!’

‘You sure do, sweetie,’ River says and a small part of his brain can’t help but notice that she used the same endearment that the succubus sometimes used. However, from River’s lips this words sounds like an actual endearment, not a nickname supposed to belittle him. When River says it, it sounds… Lovely.

‘Don’t try to change the subject,’ he mutters and turns towards her. ‘Just tell me, why is everyone eyeing us so much.’

It seems that River is fighting with herself whether or not to tell him the truth.

‘Everyone is looking at us because it’s the first time I’ve ever come to this party with someone,’ she finally says without looking at him and if he’s not mistaken, there’s a hint of a blush climbing up her neck. ‘So everyone is curious who are you. I mean, of course they probably know you, with you being you, the guy with the crazy shop and the guy who went to The Library in his boxers. But they’re wondering who you are to, uhm, to me.’

‘And who am I to you?’ He asks before he can’t stop himself.

River turns to face him and he sees that her eyes are wide with surprise and she looks as if she herself doesn’t know the answer to the question he just asked her.

‘I, uhm-,’ she opens and closes her mouth and unconsciously he moves closer-

‘Professor Song? Is that you? Could I have a word with you?’ Both River and he turn around to see a short and plump man who’s smiling broadly enough to show all of his teeth. The man must be in his early sixties or even older, but that doesn’t seem to faze River at all, because she’s staring at the guy like he’s some kind of a god that just descended from heaven.

_Ridiculous._

‘Professor Peterson? It’s an honour,’ River says and he thinks she may actually swoon when this professor Peterson kisses her hand. ‘And of course you can have a word with me: I’d be delighted.’

Peterson – whoever he is – turns towards him and nods his head.

‘I hope you don’t mind me kidnapping your partner for a bit?’ The man asks with a friendly smile.

‘She’s her own woman,’ he answers with a shrug. ‘Can’t help if she decides to run away with another man.’

‘Good answer, boy,’ Peterson laughs loud. ‘And now, allow me to escort your lady to a place that it a tiny bit more quiet as I want to talk with her.’

And then he watches River walking away, led by some old ass guy in a tweed suit. Not that there’s something wrong with tweed suits – tweed is cool, but… Ha, it’s not like he cares. He just said that River is her own woman and she can do whatever she wants to – even if it means abandoning him in a crowd of people he doesn’t know. Speaking of people – a man approaches him with a determined expression on his face.

‘You’re John Smith,’ the guy says. He’s short, skinny and has an abomination of goatee on his chin. His voice is annoyingly nasal and he speaks like he knows everything and like everyone else is beneath him.

‘Yes,’ he answers. ‘And you are?’

‘You’re here with River Song,’ the man continues without answering his question.

‘You’re very observant,’ he comments drily and turns his head away, hoping that the man will get the hint and leave.

‘Are you her boyfriend?’ The man asks again, this time a bit more aggressively.

‘It’s none of your business, I am afraid,’ he answers harshly and wants to move away from the spot and the annoying guy, but he grabs his arm.

‘You see, it is my business, because I, myself, am I interested in miss Song,’ the man responds with an air of impatience.

It takes him a few seconds to connect the dots.

‘Ha! You’re that guy that keeps hitting on River and just doesn’t understand that no means no!’ He exclaims and releases his arm from the man’s tight grip. ‘Wait, what’s your name… Eric?’

‘So River talks about me?’ The guy – Eric – asks excitedly.

‘Yeah, she does,’ he nods. ‘She complains that you won’t leave her alone.’

‘That- That can’t be true,’ Eris says with outrage. ‘You’re lying.’

‘Am I? So why I am the one whom she invited to this party?’ He answers and can’t hide the smugness in his voice.

‘Women like to be pursued,’ Eric says hotly. ‘You have to show them that you care!’

‘By harassing them?’ He asks, but it seems that Eric is deaf to reason.

‘I know she’s into me,’ Eric says. ‘She is. She just… She’s just shy. Hey, don’t laugh!’ Eric says when he burst into giggles. Really, someone calling River shy? ‘She is shy and a bit confused – that’s why she doesn’t realise I am the right person for her. We have common interests! We work in the same place! What can you offer her? You work with all these weird creatures!’ Eric finishes with contempt.

‘You’re right, I do,’ he nods his head. ‘You know what’s great about it? These weird creatures are my friends. Sometimes they even owe me favours. And if by any chance your name got mentioned to some hungry vampire…’

‘You can’t do it,’ Eric says and pales. ‘It’s forbidden- There are lists of people who agree to being feeders to these monsters. I didn’t agree- I would _never_ agree!’

‘See, my job has a few more perks,’ he says leisurely and watches Eric’s sudden discomfort with joy. ‘I have access to the databases and I can edit them. And if your name got onto the list – completely by accident of course – well, no one could blame a vampire for finding you at your bed at night.’

‘You’re… You are insane! And dangerous,’ Eric says and starts backing away from him.

‘Trust me, you haven’t seen the worst of me. Yet,’ he replies. ‘And if I hear River complaining about you one more time-‘

‘I am going to file a complaint against you,’ Eric shouts. ‘You’re a lunatic!’

‘At least I am not harassing women and forcing my affection on them, especially if they’re not interested!’ He shouts back and watches as Eric disappears in the crowd of people who stare at the exchange between them. He gives them all a tight smile and turns back to the bar, where he orders another glass of wine – because he sure needs that after this encounter.

‘What was that about? What’s with all that shouting?’ River asks.

‘Aaaaaaa!’ He shouts startled. ‘You scared me! Don’t sneak up on me like that!’

‘Get over it,’ River rolls her eyes. ‘What did that idiot want from you?’

‘The usual stuff of delusional guys: that you’re into him and that I should back off,’ he says with distaste. ‘I told him that I have friendly vampires who will devour him if he bothers you again.’

‘Did you frighten him?’ River asks with a hint of a smile on her lips.

‘I think so,’ he nods.

‘Good,’ River smiles wildly in response. ‘But do you even know any vampires who would do something like that?’

‘Are you kidding me? Have you talked with a vampire recently? They all drink vegan and gluten-free parsley cocktails. Bram Stoker would be appalled,’ he finishes with a sigh and River laughs. ‘But enough about vampires and Eric. Who was that old guy?’

‘Peterson? He’s the world expert in archaeology,’ River responds with excitement. ‘We did invite him for this event, but we didn’t know if he would show up. And he did!’

‘That’s… nice,’ he says. ‘What did you two talk about?’

‘He commented on my articles. Turns out he read all of them,’ River says with barely constrained joy. ‘It’s incredible – he is someone I’ve always looked up to and now he said he admires my work. I can’t believe it!’

‘You’re brilliant, what else did you expect?’ He says warmly and River beams with happiness. For a few seconds she looks like she wants to tell him something more, but then it seems that she changes her mind. She orders two flutes of champagne for them and spends the next 20 minutes pointing at various people from the crowd and telling him all about their little secrets and mishaps: this guy hasn’t written any article in 5 years and he spends his time at work on watching porn; the woman over there had an affair with the dean; the dean on the other hand had an affair with a much younger male teacher. She tells him all these little stories of incompetence, stupidity and ridiculous quirks and he tries his best not to burst out laughing. The fact that River is just a bit tipsy seems to have loosened her tongue and the stories she tells are getting wilder and wilder.

‘And this guy over there is Josh,’ River points at a tall middle-aged guy at the opposite side of the room. ‘He told me what happened to him once. There was this girl in his class: she barely attended his lectures, passed maybe one test, never submitted her papers on time and when she finally submitted them, they were beyond atrocious. Josh decided that there is no way he would let her pass his course. Rightly so if I may add. Anyway, one day the girl just walks into his office dressed in some short skirt and low cut shirt. She stood next to his desk and asked why did she get an E as her final mark. So Josh started calmly explaining to her reasons behind his decision and said that if she wanted to pass, she’d have to improve her performance next year. And then she went all ‘ _oh, but professor, I’d do anything to pass!_ ’ and she sat on his desk. He looked at her and asked if she was really willing to do anything. She happily nodded and moved closer to him. And he just stood up and said ‘ _then start learning’_ and walked out of the room. He said he had never seen a more hilarious and shocked face expression in his life. Poor thing… She probably watched one adult movie too many and thought that blowing him would- Oh fuck,’ River curses as she spots someone across the room. ‘Just when I was having a good time. John,’ she faces him, ‘remember when I told you that my ex might be here?’

‘Yep,’ he says. ‘Let me guess – she is here?’

‘Precisely,’ River bites her lip and ponders over something for a few seconds. ‘John. I am really sorry, but I am going to kiss you now.’

‘What? I- How? What?’ He stutters out in surprise, but River doesn’t waste time on explaining anything to him.

She closes the remaining distance between them – when did they get so close anyway? – and kisses him.

For a second or two he’s too surprised to do anything – he’s just standing there and lets River kiss him. It all seems too absurd in his head – _River is kissing him?_ How could it be happening? It’s absurd, unbelievable, too good to be true, it’s-

Then his brain kicks in and urges him to do something – so he starts kissing River back. Her hands feel warm against his shirt, her lips move gently against his and it feels so natural and normal that he starts wondering why he hasn’t kissed her sooner. Unconsciously, his hands move to River’s hips, pulling her closer to him and for a moment he fears that he’s too bold, but River doesn’t seem to mind – she sighs and opens her mouth against his. He can now taste the wine she’s been drinking as her tongue brushes against his. There are people around them, he knows that, but somehow it also feels like they are alone, just the two of them. He did experience the same feeling when the succubus was kissing him, but it felt different then – with the demon he felt trapped while with River he feels safe and perfectly at ease. River’s hands curl against the lapels of his jacket and it feels like she’s trying to pull him even closer to him, and he really _really_ wouldn’t mind it-

‘Well, well… Never pegged you for a cradle snatcher,’ a low female voice rings next to them. To his sadness River stops kissing him, but even as she turns to the woman standing next to them, her hands remain on his chest.

‘That’s because I’m not one,’ River replies calmly (and a little breathlessly), but he can feel her body tensing against his. He takes a second to look at the woman who’s apparently River’s ex: she is slender and tall, with long black hair and dark skin and while she’s beautiful, her beauty chills him to the bone. She has none of River’s warmth, oh no – this woman is beautiful in a way that an ice statue is beautiful: perfect but untouchable.

‘Are you sure?’ The woman tilts her head and looks at him with amusement written all over her face. ‘Is he even old enough to drink?’

‘Andrea, I can assure you that he most certainly is old enough to drink,’ River responds before he can cut in. ‘He’s also old enough for many other things, aren’t you sweetie?’

‘Pet names? Really? Never heard you using them either,’ Andrea narrows her eyes and gives him one more sharp look. ‘Interesting. Anyway, I heard that Peterson talked with you. What did he want?’

‘That’s none of your business,’ River replies with a shrug. ‘Anything concerning me stopped being your business a while ago.’

‘My, my, someone’s testy tonight,’ Andrea says and rolls her eyes. ‘Angry I interrupted your very public display of affection? I’ll leave you to it then. I hope I’ll catch you later – once you’re in a better mood,’ saying that Andrea sashays into the crowd.

‘I don’t fucking think so,’ River mutters under her breath and he can feel the tension leaving her body.

‘That was something,’ he finally says as River removes her hands from his shirt and he tries his best not to notice how cold he suddenly feels.

‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ River winces in apology. ‘I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have done that. Kissed you, I mean. I just wanted to- Hell, I don’t know what I wanted.’

‘Hey, it’s not a problem,’ he says. ‘I didn’t mind it- I mean, uhm, I- Well, you know, I did enjoy-‘

‘You know what? I think we should leave,’ River says not paying attention to his awkward explanation. ‘How do you feel about a kebab?’

When 20 minutes later he and River are sharing a greasy kebab, looking completely out of place in their evening clothes in a small seedy bar, he can’t help but keep recalling their kiss. Yes, he knows River kissed him just to spite her ex-girlfriend, but he still can’t stop himself from playing it in his head over and over again. He even wonders what would happen if he kissed River right now – would she kiss him back or just smack him?

Not that he’ll ever know.

He’s not going to kiss her, that would be just silly. They’re just friends and he needs to forget about this one stupid kiss they shared.

And he soon will forget about it.

Right?

 

___

‘John, there’s someone to see you,’ Clara says walking into the backroom of his shop. ‘A young guy. He seems a bit nervous.’

‘Why didn’t he come in?’ He asks, raising his head from the ointment he’s been preparing.

‘I don’t know,’ Clara shrugs. ‘He’s pacing in front of the shop and asking for you.’

‘Great,’ he sighs and wipes his hands on his apron before taking it off and heading to the entrance. ‘Come on, Clara. Let’s see what troubles our possible client.’

They walk to the door and there he is – a young black man, walking in small circles in front of the shop.

‘Hello,’ he greets the man. ‘How can I help you?’

‘Hi- You’re John Smith, right?’ The man asks. ‘I have- I have been a bit weird lately.’

‘Weird is what we do here, right Clara?’ He responds with a smile. ‘Why don’t you come in and we can talk about it?’

The man nods and enters the shop.

‘Sorry, how rude of me,’ he shakes his head. ‘I’m Sam.’

‘I’m Clara and this is John, but you know that already,’ Clara says with a grin. ‘Come on, sit down,’ she shows him three worn out but comfortable armchairs in the corner of the room. ‘Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?’

‘No, thank you,’ Sam says and sits down. He and Clara sit opposite of him.

‘What seems to be the problem?’ He asks when Sam doesn’t say anything. ‘Look, we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.’

‘Okay, okay,’ Sam sighs. ‘As I said, I’ve been feeling a bit weird lately. It’s like I’ve changed overnight!’

‘Changed how?’ Clara asks.

‘It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it. Everything I used to like annoys me these days. I used to like going to bed early and getting up around 7am. Now I hate mornings, but I can stay up all night. I used to enjoy spending my days outdoors, but now I can’t stand the sunlight. It’s like I’ve developed a sudden allergy to it,’ Sam shakes his head. ‘Same with garlic. Used to love it, now the mere smell makes me want to puke. And I seem to be thirsty all the time.’

Clara and he exchange a surprised look.

‘What about religious symbols?’ He asks and Sam shrugs.

‘I have never been religious, but I didn’t mind if other people believed in something,’ Sam answers. ‘I still don’t, but it’s just… Seeing a cross or passing by a mosque makes me itch all over.’

‘And why didn’t you come inside the shop, but waited outside?’ He asks.

‘I waited until you invite me in,’ Sam says like it’s the most obvious explanation ever. ‘It’s called good manners.’

‘Oh,’ Clara and he look at each other.

‘Sam… I have some news for you,’ he says slowly as Sam stares at him expectantly. ‘It seems that somehow you’ve become… A vampire.’

‘What? That’s ridiculous!’ Sam exclaims. ‘That’s just- No, it’s impossible. I don’t behave like a vampire- _Oh_. Oh.’

‘Exactly,’ Clara sighs. ‘Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. You’ll just need some adjustment period.’

‘But… But how did that happen?’ Sam asks confused. ‘I am on the Blood Bank list. Could I’ve become a vampire because of that?’

‘No,’ Clara shakes her head. ‘You don’t become a vampire just because someone bites you. It’s a two way ritual. You have to bite them too.’

‘I haven’t bitten anyone! I have never- Oh,’ Sam’s eyes grow wide and there’s a flash of recognition on his face. ‘Okay. So there was this party-‘

Clara and he exchange another look. _Of course_ there was a party. There’s always a party.

‘There was this party,’ Sam continues. ‘I hooked up with this guy. We ended up at my place, things got… Well, you know… He kept biting me and I thought that’s what he’s into, so I bit him back. In the morning he was gone,’ Sam finishes a bit sheepishly. ‘I had some bite marks for like two weeks, but I never thought much of them. Shit.’

‘That’s explains a lot. But don’t worry, like Clara said before, being a vampire isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Sure, it may be a bit of a shock to you, but we have some books that may help you with the transition…,’ he says and feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. He takes it out and sees a new text message from River.

_Dinner tonight?_

_Sure, why not. Something’s wrong?_ He quickly sends a reply.

 _7pm @ Tom’s diner. See you there xx_.

He doesn’t have the time to reply to this, because Clara nudges him and reminds him that Sam is waiting for the books and maybe there’s a potion that he could take that would help him? He quickly puts his mobile away and goes back to Sam: he finds the appropriate books, gives him a vial of potion that will help him with the sunlight intolerance and refers him to a counsellor who helps people in similar situations.

It’s only when Sam leaves, he takes out his phone again and stares at River’s text. She didn’t reply to his question if there’s something wrong. What does it mean? Does it mean there is something wrong or does it mean that everything is fine? Crap. When will he stop over-analysing things? It’s been 4 days since the party where he and River kissed – not that he’s counting – and well, things have been… Completely normal if he’s to be honest. There hasn’t been any tension between them, River hasn’t been avoiding him, they grabbed a coffee on Monday and texted each other every day. He should be glad that the kiss didn’t ruin their friendship and yet… A part of him is disappointed that this kiss didn’t start a passionate and life-long love affair between him and River. Yes, it is ridiculous, he realises that, but there’s a part of his brain that won’t just shut up about it.

_Wouldn’t it be just great to kiss River again? Or hug her? Or ask her out and then make out with her?_

In moments like that, he does all he can not to bash his head against the wall.

Oh joy. Today’s dinner is going to fun.

As it turns out later, the dinner is not a lot of fun. In fact, it’s a bit of a disaster.

When he arrives at Tom’s Diner, River is already there. Everything seems to be perfectly fine: they chat as they’re waiting for they food, River complains about her students and he complains how difficult it is to get unicorns’ tears these days.

The bomb drops when he’s biting into his delicious chicken burger.

‘I wasn’t honest with you,’ River says suddenly. ‘When you asked me about Peterson. I didn’t tell you the whole truth.’

‘Uhm, what do you mean?’ He asks once he swallows the mouthful of food. Suddenly he doesn’t feel hungry anymore.

‘When I talked with him… He did comment on my articles. But there was something more,’ River says, looking at her plate. ‘He offered me a guest professor position at his faculty.’

‘That’s great! Congratulations!’ He smiles.

‘Thanks,’ River smiles back. ‘I never expected this- I am still a bit surprised.’

‘For how long would you be going there?’ He asks, already fearing the answer.

‘A month for now. Maybe longer if they decide that I’m fit for the job,’ River replies. ‘There’s just one problem.’

‘And what’s that?’ He says.

‘Peterson and well, the university… It’s in Australia.’

He feels like someone just headbutted him.

‘That’s why I wanted to tell you about it,’ River continues. ‘I think you should know about it and if you think that I shouldn’t-‘

‘No, no, you have to go!’ He says as he overcomes his initial shock. ‘It’s a great opportunity for you.’

‘But what about you?’ River asks with concern. ‘I mean, this whole thing with you and me, and the-‘

‘I’ll be fine,’ he shrugs and tries his best to act nonchalantly. ‘No, really. You don’t need to fret. I can take care of myself.’

‘I know that,’ River says, ‘still, I think that we should think this through.’

‘We already did: you want to go and it’s an amazing chance for you. I am an adult and I know how to care for myself,’ he says. ‘There’s no need for you to stay here.’

River looks at him as if she’s trying to assess whether or not he’s telling the truth and whatever she sees on his face must convince her.

‘Thank you,’ she finally says. ‘I thought that you’d-‘

‘Make a scene? Be overdramatic?’ He forces himself to laugh. ‘Nah. It’s not like I have any right to keep you here. Anyway, when are you leaving?’

‘In two weeks,’ River says and once again he feels like all the air has been punched out of his lungs. ‘I have so much to do and prepare, it’s crazy! I don’t know how I’ll manage to do all these things!’

He listens to River’s excited chatter and nods absent-mindedly. He knows he should be happy for her – and he is, he really is – but he’s also scared shitless for himself. How will he cope with the succubus now? River’s presence helped him enormously and gods know what will happen once he can’t meet with her regularly.

Shit.

But on the other hand maybe it’s better. Maybe he needs some time away from her. He got a bit confused recently when it comes to his feelings and maybe he needs some space to rethink some things and get everything under control. As for the succubus… He managed to survive before River offered her assistance. He’ll just have to do it again.

He’s going to be just fine.

 

___

He’s not fine in the slightest.

He’s exhausted, he runs on 2 hours of sleep a day and he feels like there are pins in every part of his body. He’s constantly tired, his head feels like it’s filled with marshmallow fluff and he is not sure how much longer he can live like that.

And to think that he really believed that he’s going to be okay. What an idiot he was.

Truth to be told, everything was okay for the first week after River’s departure. He was dealing with everything just fine, he had everything under control and the succubus didn’t appear even once. He even thought that somehow he was demon-free. Unfortunately, it turned out to be only his wishful thinking. In the second week the succubus was back and she was back with the double force: she didn’t leave him alone even for a night and he had no power to stop her. He tried, of course, but it seemed that things that would normally repel a demon - salt, holy water, iron – no longer worked on his succubus. Days passed and turned into weeks and he couldn’t stop her from appearing in his dreams and stealing all the energy from him.

But it isn’t the only thing that makes him so miserable. The other thing is much bigger and much more complex.

_He misses River._

And the problem is that he doesn’t miss her only because her presence keeps the succubus at bay. He just misses _her_ : the way she smiles and walks; the way she always insists she a better driver and makes him give her the keys to his car; the way she complains about her work and how she rolls her eyes at his dumb jokes. Hell, he even misses how she used to steal his French fries once she ate hers.

They keep in touch: they Skype and send each other e-mails, but it’s not the same. He just misses seeing her face and being in her presence. He tries not to think what that might mean. He just hopes River will come home soon.

He sighs and stares at the papers in front of him. Amy asked him for help with her thesis – she got stuck on one chapter and he was supposed to help her find a new angle for the discussion. It’d really help if he wasn’t so brain dead.

He rubs his eyes with his hands and then, in the corner of his eyes, he catches a glimpse of gold.

‘Oh no,’ he says shaking his head. ‘Go away. It’s enough that you bother me at night! Leave me alone during the day!’ He closes his eyes not to look at his succubus. ‘I can’t look at you anymore! I don’t want to see you ever again. Just leave and never come back.’

‘John, what are you talking about?’ Someone touches his arm. ‘Hey, open your eyes. Come on, it’s me.’

With his heart beating loudly, he opens his eyes to see-

‘River,’ he breathes out with joy. ‘How did you get here?’

‘On the plane,’ River answers. ‘I have a few days off, so I decided to come back home. What were you talking about?’

‘When?’ He straightens in the chair and nervously runs fingers through his hair. ‘I wasn’t saying anything.’

‘John,’ River says in a tone that suggests that she won’t let it go. ‘I am not an idiot. You saw me and said something about being bothered at night. What did you mean?’

‘Nothing, it’s really nothing- I- No, I was just joking,’ he babbles. ‘Uhm, so how long are you going to stay?’

‘Not much longer if you don’t tell me what’s going on,’ River says icily.

‘Come on, it’s really nothing,’ he shakes his head. ‘I was just saying nonsense-‘

‘It’s your last chance, John,’ River says and by the stubborn set of her saw and the coldness in her eyes, he sees that she won’t let this matter slide. ‘And please, don’t think that telling a clever lie will work on me. Not this time.’

He looks into her eyes and he realises River is serious: she realised that he’s hiding something from her and she won’t let him do it anymore. He could risk it and lie to her – he’s good at comping up with the most plausible lies. But what if she finds out? What if she knows that he’s lying to her? What if she leaves and never comes back? What if-

He sees the expression on River’s face: one of distrust and betrayal and he makes his decision. It’s probably going to ruin everything, but it’s been going on for too long. He doesn’t want to lie to her anymore.

‘There are… There are things I haven’t told you,’ he starts and swallows nervously. His palms are suddenly sweaty so he wipes them on his jeans. He looks down at the desk, because he can’t bear to look at River. _Fuck_. Can she hear his heart beating in his chest or is it just him? ‘I- The succubus. It’s about my- the succubus. She- _She looks exactly like you_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you just read (probably) the last update posted in 2016. sorry that it ends with a cliffhanger, but hey, I have to keep you on your toes, right?  
> and I am sorry if this chapter is too long. I get too wordy sometimes /sighs.
> 
> thank all of you who left kudos and comments under the previous chapter. it's always nice knowing your thoughts :). hope you didn't hate this update. if there are any typos/mistakes, they're all mine and I'm sorry for them. hm, I am saying 'sorry' so much that I might turn into Ten soon. oops.  
> stay nice & warm!
> 
> chapter's title from Editors' 'honesty'.


	21. when the words weigh heavy on the heart I am lost and led only by the stars

‘John, hi. Amy here. I can’t seem to catch you anywhere – you’re almost never at the shop and you never pick up your phone. I know you’re probably busy with the mermaids crisis, but you could call us from time to time, you know? Anyway – Rory and I are having a barbecue this Saturday and we’d love you to come. Oh, and take River with you! I heard that’s she’s back from Australia. I’d love to hear all about the hot surfers! Do you think she has any pictures? Yes, Rory, I do remember that we are married but that doesn’t mean I am blind! Sorry about that, Rory was listening to my private conversation with you. So – see you on Saturday at 6pm. Bye!’

___

_‘River, I can explain-‘_

_‘Oh really, can you? So please, do explain.’_

_‘It’s just… I- Listen, it’s not what you’re thinking-‘_

_‘And how can you know what I’m thinking?’_

_‘I can only imagine and that’s probably nothing good. I just- Let me just explain, please.’_

_‘Fine. I’m all ears.’_

 

___

He goes to the Ponds’ barbecue.

Alone.

He didn’t even call River. What would be the point? She wouldn’t pick up the phone anyway.

At the barbecue he eats and drinks, talks and jokes with guests and he tries his best to be his jolly and carefree self. So far he’s been doing a pretty good job of it.

‘Having a good time?’ Rory asks him at one point. The sun has already set, the air is slightly chilly and everyone is standing in a huge group, talking and laughing together. Only he is standing on his own.

‘Yeah, of course,’ he replies and takes a sip of his warm beer. ‘I always have fun at your parties.’

Rory nods his head and studies him wordlessly for a few seconds.

‘It’s a shame River couldn’t make it,’ Rory finally says. ‘We haven’t seen her in a while.’

‘Yep, it’s a bit of a bummer,’ he forces himself to laugh. ‘But you know, she’s busy. Marking essays and exams, and writing papers… You know, all the university things.’

‘Sure,’ Rory nods again. ‘Strange thing… When I called her today, she said she can’t come because she’s going to Manchester.’

‘Oh,’ he says and feels a wave of heat across his face. ‘I- Well, maybe she decided to take a few days off.’

‘Maybe,’ Rory replies and sighs. ‘John… What is going on?’

‘Nothing,’ he shakes his head. ‘Everything is perfectly fine.’

‘Somehow I doubt it. If everything was fine, River would be here and you’d run around her in circles, and you wouldn’t look sick to your stomach at the mere mention of her name,’ Rory says and looks at him with nearly fatherly concern. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing-,’ he starts, but the need to share his problems – even if only the tiniest part of them - with someone is stronger. ‘I think I messed up. Well, I don’t think so. I messed up.’

‘Messed up how?’ Rory asks quietly.

‘Badly,’ he just says. ‘I… I hid something from River. Something important. Something concerning her, in a way.’

‘Did you tell her about it?’

‘No. Yes. Kind of. She found out. By accident,’ he admits and once again feels the shame nearly choking him.

‘John…,’ he can hear the disappointment in Rory’s voice. ‘Why did you hide it from her in the first place?’

‘It’s complicated,’ he says the most overused explanation in the history of explaining things. ‘And I thought that, well, if she didn’t know about it, it wouldn’t hurt her.’

‘I guess she didn’t share the sentiment?’ Rory comments drily and he can only shake his head. ‘What are you planning to do now?’

‘I don’t know,’ he shrugs. ‘I tried explaining everything to her, but- I am afraid I messed things even further.’

‘Do you want me to talk to her?’ Rory asks gently. ‘I don’t know what happened between you, but I could try to convince her that you are not that much of an asshole.’

He can’t help but laugh quietly at that.

‘Thank you, Rory, but I think that’s something I have to deal with on my own,’ he finally says.

‘And do you think she’ll listen to you?’ Rory asks and he suddenly feels as if he’s just been hit by a speeding lorry.

‘I have no idea,’ he replies gloomily. ‘I am very afraid she may not.’

 

___

_‘She appeared- Started haunting me before I met you. I didn’t know who you were, I swear. And then you walked into my shop- I didn’t know what to think. I thought that maybe, I don’t know, you are her in some way. Or that you summoned her. But then I found out that you are- Uhm, you don’t-‘_

_‘You found out that I have no aura.’_

_‘Yes. But I still understood nothing. I didn’t know if  I could trust you-‘_

_‘Really? When did you decide you can trust me?’_

_‘I- It’s not like that-‘_

_‘Was it when we went to The Library? Or before that when I helped you with the mummy in the museum? Or when I told you about my ring?’_

_‘No, listen-‘_

_‘Or maybe I should ask you: do you trust me now?’_

_‘Of course I do! How can you even ask that?’_

_‘Then why didn’t you tell me the truth?!’_

 

___

Nothing is different, not really: every day he wakes up, takes a shower, eats breakfast and goes to work. He makes potions and ointments, helps people to deal with problematic supernatural creatures and helps supernatural creatures with problematic humans. He gives advice, he finds solutions to the most complicated and extraordinary problems. He banters with Clara and visits Amy and Rory.

Not even once he talks or meets with River.

Not that he doesn’t try. He calls- He called her over and over again, hoping that she sooner or later she’d pick up her phone. She never did. He left her a few voice messages, stupidly hoping that she’d listen to them and call him back. It didn’t happen either. So at one point he just stopped – stopped calling or hoping, he doesn’t know anymore.

 

___

_‘You know, funny thing… All I hear you saying is ‘me, my, I’. Have you ever thought about how I could feel?’_

_‘River-‘_

_‘Have you ever thought that maybe you should tell me about it, because it might concern me? That it could be significant to me? Maybe could help to me find a way to have an aura or-‘_

_‘River, no, wait, I am so sorry, please, listen to me-‘_

_‘I think I’ve heard enough.’_

 

___

He sent River a gift: the bracelet he designed for her, the one that was supposed to give her aura. He’s been fiddling with it for a few weeks: he spend all the time she was in Australia on various improvements and modifications. After all the work he’s put in it, the bracelet was perfect and it worked beautifully. He’s checked it multiple times, in various conditions to make sure that it’d work for River.

He sent it to River not to buy her forgiveness or gain her friendship back – he sent it to her because he wanted to help her. Yes of course, a part of him hoped that she’d reach out to him once she received his present, but he really just wanted to make her life easier.

The package came back to him.

Unopened.

 

___

_‘River, I know I behaved like an idiot, but please, let’s talk. River, please-‘_

_‘And you know what’s the worst thing is? This whole time- All this time, I thought you’re on my side. I thought we were friends.’_

_‘We are friends!’_

_‘I am not so sure anymore.’_

 

___

He feels so lonely. Yes, he still has his friends and colleagues, and his shop and plenty of ways to pass his time.

It’s just…

He misses River. He misses her so much that sometimes he thinks the longing will choke him, but this time it’s not like the time she went to Australia. This time she won’t come back to him. And he brought it all on himself.

In moments when he misses River the most, the succubus appears – always and without missing a beat. She appears quietly, bathing him in warmth and golden light, promising him a chance to clear his mind from all his problems, tempting him with kisses and heat of pleasure. And since he’s stupid and lonely – he follows her. Worse: this time he’s the one asking her to take him, to bewitch him and drown him in the sea of her charms and caresses.

Every night he sinks lower and lower, and he is not sure how long it’ll take before he reaches the bottom.

 

___

It’s early morning and he’s lying in his bed. Another restless night that left him exhausted to the bone. He should try and go back to sleep, but what’s the point? Even if he goes back to sleep, the succubus may come back and torment him more.

 _Torment_. He says it as if he didn’t enjoy it. The biggest problem is that he does enjoy it. He longs for it even, in a way. There are moments when he fears that the succubus won’t visit him at night.

Fuck. What has happened to him?

There’s a knock on the door.

He doesn’t move and keeps staring through the window at the grey morning sky.

Another knock – loud and obnoxious and impossible to ignore.

He groans. Why can’t people just leave him alone and let him wallow in self-pity?

The knocking doesn’t stop, so he finally gets up.

‘Listen, it’s not even 7am on Sunday,’ he starts as he opens the door. ‘Can’t you just wait until like-‘

‘You have 5 minutes to get ready,’ River says.

‘River,’ he whispers. ‘Gods, I am so happy to see you-‘

‘5 minutes. The clock is ticking,’ River says coolly.

He stares at her for another second or so and then dashes to the bathroom. He takes the shortest shower known to mankind – 30 seconds with undressing, he brushes his teeth and then with a towel around his waist, he jolts to his room to put on some clothes. He grabs the first items that fall into his hands – jeans, a worn-out shirt with a picture of a blue police box and his tweed jacket. Hopping around he puts on his boots and hurries back to the front door where River is standing and looking at her watch.

‘Where are we going?’ He asks as he locks his door and follows her down the stairs.

‘You’ll see,’ she replies with a small shrug. She doesn’t say another word to him, even when they get in her car and she starts driving… Well, somewhere.

‘Where are you taking me?’ He asks again, but River only glances at him and presses her lips into a thin line, as if trying to stop herself from talking to him. What is going on? Is he still dreaming? Where is River dragging him? Why did she appear on his doorstep so early? Not that he minds it – it was actually a relief to see her after such a long him – but still… Is she going to beat him up? She has every right to do it if he’s to be honest.

Once they stop, he looks through the window to see that they’re in front of a small café – one that they used to frequent occasionally.

Is she taking him for breakfast to talk about everything?

‘Stay here,’ River throws over her shoulder as she exits the car and goes to the café. Okay. Not breakfast then.

She comes back a few minutes later, carrying a tray with 3 cups of coffee and a bag containing – hopefully – some pastries. She hands him both these things, gets behind the wheel and starts the car, driving them… Well, _somewhere_. Again.

He and River exchange no words. The air between them is so tense that you could cut it with a knife: it’s filled with all the unsaid words, apologies and accusations and they all clog his throat, ready to choke him any moment now. He wants to speak up, to explain, but River’s stony silence freezes him. And so he sits silently, clutching the drinks and pastries to his chest and making sure he doesn’t spill anything – he really doesn’t need River to be more pissed at him than she already is.

After 10 minutes of driving in silence, they stop in front of a block of flats. Great. He has no idea where they are, he has no idea what they’re here for and he somehow has to get out of the car without dumping hot beverages on the pavement. He follows River as she leads him to one of the buildings, where they get into the elevator and get out on the 14th floor.

‘Okay, this is getting ridiculous,’ he finally says as River walks over to a door at the end of the corridor. ‘I get that you are angry with me and you have every right to be, but you can’t drag me somewhere and just ignore me all the time.’

River doesn’t even turn to acknowledge his words – instead she knocks on the door in front of them.

‘River!’ He hisses out. ‘You can’t just knock on someone’s door at 7am! Where are we even? Whose door is it?’

In response to his questions, River knocks on the door once again – but this time louder and sharper. There’s a voice coming from behind the door – slightly muffled, annoyed but definitely familiar. _Oh no_.

‘What the fuck do you want- Oh. Hi, River. Hi, John,’ Jack Harkness says when he opens the door and sees them. ‘Still, what the fuck are you doing here at this hour?’

‘You’re naked,’ he says and averts his gaze from Jack’s… Well, from Jack’s everything. ‘You’re not wearing any pants. Or anything at all.’

‘And you’re at my doorstep at 7am on a fucking Sunday,’ Jack barks out and runs fingers through his tousled hair. ‘I have every right to be as naked as I please. Don’t look if it embarrasses you. Or makes you jealous.’

‘I’m not jealous,’ he says, hoping he doesn’t blush. ‘It’s just you know- It’s a bit uncomfortable and hard-‘

‘It’s not hard yet,’ Jack winks at him. ‘But we can work on that, what do you say?’

‘Stop that, Jack,’ River interrupts, miraculously saving him from Jack’s innuendos. ‘There’s… A problem. An issue we have to deal with.’

‘River, you and he are full of issues!’ Jack exclaims into the silence of the staircase. He’s going to very popular with his neighbours soon. ‘How many times have I told you to just talk to him? Now that you finally decided to go and see him, just do it. But don’t drag me into this, I am not a couple counsellor!’

‘It’s nothing like that,’ River shakes her head and he sees that she’s blushed beetroot red. Wait, does that mean that she talked to Jack about him? Or… What does it mean? What has she told Jack about them?

‘You know what? I don’t care,’ Jack replies with a shrug as he starts closing the door. ‘Deal with your problems on your own. You two go and talk, because I am not here for your drama. At least not this early on a Sunday morning.’

‘John has a succubus, he’s bonded with her, she looks like me and I seem to cancel out her influence,’ River says quickly and pushes her foot between the closing door and the door frame.

For a few speechless seconds, Jack looks as if a ten tonne truck just hit him right in the face. He’s standing there stark naked, with his mouth hanging open and an expression of bewilderment on his face.

‘Okay. Right,’ Jack finally says and scratches his cheek. ‘Uhm, you two, get inside. I will- I will put some pants on and we’ll talk about… About all of this.’

River and he walk inside – River quickly and confidently, he slightly dazed and surprised. Jack disappears in one of the rooms – presumably his bedroom, leaving him and River on their own. He puts the coffee cups and pastries on the small coffee table, grabbing one of the cakes as he turns towards River.

‘Why did you tell him that?’ He says and takes a huge bite of a cinnamon bun. ‘It’s private! It’s- He doesn’t need to know that!’

‘Right, because not telling anyone about your problem worked miracles so far,’ River replies sourly and takes a cup of coffee. ‘It’s not only your problem now, John. And you should’ve talked about it with someone a long time ago. Maybe this whole mess could’ve been avoided then.’

The sweet cake in his mouth suddenly tastes stale and bitter. He looks at her and sees that her eyes are filled with tears and once again he feels like an utter bastard.

‘River, I’m so sorry,’ he says and drops his eyes to the ground. ‘I’ve behaved like a complete pillock and asshole. I know that asking you to forgive me is- It’s too much and not fair, but I want you to know- I need you to know that I didn’t do any of this on purpose. I never meant to hurt you. I’m just an idiot.’

‘John. _John_ ,’ River says more forcefully, but he still can’t bring himself to look into her eyes. ‘Look, I know it must’ve been difficult for you. I understand that, trust me. But it feels like- I thought we were friends. I really did. That’s all.’

‘Okay, tell me you have coffee,’ Jack says as he walks into the room – and this time he is wearing clothes, thankfully. He grabs one of the two remaining cups from the table and sits heavily in the armchair. ‘I really can’t deal with a shitstorm like this one without some caffeine. Right… Can you tell me what the fuck is going on?’

‘I told you: he has a succubus who looks like me, he’s bonded with her, but when he’s around me the succubus doesn’t appear,’ River says in a tired voice. ‘What else do you need?’

‘Everything I can get from this. John, why don’t you tell me the whole story?’ Jack asks.

‘I- I don’t think-,’ he grabs the last cup of coffee and takes a sip to stall for time. He thinks that he should tell Jack that it’s none of his business and that he, John can deal with all of this on his own, but then he sees River’s face. She’s looking at him with sadness and just a bit of hope, and he feels like he owes it to her: he needs to tell the truth and deal with this issue, because it’s not only hurting him, but it’s also damaging for her.

‘Okay,’ he finally says and sits on the couch. ‘Sorry, it’s a bit long. May take a while.’

He takes a deep breath and starts telling his story from the very beginning. He tells everything (minus a few sordid details): how and when the succubus first appeared, how she had unnerved him in his dreams even before he first caught the glimpse of her, how he tried fighting her and how River’s arrival confused him and then changed everything. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything: he says about all the mistakes he’s made and how differently he’d behave now. Neither Jack nor River interrupt him, which makes it a bit easier.

‘That’s it. What do you think?’ He asks and looks at Jack when he finishes.

‘I think you’re an idiot and that’s a miracle that you’re still alive,’ Jack sighs. ‘And that’s only because of River. Probably.’

‘I do know that I am an idiot, but thanks for reminding me of that. I need this,’ he says and looks at River, who in turn drops her gaze to the ground. Great.

‘Why didn’t you tell me the first time we met?’ Jack shakes his head. ‘If I knew it was you who had the succubus, maybe I’d be able to help you. Telling me it was your client’s problem wasted a lot of time.’

‘He’s a man, he’s not going to confess there’s something he can’t deal with on his own. His ego wouldn’t survive it,’ River cuts in. ‘Don’t try deny it, either of you. Jack, you better tell us if you have any idea what we should do now.’

His heart skips a bit when he hears River using the word ‘ _we_ ’.

Jack sighs once again and doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just looks from him to River.

‘You two should have sex,’ Jack finally says.

‘What? No!’ He and River exclaim at the same time and he doesn’t know about River, because he’s doing his best not to look at her right now, but he knows that his face is burning and surely must be bright red.

‘Not gonna lie, that’s a reaction I expected,’ Jack says and lens towards them in his armchair. ‘But my idea actually makes sense!’

‘How does it make sense?!’ River exclaims and he tries not to feel hurt how repulsed she seems to be by the idea of having sex with him. She doesn’t need to find him attractive or boning-worthy. It’d be nice if she did, but- Uhm, wait, what is he even thinking about? He’s disgusting, no wonder she doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore.

‘It make sense, just listen to me,’ Jack says excitedly. ‘It really does. We have you, John and the succubus, right? But you, my dear River, you have no aura. You couldn’t have summoned the demon or make it resemble you – you have nothing to do with it. Why does it look like you then? We may never know. But that’s not the most important part: the most important part is that you absolutely cancel the succubus’ influence. I have never heard about something like that – it’s amazing, it truly is. And then there’s John. Why did the succubus choose him? Why does it look like you – or why did it choose to look like you? And why doesn’t the succubus try to eliminate you? So many questions! John, I assume your aura is high?’ Jack asks and he can only nod his head. ‘Exactly what I thought. I gather that your aura gets cancelled out by River’s aura. So what if you two slept together? What would happen then? Would the connection between John and succubus break? Would he be free of the demon? Maybe that would keep the succubus out for longer periods of time. Maybe it would keep her out forever.’

‘I don’t have a magical vagina! I won’t heal him but shagging him!’ River throws her hands in the air and ignores Jack’s ‘ _you never know that!_ ’. ‘And you suggested that only because you want to study this whole situation and write a paper on it.’

‘I resent that accusation,’ Jack says in an offended tone. ‘I want to help the two of you. And if I could study this case and write a paper on it, I would be more than happy,’ he finishes and doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed.

‘I knew that,’ River mutters. ‘Think about something else.’

‘Easy for you to say,’ Jack says. ‘John, what do you think about that?’

‘Me? I- uhm, I- Well…,’ he stutters and once again feels absolutely embarrassed. ‘I don’t think it’s such a great idea. In fact, I think it’s a very not good idea. A bad idea. Because, uhm, well, I’d never – I could never ask River to do something like that. But that’s not everything. Uhm, I- Jack, you said that River and I… Having sex,’ he whispers that last part, ‘that it could affect the succubus. Maybe you’re right, I don’t know-‘

‘That’s why you should try it!’ Jack cuts in.

‘But these things could work both ways,’ he finishes and River smacks Jack on the head for interrupting him. ‘Sure, it could affect the succubus, but it could also affect us. Me. River. You never know with these things.’

‘Ha. I never thought about that,’ Jack admits. ‘Okay, so we can cross out this one. Unless you two want to risk it… Just for science of course,’ he says with a smirk.

‘We don’t,’ River replies drily. ‘Got any other ideas?’

‘I had a good one, but you decided to blow it – or rather not blow it,’ Jack cackles and ducks before River manages to smack him again. ‘I can do some research. I have a friend – he’s too a specialist on sex demons. He likes to come up with these various scenarios and _what ifs_ and solve them. I might pitch this idea to him. Purely theoretical of course. Maybe he’ll come up with some solution. I’ll also do some research on my own. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something.’

‘That I can accept,’ River nods her head. ‘It’s not as stupid as your first one.’

‘Ha! Maybe it was ingenious? You’ll never know,’ Jack says. ‘But there’s something else…’

‘Yeah?’ He and River ask at the same time.

‘Spend as much time together as you can,’ Jack says seriously. ‘I know it may be difficult, but it’s for your own good. And I mean both yours and John’s. He may be as good as dead without you, and who knows, maybe your presence will spark some kind of reaction from the succubus. Maybe she’ll leave. Maybe she’ll up her game – anything that changes the dynamics is welcome at this point.’

‘Sure thing,’ he replies woodenly and forces himself to smile. There’s no way in hell River would agree to spend any second with him ever again.

‘I think it’s time for us to go,’ River says sharply. ‘Thank you, Jack. And sorry for the rough wake-up call.’

‘I admit, it’s not the kind of rough wake-up call I like, but at least I wasn’t bored,’ Jack laughs. ‘But real talk now: I’m not giving you the pastries back. They’re my payment.’

‘Fine, take them’ River waves her hand. ‘Come on, John. I think we overstayed our welcome.’

He obediently follows River out of Jack’s apartment and then to the elevator.

‘Where the hell are you going?’ River asks him when they’re in the parking lot and he starts walking in the opposite direction of where her car is parked.

‘There’s no need for you to take me home,’ he says without facing her. ‘I can get there on my own.’

‘Really? Do you even know where we are?’ River asks in a tone that is equally amused and exasperated.

‘Kind of. I have my suspicions,’ he says slowly. ‘Okay, fine, I have no idea where we are and how to get to my apartment, but I’ll figure it out.’

‘John. You have no sense of direction. You’ll get lost in less than a minute and then you’ll wander through London for a few hours before you ask someone for help,’ River sighs. ‘Get in the car.’

‘That’s a lie! I have a great sense of direction,’ he shakes his head but turns around and starts walking towards her car. ‘It’s maps that get everything wrong.’

‘Yeah, maps and GPS,’ River mutters as he joins her in the car. She starts the car without another word and cold dread settles in his stomach. River may be giving him a ride back home, but she’s still not talking to him and her body is still rigid with tension when they’re alone. It’s not that he expected her to throw herself into his arms once they left Jack’s flat, but- He doesn’t even know what he expected.

‘You don’t have to do this, you know,’ he finally says.

‘Do what? Give you a ride back home? I’m pretty sure I have to, Amy would kill me if I let you get lost in London,’ River replies and there’s a hint of smile in the corner of her lips.

‘No, I mean-,’ he swallows over the lump in his throat, ‘you don’t have to do what Jack said. Spend time with me, I mean. I’ll be- I’ll manage on my own.’

‘Yeah, because you’ve been doing so great all this time,’ River says snarkily. ‘You look like shit and I know that you haven’t been sleeping properly. So don’t give me this bullshit that you’re managing on your own. Because you are not.’

‘I may have some problems, but I can deal with them on my own,’ he replies. ‘You don’t have to get involved in this. No one has to.’

‘I am already involved in this! Haven’t you noticed?’ River exclaims. ‘Oh, fuck it, I am not going to crash my car because you’re dumb and stubborn,’ she adds and turns into a small street where she stops the car. ‘Right. Where were we? Oh, yes: I am already involved in this whole mess.’

‘I know, it’s my fault. I am sorry, I never meant for this to get so complicated-,’ he starts, but River cuts in.

‘See? That’s your problem, John,’ she says angrily. ‘You think you’re the only person qualified and competent enough to deal with this issue – or any issue. Spoiler alert: you aren’t. You’re not the centre of the universe. You don’t have all the answers. Sometimes even you may need help with something.’

‘I know,’ he admits. ‘I just thought… I didn’t want to involve anyone else. I was just… Ashamed, I guess. And embarrassed.’

‘I understand it, I do,’ River nods her head. ‘Your situation is difficult. Asking for help isn’t easy. But had I never asked anyone for help, where would I be now? Still unnoticed by a large part of the population? Trusting people not to laugh at you is tough. But sometimes you just have to do it.’

Gods, he’s been such an idiot. River is right: maybe if he trusted someone else with his problem, this whole situation wouldn’t end up being such a messy pile of shit. Will he ever learn?

‘I fucked up,’ he says after a few moments. ‘I- I thought I can deal with this on my own and even though I’ve been proven over and over again that I am helpless, I never really thought of asking anyone to help me,’ he sighs. ‘I’m sorry. I know you’ve heard it multiple times from me, but I really am sorry. I should have told you earlier. I should’ve told you right when I met you for the first time. I should have-‘

‘John, it’s okay,’ River stops him. ‘I mean, no, it’s not okay that you lied to me for such a long time. I trusted you and- I’ve never felt so betrayed by anyone. I was so furious with you that I might’ve came up with several ingenious ways of killing you – from a poisoned lipstick to making it looked like you’ve been cursed by some ancient god. Hell, I am still pissed at you and a part of me still wants to kill you,’ she looks at him sharply, ‘but I also know what you’ve been through. And I know it couldn’t have been easy.’

‘You really came up with the idea to make it look like an ancient god killed me?’ He asks in awe. ‘That’s impressive!’

‘Is that really what you got from my little speech?’ River groans and rolls her eyes. ‘If you say yes, you may witness - in great details - how I planned your death.’

‘I wouldn’t blame you for that,’ he says. ‘And thank you. Both for not killing me and for trying to understand.’

‘That doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you,’ River adds. ‘But I don’t hate you if that’s any consolation. And, if you want me to, I’m willing to help you. Take it or leave it.’

Suddenly, he feels ridiculously happy and carefree as if someone lifted this heavy burden from his shoulders. River doesn’t hate him! She wants to help him! And she doesn’t hate him! Still, she may still want to murder him because he is an idiot, but she doesn’t hate him! He feels giddy with relief. He won’t fuck it up now: he’ll try his hardest to win her trust and friendship back. He’ll do anything she asks him to, he’ll be patient and he won’t pressure her into anything- And she doesn’t hate him! She’s willing to spend time with him! Ha!

‘So, breakfast?’ He asks with a smile – the first genuine one in weeks.

‘Okay,’ River replies almost immediately, with a small smile of her own. ‘But you’re paying.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hi. welcome to the first update in 2017! hope it won't disappoint you. I also hope that 2017 has been kind to you so far (for the whole 8 days... uhm, you know what I mean!)  
> thank you so much for all the kudos and comments you left under the previous chapter. it made me happy to know that you enjoyed it. and didn't get bored reading that lengthy word-vomit.   
> also, this fic will soon be 100k. UGH. I thought it'd be shorter :<
> 
> chapter's title from 'human' by Of Monsters and Men.


	22. I just can't get the thought of you and him out of my head

‘Guys, I know you’re tired, but there are 5 more candidates and we’ll be free to go,’ Anna Diaz says with a sigh. ‘We’ve interviewed many people today, but we should stay focused until the very end.’

He’s exhausted and the only thing he wants to do is getting some food and then falling into the bed, but he if he has to stay focused, he will do it. Anna is right – they need to stay objective and present until the last candidate for the Chief Tooth Fairy presents themselves. It’s an important day in the Tooth Fairies Industry – whoever becomes the Chief Tooth Fairy will lead the guild for the next few years. So far they have interviewed over a dozen of candidates: humans, a few vampires, a golem, a zombie and one actual fairy. Listen, you don’t have to be a fairy to be… well, _a fairy_. It’s the 21 st century and you really don’t need to be small and sparkly to take teeth from under the pillows. You just need to know a bit about dentistry.

‘Good afternoon,’ says the next candidate – a short and podgy man whom he recognises. The guy – Dan? - often comes to his shop and buys various things. Mostly glitter. At least now he knows why.

‘Good afternoon, Daniel,’ Anna smiles. ‘Please, sit down. Tea? Coffee?’

‘No, thank you,’ Daniel shakes his head with a smile. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Okay then,’ says Peter, a representative from the Ministry of Health, ‘let’s start, shall we? How long have you been working here, Daniel?’

‘Oh, I’ve been a tooth fairy for almost 8 years now,’ Dan says proudly. ‘Best years of my life.’

‘8 years? Really? That’s a long time,’ Peter replies. ‘Wait… Yes, I remember! You helped us to create a campaign a few years ago! Encouraging kids to take care of their teeth and visit a dentist regularly. It was you, wasn’t it?’

‘Yes, it was,’ Anna replies instead of Dan. She looks at the man with fondness in her eyes. ‘Dan has always been a very active employee. Responsible, driven and creative – working with him is a pleasure. I am sure he’d be marvellous as the Chief Tooth Fairy.’

‘I’m only doing my job,’ Dan says with a proud smile.

‘Your job and much more!’ Anna protests hotly. ‘Daniel has always been so active and there has never been any complaints about him-‘

‘Actually,’ Peter interrupts her, reading something from the file in front of him, ‘well, it’s not a complaint per se, not about your performance, but I see that a number of parents did complain about your use of glitter.’

‘The glitter is for kids, not for the parents,’ Dan replies. ‘They like it when I appear and disappear in the cloud of glitter!’

‘I am sure they do and I’m sure you do with magnificently,’ Peter nods, ‘but some parents did say that the glitter is difficult to get out of the carpets and furniture. Mister Smith, could you say us something about it? I believe Daniel buys this glitter in your shop.’

‘Uhm, you know, it’s glitter,’ he says. ‘Yes, I modified it a bit to make it a bit more durable, but you should be able to get it off without any trouble. Sure, it could take a month or two, but everything should be off by then,’ his phone vibrates in the pocket of his trousers. He looks at the screen and sees 3 texts from Amy.

Text #1: _Call me._

Text #2: _It’s urgent._

Text #3: _!!!!!!!!!!!!_

‘Sorry, I have to make a call,’ he stands up and excuses himself. ‘It won’t take a minute.’

Shit, shit, _shit_ , he thinks as he exits the interview room. What could have happened? He dials Amy’s number and nervously waits for her to pick up. Thankfully, she answers almost immediately.

‘Hello,’ she says lazily. ‘What’s up?’

‘I am asking you what’s up,’ he says. ‘You sent me texts and told me to call you. You said it’s urgent! What happened? Is something wrong with you or Rory?’

‘Nah, everything’s fine,’ Amy says. ‘Just wanted you to know that we’re going out on Saturday. I expect you to join us.’

‘Amy! I am in a meeting! I thought it’s something important!’ He exclaims. ‘You can’t just stress me out like that! And I am not going anywhere, thank you very much!’

‘I wanted to make sure you’ll reply,’ Amy says, completely unfazed by his outrage. ‘And you’re going with us! I managed to book us a table at that pub with board games. I know you’ve been dying to go there. Besides,’ Amy’s voice becomes smug, ‘River agreed to go with us. Just saying.’

‘I’m not going to go with you just because River is going!’ He protests hotly.

‘Of course not,’ Amy says. ‘You’re going to meet with us because we haven’t seen each other for a while and playing board games and drinking a few beers is a great way to spend time with your friends. So – Saturday, 6:30pm at Satellite Five. Bye!’

‘Outrageous,’ he mutters when Amy hangs up on him. ‘Pushy and annoying, and Scottish. The worst combination ever.’

Fine, sure, whatever – he’ll go out with them tomorrow and the fact that River will be there has nothing to do with his decision. He just wants to play some board games. That’s all. He can meet with River whenever he wants to – or rather whenever she wants to and has the time for him. She doesn’t try to avoid him and it seems they are okay. It’s just… He knows that they aren’t as okay as they used to be and he also realises it’s his fault. All he can do right now is giving River as much time and space as she needs to.

He sighs and goes back to the room where the interviews are being held – and he can hear shouting even from behind the closed door. Shit.

‘Is it because I am a human?’ He sees Dan standing by the desk and wildly gesticulating his hands. ‘Or is it because I am alive? Is that the case?!’

‘Now, Daniel, don’t be ridiculous,’ Anna says soothingly. ‘This has nothing to do with your species or whether you’re alive or undead-‘

‘Really? Somehow I find it hard to believe! More and more undead come here and take jobs from us!’ Dan says angrily. ‘Sure, hire a vampire instead of an honest man! But don’t come crying if the bloodsucker bites your kids!’

‘Daniel. _Daniel_ , please, calm down,’ Peter says. ‘You know how carefully we screen all of our workers. We make sure no one poses any danger to the children. You’re being a bit unreasonable right now.’

‘Oh, I am being unreasonable?’ Dan’s voice raises an octave. ‘And was I being unreasonable when Eugene lost his head during collecting the teeth? Literally? That’s what you get for hiring zombies!’

‘Daniel, please, sit down,’ he says in a calm tone. ‘Whatever differences we have, I am sure we can talk through them.’

‘Talk? Ha! I don’t want to talk with you lot any second longer!’ Dan shouts out and starts walking towards exit. ‘I quit! If you can’t appreciate true talent, well, that’s not my fault. Oh, one more thing,’ he says when he’s already by the door. ‘Glitter is amazing!’ And with these words, Daniel takes something out of his pocket and throws it at them.

‘We’re covered in glitter, aren’t we?’ Peter asks when the door behind Daniel closes.

‘I am afraid we are,’ he replies and looks at his hand. ‘Yep, we definitely are covered in glitter.’

‘How bad is it?’ Peter asks with his eyes still closed.

‘Well… I’d say that if we take the rest of today and tomorrow off and spend the whole weekend in the shower, we should be presentable by Monday,’ he replies and tries to remember if he has anything that can deal with the bloody glitter. He came up with this extra durable glitter formula, so there must be something that gets rid of it, right?

He may just to have to discover it first.

Great.

 

___

‘You look very… Sparkly,’ Amy says when she sees him on Saturday. ‘Have you tried that make-up all glitter challenge?’

‘Hahaha, very funny,’ he sticks his tongue at her. ‘I’ve had an encounter with a glitter maniac two days ago. I managed to get most of it off already.’

‘Don’t worry, sweetie, you look very… Charming. And manly,’ River says with a smile.

‘As manly as the manliest of fairies,’ adds Jack and the all his friends burst into laughter, while he tries his hardest not to blush.

‘I hate you all,’ he mutters and takes a sip of the beer Rory just put in front of him. ‘If you’re going to make fun of me, I’m leaving.’

‘You’re not. At least not until I beat your ass at this game,’ Amy says and shoves at him a board game she chose.

‘ _’Time and relative dimension at space’_? That sure is a long name for a game,’ he says.

‘We read a bit about it and it’s supposed to be a good one,’ Rory says with a shrug. ‘It’s about time travel, defeating monsters and saving planets. Sounds kind of cool if you ask me.’

‘Fine, let’s play it,’ he says and lifts up his glass to take another sip of his beer, but there’s already glitter floating in it. Is it how the rest of his life going to be? Sparkly torture?

As it turns out, the game is amazing – it’s full of surprises and challenges and it’s not like he wants to boast, but he’s pretty damn good at it. Only River is better at it than he is, but somehow that doesn’t surprise him. Is there anything she’s not great at? Doubtful.

Time passes quickly and it seems that the more they drink, the more fun they have. But what makes him really happy is the fact that River is wearing the bracelet he made for her. He gave it to her again after their visit at Jack’s place and this time she accepted it. It’s the first time he’s seen her wearing it and it gives him a strange fluttering feeling in his stomach.

‘Okay, I’m going to get myself another drink. Anyone wants anything?’ River asks once they finish the game. Everyone shakes their heads so she goes to the bar while Amy and Rory go to pick up a new game.

‘So, how is it going? With the succubus, I mean,’ Jack asks once they’re the only ones at the table.

‘It’s great,’ he says quickly, but sighs when Jack looks at him with disbelief. ‘Well, it’s okay. It’s not fantastic, because I know she’s still there, but being around River helps.’

‘I’m sure it does,’ Jack smirks, but he chooses to ignore his remark.

‘And what about your friend? Did you contact him?’ He asks and leans closer to Jack.

‘I did. I suggested this theoretical scenario and asked him how he’d solve it,’ Jack nods his head. ‘If he realised that I’m not telling him the whole truth – and I am sure he did – he didn’t say anything nor demanded any more information. He’s thinking about it, but for now he said that if he were to advise anything, he’d say that the person with the demon should spend as much time as possible with the person who cancels out the demon’s influence.’

He wants to reply with something snarky, but Amy and Rory come back with another box.

‘This one is called ‘Sherlock’’, Amy says excitedly. ‘We have to solve crimes Sherlock Holmes style!’

‘Aren’t we waiting for River?’ He asks as the Ponds start setting up the game.

‘I don’t think she’ll be joining us anytime soon,’ Rory says as he shuffles the cards. ‘She’s kind of busy right now.’

He looks at the bar and sees River chatting with some guy. With some tall, handsome, hunky blonde guy who seems to have some serious muscles under that leather jacket of his. It also seems that the guy is funny, because River laughs at something he says. It seems that River doesn’t even remember that she came here with her friends.

‘Uhm, okay, let’s play,’ he says once he tears his eyes off of the couple at the bar. ‘What?’ He asks when everyone at the table looks at him reproachfully. ‘River is talking with someone, it’d be rude to interrupt her. We can play without her.’

‘How could I have lost? It’s impossible!’ He exclaims not even 30 minutes later. ‘You guys must’ve cheated!’

‘Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,’ Amy says and pats his head. ‘I’m starving. I want some chips.’

‘Isn’t it too late for chips? Only yesterday you told me that you’re done with eating after 6pm,’ Rory says in a confused tone.

‘Chips don’t count as eating after 6pm,’ Amy rolls her eyes. ‘Chips are… Potatoes. And potatoes are vegetables. And vegetables are good, right? Come on, we’re going to get me some veggies!’

‘You know,’ Jack says casually as they watch Amy and Rory making their way to the bar, ‘maybe you wouldn’t have lost if you had focused on the game and not on what River was doing.’

‘What are you talking about? I wasn’t looking at River!’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t care what she’s doing.’

‘Or rather whom she’s doing,’ Jack corrects him with a small smile. ‘Sure, keep telling yourself that. But it wouldn’t hurt, you know.’

‘What wouldn’t hurt?’ He asks confused.

‘Asking River out. Who knows, she may actually agree,’ Jack says and he nearly chokes on the peanuts he’s eating.

‘What are you talking about?’ He wheezes out. ‘I don’t- I would never ask River out! Why would I do that?’

For a few moments Jack just stares at him without saying a word. Then he just shrugs.

‘What did I miss?’ He nearly jumps in his chair when River sits next to him. She’s smiling, she looks almost radiant and suddenly he’s angry that he’s not the one who put that expression on her face.

‘Just the entire game,’ the words slip from his mouth before he can stop them. And is it just him or do they sound slightly bitter?

‘Yeah, just the entire game of John getting his ass kicked,’ Jack adds. ‘But never mind that – you better tell me all about that hot guy you’ve been chatting up.’

Is he being oversensitive or is Jack looking at him to gauge his reaction?

‘Yeah, tell us all about him!’ Amy says, appearing out of nowhere with a giant plate of chips. Rory follows her, holding a bowl full of peanuts and crisps.

‘I have nothing to tell you… Yet,’ River responds with a smirk and he laughs with everyone else, even though he suddenly feels a bit sick.

‘Remember that I want all the details!’ Amy exclaims excitedly. ‘If you happen to have some pictures, I also wouldn’t mind.’

‘Amy!’ Rory shakes his head. ‘Married!’

‘Married doesn’t mean blind,’ Amy says before pressing a quick kiss to her husband’s cheek. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll never leave you. We have a mortgage together. That’s more binding than marriage.’

‘And they say that the romance is dead,’ Rory comments drily which makes Jack spit his beer back into the glass.

They spend a few more hours like that – bantering, joking, poking fun at each other – and even though he’s enjoying himself and having a great time, a part of him can’t stop thinking about the guy, the one who chatted River up. Will she meet with him again? Did she like him? Does she think he’s handsome? Of course, it’s none of his, John’s business, but… As a good friend he cares about River. That’s all there is.

Suddenly, he feels a cold shiver running up and down his spine – it feels like someone is watching him. He knows this feeling, he knows it all too well. He felt it multiple times – every time the succubus appeared in his dreams or in real life.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ he stands up, nearly tipping the whole table over, ‘I have to- I have to make a call, I’ll be right back,’ he says and goes outside as quickly as he can without it looking like he’s running from something.

The warm and damp evening air isn’t refreshing in the slightest, but he still takes a few large gulps of it, trying to calm himself down. _It can’t be her_ , he tells himself, willing his heart to slow down. _It can’t be her. She can’t appear like that, not when River is around. I must’ve overreacted. It can’t be true._

He’s not sure how long he’s been standing there, but it must be a while because Amy is now sticking her head through the door and once she spots him sitting on the pavement, she walks over to join him.

‘Hey,’ she says as she sits next to him. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ he fakes a smile, ‘just had to make a call, that’s all.’

‘Sure,’ Amy responds and he knows that she didn’t buy it. He can’t blame her – if he were her, he also wouldn’t believe such a poor excuse of a lie. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me?’ Amy asks after a while and he nearly laughs hearing that. Something he’s not telling her? Where should he start?

‘Nah, it’s fine,’ he starts, but Amy cuts him off.

‘Listen, you know that you can tell me anything, right?’ She starts. ‘If there’s something wrong, if you have any trouble – you can tell me that. Unless it’s something really awful – like I don’t know, eating pineapple on pizza. If you like pineapple on your pizza, don’t tell me that. I am not ready to hear about such perversity.’

He laughs and this time it’s honest.

‘I don’t like pineapple on pizza, I promise you,’ he says once he stops laughing. ‘And really, there’s nothing wrong with me. I just had to call someone and then I just got lost in thoughts.’

‘Okay,’ Amy nods her head as she studies him carefully, ‘if you say so. It just looked a bit like you were running away.’

‘Running away? What would I be running away from?’ He shakes her head with a short laugh, not wanting to let her know how close she was to the truth. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Should we head back inside?’

‘Sure, if you want to,’ Amy gets up to her feet and he follows suit. ‘We were actually thinking about going somewhere else. Jack says there’s this new place called _Utopia_ and that we should check it out. Well, River is probably going to go somewhere with her new beefcake, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun without her.’

It feels like someone just punched him. River is going somewhere with the hunky guy? But she has only just met him! Is it even safe for her to go with a guy she doesn’t know? Not like it’s any of his business – River is an adult and she can do whatever she wants to. But why did she choose that guy? Why won’t she go somewhere with him for example? They’re friends, they can do things together! It’s not that he’s jealous, it’s just common sense!

When Amy and he go back inside to gather their things, the hunky guy is already by River’s side, sitting far too close to her and smiling too widely at her. Doesn’t McHunky see that he looks like a horse when he smiles this widely? No one wants to date a horse! Not that River is going to date this guy. Or is she?

He doesn’t have the time to dwell on this subject, because they pay for their drinks, grab their coats and leave the pub – all of them except for River, who stays there with her new boyfriend.

Whatever.

She’s an adult and he doesn’t care whom she’s going to date.

He enjoys the rest of the evening – he would be lying if he said otherwise. He has a few more drinks, challenges Amy to a karaoke battle that he wins and then he starts discussing the history of bowties with some random guy. Amy was right – they don’t need River to have fun. But there’s a part of his brain that keeps thinking what’s she’s doing right now? Is she enjoying herself? And how is she enjoying herself?

The next morning, he runs into River in a small café that is a few blocks away from his apartment – and a few blocks away from River’s. It’s strange that they haven’t met here before.

‘Hi,’ she says and gives him a weak smile. She looks a bit pale and worn out and he doesn’t even want to think why she may be tired. ‘Crap, I think I’m getting old. I feel terrible. And I didn’t drink that much last night - I only had two beers for fuck’s sake.’

‘Didn’t your new boyfriend buy you anything?’ He asks and doesn’t even try to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

‘My new who- Oh, _him_ ,’ River waves her hand in the air. ‘He wanted to buy me drinks, yes. But I wanted to keep my head clear.’

‘Then maybe you were too busy at night to sleep,’ he says before he can stop himself. Gods, why is he such an asshole? Why can’t he keep his mouth shut and his stupid thoughts to himself?

‘I didn’t sleep with him if that’s what you’re hinting at,’ River says through clenched teeth. ‘And even if I did, it’d be none of your business. My sex life is really none of your business.’

‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,’ he says honestly and takes a sip of his coffee. ‘I just- You looked to be really into him and I thought that- Well, you know.’

‘I thought that too,’ River says and rest her head against the wall. ‘A lovely face, a nice body, but a terrible kisser and dumb as a brick. I’m too old to put up with that.’

‘Come on, you’re not old,’ he says with a smile. ‘You just have standards.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ River snorts. ‘That’s a nice way of putting it: you’re not picky, you have standards. It’s not that I expected to have long and stimulating conversations with him, but you know, having a stimulating conversation never hurt anyone.’

He buys River another coffee before dragging her to a small diner for a proper English breakfast. Once she finishes it, she looks and behaves more like herself – she jokes and makes fun of him and the blush is back on her cheeks.

When they part ways, he feels a bit more cheerful than he did in the morning. So River didn’t sleep with that guy from the pub, he thinks and whistles some jolly melody. Mr. I Am All Muscles And Charm wasn’t that great after all, was he? Who looks like a loser now? Ha! Serves him right. Maybe that will teach him not to pick up women at the bar!

Not for one second does he think why the thought that River might’ve slept with someone bothered him so much.

Not even for one second.

 

___

_Chirp-chirp-chirp!_

_Chirp-chirp-chirp!_

What the hell? What is this hellish noise coming from?

_Chirp-chirp-chirp!_

It takes him a few seconds to realise that the horrible noise is coming from his phone. Who would call him at such an hour? And why? What time is it even?

Without glancing at the caller ID, he answers the phone.

‘ello, Jo’n Sm’th.’

‘John, it’s me, River.’

He sits up in his when he hears her voice on the phone.

‘River? What happened? Is something wrong?’ He asks, suddenly feeling really awake.

‘No, it’s- I didn’t want to call you this early, but I might not have time later,’ River replies and he glances at the clock on his bedside table – it’s 4:53am. No wonder he’s barely coherent. ‘Listen, I have to go away.’

‘Why? What do you mean?’ He asks and feels the panic flooding his stomach.

‘Hey, nothing happened, don’t worry,’ River says quietly and in the background he can hear someone talking on the speaker. ‘I’m at the airport.’

‘What? Where are you going?’ He asks confused, because he doesn’t remember River telling him about any trip she’d be going on.

‘Desilo. I’m going to Desilo.’

‘De- Where? River, it’s 5am. Have some mercy on me,’ he says and runs fingers through his hair. ‘I don’t understand anything you’re saying!’

‘Sorry, you’re right,’ River sighs. ‘I’m going to Bosnia and Herzegovina. There’s an archaeological site in Desilo. In 2007 they excavated 2 boats there, Illyrian boats- You probably don’t care about any of this. Anyway, yesterday some kids found something else there. Some new artefacts and a friend asked me to come and have a look. Normally, I wouldn’t go, but these things – they’re from completely different time period. They shouldn’t have been there. Either it’s a giant scam or- I don’t know. I want to check it out. I need to check it out.’

‘Okay, of course, go there,’ he says slowly and lies on his side, keeping his phone close to his ear. ‘How long will you be gone?’

‘I’m not sure,’ River responds. ‘I think- Two days? Maybe three. But I can’t promise anything-‘

‘It’s okay,’ he mutters into the phone, his eyes closing. ‘I’ll be fine.’

‘You said that before,’ River says. ‘And we know how that turned out.’

‘Nah, this time it won’t be that bad,’ he says slowly, sleepily into the phone. ‘I’ll be okay.’

‘I’ll be checking on you,’ River says. ‘Shit, I have to run. Talk to you as soon as I can. Don’t do anything stupid.’

‘Me? Never,’ he responds with a smile, but River has already ended the call.

A few days? He will make do. It’s not a big deal, right? Sure, he had some problems in the past, but now he’s smarter and far more experienced. A few days is nothing.

River is away for two weeks, during which it turns out he was wrong – per usual. Not entirely wrong, mind you – for the first few days everything really is fine. The succubus doesn’t appear, he sleeps without any problems and he dares to hope that she’s gone for good. Problems start on the 5th day – night – of River’s absence. The succubus appears in his dream, but she doesn’t do anything – she just sits on his bed and stares at him, with an unnerving smile on her lips. He tosses and turns and wakes up, only to fall asleep again and have the succubus disrupt his sleep over and over again. The next morning he’s barely conscious, jumpy and irritable. All he wants to do is fall back into his bed and have a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, but the moment his head hits the pillows, the succubus appears. And just like the night before, she just sits next to him, not touching him, just looking and driving him insane in the process. This behaviour of hers continues for a few more nights – and it makes him so angry, so tired and so riled up that he can barely function during the day.

It feels like a relief when the succubus finally fucks him.

‘ _Did you miss me?_ ’ She asks and he has to stop himself from shouting ‘ _yes, yes,_ ’ into the silence of the night. He drowns in her, suffocates on her scent and gets drunk on her caresses. He doesn’t want for this night to end and when it does, he wakes up disappointed and hungry for more.

He’s furious with himself and he’s tired, and he really needs someone to help him.

No, scratch it. Not just someone.

He needs River.

When she finally comes back and knocks on his door, he pulls himself together and pretends that everything has been alright. He knows that River sees right through his lies, but this time she doesn’t say anything. He falls asleep with his head on her lap, while she tells him about the excursion she just came back from. With her voice soothing him with its warmth and her fingers gently petting his hair, for the first time in two weeks he feels calm and safe enough to let himself sleep without any worries.

For the first time in two weeks he feels complete.

 

___

‘We’re going to have sex,’ River says as she walks into his flat on some unremarkable Thursday evening.

‘What?’ He shrieks out, feeling like he’s just woke up in some alternative reality that is too bizarre to be true.

‘We’re going to have sex,’ River repeats slowly and patiently as if he had IQ of a slug.

‘But- But- I don’t- Why?’ He stutters out and watches River restlessly pacing his living room. What is going on? Has he finally lost it? Has she finally lost it? Have they both lost their marbles at the same time? Why is River propositioning him? Hell, not even propositioning him, simply stating the fact that they’re going to have sex?

‘ _Because!_ ’ River exclaims and turns to face him. ‘Nothing else works! You look and feel like a nightmare when we don’t spend enough time together. You can’t get rid of the succubus and no one knows how to help you. And I am tired of coming back from somewhere and wondering in what state I’ll find you in.’

‘River, you don’t need to worry-,’ he starts but River cuts him off.

‘And who knows, maybe Jack was right, maybe you need to have the succubus fucked out of you,’ River takes a deep breath. ‘So we’re going to have sex.’

‘What, right now?’ He asks and feels his heart beating widely inside his chest.

‘There’s no time like the present,’ River says simply, as if it wasn’t a big deal. ‘Unless you have something against it?’

‘I- No, I- No, it’s-,’ he stutters out again. What is he supposed to say? That he no longer knows what he wants? That he would do anything to get rid of the succubus? That if he were honest, he’d say that he wouldn’t mind sleeping with her if he knew it wouldn’t ruin their friendship? And if he were even more honest, he’d admit that yes, he is attracted to her, but he’d never act on it unless she acted on it first and-

‘Good,’ River says breathlessly and looking a little nervous, she closes the distance between them and kisses him.

He feels his arms flailing around before settling down on River’s hips. For a few moments he’s still too stunned to do anything but let River kiss him, but once his brain catches up with the reality, he starts kissing her back.

He kissed River before – at the big party, in front of her ex – and the kiss was nice. Very nice even. To be honest, _nice_ doesn’t describe it properly.

This kiss doesn’t feel anything like that.

It feels rushed and hasty.

It feels nervous.

It feels as if they both are trying to prove something, but he doesn’t know what.

He can feel how tense River is – her body tight against his like a bowstring and he knows that he must feel the same to her.

He tries to slow down the kiss, but River doesn’t let him – kissing him frantically as if her life depended on it, she pushes him backwards, making him walk to the sofa. Her hands fist into his shirt, his tighten on her hips as he focuses on walking backwards and not tripping.

He doesn’t focus hard enough.

He slips on a piece of paper – a page from an article he’s been reading when River knocked on his door – and starts falling backwards, taking River with him. They fall onto the sofa – thankfully – but River still manages to knock all the air out of his lungs when she falls onto him. Just when he thinks it’s over, he feels himself sliding from the sofa and even though he clutches at the pillows and the bed, a few seconds later River and he land on the floor.

‘ _Ouch_!’

‘I’m so sorry, I slipped-‘

‘ _Shit_ , my lip-‘

‘ _My head_!’

‘My hair!’

‘You hit me with your elbow!’

‘Stop moving, you’re making it worse- _Fuck_ , you just hit my boobs!’

‘No, don’t move your legs, you’re going to knee me in my- _Ouch_!’

For a minute or two they just lie on the floor next to each other, silently nursing their bruises and wounds. Well, River is doing it silently. He’s curled into a fetal position, moaning and clutching at his… _thingies_ , wondering if the pain will ever stop and if he still can have kids.

‘That was… Terrible,’ River says as she touches her split lip.

‘Awful,’ he adds and his voice is slightly high-pitched.

‘A tragedy.’

‘Horrific.’

‘A giant mistake.’

‘A painful mistake.’

‘I have never been this bruised and injured during sex! Well, except that one time on a swing. But that’s a whole different story. We’re not trying that again,’ River says shaking her head. ‘I’m all black and blue and we didn’t even take our clothes off.’

‘Hey, you were the one who suggested it,’ he says and pokes her ribs with his fingers. ‘I knew you couldn’t resist me.’

‘What can I say: desperate times call for desperate measures,’ River sticks her tongue out at him.

‘Oi, that was very rude! Not only you came into my house, harassed me, kneed me in my private place-‘

‘It was an accident! And you elbowed my boobs!’

‘And now you’re offending me. I knew that archaeologists have no manners.’

‘You think you’re so funny, don’t you?’ River sighs. ‘John… I’m sorry. Really. I shouldn’t have done that… Shouldn’t have even suggested it. And certainly shouldn’t have jumped on you like that.’

‘It’s okay,’ he replies. ‘A bit surreal, but okay.’

‘No, it’s not,’ River looks at him and he can see regret in her eyes. ‘It was a mistake and I wouldn’t like to make things weird between us.’

‘I think we’re way past weird,’ he can’t help but laugh. ‘You have no aura, I have a succubus who looks like you and you cancel out her influence. You have to spend time with me so that I don’t get crazy. Could it get any more weird?’

‘So we’re going to be fine?’ River asks and he can hear fear and uneasiness in her voice.

‘We have no other choice,’ he says and gets up to from the floor. ‘Come on, Song. Get your ass up. I think I have icepacks in the fridge. Perfect for our pre-sex injuries.’

_Well_ , he thinks an hour later when River leaves his apartment (after having eaten entire tub of his favourite chocolate mint ice-cream), _that another story we’ll laugh about in a few years._

Who would have thought that River Song would make a move at him?

Ha.

That’s certainly something he can brag about to his future kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone who's reading this fic. here's a new chapter. I do hope you enjoyed it. I also hoped that you don't feel like killing me because of The Sex That Didn't Happen. sorry! (or am I?)  
> thank you for all the comments under the last chapter - you guys are too nice and generous with your praises. and please, for the love of everything, DO NOT read this fic in one go. it's a long ass monster and it's not worth losing any sleep over! it stresses the heck out of me when you say you read it in one go D:
> 
> chapter's title from 'everything you've come to expect' by TLSP.
> 
> P.S. I hope that whoever and wherever you are, you are safe, welcome and loved. the world is a shitty place atm :(.


	23. it's pretty obvious that you've got a crush, that magic in your pants, it's making me blush

‘Oi, wake up,’ someone says and gently kicks his leg.

‘What? I wasn’t- I wasn’t sleeping,’ he says waking up and yawning. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘You not knowing what I’m talking about doesn’t surprise me anymore,’ River grumbles and rolls her eyes. ‘Now that you’re awake, please be so kind and get off my armchair.’

‘I said it before and I am saying this now: I wasn’t sleeping. I was just resting my eyes,’ he says and looks at River who’s glaring at him with an unimpressed expression on her face. ‘That was thing number one. Thing number two: I am your guest. You can’t tell me to get off that armchair.’

‘My guest? Really?’ River says raising her eyebrows.

‘You invited me over for lunch-‘

‘You invited yourself for lunch!’

‘I brought dessert!’

‘I cooked!’

‘Chocolate cake! I brought chocolate cake! Dark chocolate and cherries!’

‘You bought it. I cooked everything from the scratch.’

‘True, but I could’ve chosen some plain vanilla cake. And where would we be then?’

‘Hopefully, you wouldn’t be asleep in my favourite armchair,’ River snorts. ‘Really, get your ass up.’

‘No, I shan’t. It’s a very comfortable armchair,’ he says and leans against the soft pillow.

‘I know it is and that’s why I want to sit in it while I’m reviewing this article,’ River says impatiently and points to the pages she’s holding in her other hand. ‘Go sit on the sofa.’

‘You sit on the sofa,’ he says and winks. ‘Sharing is caring, River. Don’t you know  it?’

River looks at him for a few moments in a way that makes him slightly worried – but not worried enough to get off the armchair.

‘You’re right, John. Sharing is caring,’ she says and takes a small step towards him. ‘How could I forget about that? Silly of me, really,’ she lets out a small laugh.

And then she sits on his lap.

‘River,’ he says a little panicked, ‘what are you doing?’

‘Getting comfortable,’ River replies lightly while she wiggles on his lap. ‘You want to sit here and so do I. So I thought we can share. _Sharing is caring_ , remember? You said it yourself, less than a minute ago.’

‘Yes, but I- Can you stop wiggling, please?’ He asks and if his voice is a little high-pitched, well, there’s no one to hear it, right?

‘Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?’ River asks turning her head just enough so he can see her smirk. Oh, that infuriating woman. She’s doing it on purpose. She’s making him… _uncomfortable_ on purpose.

River finally stops moving and leans her back against his chest.

‘Wonderful. Perfectly comfortable, don’t you think?‘ She says in that annoying, breezy tone of voice. ‘Now, be a darling and don’t interrupt me. I have an article to review. And sit still… If you can.’

As if on cue, he shifts in his seat, which makes River snicker in the paper she's reading. He grits his teeth but says nothing. Easy for her to say - don't move. She's clearly not experiencing what he's going through right now. It's just a lot - River's weight on his legs, how he can feel the warmth of her skin through the thin dress she's wearing and how he has a really good view into the cleavage of said dress.

Look, when presented with a low cut shirt or dress, no matter how much he fights with himself, he's going to behave like a man - which translates to _behave like a primitive asshole_ \- and he's going to stare.

And all of these things combined and resulted in a rather embarrassing situation: he has a boner - and to make things worse, River is also aware of that. As if she was reading his thoughts, River grinds against his erection in a way that nearly makes him cross-eyed.

‘Something's wrong?’ River asks innocently when he lets out an annoyed hiss. If he didn't know her better, he'd think she's genuinely worried - the wide and concerned eyes, the small frown between her eyebrows and the question asked in the kindest of voices. Oh, she’s _good_. Unfortunately for her, he knows her well enough to know when she’s playing it up for the audience - and this time she definitely is. He can hear the amusement in her voice and see the way her eyes crinkle with laughter. She’s enjoying it: having him - in a way - at her mercy and knowing that he can’t do anything without embarrassing himself further.

‘I’m spiffing,’ he says through clenched teeth and sees River’s smile deepening. Oh, how he wishes he could just drop her on the floor and walk away. But by doing that, he’d admit his defeat and he’s not ready to do it - not just yet. Besides - if River wants to play, play he shall.

For a few moments he does nothing: he lets River relax and focus on the article she’s reviewing. By the concentrated look on her face he can tell that she’s now fully engrossed in the pages in front of her and that’s when he decides it’s time to act - delicately, he puts his hand on River’s knee. Her leg jumps slightly under his palm, but that’s it - she doesn’t react to his touch in any other way: she doesn’t shy away from it nor she tells him to stop. Only one of her eyebrows raises slightly as if wondering what he’s doing and what he’s going to do next. They stay like that for a few minutes: he with his hand on River’s knee, her ass on his lap and her back against his chest. This position of their feels strangely intimate and surprisingly pleasant - sitting like that with someone else would probably feel awkward, but with River it just feels right. They could probably sit like that for a few hours - or at least River doesn’t finish reading the article - and then they’d get up and everything would be forgotten. They could do that, but- There’s an itch under his skin, one he needs to scratch not to go crazy.

It’s said that ignorance is a bliss.

Maybe they’re right.

But he’s always been too curious for his own good.

His hand moves a few inches up River’s leg.

His heart speeds up and he knows River can feel it against her back.

Any second now she’ll take his hand off of her thigh and smack his head, tell him to never to do it again. Any second now…

But River does none of that. Her grips tightens on the pages in her hand and she leans closer to his chest and grinds slightly against his crotch.

_Fuck._

Without his command, as if they had a mind of their own, his fingers start tracing patterns on River’s leg. Subtle, feather-like touch - he delicately grazes her skin, drawing random and abstract images on it. Her skin feels warm and smooth under his touch and he wonders if all of her skin feels this soft and how much he’d like to explore all of it. He places his second hand on River’s waist and moves his thumb, gently stroking her skin through the fabric of her dress. When his second hand the hem of her dress and pulls it up a bit, he feels River taking a deep breath.

‘River..,’ he says and stops moving his hands against her body, ‘am I- Am I making you uncomfortable?’

Holding his breath, he waits for an answer.

His counts her heartbeats - one, two - and it feels like his whole life is caught between them.

‘No,’ River says, shaking her head, her hair tickling her nose. Her voice is a bit lower than usually and slightly huskier. ‘No. I am perfectly… Comfortable. But I think you could make me even more comfortable,’ she says and slowly moves her legs apart and he feels nearly weak with relief.

‘I’ll try my best,’ he whispers into her ear and watches her shiver. His hands get busy again: one sneaks aroundt River’s waist and pulls her even closer to him, fingers moving from her hip to her breasts; his second hand starts its slow journey up her thighs. He doesn’t give himself any time to think about what is happening here because he knows that if he stops even for a second, he starts wondering if it’s worth it and if they really should do it. He will think about it later on, he knows this much, but right now it’s not the time for thinking - it’s the time for feeling. River seems to be thinking exactly the same thing, because she grinds against him - harder this time, as if urging him to do something - and rakes her nails against his clothed leg. He suddenly feels light-headed and it's beyond ridiculous, because he's not a teenager anymore and he can't just come from River simply touching his legs, and yet it makes him wonder if that's how he felt when she only ran her fingers across his leg, how will it feel when they- _if they_?

He forces himself to stop thinking about it - whatever happens, happens and right now he should focus on River. His fingers move upwards, under her dress and start trailing on the inside of her thigh. Slow and teasing strokes - just a hint of a touch, just a hint of caress. He can feel River’s muscles flexing, responding to his touch and jumping under her skin. It makes him feel oddly powerful to have someone like River - no, _not_ _someone like River_ , but River herself - so responsive to his caresses. His fingers inch even higher and River puts her head on his shoulder and he can't help but press kisses to her exposed neck. Under his lips, he can feel her pulse speeding up as his fingers trail against the edge of her underwear. He can feel her warmth against his fingertips and it'd take an inch to finally, properly touch her, but just as slowly as he trailed his fingers up her leg, he starts trailing them down and doesn't even try to hide his grin when River lets out a disappointed whine.

‘Be patient,’ he says against her neck.

‘I have been patient for a very long time,’ River replies and her nails bite harder into his leg. ‘I think I deserve some compensation.’

‘Maybe you'll get it if you're good,’ he says as his hand once again starts its slow journey upwards.

‘I’m not sure I know how to do that,’ she says. ‘But if you play nice, I'll play nice too and I'm sure we can reach _a satisfying conclusion_.’

‘I am sure we can,’ he gently bites her earlobe.

‘Then why don’t you get on with that?’ River asks and presses her lips to his jaw. ‘I would hate to get impatient.’

He chuckles at that and scrapes his teeth against her pulse point. His hand moves up her thigh and this time, he touches her through the fabric covering her folds. River lets out a small hiss at the feel of his touch and he nearly joins her. Feeling her warmth and wetness, knowing that that only thing separating him from her is the thin scrape of her knickers - it’s almost too much. He grinds his hips against River’s ass - just to have more pressure against his cock, because it’s so hard that it starts bordering on painful.

‘Stop teasing,’ River says - a little breathlessly - when he strokes her clit through her knickers. ‘That’s not very nice.’

‘And since when you care about nice?’ He asks and sucks on the spot under her ear, leaving a red mark on the tender skin there.

‘I always care about-,’ River starts but her words turn into a moan when his fingers slide under her underwear and rub against her clit a few times. Her hips buck against his hand and he uses the hand he has around her waist to hold her closer to him and stop her from wiggling so much - her every move makes his cock even harder and pushes him closer and closer to coming into his pants like an inexperienced boy.

He trails his fingers along her folds, gently and slowly spreading her open, dipping fingers in her opening just a little, just enough to feel her wetness on his fingertips. It amazes him how wet she is. Does she really want this - _him_ \- that much? Has she been thinking about it, fantasising about fucking him or letting him fuck her? The thought of that makes his head spin a little. He presses biting kisses to River’s neck and then, after what feels like a lifetime of waiting, he pushes two fingers inside her. For a few moments he doesn’t move them, just lets himself soak up in the moment, but soon it turns out that River has other plans: she starts moving her hips and fucking herself on his fingers.

‘I told you to be patient,’ he says once he can form a coherent sentence.

‘I was. Not my fault you weren’t doing your job,’ River says and moves her hips again. ‘It’s not my fault you can’t finish what you’ve started.’

He doesn’t reply to that - instead he withdraws his fingers and then slides them inside her again. He does that again and again, his fingers moving and sliding out of her effortlessly. Who would have thought that River could be so wet for him that she’d be drenching his fingers and nearly dripping on his jeans?

Neither of them speaks and the only thing that can be heard in the room are River’s little moans of pleasure and her ragged breathing. He could happily listening to these noises for the rest of his life, he thinks as he crooks his fingers a little and grinds his palm against her clit. This time she lets out a moan so loud that he thinks that all her neighbours must hear it and he suddenly realises that he doesn’t give a damn about it. He presses his hand against her once more and she moans again - this time even louder and longer. She must be close now - he can feel it in the way her muscles tighten against his fingers - so he starts moving his fingers quicker, a little more forcefully, the palm of his hand rubbing against her clit with every stroke. He moves his hand relentlessly, even though his wrist is starting to cramp and hurt from the uncomfortable angle - but none of this matters now. River moves her hips faster and faster and he tries to move her hand to match her movements. Suddenly, her hips stop, her whole body tenses, her inner muscles spasm almost painfully around his fingers and she comes with a low loud moan.

River digs her nails into the skin of his forearm, but he pays no attention to the ache - he focuses on prolonging her pleasure, still moving his fingers, but a bit slower this time. She’s leaning against his chest, breathing heavily, a few curls stuck to her sweaty forehead, her mouth open and taking large gulps of air. She’s never looked more beautiful to him.

He slowly slides his fingers out of her, but keeps it under her dress, gently caressing her thigh. After a few moments, River suddenly stands up – her shaking legs stepping on the article she was reading just a few minutes ago - and sits back, this time straddling him. He takes in her appearance – wild hair, bright eyes, her cheeks blushed - before River leans down and kisses him. This kiss starts innocently as a mere press of their lips, but it quickly turns into something more: River bites lightly on his lower lip, then traces it with her tongue. He opens his mouth to her and soon they’re drinking in each other, mapping each other’s mouth with their tongues, biting and sucking on the other’s lips. He can feel River’s hands in his hair, caressing the scalp and scratching against his neck. His hands are on her hips, pulling her closer and making her grind against him. They break their kiss and moan at that contact - he now can feel her warmth through the fabric of his jeans and if he thought he was hard before there’s no word to describe how he feels right now. _Please, please_ , don’t anything interrupt them and let River touch him soon - if that doesn’t happen, he may actually go insane.

As if reading his mind, River trails her hands down his body, all the way to his belt buckle. She undoes it, then unbuttons his jeans and then slowly - too slowly for his liking - unzips them. It feels like a torture, having her hands so close to where he wants them and yet so far away. When she’s finally done with the damn zipper, she pushes his trousers down his hips and traces the elastics of his briefs - and she does it maddeningly slowly, making sure not to touch him anywhere below it.

‘River,’ he whines, not caring that he sounds absolutely unmanly, ‘ _please_ -’

‘Please what?’ She replies with a self-satisfied grin.

‘Touch me. Please,’ he says desperately, raising his hips a bit.

‘Touch you? What, like that?’ She says and puts her hand on his cock, rubbing it through his pants.

‘Yes, like that,’ he manages to croak out. ‘Fuck, just like that,’ he says when River applies a bit more pressure.

‘Oh, like that. I see,’ she says with a hint of amusement in her voice, removing her hand and he feels that he may cry at the loss of the contact. ‘And here I thought you meant something like that-,’ she says as she pushes his briefs down a bit and frees his dick. Her hand closes against it immediately and he closes his eyes, trying to get some control over his body. River moves her hand in fast, experienced strokes and he thinks that it may actually happen - he may come in less than a minute, like some horny schoolboy.

‘But you know what I think?’ River whispers against his lips as she stops stroking his cock. He opens his eyes to look at her - her pupils are so wide that her eyes look almost black.

‘What?’ He says and licks his lips.

‘I think you may like this even more,’ she says and starts lowering herself onto him. ‘Don’t you think that’s nicer?’ She asks as she teases her opening with the tip of his cock.

He can’t say anything. He can’t even think right now, all he can do is feel the tip of his dick between River’s wet folds and-

_Beep-beep-beep._

_Beep-beep-beep._

_Beep-beep-beep._

He wakes up and immediately sits up.

His heart is beating loudly in his chest, he’s breathing hard and his skin feels hot and sweaty. He doesn’t even need to look down to know that his sheets are wet and sticky, and that his dick is still half hard.

 _Well fuck,_ he thinks and a sense of panic nearly swallows him, _I just had a sex dream about River Song._

Now his life is truly over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 
> 
> yeah, so that happened. look, I don't know what's going on either. don't ask me.  
> on a more serious note, the question I keep asking myself while writing this fic - the question I asked myself when I came up with the idea for this fic, a few years ago - is 'how the fuck are you going to write a succubus fic when you can't write smut to save your life?' I still haven't found the answer to that, nor I've learned how to write smut. all I can do is hope that it's not too atrocious ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯. let me know if this chapter made you vomit/made you blind/caused brain damage.
> 
> other than that, I can't thank you enough for the kind comments under the last chapter. I know I've said this before way too many times, but you are too generous with your praises. I am just making shit up as I go, truth to be told. 
> 
> chapter's title from Kesha's 'gonna die young', but I've been listening to Postmodern Jukebox's cover of it. 
> 
> all the typos and mistakes are mine. at one point I just gave up to control all the 'his' and hers' and all the anatomy.


	24. baby, we ought to fuck seven years of bad luck out the powder room mirror

‘Number 173! Number 173 goes to room 4. I repeat: number 173 goes to room 4,’ a generic computer generated voice blasts from the speakers and he winces at the volume of it. Really, one would think that The Dream Fairies Ministry would have a more _magical_ way of organising a queue of people. What a terrible disappointment.

He sighs and looks at the piece of paper with a number in his hand. 176. Two more people and it’ll be his turn. It’s only been… What, two hours? It feels like he’s been here for ages. Why did he even agree to help with this? It’s none of his business. But he knows very well why he agreed to helped: there was this little girl with a haunted expression and her father with a determined look in his eyes. They put their hope in him. He won’t let them down.

He just wishes this place wasn’t so… Fairy-like. Don’t get him wrong: he likes fairies. The real fairies and everyone who does fairy job. He likes their usually cheerful attitude and their ability to put everyone in the corner if needed; he likes how they sparkle and shine and how most of the time they’re the most helpful of creatures. However, the dream fairies are a bit different: yes, they are sparkly and shiny; yes, they can be helpful if they need to be, but their cheerfulness is of a different kind. Maybe that’s because of what they do, he muses. Dream fairies… well, they bring you dreams – quite literally. They look through your memories, they catalogue your emotions and important things that happened in your life and they design a pattern of dreams for you. It still kind of creeps him out, even though he knows the whole procedure. But having this much power over people – being able to control what they dream of – still gives him the chills. It doesn’t help that the dream fairies always have this self-satisfied and all-knowing smiles on their faces as if they knew more about you that you do – and to be fair, they probably do. Mistakes in the dream industry happen incredibly rarely, but they still do and that’s why he’s here.

‘Number 176! Number 176 goes to room 2. I repeat: number 176 goes to room 2,’ the annoying computer voice says and he jumps out of his seat and nearly runs to the mentioned room.

‘Good mor- Good afternoon,’ he says once he enters the room and closes the room behind him. Behind the desk sits a small creature whose wings glitter as they move. Unlike tooth fairies, being a dream fairy isn’t a job. Dream fairies are a species and you have to _be_ a dream fairy to become a Dream Fairy.

‘Please, sit,’ the fairy replies, completely ignoring his welcome. Her skin is black, but it seems to shine with every colour of the rainbow from within. She looks at him through her amber coloured eyes and she doesn’t look half-pleased to see him. Ever heard that fairies are lovely creatures who want to bring happiness to the world? That’s a lie: they’re unpleasant creatures who most likely plot your demise. ‘How can I help you?’ The fairy asks with a sour expression on her face.

‘I am here on behalf of Belle Martin and her father,’ he replies and sits in the chair opposite of the fairie’s. He leans slightly closer to read a name tag on her jacket: _Janice_. He just met a fairy called Janice. Granted, the dream fairies don’t use their real names – almost no one would be able to pronounce them, so they took on some ‘normal’ human names. He knows a few fairies named Beatrice, Anna or Austin. But Janice? What kind of a soccer mom name is that? ‘I believe you can help me, Janice,’ he says and forces himself to smile.

‘We’ll see about that,’ Janice replies and he can tell that she stops herself from rolling her eyes. ‘What’s the problem? And why are you here on someone’s behalf?’

‘When the party in question came to see you, you sent them away,’ he shrugs. ‘So they asked me to help them.’

‘We sent people away only when their complaints are pointless,’ Janice says. ‘If we sent your friends away, it probably meant that they came to us with something they could solve themselves.’

‘Really? A 9-year-old girl dreaming about slaving for a big corporation and then getting fired from her job is something they can solve themselves?’ He asks raising his eyebrows. ‘And here I thought dreams were your jurisdiction.’

‘It’s a perfectly reasonable dream,’ Janice replies coolly.

‘Maybe, but not for a kid who still believes that unicorns are peaceful and cute,’ he leans back on his chair. ‘To me, it seems like you made a mistake. It happens. If you could check it now… It’d be splendid.’

Janice gives him a look so cold that it’d chill a polar bear. He smiles in response.

‘Fine,’ she finally says. ‘Let’s see. What was the child’s name again?’

‘Belle Martin.’

Janice types it into computer, although saying ‘types’ is probably wrong. Yes, she’s sitting in front of something that resembles a computer. Yes, there’s something resembling a keyboard, but her fingers move above it, without touching any keys. When he asked about it in the past, he wasn’t given any explanation other than that fairies computers work on emotions, not algorithms. He can hear something akin to a melody coming from the computer on the desk, but he decides not to ask what that it. Sometimes he thinks that human brains aren’t ready for everything the world has in store for them.

‘Belle Martin,’ Janice replies as her fingers move across the keyboard and the monitor. ‘I see nothing wrong with- Oh. I see. It seems that you were right,’ the fairy looks at him with a displeased expression on her face. ‘There was a mistake.’

‘What kind of mistake?’ He asks innocently.

‘A stupid one,’ Janice replies quickly, but seeing his curious glance, she sighs in defeat. ‘Belle’s dreams were, mistakenly of course, given to Beau Martin. A 35-year-old, working in a big company, constantly stressed that he’ll be fired. He’s been receiving Belle’s dreams of unicorns and elves – the children friendly version that is – and she was receiving his. Now,’ Janice makes a few moves with her hand, ‘it’s all been settled. Our dream carriers will deliver each recipient their dreams. This time, without any mistakes,’ she says and glances at the computer in a way that makes him pity the fairy who made the mistake in the first place. ‘We will send letters with our most sincere apologies. Now, are we done? If yes, then please leave. I have a coffee break in 2 minutes.’

‘Actually, since we’re here…,’ he says slowly, ‘could you check me? My dreams, I mean.’

‘Get another appointment for that,’ Janice replies with a shrug.

‘I can do that, but you still have two minutes until your coffee break. What if they send you another client? What if the new client is annoying and what if it takes more than 2 minutes to solve their case?’ He says and gives her his best smile. ‘I won’t take that long. I promise, once the 2 minutes are done, I will be gone.’

‘Okay, fine!’ Janice snaps. ‘You sure as hell can talk. Give me your hand.’

He extends his hand and Janice clasps it with hers as if she was going to shake it. Her skin is pleasantly warm against his and when she releases his hand, he has to resist the urge to check if there’s any glitter on his palm.

‘Let’s see what we have here,’ Janice says as she puts her hand to some kind of sensor on her computer. ‘The usual dreams: the fantasy and science-fiction genre, with bits of real science thrown in there. Most reoccurring dream: being a time-traveller. Unusual enough to be labelled as original. What’s next- Huh. That’s… Odd,’ the fairy looks at him and for the first time since he walked into her office, she looks invested. ‘The last few months though. Your dream patters are… I can see that you had dreams, I can’t just see what of. Their content seems to be blocked,’ her eyebrows furrow slightly. ‘Strange. Not many departments have the clearance to do it. Then we have your normal dreams back. That’s interesting. It’s like something switched off the source of the blocked dream. Now, what else do we have here? Oh. _Oh_ ,’ Janice makes a face and looks at him slightly alarmed. ‘Didn’t need nor want to see that. You should get a girlfriend.’

He can do nothing but blush, because he knows she saw his dreams about River.

‘Why are you so surprised?’ He asks once the first wave of mortification is over. ‘Don’t you send people this kind of dreams?’

‘We do, of course,’ Janice nods. ‘If someone’s in love or in lust, or has a crush sex dreams are issued. However, the dreams of yours? The recent ones? They aren’t of our making.’

‘What do you mean?’ He asks surprised. ‘Who issued them?’

‘You,’ Janice replies with a hint of a smile on her lips. ‘Your brain came up with and created them. And the emotional attachment to them was strong enough to push away the dreams issued by us.’

‘So what? What should I do?’

‘Get a girlfriend, preferably the one from your dreams,’ Janice says and this time he can see a wide grin on her face. ‘Because if you dream about someone like that, well, that just means-‘

‘Thanks, I think I’ve heard enough,’ he replies and nearly runs out her office. ‘Enjoy your coffee break!’

He swears that he can hear Janice’s laugh following down the corridor.

‘Stupid. Idiotic. Dumb,’ he says out loud when he exits The Dream Fairies Ministry building and starts walking down the pavement. He smacks himself on the forehead. Why did he ask about his dreams? Why did he need to know that? Now it’s confirmed that he’s a pervert who has sex dreams about his friend. Great.

His office is quite far from where he’s now, but he decides to walk – at least for a bit. He needs to clear his head and calm down. Let’s think about it. He did find a few things: one – the dreams about succubus are blocked from the dream fairies and no one can see them. This is a relief. However, the fact that the succubi have enough power to do something like that is slightly worrying. But there’s nothing he can do about it. Now, dreams about River… He groans as he feels a wave of heat washing over his body. Great. He’s getting turned on just thinking about these dreams. What is wrong with him? He should feel repulsed! She’s his friend and he’s objectifying her. That’s not right. Granted, he can’t help it, but-

But what?

 _But you enjoy these dreams very much, don’t you?_ A tiny voice in his head says. _They are very pleasurable dreams, aren’t they? And you wish you could re-enact them in real life. You want to undress her and fuck her until both of you can’t walk, don’t you?_

‘Shut up,’ he mutters to himself as if it was enough to shut down his brain. ‘It’s not like that.’

 _Isn’t it though?_ He asks himself as he crosses the street.

Doesn’t he want to experience all the things that happen in his dreams in reality? Doesn’t he want to feel all the things the dreams have to offer him for real?

He does. Of course he does.

But he cherishes his relationship with River more and he knows better than to act on his desires. It’d only ruin everything. Besides, River would never- She doesn’t see him in that way. Sure, she made a move on him, but it was out of desperation – she wanted to get the demon out of his head. That’s all. She’s not attracted to him, plain and simple.

He wishes he could say he’s not attracted to her either, but it’d be a lie. He does find her attractive and that seems to be the main problem right now. It felt that all this time his attraction to River was buried deep inside him. Sure, he knew that she was pretty, gorgeous even, but he didn’t feel attracted to her. How was that possible, he doesn’t know. Now he feels like he’d been blind or kidding himself, because ever since dreams about River started, he can’t stop thinking about her.

He remembers every single of her smiles.

He thinks how her eyes shine when she talks about something she’s passionate about.

He thinks how nice her ass looks in the tight jeans she sometimes wears.

Or how he likes when she wears low cut shirts.

And how the sound of her voice has the power to calm him almost instantly.

And how happy the sound of her laughter makes him.

And he likes how strong her body looks and yet how graceful she always is.

There are a thousand more items on his ‘ _my favourite things about River Song_ ’ list, but he doesn’t dare to mention all of them. He’d feel even more like a fool than he already does. He sighs and kicks a small rock on the pavement. Why can’t things be simple for once? Why can’t he go back to not being attracted to River or why at least can’t he behave like a normal human being around her? Why does he have to be a bubbling mess whenever she looks at him? Does he have to stare at her lips whenever she speaks and imagine how it’d feel to have these lips exploring his body?

Why can’t things be the way they used to be?

Why can’t everything be like it was before his situation with River?

He calls it _a situation_ because there’s no better way to describe it.

He’s not infatuated with her.

He doesn’t have a crush on her.

And no, despite what some people might think, he is not in love with River.

Besides, even if he was in love with her – which he isn’t, thank you very much – he’d never act on his feelings, because he knows that River doesn’t feel the same way about him.

And she never will.

 

___

‘No, we don’t sell love potions. They’re illegal,’ he explains patiently to an elder lady who’s looking at him from behind her thick glasses. ‘And even if they weren’t, we still wouldn’t sell them. Love can’t be bought.’

‘Now, don’t be ridiculous, dear boy,’ the lady shakes her head. ‘I found it way easier to love my late husband when he bought me gifts.’

‘That’s not the same-,’ he starts, but the lady cuts in.

‘So, are you sure you don’t have any love potions? Not even under the counter?’ She asks in a sweet and innocent voice and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down a bit.

‘No, we don’t-,’ his phone starts buzzing in the pocket of his jeans. He looks at the screen and frowns a bit. ‘Excuse me. I have to answer this. My colleague will be with you shortly.’

‘Clara,’ he hisses out as he enters the backroom, ‘we have a customer and I have to take this,’ he points to his phone. ‘Please, take care of her.’

‘What, your girlfriend is calling?’ Clara smirks and peeks into the shop. ‘Oh gosh, this old crone again? She was here last month! And a month before that! I can’t believe you’re making me talk with her!’

Clara mutters something under her breath as she enters the shop and once she’s gone, he answers his phone.

‘Finally! I thought you’d never pick up,’ Jack says instead of ‘hello’.

‘I was busy, we have a customer,’ he replies. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘I want to talk with you about something,’ Jack says slowly.

‘Okay, sure,’ he replies. ‘Have you talked with your guy? You know, the specialist on sex demons? Has he come up with a theory?’

‘Yes,’ Jack hesitantly. ‘But that’s not what I want to talk with you about.’

‘Oh. Uhm, right then, shoot.’

‘Is there any chance that the succubus knows about River?’ Jack asks after a brief pause. ‘Could she have- I don’t know, seen River?’

‘What? No!’ He exclaims. ‘How did you even-‘

‘Is there any chance that the succubus knows that River has no aura? That River blocks her out?’

‘No, no, that’s- That’s impossible,’ he shakes his head even though Jack can’t see him. ‘She has never seen River. She can’t see her. That’d be just ridiculous.’

‘Everything this whole mess is ridiculous,’ Jack says seriously. ‘So are you sure about it?’

‘Yes, I am!’ He exclaims. ‘River has no aura and she blocks the demon out, yes? When I am around her, the succubus can’t reach me. You know that.’

‘I also know that River has a ring that gives her an aura and that you made her a bracelet that does the same. And she wears both things quite often,’ Jack says.

‘Yes, I know, but that’s not how it works,’ he runs fingers through his hair. ‘It’s… I can’t feel the succubus when I am around River. She’s- The succubus, I mean, she’s not there when I am with River. She’s not present. So she couldn’t have seen River. I am not her peeping hole, she can’t see through my eyes all the time.’

‘Okay. I just needed to know.’

‘Why?’ He asks and sits on the stool, feeling suddenly exhausted by their exchange. ‘Did something happen?’

‘Everything’s fine, don’t worry. I just thought about it today and the thought wouldn’t leave me alone,’ Jack sighs. ‘If the succubus knew about River…’

‘What would happen then?’ He asks and a cold feeling of dread dances down his spine.

‘I think we can safely assume that anything and everything could have happened then,’ Jack says gravely. ‘Succubi are territorial, I told you that many times. Things may get ugly when they’re jealous. And ugly is the better option. It’s much worse when succubi get spiteful and creative.’

‘What happens once they do?’

‘Let’s hope we won’t have to find out,’ Jack replies. ‘I don’t even want to think about that.’

‘Yeah,’ he mutters into the phone as he tries to dig through his brain, because he had a thought – or a memory, he’s not sure – just a second ago and now it’s gone and… Whatever, it probably wasn’t important anyway. ‘Listen… You said you talked with that expert. What did he tell you?’

‘I talked with him, yes,’ Jack says and his voice is once again laced with hesitation, as if he didn’t want to share some information. ‘But uhm… He did come up with something. It’s a theory, nothing more.’

‘What? And you haven’t told me?’ He asks in surprise.

‘As I said: it’s just a theory. I’ve discussed it with him and I don’t agree with it,’ Jack says cautiously. ‘That’s all.’

‘You should have told us! Don’t you think River and I deserve to know?’ He asks again.

‘John, I promise you – if I find out something valuable, I’ll tell you. Both of you,’ Jack says with emphasis. ‘Now look – I have to go now. I’ll let you know once I have something more substantial.’

‘But-,’ he can’t even finish his sentence, because Jack ends the call. Great. This is exactly what he needs – more unanswered questions. What was the theory that Jack was talking about? Maybe it wasn’t anything important, but man, he wants to hear it so badly… Maybe if he talked with River and they both tried to persuade Jack – maybe then he’d tell them?

He shakes his head and joins Clara in the main room of the shop.

‘Long talk with your girl?’ Clara winks.

‘What?’ He scrunches his face in confusion. ‘I don’t- Wait, where is the old lady?’

‘I had a little heart-to-heart with her,’ Clara says simply. ‘What? Don’t look at me that way! She’s been coming here for over three months. I had enough.’

‘Clara. What did you tell her?’ He asks and already dreads the answer.

‘Told her that she should forget about the love potions and buy herself a bottle of wine and a dildo.’

‘You what?’ He shrieks and feels that his face is turning crimson.

‘I told her to buy a dildo,’ Clara repeats. ‘If you had to listen to her story, you’d tell her the same thing! She’s been alone for over 10 years now and there are some young studs living in the apartment next to her. She wanted to slip them some love potion and get some action. So I suggested a better solution.’

‘You can’t just tell people to buy dildos!’ He shakes his head. ‘You can’t-‘

‘Well then, don’t leave me with annoying customers next time!’ Clara shrugs. ‘I know that River and you can’t live without each other, but I am sure she would’ve understood if you told her you need a few more minutes and that you’d call her back. That’s how relationships work!’

‘I- I wasn’t talking to River,’ he says. ‘And I- We- River and I are not a couple. We aren’t together.’

‘Right,’ Clara rolls her eyes. ‘I won’t tell anything if you want to keep it a secret.’

‘We are- We aren’t together! I swear!’ He says and shakes his head. ‘No, that’s- We aren’t! Why would you even think that?’

‘Are you really asking me this question?’ Clara looks at him as if he’s intellectually deficient. ‘Where do I start… You text her a lot, you’re on the phone with her every day, you go to lunch or coffee with her at least twice a week, you sometimes buy the food and take it to her work, she drops by at least once a week, you don’t notice anything and anyone when she’s around… Do you need me to go on?’

‘No, that’s enough,’ he clears his throat. ‘I get that what you just mentioned might make it look like River and I are a couple, but we are not. We’re just friends. Nothing else.’

Clara directs her most piercing gaze at him and he tries his best not to flinch under it.

‘So you’re not a couple?’ She asks him and he shakes his head again. ‘You’re sure?’ Another headshake from him. ‘I thought- I was certain- Wait, does that mean I can ask her out?’

‘Huh?’ He croaks out, totally surprised by the sudden change of subject. ‘But you’re with Danny!’

‘He wouldn’t mind,’ Clara says with a bright smile.

‘He would,’ he says and it’s Clara’s turn to sigh.

‘Yeah, he would,’ she nods. ‘But a girl can dream.’

Thankfully, a new customer walks in and he doesn’t have to continue this conversation. When Clara smiles at the man who just enter, he slowly backs away to the backroom and tries to digest what Clara just threw at him.

She thought that River and he are a couple.

The mere inclination is so ridiculous that he nearly starts laughing. So what if they spend a lot of time together? River helps him with the succubus, that’s all. Sure, they also like to spend time together, but that’s not something unusual, right? So yeah, he texts her some random things: things he overhears on the tube or something random that happens to him, but River isn’t any different: he texts him how her students annoy her and how she hates morning traffic. And yeah, they call each other daily, but sometimes you just need to talk with someone smart, right? And yes, they often meet for lunch, but that’s not a crime. And if sometimes it seems that he doesn’t notice anything except for River, that’s probably because she’s an interesting person. That’s all.

None of these are couple things. These are friends things.

That’s exactly what friends do, right?

 

___

‘I am so glad it’s finally Friday,’ Clara groans as she sits heavily behind the counter. ‘This week was terrible.’

He doesn’t even have the strength to nod in agreement. He’s just happy that there’s a weekend waiting for him and this time he plans to do nothing. Maybe he’ll just sleep for 2 days straight. That sounds like the best idea ever.

‘Do you want me to close up?’ Clara asks in a drowsy voice. ‘You must be exhausted.’

‘No, it’s fine,’ he stretches in his chair and summons enough strength to smile at Clara. ‘Go home. I’ll take care of everything.’

‘You’re sure?’ Clara asks him with concern in her eyes. ‘I can stay and help you. Or really, I can lock up this mess. Go home!’

‘I am pretty sure that Danny is waiting for you,’ he says with a pointed stare. ‘You shouldn’t keep him waiting. I know you two didn’t have a chance to see each other this week.’

‘Yeah, but-,’ Clara bites her lip, ‘I can call him and tell him I’ll be a bit late. Or ask him to come over here and help me. It’s okay.’

‘Nah,’ he shakes his head. ‘Thank you for the offer and the concern, but I’ll be fine. Go home. You deserve a break as much as I do.’

‘Are you sure?’ Clara asks again and he nods. ‘Thanks. I owe you. Next time, I’ll be the one staying up.’

‘Sure thing,’ he smiles and watches her gather her things. Less than 5 minutes later, she’s gone, waving her hand at him and telling him to get some rest. With a sigh, he closes the door behind her and pulls the blinds down. Even though he’s tired, he cleans up a bit: swipes the floor, organises the books on the shelves and puts some of the potion ingredients in the fridge. Once it’s done, he puts on his jacket, finds his keys, enters the code into the security panel and with one more look around, he turns down the lights. Stepping out of his shop into the crispy evening air doesn’t help much – he still feels exhausted to the bone. He should call a taxi, but he’s too tired of being around people, so he decides to walk home. Maybe it’ll help him to clear his mind a bit. He really hopes so.

This week started out innocently enough: with a grey, slow Monday and a small case of a dead gargoyle. It was weird – sure, gargoyles are mortal, but they live for ages. Right now, no gargoyle in London should die – they all have at least 300 years in front of them. But one of them died and fell down onto the pavement, nearly killing a few people in the process. He was called to the scene – he was the only one in the city who cared enough to learn gargoyle’s language and so he spent his Monday afternoon walking around the roofs and talking with statues. What he learned, made him feel uneasy – the other gargoyles claimed that their friends death wasn’t natural. Someone was on the roof. Someone killed the gargoyle.

That alone was enough to make his blood run cold. Killing a gargoyle – well, that took some skill. Some really unpleasant skill. There were no traces left on the roof, nothing left behind, so he was clueless and helpless. He hoped that would be it – one random kill, nothing more. Turned out he was wrong: on Tuesday morning, they were 5 more dead gargoyles, each of them found in a different part of the city and the situation turned from unfortunate to really ugly in the span of a few hours. He had to help the police with finding the person behind all of this. Even though it wasn’t an easy task, they succeeded – but he and all the officers spend a few days over this case, barely sleeping and eating shitty take-away. In the meantime, he had to make sure that his shop was doing alright (it was, mostly thanks to Clara who turned out to be even more brilliant than he’d thought her to be) and then on Wednesday, he and Amy had to solve an argument between a real estate office and a ghost who took to living in one of their fancier apartments.

As much as he likes the action and being busy, this week was just too much. He needs some rest. Please, don’t let anyone disturb him, please, please, please. As if on cue, his phone rings and he groans. He wants to ignore it, but when he pulls it out of his jacket and sees who’s calling him, his mood instantly brightens.

‘Hi!’ He says and he knows that there must be a stupid grin on his face.

‘Hello, stranger. Or should I say: the new hero of London?’ River asks teasingly.

‘Very funny,’ he says and rolls his eyes. ‘Can’t believe you read _Daily Mail_.’

‘The reports of your heroic actions were in every single of today’s newspapers,’ River replies. ‘It was impossible not to read about it. But really, tell me: who let you chase that guy on the roof? Didn’t these people know you have problems with walking, let alone running on a slippery surface a few feet above the ground?’

‘I am hanging up if you don’t stop making fun of me,’ he says sternly. Or at least tries to, because he has to stop himself from cracking up.

‘Okay, okay, fine,’ River says and just by the sound of her voice he knows she’s smiling. ‘Want to grab something to eat? Or should I get it touch with your manager since you’re so famous now?’

‘I don’t have a manager – yet,’ he says and digs his keys out of his jeans’ pocket. ‘Maybe I should get one though. They would keep nasty people away from me.’

‘Let me guess: I’d be on the top of the nasty list?’ River asks and he can’t help but laugh.

‘Always,’ he says and sits on the couch in his living room. ‘As for the food – sorry, I am just too tired to go anywhere tonight.’

‘Okay, no problem,’ River says and is it just him or does she sound a bit disappointed? ‘See you next week then?’

‘Yeah, sure- Unless you want to come over?’ He asks suddenly. He’s not sure what came over him – he is really exhausted and he has no energy for any kind of interaction, but he hasn’t seen River this week and well, he guesses he kind of misses her. And he is getting hungry. ‘We could order something. There’s this new burger place near me.’

‘Okay,’ River agrees instantly. ‘I am not feeling like burgers today. Maybe pizza?’

‘Pizza it is,’ he says and feels a bit more energetic.

‘Right then. See you in an hour or so? I’ll bring some booze.’

‘See you,’ he says and smiles when River finishes the call. It may not be how he planned his evening, but he can’t even be mad – pizza, alcohol and River sound like the best cheer-me-up solution.

He gets up to his feet and looks around: even though he barely was in his apartment this week, he still should clean it a bit before River comes here. He puts all the unwashed plates and mugs into the dishwasher, collects the dirty clothes from the floor, straightens the pillows on the couch, makes his bed and opens the windows to let the fresh air in. While he’s doing all that, his thoughts circle around River. He’s still not sure how to act around her. These dreams about her – yes, _dreams_ – they make him feel so… He has no idea how to describe it. On one hand, he feels terrible: River is his friend and he’s having sex dreams about her. He feels like he’s using and disrespecting her. They’re dreams and he can’t help them, but he feels wrong for having them. On the other hand, a part of him enjoys these dreams. He sees how his body reacts to them and sometimes, when he wakes up hard and aching, it takes all of his willpower not touch himself to the images in his head. He knows that if he did that, he’d come in seconds with River’s name on his lips. He doesn’t want any of that. He wants everything to be like before; he doesn’t want to be distracted by the smell of her perfume or the shape of her lips. Sometimes just thinking about her makes him feel this itch under his skin: something that burns and consumes him, something that just won’t leave him alone, something he wishes he could get rid of, but he doesn’t know how.

Okay, let’s just give it a rest for now. It’s not the time to dwell on this thing. He’ll just enjoy a quiet evening with River and try not to ruin it by behaving like a typical, idiotic male. Let’s hope he’ll succeed.

When River arrives, she hands him a bag full of beer without saying a word.

‘That’s a lot of alcohol,’ he comments as she walks in.

‘It’s been a shitty week,’ she replies and sits on the couch. ‘Where’s the pizza?’

‘Should be here any minute. I ordered the usual, is it okay?’ He asks and River nods, grabbing a bottle of beer from the bag in his hand. ‘Wow, it really must have been a terrible week.’

‘Yep,’ River says shortly and opens the bottle with an opener. ‘Already better,’ she says after taking a long sip of her beer.

‘Oh. That bad?’ He asks and River just looks at him. ‘What exactly happened?’

‘I’ll tell you once the food is here,’ River sighs. ‘Now, tell me, who was behind the gargoyles murders? The media only know that much. No one seems to know any details.’

‘We weren’t sure if we should give them any details. I mean, yeah, it’ll leak out sooner or later, but we thought it’s just a tad… Ridiculous,’ he admits as he sits next to River. ‘Because when we finally caught the guy, it turned out he was an Art major. He found a way to destroy and kill gargoyles in some old dusty book and thought he’d check it out.’

‘What?’ River asks in surprise. ‘That doesn’t make any sense!’

‘So I thought,’ he shrugs. ‘But it turned out that he was a struggling artist who hated the old art and order. He said so much bullshit that I just stopped paying attention to be honest. And I saw some of his works – no wonder he’s struggling. The things he makes are atrocious, but he tries to sell it as high art.’

‘I am not even that surprised,’ River says heavily. ‘Typical male.’

‘Oi! I resent that!’

‘You are an exception, sweetie,’ River pats his knees and he feels a blush creeping up his neck. ‘But… What was the guy’s motivation?’

‘He thought that if he destroys the gargoyles, people will see them only as a relic from the past,’ he rolls his eyes. ‘I know! He also thought that he was making some kind of statement, a happening.’

‘Bullshit,’ River says and he wants to agree, but someone’s knocking on the door and he rushes there to take the pizzas from the harried delivery boy.

They eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally exchanging some remarks about politics or weather.

‘Okay, so what was so shitty about your week?’ He asks once they finish their dinner. ‘You’re going to tell me or drown yourself in beer?’

‘Why not both?’ River asks as she opens a second bottle of beer. ‘Remember how I was supposed to go to a conference in Hague? I told you about it. Anyway, I am not going anymore.’

‘Why not?’ He asks in confusion. ‘You said it’s a big deal, the most important archaeology conference.’

‘It is. But I can’t attend it. The dean forbade it.’

‘Why? That’s stupid! You’re the best in the field right now,’ he says with outrage.

‘And that’s why that assholes won’t let me go,’ River says bitterly. ‘He hates me. In 5 years I’ve achieved more than he managed to do in the 50 years of his career. He also thinks that women have no place in science of any kind. Administration and home – that’s where they should stay at.’

‘Can’t you do anything? He can’t just ban you from going there!’

‘Unfortunately, he can and he did,’ River makes a face. ‘I won’t get money for the conference and the accommodation. I thought about going on my own, as an independent member, but turns out that I can’t do even that: I am blocked from the entire conference.’

‘How is that even possible?’ He asks leaning closer to River.

‘I guess that the old fart has some connections,’ River takes a sip of her beer. ‘So yeah, I have to stay. That just pisses me off. I’ve been writing various appeals, but none of them helped. Fuck them. All of that combined with a fact that yesterday I had the worse date of my entire life – it just makes me want to bang my head against a wall.’

‘You had a date?’ He manages to ask and takes a huge gulp of his drink. He feels like someone just punched him in the stomach and then smacked the back of his head. There’s a familiar cold feeling running down his spine, but it passes as quickly as it appeared, so he ignores it.

‘Yeah. I thought it’d be nice to have a night of fun and blow off some steam. And it’d have been nice if the person I’d gone out with hadn’t been the most boring women in my dating history.’

‘Oh?’ He croaks out and finishes his beer in a record time.

‘She spent the entire night talking about her stamp collection,’ River says through gritted teeth. ‘ _The. Entire. Night._ I have never been this bored. And then it turned out that she’s a terrible kisser. Ugh. Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it,’ she sighs and he’s glad that she ended the subject, because he doesn’t want to talk about it either. It’s not that he’s jealous, he’s just not that comfortable listening to the tales of River’s dates and affairs, so instead of replying, he passes her another beer and takes a new one for himself.

A few hours later, they’re both slightly tipsy, but in much better moods. He even makes River watch a few episodes of _‘My big fat redneck wedding’_ – an old reality show that’s his secret guilty pleasure. He’s pretty sure he’s never seen River laugh so hard before.

‘That was terrible,’ she says as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. ‘Why do you even watch it?’

‘You said it: it’s terrible therefore awesome,’ he grins widely. ‘You haven’t laughed like that in ages, admit it.’

‘True,’ River says with a giggle and stretches lazily. ‘At least I feel a bit more relaxed now. There’s just one more thing missing.’

‘What?’ He asks and stretches next to her.

‘An orgasm,’ River says and hums a little. ‘Yeah. An orgasm would be nice.’

‘Get a better person for a date next time,’ he snorts and hopes that River won’t notice the blush on his cheeks. ‘Or better: get a friend with benefits.’

‘A friend with benefits?’ River repeats with a raised eyebrow.

‘Yeah, you know, someone you like, someone who doesn’t bore you, someone you like to spend your time with,’ he says and _oh gods_ , why does he keep on talking? He should just shut up. ‘Someone who makes you laugh and someone you hang out with often.’

‘So… Someone like you?’ River asks and slightly frowns.

‘I- I guess?’ He says and nervously scratches his cheek. ‘I am your friend, but you know- Uhm, without the benefits. Because uhm, we are not- They are not- Not for us.’

‘Yep, absolutely,’ River nods and lowers her head a bit. ‘Yeah, that’s not for us.’

‘Yeah,’ he repeats and suddenly the silence between them feel painfully heavy and awkward. He clears his throat. ‘I think I should clean up a bit-‘

‘I think I should go-‘

‘What? No! Stay. Unless you don’t want to-‘

‘I wouldn’t want to impose-‘

‘No, don’t be stupid-‘

‘You must be tired-‘

‘So must be you-‘

‘I really should go-‘

He doesn’t know who initiates the kiss: one second they are scrambling off of the couch and exchanging excuses, next second they’re kissing and wow.

Yes, they have kissed before but this kiss is completely different - River is not kissing him to prove anything to anyone and they are not kissing because they have to get rid of the succubus. They kissing because they want to.

What the hell are they doing?

They part and look at each other. He knows that panic in River's eyes must be mirrored in his.

‘We shouldn't-,’ River says a little breathlessly. She's so close to him that he swears that he feels rather than hears her words against his lips.

‘Yeah,’ he agrees and licks his lips. ‘That would be-’

‘A mistake-’

‘Wrong-'

‘And stupid-’

‘Not to mention reckless-’

This time it's River who leans in and kisses him. It feels like the whole world ceases to exists and there’s just them. Her hands cup his face, thumbs brushing against his cheekbones and he puts his hands on her hips to pull and tugs her towards him. Quickly, without any hesitation, River climbs onto his lap and settles there, never breaking their kiss.

Her warmth and weight against him warms up his body, but in the way the succubus used to: it’s not a sudden and burning flame; instead he feels a wave of heat slowly travelling up his body, from the toes to the tip of his ears. While gentle it’s also powerful and he soon finds himself craving for more.

‘Fuck,’ he says gasping for breath when River grinds her hips against his. With a playful glint in her eyes, she does it again: this time with a bit more pressure and he can’t stop himself from raising his hips and pressing them against hers. She must feel how hard he is and really, he feels slightly embarrassed because they’re just making out and it feels like the whole blood from his body moved to his cock. It’s a miracle that there’s some left to power his brain, really.

‘Yeah, I think that fuck is the general idea here,’ River says huskily and presses a kiss to his jaw. He turns his head and captures her lips again. Every time River nips at his lip, he feels like something ignites in his chest; every time their tongues meet he can see lights bursting under his eyelids. His hands are buried in River’s hairs, the curls twining against his fingers as if they had a life and mind of their own. Only now he realises how much he wanted to touch her hair, to feel its texture and weight in his hands and it feels better than anything he’s ever imagined.

River’s hands slide up his chest and she slowly starts undoing the buttons of his shirt. Her touch on the skin of his neck makes him jerk and River stops kissing him and slightly leans away.

‘Unless you don’t want to?’ She asks and looks at him. Her shirt is slightly crumpled, her hair is in disarray and her lips swollen from their kisses. What is he supposed to tell her? That of course he wants it? That he wants her more than he wanted anyone in his life? That he wants her - this, them - so much that it scares him? That he-

‘Please,’ he says instead. He’s not sure what he’s asking for, but River seems to know his heart’s desires better than he does: she leans down and kisses him again, making the delicious heat spread all over his body.

Somehow, they make it to his bedroom. He says somehow, because they’ve stopped quite a few times to kiss and partially undress each other.

‘Just how tight are these jeans?’ He asks between the kisses as he struggles to strip River off of her jeans.

‘Tight enough for everyone to stare,’ River replies and he laughs at that. With one more kiss, she pushes him onto the bed and takes her jeans in front of him: slowly, sensually and he’s not sure if he’s in heaven or hell right now. Yes, River is right in front of him, wearing only her knickers and a bra and yet she’s too far for him to touch her.

‘I am sure everyone did stare,’ he says and licks his lips when River takes off the knickers he’s just been admiring. ‘Can’t blame them.’

River chuckles as she climbs onto and grinds against him. His boxers are the only thing separating them now and the sudden feeling of her so wet and hot against nearly stops his breath.

‘Tell me that you have condoms,’ she says against his lips and he forces himself to focus. What does she want? Condoms?

‘Second drawer in the night stand,’ he croaks out and River flashes him a grin that makes his blood boil. She takes off her bra and throws it over his shoulder and his momentarily speechless by the sight of her - _all of her_ \- on top of him. He runs his hands over her sides and she shivers slightly at his touch. River’s skin isn’t perfect - unlike the succubus’ - but he loves it. There’s a small beauty spot near her belly button and a thin scar between her ribs. He plans on finding every single imperfection on her body and trace it with his mouth to remind himself that River is real, that she’s human and that she - at least for this moment - is his. She tugs his boxers down his hips and he kicks them off in a hurry. She leans over him and stretches her hand to the drawer in his nightstand - giving him a rather magnificent view of her breasts in the process. She quickly grabs the condom and straightens, pressing her hips against his once more. He mutters a curse under his breath. She must be trying to kill him, he thinks and when she wraps a hand around his cock, he’s sure that she’s really out there to get him. She strokes her hand over him a few times and he closes his eyes at the sensation.

‘River, no, please,’ he grabs her wrist as his whole body tightens. ‘If you don’t stop-’

For a few seconds, River looks as if she’s not sure whether she wants to torture him some more or not, but then she leans down and presses a quick kiss to his lips. He watches as she opens the package and rolls the condom onto his dick with a practiced ease. She teases her opening with his tip and he grits his teeth to stop himself from crying out in frustration. And then - finally, blessedly - River sinks onto him with a small noise.

He’s never believed that two can become one during sex. First, it was physically impossible. Second - sex was just a way of releasing sexual tension, nothing more. He did enjoy sex, he had both great experiences as well as some disastrous ones, but he never felt this completeness that romance novels talk about.

Until now.

Because right now, with River wrapped tight around him, he feels it. It’s like someone turned a switch in his brain, it’s like taking a first real breath in his entire life, it’s like seeing everything in colour instead of muddy grey for the first time. With every movement of River’s hips, everything gets brighter and he swears that the room is filled with blinding colourful lights.

He gets lost in it.

And he gets lost in River: the way she rides him, with quick steady strokes of her hips and how her skin flushes with pleasure every time his hips move to meet hers. How her nails bite into his chest and how comforting her body feels against his. He loves that he seems to know how and where to touch her to make her gasp and moan in pleasure.

Soon, there are images and sounds in his head, ones he knows he won’t ever be able to forget:

His hands on her breasts, cupping them and teasing her nipples.

Her nails sliding down his chest.

Her kisses, hot against his lips, making his head spin.

The ways she gasps every time he rubs her clit.

He feels the pressure in his testicles and he knows that all too soon he’ll be coming, and he knows that he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take River with him.

‘River,’ he mutters, pressing her fingers harder against her clit, ‘please, I want to see you come.’

His hips thrust up in a quick, rapid rhythm and he feels River’s muscles tightening around his cock. Her moans grow louder and louder, her nails are biting into his shoulders as she grinds her hips against his almost feverishly.

‘River, please,’ he says and even in his own ears it sounds like a prayer. ‘I need to-’

Suddenly, River tenses for a second, he feels her muscles squeezing him almost painfully and with a loud moan, bordering on a shout, she comes. He thrusts his hips a few more times and he comes so hard that his visions gets slightly blurry.

River slides off of him and drops on the bed next to him and for a few seconds the only sound in the room is their heavy breathing. He turns his head to look at River who nearly glows with pleasure and satisfaction. He scoots closer to her and kisses her. She happily responds and he can’t help but smile into the kiss.

Oh hell.

He doesn’t know if they made the right choice and what’s going to happen next, but one thing he knows for sure: from now on, everything is going to be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has 23 pages in Word and over 8400 words. someone please stop me.
> 
> ngl, I was kind of really overwhelmed by the positive reactions to the previous chapter. thank you! and well, I am really glad it didn't make you vomit or go blind or something like that. yay!   
> hope this chapter isn't a disappointment. if it is, feel free to find me and punch me in the face. per usual, all mistakes and typos are mine.
> 
> chapter title comes from 'sweet dreams, tn' by The Last Shadow Puppets.
> 
> have a good week!


	25. are you hypnotized by secrets that you're keeping?

He’s not sure why he thought that visiting River at work before 9am would be a good idea, but well, here he is: manoeuvring through a crowd of students while holding two cups of steaming coffee. What could possibly go wrong?

The corridor where the River’s office is situated is a bit calmer – he knew that there can’t be many people who want to study archaeology. However, there’s a group of people – and when he says people, he means humans, fairies, werewolves and any other species you can think of - in front of River’s door. He walks over there and pushes his way to the door, ignoring the annoyed whispers following him.

‘Oi, where do you think you’re going?’ A guy standing closest to River’s door asks him. ‘There’s a queue.’

‘I know,’ he says nervously, because the guy who is talking to him and blocking River’s door is taller and more muscular than he’ll ever be. ‘But you see, I have an appointment.’

‘We all do,’ the guy says and stares at him curiously. ‘Wait. I don’t remember you from the lectures. What year are you?’

‘I-um… Ha, see, I’ve had a bit of a break,’ he says quickly. ‘And now I have to have an individual course. Yes. An individual course. I was supposed to be here today to discuss all the details with Ri- Professor Song. She told me to be here at 9am.’

‘Shit. I guess it’s better not to piss her off then,’ the guy makes a face. ‘She’s a hot piece of ass with a great ass, but also strict as hell. Good luck, mate.’

He mutters something in response and stops himself from stepping on the guy’s foot. How can this _boy_ call River _‘a hot piece of ass’_? Not that River isn’t hot, but her students should have more respect for her! That’s unbelievable.

‘John? What are you doing here?’ River asks in surprise and all his thoughts about the disrespectful students evaporate out of his head.

‘I brought you coffee,’ he says and even though he realises he must be smiling like a lunatic, he can’t stop it. It’s like there’s a switch going on in his brain: see River and grin like an idiot.

‘I am not even going to ask how you knew that I need it,’ River says and grabs one of the paper cups he’s holding. He leans down to kiss her, but she quickly turns her head to the right and his lips merely graze her ear.

‘I brought you coffee and I won’t even get a good morning kiss?’ He asks and pulls his best puppy dog expression. ‘I did go across the city to get your favourite blend.’

‘That’s very touching, sweetie,’ River says once she takes a sip, ‘and I must admit that the coffee is excellent. But how did you get past the line of students who are waiting at my doorstep?’

‘Told them I have to discuss my private course in archaeology with you,’ he replies and River snorts.

‘I bet you’d like to have a private course with me,’ she says lowly and sets her coffee on the desk as she leans against it.

‘I definitely wouldn’t mind it one bit,’ he replies – his throat a bit dry – and walks closer to River and sets his coffee cup next to hers. 'I am just afraid that archaeology would be a bit boring,’ he adds and takes another step closer to her.

‘Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. With me nothing is ever boring,’ River says with a small smile fixing his bowtie and he can’t help but imagine all the ways in which she could make archaeology interesting. Suddenly, he feels very warm and his heart must be beating loud enough for River to hear, but he can’t bring himself to care. He leans down and tries to kiss her again, but once again River moves away with a playful glint in her eyes.

‘Can’t do, sorry,’ she says shaking her head and the smell of her shampoo teases his senses. ‘I am at work.’

‘You’re at work, really? But it’s okay to assault me at my shop?’ He raises an eyebrow.

‘I’d hardly call it an assault. From what I remember you were a very eager participant,’ River says and her breath caresses his cheek. When did they get so close? ‘But then again, I had a firm hold of you, so to speak.’

He knows that his cheeks must be bright red by now as the images of the encounter River’s talking about flash in his head. It happened a few days ago, when River dropped by to his shop. He was alone – Clara went out to grab something to eat – and he dragged River into the backroom, hoping for a few kisses but _oh boy_ , he got so much more. His cheeks are burning now and River’s smile widens and he knows that they’re both remembering the way he kept begging and asking her to _touch him, please, yes, right there_ -

‘I think you should go. I really don’t want to give my students a free show,’ River says and her voice brings him back to reality. He’s now standing between her legs, his hands are on her waist, caressing the skin under her shirt. Huh? When did he do that?

‘I am sure they wouldn’t mind,’ he says, his lips a whisper away from River’s. ‘Besides, you can throw me away without a good morning kiss. That would be impolite. I brought you coffee after all.’

‘Just your luck that I’d hate to be impolite,’ River says and he feels her smile against his lips.

When he leaves her office 5 minutes later – 5 very intense minutes later – his clothes are a bit rumpled and he feels just slightly light-headed and he knows that people are looking at him strangely because no one smiles so much before 10am. He used to think that too: no one should be too cheerful early in the morning. What an idiot he was! Being happy in the morning is a wonderful feeling and he plans on being this ridiculously happy every single morning from now on.

And if snogging River Song is what it takes, well, it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make.

 

­­­___

_‘We need a few rules,’ River says and waves her chopsticks in the air._

_‘Rules? What, like a safe word?’ He asks not really paying attention to what River’s saying. Instead, he tries to come up with a strategy to steal one of the dumplings she’s eating._

_‘Maybe later, if you’re a good boy,’ River replies with a smirk. ‘I actually meant this whole thing between us.’_

_He sits up straight and looks at River, the thought of stealing her food momentarily forgotten. Oh. Yeah. The whole thing between them. Maybe they should talk about it. It’s late Saturday afternoon and it’s the first time he and River left his bed since yesterday. And it’s not like they’ve spent that time on talking either._

_‘What rules are you talking about?’ He asks and puts some noodles in his mouth. He feels quite famished after their recent activities and he realises that he may need some additional strength for this conversation._

_‘This is not a relationship,’ River says and takes a sip of her wine. ‘I think that’s much is clear. No dates, no anniversaries, no presents or pet names… Nothing like that.’_

_‘What is it then?’ He asks once he chews his food._

_‘Friends with benefits?’ River says hopefully. ‘You called it that way if I remember correctly.’_

_‘Yeah, but I wasn’t talking about us,’ he shrugs and steals her wineglass. ‘Damn, this is vile. How can you drink it?’_

_‘Oh no, someone will arrest me because I fucked a child,’ River rolls her eyes and he grins at that._

_‘And let me remind you that you did it multiple times,’ he replies with a wink._

_‘I already regret that.’_

_‘You’re lying!’ He says in mock outrage and pokes her ribs with his finger._

_‘The more you behave like a kid, the more I actually regret sleeping with you,’ River sighs and sticks her tongue out. ‘Start behaving like an adult or I’m going to walk out of here.’_

_‘Dressed like that?’ He raises his eyebrows and points to River’s rather incomplete attire. She’s wearing his shirt, her own knickers and well, that’s it. Not that he complains about it. ‘I am afraid that you could get arrested for public indecency.’_

_‘I hate you,’ River mutters under her breath and stabs the last reminding dumpling with her chopsticks._

_‘Nah, you don’t,’ he says with a smile. ‘But you were saying something about rules and whatnot.’_

_‘Our pointless banter distracted me,’ River says over the dumpling in her mouth and he can’t help but grin at how ridiculously adorable she’s looking right now. Not that he’s going to tell her that._

_‘A good banter is never pointless,’ he says instead. ‘Anyway: friends with benefits then?’_

_‘Friends with benefits with the additional bonus of hopefully getting rid of your succubus,’ River nods her head._

_‘Then maybe we should call ourselves succubus slayers with benefit? Come on, it’d be cool- Or maybe not,’ he stops when he sees River’s expression. ‘Any other rules I should know about?’_

_‘I don’t think anyone should know about this,’ River says with a small frown. ‘I mean… Imagine what would happen if Jack or Amy found out about us.’_

_He winces at the mere thought._

_‘I have no problems with keeping it a secret,’ he nods. ‘I’d rather die than face Amy if she ever found out.’_

_‘Wonderful. I’m glad we agree on that. Now,’ River bites her lip and it looks like she’s suddenly unsure of herself. ‘I’d- I’d like it to be exclusive.’_

_‘Okay.’_

_‘I mean, as long as we’re doing it, I’d like us not to sleep around-,’ River looks at him sharply. ‘Wait, did you already agree to that?’_

_‘Sure,’ he says. ‘It was quite obvious to me. Not going to argue on that.’_

_Besides he doesn’t think that he’d want to sleep with anyone else right now._

_‘Oh. Okay,’ River says and runs fingers through her messy hair. ‘One more thing left: if one of us wants to end it, it ends. No explanations needed.’_

_‘Sounds reasonable to me,’ he nods and goes through everything River said in his head. All the rules she suggested are simple and transparent, there won’t be any problems with following them. Besides, they’re adults. They won’t do anything stupid._

_Everything’s going to be just swell._

 

___

‘How did you get that scar?’ He asks and River looks at him over the journal she’s reading.

‘Which one?’ She asks and lazily stretches on the sofa she’s occupying.

‘Uhm, the one between your ribs,’ he says once he forces his brain to form a thought and not just stare at River – which proves to be quite a difficult task.

‘Oh, this one. Got into a bar fight in Seoul once,’ River replies casually and goes back to reading the next article.

‘What? You got into a bar fight? In Seoul?’ He exclaims in shock. ‘When? How? Why?’

‘You sure ask a lot of questions,’ River says with amusement, not lifting her eyes from the journal.

‘You can’t just say that you were in a bar fight and you got a scar from it and then go back to reading your boring archaeology journal!’ He shakes his head. ‘That’s not how it works!’

‘First of all: this journal is not boring,’ River glares at him. ‘Second of all: how does it work then? Am I supposed to confess everything to you?’

‘No, not everything,’ he says and sits next to her. ‘Just the important things! And getting stabbed in Seoul seems like an important thing.’

‘It happened ages ago,’ River says and he just shrugs in response.

‘I don’t care. Tell me.’

‘I was at uni,’ River starts slowly. ‘I was on a student exchange programme and since I was the best in my year-‘

‘Of course you were,’ he chuckles.

‘Hey, I was!’ River pinches his thigh. ‘Not my fault I was smart. Anyway, since I was the best, I could choose where which partner university I want to go to. I chose Seoul. Everything was fine, the teachers and students were very welcoming, the city was amazing. And then one night I decided to go out. Little did I know that I chose the fanciest club out there.’

‘Somehow I am not surprised,’ he quips in and runs in hands over River’s calf. ‘What happened then?’

‘At first nothing. My colleagues and I had a few drinks, we danced and generally had a blast. And then some asshole started hitting on me,’ River says, her eyes narrowing at the memory. ‘I didn’t fancy him at all and so I told him that, in more or less polite way.’

‘Which was?’ He asks.

‘I spilled the drink he bought me on his trousers and told him to go fuck himself,’ River replies and he laughs at that. ‘What? He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I figured a little push wouldn’t hurt him. I guess it must’ve fatally wounded his ego.’

‘I am assuming this is not the end of the story?’

‘You’re very correct in your assumptions,’ River says and leans more comfortably against the sofa. ‘It turned out that the guy I disrespected was a son of a local mobster. I found out about it once I decided to leave and his bodyguard followed me. He tried to persuade me to get in the car to join his employer and when I declined he thought it’d be smart to use force. As you can imagine it was a bad idea.’

‘Was it a stupid idea for him or for you?’ He asks and stupidly wishes he had been there for River when the incident had happened. He knows that she is more than capable of taking care of herself and she must’ve been just as capable in the past, and yet…

‘Both of us, but he had it worse,’ River says with a hint of pride in her voice. ‘I ended up with a few bruised ribs and a knife wound. The idiot didn't even know how to stab be properly: he missed the lungs, heart, seemed to forget that liver is on the opposite side of the body. Amateur,’ River makes a face. ‘In the end he landed in hospital with a broken nose, concussion, punctured lung and a broken collarbone.’

‘Remind me to never piss you off,’ he says and River laughs that little delighted laugh he loves do much.

‘Sweetie, beating you up would be like kicking a puppy,’ she says and pulls him in for a quick kiss. ‘Now, can I go back to reading this incredibly interesting journal?’

‘No, you can't! You told me a story like that and you expect me to drop the subject? No way,’ he shakes his head. ‘Now I'm really starting to wonder what other secrets you're hiding.’

‘No other secrets, I promise,’ River winks.

‘Okay, let me rephrase it: how many more things I don't know about you?’

‘A tonne, I can assure you. Now, be a dear and find something to do. I want to finish that damn article,’ River says with faked annoyance.

‘I have a better idea,’ he takes the journal from River’s hands and throws it over his shoulder – to River’s outraged gasp. ‘You tell me something about you and every time you do, I’ll grant you a favour.’

‘What kind of favour?’ River asks with a playful smile.

‘You know, something like that,’ he leans down and kisses her gently. Will he ever get tired of it? Doubtful.

‘Oh, I see, that kind of favour,’ River says a little breathlessly when their lips part. ‘And here I thought you’ll propose me something helpful and interesting. Like cooking me a dinner or cleaning my flat, or walking my dog-‘

‘You don’t have a dog,’ he whispers against her lips.

‘You know what I mean,’ River says and he can feel her smile against his own. ‘But fine, since you don’t have anything better to offer, let’s have it your way.’

‘How magnanimous of you,’ he says and kisses her again, this time slower and longer. For a second he thinks that maybe he should forget about their little game and just keep on kissing her – from the pleased sounds River’s making he knows she wouldn’t mind that – but then he realises he does want to know more about her. And if that’s the way to do it, so be it. ‘Right, okay,’ he breaks the kiss. ‘Let me think… Your first kiss.’

‘That’s what you want to know?’ River lets out an amused snort. ‘Fine. I was 10 years old, it was a school dance. There was this boy, his name was Andrew. He was the best at Maths. We were dancing and I kissed him. The end.’

‘I was good at Maths too,’ he says with defiance and notices River rolling her eyes at that. ‘It’s all nice, but I meant your first real kiss.’

‘Did you? Silly me,’ River says in an amused tone. ‘But I think it’s a whole another question. Don’t you agree?’

‘You’re absolutely right,’ he says and presses his lips to River’s neck, biting lightly and sucking at the skin there. ‘So, first real kiss?’

‘I was 16. There was this girl in my class. She was called Helen. We were often hanging out after school or during weekends. I thought that she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and one day when we were studying together I kissed her,’ River tells him. ‘I was scared she’s going to push me away and hate me, but she didn’t. She kissed me back. And we were together since then.’

‘For how long?’ He says pressing kisses across her neck.

‘Uhm, until the end of the secondary school,’ River replies and tilts her head back a bit, exposing her neck more to him. ‘Funny, now that I think about it, it was probably one of my longest relationships.’

‘How’s that?’ He raises his head a bit to look at River.

‘Is that another question?’ She asks with a small coy smile.

‘Could be,’ he replies and runs his hands over her sides. ‘But your shirt is in the way, I am afraid.’

‘What could possibly be done about it, I wonder?’ River pretends to ponder over this matter for a few seconds and then takes off her tank top in one fluid motion. ‘Better?’

‘Oh yes, definitely,’ he replies doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not staring. He’s allowed to stare and stare he will. ‘Sorry, what was I saying?’

‘I believe you wanted to ask me another question,’ River says and her voice is laced with amusement.

‘I did, that’s true,’ he nods. ‘Wouldn’t you like to uhm, lie down? For your own comfort obviously.’

‘Obviously,’ River repeats, parroting his tone. ‘But is that necessary?’

‘Doctor’s orders,’ he winks and River laughs.

‘Can’t say not to that,’ River says and lies down on the sofa. ‘Is that what you had in mind?’

‘Close enough,’ he winks and straddles her. ‘Much better now. So where were we?’

‘If I remember correctly, you were last asking me about the length of my secondary school relationship,’ River says, scratching her nails against his clothed leg. ‘What’s next?’

‘Actually, I was asking why that relationship was one of your longest. It’s hard to believe,’ he says and traces his fingers over River’s collarbones and down to her breasts. In moments like that, he’s very, very grateful that she never bothers to wear a bra when she’s at home. ‘So how come this teenage fling was one of your longest relationships?’ Not giving River any time for response, he leans down and starts kissing the skin between her breasts. He licks at the underside of her left breast and moves his lips up, lightly scratching his teeth over her nipple.

This time River’s response is a little bit breathless.

‘I’m just not good at long-time relationships, that’s all,’ she says. ‘People bore me or I bore them, or I find something more interesting to do.’

‘Is that a warning?’ He asks and swirls his tongue over her nipple while rubbing the other one between his fingers.

‘I think we both agreed that this isn’t a relationship,’ River says flippantly. ‘Any other questions?’

‘A few,’ he answers before biting – hard - at the side of her other breast, hoping that it’ll leave a mark. ‘Favourite fruit?’

‘Going from relationships to fruits. I did not expect it,’ River chuckles lightly, but her voice breaks slightly as he lavishes her breasts with caresses. ‘Mango.’

‘Favourite flower?’

‘Why? Want to buy me a bouquet?’ River asks, trying to act all cool and nonchalant, but he can see that she’s just as affected by their little game as he is.

‘Maybe,’ he murmurs as he starts kissing down her stomach. ‘Help a man out. Favourite flower?’

‘Lily,’ she whispers and he looks up to see her looking at him with wide eyes and her cheeks flushes. He smiles against the soft skin of her stomach. He presses kisses around her belly button and watches with fascination – and a hint of pride – how her muscles tremble under his touch.

‘You know, as much as I’d like to ask you a few more questions, I am afraid that your clothing is once again in the way,’ he says and trails his fingers against the waistband of her yoga pants.

‘By now you should know what to do with them,’ River says and runs her fingers through his hair. He leans into her touch and hooks his fingers against the waistband of River’s pants, dragging them down her hips.

‘Really, what’s with you and all these tight pants?’ He asks after a few seconds as he struggles to slide these damn pants down River’s legs.

‘You weren’t complaining when you saw me in them,’ River says with laughter in her voice as she watches his prolonged attempts to undress her.

‘But I am complaining now. Don’t laugh at me,’ he mutters and lightly pinches her thigh. ‘Aha!’ He exclaims when he finally takes River’s pants off and drops them to the ground. ‘That’s much better.’

‘You don’t say?’ River says and runs her fingers along his cheek. ‘Anything else you want to know?’

He takes a moment to look at her: she’s spread in front of him, absolutely naked and confident in her body. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swollen, her chest moves with each quick breath – and it’s all his doing. Suddenly he feels so grateful and happy that he can be here, with her, looking at her and touching her that it’s almost too much. There are words and emotions running around his head, but it’s difficult to focus on them when River’s waiting for his caresses and so he chooses to ignore them – at least for now.

‘I want to know everything,’ he says and kneels on the floor in front of River. ‘Now… What was your dream job as a child? Don’t say archaeologist, because I am not going to believe it,’ he says as he kisses her knees.

‘Such an unbeliever,’ River lets out a sigh of disapproval. ‘But you’re right, I didn’t want to be an archaeologist back then. I wanted to be an astronaut.’

‘Really?’ He asks and presses a kiss slightly above her left knee as his thumb draws patterns on the inside of her right thigh.

‘Actually, I wanted to be a time traveller, but once I figured out that it’s impossible, I settled down for an astronaut,’ River says and her thighs tremble under his touch.

‘Then why did you become an archaeologist? An astronaut sounds much cooler,’ he says dragging his lips up her inner thigh.

‘I watched an Indiana Jones movie and I thought that every archaeologist is as hot as young Harrison Ford. As you can imagine, going to university for the first time was a bit of a disappointment,’ River answers a little breathlessly. ‘Are you done with your questions?’

He laughs at that and shakes his head.

‘Never,’ he replies and bites at the tender skin of her thigh, just a few inches away from where River wants him to touch her. He can smell her arousal and feel how warm she is and it sends a wave of excitement across his body. ‘Let me think… Your biggest flaw?’

‘I am very impatient,’ River says through gritted teeth and buries her hand in his hair, her nails biting into his scalp. ‘Especially when it comes to teasing.’

‘Really? Never would have thought so,’ he whispers against her delicate skin. ‘Let’s see if I can… Remedy your impatience somehow.’

After that, they don’t talk much. Well, at least he doesn’t say anything since his mouth is quite busy. River, however, isn’t that quiet: her moans and breathless sighs echo through the room and he’s a bit concerned that the neighbours might hear them. But he doesn’t worry about it for too long as he has more pressing matters at hand and he doesn’t stop tending to them until River comes with a loud shout.

‘So how did you like my favours?’ He asks, kissing his way up her body.

‘They were quite impressive, I must admit this much,’ River replies with a satisfied smile. ‘Now, there’s one more thing you should know about me.’

‘Is there?’ He asks curiously and strokes her waist. ‘What could that possibly be?’

‘I am very good at returning the favour,’ River says and with one fluid motion she flips them, so now he’s beneath her.

_Oh._

_Yes, please._

 

___

‘River? Hi, hello, good morning!’ He says brightly into his phone on a sunny Friday morning. ‘Listen, I’ve been thinking- It’s Friday, right? So we have the whole glorious weekend waiting for us. I have an idea-‘

‘I am pretty sure you do, sweetie,’ River cuts in and her voice sounds a lot huskier than usually, ‘but let me stop you right now: I can’t. I am sick as a dog and the only thing I want to do this weekend is lie in bed. I’m not fit for a hook-up.’

‘What? That’s not what I-‘

‘I can almost see your blush,’ River laughs into the phone, but her laughter quickly turns into a coughing fit. ‘Sorry about that.’

‘Where are you? I hope that not at work,’ he asks and can’t help but feel concerned for River – even though she’d probably kick his ass if she knew that.

‘Of course I am at work,’ River sighs and he hears the tiredness in her voice. ‘I had to come in today – I have shitload to do. Sick leave was not an option.’

‘So you’re coughing up bacteria everywhere?’ He asks and stares at the street through the window in his living room. ‘You should have stayed at home. You’ll just make yourself more sick.’

‘I know,’ River coughs again and then blows her nose. ‘But I really couldn’t stay at home. Your weekend hook-up will have to wait a bit, because not only I am sick, but also I’m about to get my period.’

‘River! It’s not a hook-up- That’s not what I wanted to propose-‘ He stutters.

‘Call it whatever you want, we both know what it is,’ River says lightly, but there’s something else lacing her voice. ‘Listen, I have to go. See you next week?’

‘Sure, I- Listen, do you want me to-,’ but he can’t finish his thought, because River hangs up.

For a moment or two he just stands with his phone pressed to his ear, feeling rejected. Which is weird and ridiculous, because it’s not like he wanted to invited River to a date- Well, he kind of wanted to. Not _a_ _date-date_ , mind you – they have an understanding and they both know that what they share is not a relationship, so they don’t have dates. But here’s the thing – he’s been lucky enough to get tickets for a play with River’s favourite actress. All the shows had been sold out ages ago, but by some miracle he managed to get his hands of two tickets. Fine, _some miracle_ might’ve been him calling in a few favours, but no one needs to know that, right? And now River is sick and he’s left with two tickets to a play he doesn’t even know that much about.

But that’s not what bothers him the most. What really got to him was River using the expression ‘hook-up’ a few times. Somehow it just made him feel a bit… Queasy. It just felt wrong to have that word associated with River and him. Yes, they have sex, but it’s not just sex. They’re friends! He’d never use River to just get laid or to just get rid of the succubus. He appreciates and respects her, they’ve been through a lot together and they share much more than _just sex_.

And then it strikes him, just as he puts his mobile back in his pocket – maybe River doesn’t think he cares about her. Maybe she thinks that it is _just sex_ for him, nothing more. This thought makes him stop in his tracks and question his behaviour. Has he ever suggested to River that he was only interested in sex? Has he ever acted as if she didn’t mean anything to him? Has he-

Okay, that’s enough. He can stand here and get lost in speculations or he can do something about it. And do something he shall.

He knocks on River’s door around 7pm, holding two big bags in his hands. There’s a sneeze coming from behind the door, a muffled curse and finally – because he’s not sure how much longer he’d be able to carry these heavy bags – River opens the door. She looks as if she didn’t get much rest last night – tiredness is written all over her face and there are dark circles under her eyes. Her nose is red and it seems that her new companion of choice is a pack of tissues – there’s a crumbled one in her hand and he can see a trail of used ones on the floor. And even though River looks absolutely miserable – and probably feels even worse – he can’t help but think that she’s positively lovely.

‘John? What are you doing here? I told you I’m not up to anything tonight,’ River asks in a raspy voice.

‘I know, I heard you loud and clear,’ he says and pushes past her into her apartment. He drops the bags onto the floor and breathes with relief. ‘But I know that being sick is no fun, so I figured that I’ll help you with that.’

‘How? By getting sick yourself?’ River asks and sneezes.

‘Bless you,’ he says and from one of the bags he fishes out a brand new and huge pack of paper tissues. ‘And no, I will not get sick. I am immune to all bacteria and viruses out there.’

‘That’s impossible,’ River says but since her face is hidden behind a tissue, it sounds more like ‘ _taff impzzib’_. She sits heavily in one of the armchairs and shivers even though the room is warm.

‘Trust me, it is possible. You have no idea how many weird colds and flus I’ve had to cure in the last few years,’ he winks and digs through the bag once again. ‘Where is it- Aha! Here you go, a blanket. Nice and fluffy and warm.’

‘I have a blanket,’ River protests weakly when he puts the creamy, heavy duvet around her.

‘But nothing like this!’ He exclaims. ‘I bet you’ve never touched anything that soft.’

‘Well, a few of my boyfriends could certainly compare,’ River says between coughs. ‘Sweetie, I am grateful, really, but get out of here. You’ll get sick.’

‘River, honestly, didn’t you hear me? I am immune to everything. Once you’ve cured goblin’s flu, nothing phases you and nothing makes you sick,’ he shakes his head. ‘Now… You have your tissues and your blanket. But there’s more!’

‘Do I even want to know?’ River asks warily, but he sees that she tucks her new blanket around her and it makes him smile.

 ‘Of course, you’d be a fool not to!’ He says excitedly and puts all the items from the bags on the small coffee table next to River’s armchair. ‘So I got you a moisturizer and I’m glad I did, because no offense, but your nose resembles Rudolf’s. You still look fetching though,’ he catches River rolling her eyes at that. ‘Some cough drops, something for your running nose and sore throat… Some medicine for the fever, drink it in the evening and it’ll be easier for you to get some rest at night.’

‘That’s all very nice-‘

‘And since I know that when someone is sick, they feel terrible and don’t even think about eating, let alone cooking, I brought you some food!’ He says and carefully lifts up a few plastic containers. ‘There’s this little dinner near my shop, in one of the back alleys. It’s run by two Polish dryads and the food they make is amazing. I got you chicken soup – according to the dryads there’s nothing better for a cold than hot chicken soup. I also got you some meat and potatoes with some weird beetroot thingy, but you can eat it tomorrow, I’ll put it in the fridge.’

‘Sweetie-‘

‘And I bought you some lemons and oranges. I wanted to buy you some juice, but then I thought that it’ll be better if I get you the fruit and then you’ll be able to squeeze the juice yourself. Do you want me to do it for you, right now?’

‘That’s-‘

‘I also got you some chocolate. Not exactly healthy, I know, but it’s delicious. And you need all you can get when you’re sick, right? I also got you all the essentials like bread and cheese, and veggies-‘

‘John!’ River croaks out loud enough to cut in. ‘It’s all very nice of you, but… Uhm, you didn’t have to do that. I’d do fine on my own.’

‘Nonesense,’ he shakes his head. ‘I mean, I know I don't have to do it, but I- well, I figured it wouldn't hurt. And besides, I took care of sick goblins. Taking care of you can't be that much worse,’ he laughs when River sticks her tongue at him. ‘I am afraid that goblins had better manners. Shame on you, Song.’

‘I hate you,’ River says between coughs.

‘No, you don't,’ he smiles. ‘I got you some books and movies, so you don't get bored. Feel free to go through them while I'm heating up some food for you.’

Without waiting for her to protest, he takes the containers with food and goes to the kitchen. He puts the kettle on and looks for a small bowl for soup. After 5 minutes or so he exits the kitchen, carrying a cup of hot tea and even hotter bowl of soup, praying that he doesn't trip and spill everything on the floor.

‘Here you go. Enjoy your dinner, madam,’ he says as free puts the bowl and cup on the cluttered table. ‘What?’ He asks when River looks at him with an expression of slight annoyance but also amusement.

‘Did you get me all the movies and books about Indiana Jones?’ She asks with what was supposed to be a threatening tone but isn’t like that at all, mostly because River has to blow her nose before finishing the question.

‘I might have. You said you liked Indiana Jones! Can't blame you, he's pretty cool… for an archaeologist,’ he shrugs. ‘Hey, don't throw your bacteria-filled tissues at me!’

‘You are making fun of me,’ River complains as she starts eating the chicken soup. ‘And I'm sick. That's just not fair. Uhm, wait. Why aren't you eating?’

‘I- uhm, well, I figured that I'd just drop all these things and go,’ he scratches his cheek nervously. ‘I don't want to disturb you - more than I already have, I mean.’

‘Don't be ridiculous,’ River shakes her head. ‘Sit down and eat something or make yourself tea. Unless you have other plans-’

‘No, no other plans. I am all yours – if you want me, that is.’

Something flashes across River’s face, but it’s gone too quickly for him to fully understand it.

‘Normally, I’d turn my answer into some kind of innuendo, but I’m feeling too shitty even for that,’ she finally says with a sigh. ‘Right. So if you’re not in a hurry and don’t mind sitting with me and my germs, then feel free to stay.’

‘I don’t mind your germs at all,’ he smiles and heads to the kitchen to warm soup for himself.

They eat in comfortable silence and when they finish, they move to the sofa and put on ‘Raiders of the lost ark’. They’re cuddled under the blanket and even though River is coughing and blowing her nose every 5 minutes, he still doesn’t regret that he chose to come here and stay. He realises that he enjoys it – just sitting and watching a movie with River. It’s strange that somehow it feels way more intimate than anything they’ve ever done.

‘It won’t be my fault if you get sick,’ River mumbles against his shoulder half way through the movie. She looks like she’s about to fall asleep and he pulls her closer to him.

‘Told you so many times: I am germs resistant,’ he says kissing the top of her head. ‘Don’t fret, I’ll be fine.’

And he is fine. He spends the whole weekend with River, taking care of her and making sure she gets all the rest she needs. She keeps telling him to go home instead of listening to her sneezing and coughing up bacteria, but he just waves his hand and repeats over and over again that no bacteria can harm him. He really believes it to be true and it is, until he wakes up on the Monday morning with a fever, sore throat and a dreadful case of a running nose.

Normally, he’d hate it. He’d be annoyed and angry: being sick is boring, tiring; it makes everything so gloomy and pointless. This time, he doesn’t mind it that much.

Maybe he doesn’t mind being sick, because this time River is taking care of him.

Maybe that’s the case. Who knows?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's one hell of a pointless update, isn't it? yeah... sorry about that. hope you won't get nauseous from all the sweetness and fluff in this chapter.  
> another thing: sorry that it took me so long to update. job has been tiring in the past few weeks and every time I got back home, my brain just turned itself off. 
> 
> thank you for all the comments, subscriptions and kudos. I am - and always will be - blown away by them.
> 
> per usual, all the typos/mistakes are mine.  
> chapter's title from The Pierces 'secret'.


	26. someone said true love was dead and I'm bound to fall, bound to fall for you

He likes to think that he’s quite good at running. He always runs towards new exciting things; he runs to those who need him and away from various angry creatures that pose danger to him. Yes, running is something he’s pretty great at.

Jogging however…

Don’t start: yes, he knows it’s healthy and great for your body. He’s heard it a hundred times. And yes, he knows it’s basically the same as running, but- It’s just so boring!

‘Don’t complain, sweetie,’ River says as they run next to each other. ‘You wanted to join me on my morning run, so now shut up and _run_.’

‘This isn’t running,’ he says slightly breathless. ‘Running is fun. This thing? Not so much.’

‘Yes, I know, for the last 10 minutes you’ve been sharing your opinions on jogging and frankly, I don’t care,’ River says without even looking at him.

‘Rude!’ He says, but River just flashes him a grin and keeps running and so he has no choice but to follow her. Granted, jogging is boring as hell, but it’s somehow less boring when River is running next to him. Maybe it’s the banter or maybe it has something to do with the fact that’s she’s wearing a very nice sports bra. He’s not a sports bra kind of guy – never has been – but he’s starting to develop a certain fondness for them.

‘See, I think that your problem with jogging stems from the fact that you lack the stamina,’ River says casually and he nearly trips over his feet.

‘Oi, I have stamina!’ He exclaims and an elderly lady they’re passing by looks at him with outrage. ‘You know I do!’

‘I don’t mean that kind of stamina, sweetie,’ River says patiently. ‘Although we could work a bit on that one too. But not here and not now, unless you feel extremely daring,’ she winks and stops running.

‘River!’ He looks around, making sure that no one is listening to them. ‘There are people here!’

‘And yet you’re the one who informed an old lady that you have stamina,’ River laughs. ‘Okay, I’ll stop now, no need to get so embarrassed. Anyway, what I wanted to say before we started talking about your sexual prowess- _Fine_ , I am not talking about it anymore- What I meant is that you’re not fit enough.’

‘Hey, I am fit alright! And I’ll let you know that I am great at running! It’s jogging that is rubbish!’

‘Sure thing, sweetie,’ River rolls her eyes. ‘Maybe you’re good at short distances, but you can’t keep up with me at slow pace for a longer time.’

‘Of course I can!’ He says agitated. ‘And tell you what: I bet I am faster than you at short distance. Because I know how to run!’

‘Is that a bet?’ River asks and there’s an excited glint in her eyes.

‘You bet it is,’ he nods.

‘Okay then. See that statue over there?’ River points to a statue of an angel about 600 ft away. ‘The first person to get there wins.’

‘Wins what?’ He asks.

‘That’s for the winner to decide,’ River says in a tone that sends a thrill of anticipation down his spine.

‘I’m going to kick your ass, Song,’ he brags.

‘We’ll see about that,’ River says calmly. ‘Ready? Go!’

They start and for the first few seconds he believes that he’s going to win. He leaves River a little behind him and he kind of wants to turn around and stick his tongue at her, but he doesn’t do that in case he trips. Besides, _he’s an adult_. And then, the seemingly impossible happens – River starts getting close to him. Soon, she’s right next to him and then she overtakes him. For a second he’s too stunned to comprehend it – _he’s supposed to be the faster one_! – but then he forces his body to speed up, but it’s too late – River’s already by the angel’s statue, touching it with a triumphant smile.

‘Wow, look who beat whose ass,’ River says when he joins her.

‘Fine, fine, roast me all you want. You won,’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘You’re faster than I am, I lack stamina and well, add whatever you want to the list. Just don’t be so ruddy proud of yourself!’

‘Of course I’ll be ruddy proud of myself. I won after all,’ River says.

‘You did,’ he sighs. ‘So… What do you want as your prize?’

River smirks.

Later that day, when the sun sets and they’re in River’s bedroom, he discovers that losing isn’t always a bad thing.

Especially if you lose to River Song.

 

___

‘River, can I ask you something?’

‘If I said no, would that stop you?’

‘Probably not.’

‘Well then, go on.’

‘So you know how cats-‘

‘I am already worried where this conversation is going.’

‘No, it’s nothing bad, I promise! Just listen to me. You know that cats lick themselves to clean their fur?’

‘If that’s going to be some kind of joke about self-licking pussy, I’ll hurt you.’

‘What? _No!_ River! Who’s making it terrible now? I am talking to you about cats, and you’re starting to talk about- about pussies.’

‘Okay, fine. I am not saying another word until you finish your convoluted little speech.’

‘Thank you. And I’ll let you know that my speech is not convoluted! But back to the point: cats. They lick themselves to keep their fur clean, right? But in the process, they swallow lots of their fur and if they don’t get any anti-hairball snacks or pastes, they may puke up all the swallowed fur. The situation is even worse when the cat is shedding. You’re with me?’

‘Yes, but I don’t really know where it’s going.’

‘That could be dangerous. The fur swallowing. So… I mean, don’t you have a similar problem?’

‘What?’

‘Don’t you swallow your hair? I don’t mean on purpose, but by accident. Like cats.’

‘I- Did you just ask me if I lick my head and then swallow my hair?’

‘No! No, of course not! I am just worried, that’s all. There are some fluffy cats who can get really constipated if they swallow too much fur. And you’re fluffy too! Your hair, I mean. And I know, I’ve seen that some werewolves are struggling with this problem- River?! Why are you hitting me? River! Stop, I’ve been only trying to help! River!’

 

___

In the movies, it usually happens in a big and a profound way: after a long friendship when the main characters go through hell together and overcome the obstacles, one night – it’s always at night, when the starts are silver and bright in the inky blue sky – they just look deeply into each others’ eyes and they know – they’re in love. And _boom_ – off they go into the land of happiness. Or it happens like in ‘Beauty and the Beast’ – one of the characters is in danger or dying and the other realises that they’re in love with them. Then there are colourful light, magic twinkling in the air, pots and chairs turning back into people.

The point is: in movies and books, the moment when someone realises they’re in love is usually magical and extraordinary. But for him it doesn’t happen like that.

It’s a typical Sunday morning: River and he are sitting in his living room, drinking coffee and enjoying the peaceful early hours of the day. River’s curled on the sofa, reading a book she snagged from his shelf and he’s sitting at the table, solving Sudoku from the Sunday newspaper. Or rather trying to solve it, as the one he chose is incredible difficult.

‘It’s stupid,’ he finally says, pushing the paper away. ‘I can’t solve it, there must be a mistake.’

‘I’m sure there is, sweetie,’ River says amused.

‘Look at it yourself if you don’t believe me,’ he says grumpily. Dumb Sudoku. If it was correct, he wouldn’t have problems solving it! He’ll send a complaint to the editor.

River puts the book on the ground and stands up, stretching lazily as she walks towards him. She glances over his shoulder at the Sudoku and a small crease appears between her eyebrows. For a split second he thinks that she’s going to tell him that he’s absolutely right and that there’s a mistake, but instead she just grabs his pencil and then, without any hesitation and problems, she solves the whole damn Sudoku. As he watches her do it, he realises two things. First thing is that he is an idiot who made a simple and utterly moronic mistake filling the Sudoku.

Second thing is far more big and profound and it hits him so hard that he drops his coffee mug and lets it shatter on the floor.

‘John!’ River exclaims as the mug hits the ground and coffee spills everywhere, but he can’t do anything other than just stare at her with his mouth open.

Everything starts connecting in that big dumb head of his and it’s like someone switched on a thousand of lamps in there – finally he sees it clearly and in great and terrifying details.

How could he not have noticed it before?

How could he be so blind and oblivious?

_He’s in love with River Song._

And he has absolutely no idea what to do with it.

 

___

‘Clara… What would you do if you liked someone?’ He asks tentatively one day, regretting his question even before the words leave his mouth. But look – he’s desperate. He came to terms with the fact that he’s in love with River – _he’s in love with River!_ – but he’s still clueless what to do about it. Should he just ignore it? Pretend he doesn’t feel it? He doesn’t think that’s possible, because these days he feels like his every look and smile scream with his affection for River. And while every thought of River makes him grin like an idiot, there’s also a tiny problem: he has absolutely no idea what to do about his feelings. He knows he should ignore and forget about them, but he can’t just do it. So he thought that you know, he may give it a try. If River doesn’t return his feelings, well, he’ll just back off and probably die from shame in some dusty dark corner. But before he does that, he has to somehow approach River about this whole… _Thing_. Desperate times call for desperate measures and that’s why he’s bugging Clara during their lunch break.

‘What?’ Clara looks up from the book she’s reading – this week she’s re-reading ‘ _Pride and prejudice’_. Honestly, how can she love this book so much? It’s so boring. He stifles a yawn just reading the title. ‘Sorry, but what?’

‘Uhm... What would you do if you liked someone,’ he repeats and slowly starts to feel that he made a big mistake. Granted, it’s Clara, so the mistake is much smaller than if he asked, oh I don’t know, Amy for example. He shudders when he thinks about having this conversation with Amy, because he knows that she would relentlessly punch River’s name out of his mouth. And then she’d gloat and never leave him alone.

‘You mean what I would do if I liked someone or what people generally do if they like someone?’ Clara asks and puts her fork onto the plate with her unfinished salad. Her whole attention is now focused on him and crap, he’s starting to sweat. This really was a mistake.

‘Yes. Yes. I mean the second one,’ he replies and does his best to avoid her curious gaze. ‘What should someone do if they liked someone. Hypothetically, I mean. What would you recommend.’

‘Oh my god. You’ve met someone, haven’t you?!’ Clara exclaims with glee. ‘That’s so great! I am so happy for you! Wait… Is that why there was ‘ _Cosmopolitan_ ’ in our store toilet?’

‘I- Well,’ he starts sheepishly, but really, he has no explanation for it. He was desperate, okay?

‘Okay, never mind. Let’s not talk about Cosmo. Just forget everything you read there, it’s garbage,’ Clara says. ‘So… That person you like… Do I know them?’

‘Is that important?’ He asks nervously.

‘It is, but for your comfort let’s forget I asked that,’ Clara smiles. ‘Is that a girl?’

‘A woman. Definitely a woman,’ the words tumble from his mouth and Clara raises her eyebrows.

‘Interesting,’ she just says. ‘I am not going to ask how you two met, because I know you’ll lie. But tell me, how did your first date go?’

‘Our date? We didn’t- Uhm, there was no-‘ he starts awkwardly and Clara gapes at him with her mouth wide open.

‘Wait. Just wait a second. You want to tell me that you did ask her out yet?’ Clara asks him and he actually quivers under her gaze.

‘Well, you know how it goes,’ he starts his awkward explanation. ‘We didn’t- Uhm, I didn’t- There wasn’t any time? And well, I never thought- I don’t think she’d be interested so I never asked.’

‘Great. Just great,’ Clara takes a deep breath as if she was trying to calm herself. ‘You fancy that woman, but you never asked her out because you thought she wasn’t interested? Am I getting this right?’

‘Yeah,’ he nods his head and Clara takes another deep breath.

‘John,’ she starts after a second or two, ‘while it’s lovely that you weren’t pushy, not doing anything is not a solution. You’ll never know if she fancies you unless you ask her out.’

‘But what if she doesn’t like me that way?’ He asks and realises that this is probably his biggest fear right now. Because yes, he fancies River. And yes, they’ve grown quite close recently, but he is pretty sure – almost certain – that River doesn’t see him in a romantic light. He’s just a friend to her – someone she chose to help, nothing more. He knows that even though it kills him to admit that.

‘There’s always that risk, but it’s one you have to take,’ Clara shakes her head. ‘If you don’t, you’ll just spend your whole days wondering what if.’

‘But if I ask her and she declines-‘

‘As I said – that’s the risk you have to take,’ Clara shrugs. ‘Look at me and Danny – if I hadn’t asked him out, we wouldn’t be together now.’

‘If I remember correctly, your first date was a disaster,’ he comments drily. ‘So I am not sure if I should take any advice from you.’

‘I admit, we had a bit of a rough start,’ Clara nods, ‘but later that night we ended up in bed and we had really great sex.’

‘I did not need to hear that,’ he covers his ears and pretends to gag. ‘Too much information!’

‘Sorry,’ Clara lets out a short laugh. ‘I just wanted to show you that there’s always hope and even if your date isn’t perfect, it’s not the end of the world.’

‘Easy for you to say,’ he grumbles.

‘Stop being such a baby,’ Clara ruffles his hair. ‘You don’t have to do this, but don’t be surprised if someone else asks her out. What will you do then? Pout until the end of the world? It’s your choice. And John?’ Clara adds after a bit, smiling gently. ‘Whoever she is – she’s lucky. I hope she’ll make you happy.’

It takes him a week to gather the courage to approach River. Sure, they see each other almost every day, but the subject of asking her out never comes up. Okay, fine – he’s too scared to ask her out. He knows that Clara is right and that if he doesn’t ask River out he’ll always wonder about what ifs – but at the same time he’s terrified. What if River gets mad at him? What if she decides that she doesn’t want to see him anymore? They did make a promise after all: they are supposed to be friends with benefits - demons slaying friends with benefits. And now what? He’s just going to ruin it all by asking her out? He spends a few sleepless nights pondering over it. Does he have the right to do it? What will happen if he does it? How will River react? Will he destroy everything? What should he do?

After a few night of this torture, he decides that he’s had enough: he’s just going to ask River out and damn the consequences.

_Right._

Easier said than done.

It takes him a few tries to pick the right moment. They either see each other in passing, or they’re in bed and his head is too preoccupied with other thing to come up with a clever way to ask her out. And he knows it has to be clever – no, not even clever: it has to be perfect, because River deserves only the best.

In the end, it’s not perfect. Not even close to that. He tried his best, okay? He really did. It just… Once again his big mouth took the better of him.

It’s lunch time and they’re in River’s office. River has been quite busy this past week, so he decided to bring her sandwiches and coffee to work. He just wanted to hang out with her for a bit, nothing more. He certainly did not mean to ask her out.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ he starts and he already knows it’s going to be a disaster, but he can’t stop the words from coming from his mouth. ‘I’ve been thinking-‘

‘I am always quite scared when I hear that phrase from you,’ River says taking sip of her coffee. ‘I am not sure I want to know what you’ve been thinking, but please continue.’

‘I’ve been- Well, I thought that maybe, we should, uhm,’ he says and feels like he’s 13 again and he’s about to ask the coolest girl from his class to a school dance. ‘I’ve been thinking for some time. And I- Maybe we should go out?’

‘Sweetie, we go out often,’ River replies lightly. ‘We were to this jazz club last Saturday. And yesterday we had burgers at your favourite burger place.’

‘Yes, I know,’ he says and feels a bead of sweat trickling down his spine. Crap. He’d rather face an army of angry ghouls than do that. ‘We do go out often, but I thought that we could go out… Like a date.’

River drops her uneaten sandwich on the desk – or rather on some poor student’s essay – and stares at him with a disbelief in her eyes.

Fuck.

‘Like a date,’ she repeats dumbly.

‘Uhm, yes,’ he nods and feels that he’s 3 seconds away from having a heart attack. Why did he listen to Clara? It was a terrible idea!

‘John,’ River says quietly without looking at him. ‘I thought- I thought I made things clear in the beginning. This is not a relationship.’

‘I know-‘

‘We don’t do dates. We agreed-’

‘I know!’ He interrupts her and forces himself to laugh. ‘I didn’t mean a serious date! No, no, I mean like- You know. A pretend date! To freshen things up a bit.’

‘To freshen things up,’ River says after him and he nods his head, desperately hoping that she’ll believe him.

‘Yeah, absolutely. I didn’t mean anything by that,’ he says hotly feeling like the biggest liar in the world.

‘John,’ River says and she still refuses to look at him, ‘we made a deal, right in the beginning of this arrangement. If you don’t feel comfortable with these rules, we can always put an end to this whole thing.’

‘What? No! That’s not what I meant at all,’ he says. ‘I just thought it’d be nice to go out somewhere, you know, kind of… In a more formal way. Not a relationship-like formal, but you know. A date but not a date.’

River finally looks at him and he feels like a bug under a microscope. He tries his best not to twitch and not to let any of his emotions and feelings show on his face. If River reacted like that when he asked her out, how would she react if she knew he’s in love in her? Hell, she’d probably run away from him without looking back.

‘Are you sure you haven’t eaten anything funny today?’ River asks and he can see that she’s trying her best to sound light and carefree, but she can’t hide the doubt and fear lurking in her eyes. ‘Because you sound like something has messed up with your head. I mean, you usually sound like that but today it’s even worse.’

‘I’ve been hanging around the Crazy Joe,’ he says lightly, trying to match River’s carefree tone. ‘He’s a ghost and he’s kind of not right in the head. A bit eccentric old fellow.’

‘Yeah, that’s definitely that,’ River forces a smile. ‘Now we have an explanation.’

They finish their lunch in an awkward, heavy silence and for the first time he’s eager to leave River’s office and be alone. As he walks to his car, he wonders if there’s a chance to repair their relationship or if he just ruined everything.

 

___

‘What do you want? The usual? Cocoa and a pastry so sweet that your dentist’s account is getting full while you’re eating?’ River asks as he sits behind a table.

‘Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a sugary pastry from time to time!’ He says and River rolls her eyes. ‘So yes, please, the usual for me. Let me just give you some money-‘

‘No, no, I’m buying today. You bought the breakfast last week, remember?’ River shakes her head and goes to stand in a queue.

It’s been two weeks since his disastrous attempt to ask River out and to his surprise and relief, nothing has changed between them. Sure, for the few days River was a bit withdrawn around him, but after a bit everything went back to normal. He should be glad about it, he realises that. And don’t get him wrong, he is glad that he didn’t mess up everything between him and River. It’s just… The fact that River rejected him means just that – she rejected him and she doesn’t feel anything serious for him. But it didn’t change anything about his feelings for her: he’s still in love with her and somehow he doesn’t think it’ll change anytime soon. Somehow, everything seems different. Like right now, for example: they’re in a small café, their usual spot for late Saturday breakfast. River’s paying for everything because he bought them breakfast last week – and that’s cool, really. He just wishes he could ask her out and buy her a breakfast just because he feels like it. Just because he wants to treat her to it. And he can’t do it.

He sighs and looks up to search for River. There she is, already waiting for their order and wait, is she chatting with the barista? And why isn’t it their usual barista? Where is the good old plump George when you need him? This one is definitely not George. _Oh no._ This new guy is tall, young, built like an athlete and he has a smile straight from a toothpaste commercial. He’s currently smiling at River and surely, she must be over the moon to have such a young hunk chatting her up. Not that he cares – River is her own person, she can talk to whomever she wants to and he has no right to even protest – even if he wants to punch the new guy right in his perfect white teeth.

‘Here you go,’ River appears by their table with holding a tray with their food and drinks. ‘Sorry it took so long.’

‘They have a new barista?’ He asks hoping that he sounds casual and not jealous out of his mind.

‘Yeah,’ River says and makes a face. ‘Kind of an asshole. Couldn’t understand that I’m here with someone and don’t want to talk with him and that no, I am not going to give him my phone number. Worst type ever.’

He tries his best not to fist pump and whoop in happiness. _Take that, hunky barista!_ He thinks. _River may not to want to my girlfriend, but she doesn’t want to be yours either._ He take a sip of his cocoa and it tastes like victory.

‘So the show you wanted to tell me about,’ River says and takes a bite of her egg cress sandwich. ‘What is it about?’

‘Right! It’s great, I discovered it recently and I am blown away by it. There’s this guy who travels through time and space in a phone box. He gets into all kind of trouble and has friends who help him, and they save various planets and civilisations together,’ he enthuses and nearly jumps in his chair with excitement.

‘That sounds both ridiculous and interesting,’ River says with a smile. ‘Why a phone box though? It doesn’t scream time travel to me.’

‘Ha, you see – it’s a disguise!’ He starts but is quickly interrupted but River’s phone.

‘Shit, sorry, I have to take it,’ River looks at her mobile and answers it with a frown. ‘Yes, Diane? Yeah, I know that… What happened? Okay. Well, I- Uhm, I guess? I just need some time to- Give me an hour or two? I need to think this through and uhm, talk to some people,’ River’s gaze flicks to him and he feels slightly anxious. ‘Yeah, I’ll call you back.’

‘Something happened?’ He asks as River puts her phone down.

‘A colleague of mine had an accident,’ River sighs. ‘Nothing too serious, but he ended up in hospital with a broken leg and a concussion.’

‘Sorry to hear that,’ he says carefully. ‘But I guess it’s not everything?’

‘Your guess is correct. On Monday, he was supposed to go on a trip with a group of students. Now obviously he can’t go.’

‘And?’ He asks although he feels like he already knows the answer.

‘And they ask me to go instead of him,’ River says and cradles a coffee mug in her hands. ‘I have a break in my lectures, because the students have this month for their own study time and research.’

‘How long would you be gone?’

‘Well, a month,’ River runs fingers through her curls. ‘Maybe less if they find someone else to fill in.’

‘I see,’ he says and draws patterns on the table to avoid looking at River. ‘And where is it?’

‘Romania. This country was under various influences in the past, so it was decided that students should go around the country and explore as much as possible,’ River explains when she sees his confused stare.

‘So you’re going, right?’ He asks and can’t stop the fear from entering his voice.

‘I don’t really have a choice,’ River replies, but looks at him with concern. ‘Unless… Are you sure you’ll be fine on your own?’

‘I don’t know,’ he admits truthfully and then it hits him – he’ll be alone for a month, without River to block the succubus’ influence. He has no idea what will happen. Will the succubus appear? Or maybe he’s finally free of her?

‘Listen, if you- I can try to pull some strings,’ River says and leans closer to him. ‘Maybe I don’t have to go – I am sure they’ll find someone else.’

‘No, it’s okay,’ he shakes his head. ‘I think it may be for the best. At least we’ll find out if the succubus is still hell bent on making my life miserable,’ he forces smiles to smile. ‘With you around… We are constantly around each other and if we keep living like that, we’ll never know if this thing – this arrangement of ours – succeeded.’

‘Are you sure about that?’ River asks quietly and he takes her hand in his and gently squeezes it.

‘Of course I’m not,’ he says with a smile. ‘But I guess it’s time we found out, eh?’

River nods her head.

They don’t have much time for each other that weekend: River has to prepare for her journey and he has to deal with a sudden outburst of smallpox among vampires. River visits him early on a Monday morning, just before driving to the airport. She gives him a long and deep kiss, and makes him promise that he’ll contact her if anything happens. He nods his head, wishing he could just drag her to bed and forget all about the fact that she’ll be gone for a month. But River doesn’t let him do that – she gathers her bag and with one more kiss she closes the door behind her and gets in the cab.

And he’s left all alone.

It takes him a few days to understand that his bad mood is not caused by the gloomy weather or the fact that he can’t buy his favourite cookies anywhere – no, he’s in terrible mood because he misses River. And he doesn’t miss just sex. If it was only sex that he missed, it’d be much easier. He misses… Well, everything: how River is unable to function in the mornings unless she has a hot shower and a cup of coffee. How she always picks off the mushrooms from her pizza and pasta; how much she loves mango and how she always makes him cut the pineapple. He misses how she always knows the answers to even the most difficult questions in the crosswords and how he can talk about anything and everything with her. Hell, he even misses her stealing his duvet at night.

 Days pass slowly and he misses River more and more. Sure, they text each other, they Skype from time to time, but it’s not the same. He just wishes she was here with him, that’s all.

But there’s a positive aspect to their separation: it’s been 3 weeks since he last saw River and the succubus hasn’t made her appearance yet. It’s amazing and he still can’t believe it. During the first week he went to bed terrified that the demon would appear and the whole nightmare would begin again. But nothing like that happened. He slept the nights soundly, without a single dream and he woke up full of energy. That’s when he started to think that maybe the demon left him alone, but he was cautious in his optimism. The second week passed just as uneventfully – no demon, no dreams about her, waking up feeling refreshed. That’s when he dared to hope that it’s done and that the succubus won’t bother him anymore. It’s the 3rd week and he hasn’t spotted the demon anywhere – he hasn’t even felt her anywhere. He’s not afraid to fall asleep anymore and he’s no longer scared of what his dreams might bring.

He fought for this, he succeeded and he’s never been so relieved in his life.

 

___

The second he wakes up he knows he’s not alone. He looks up in panic and there she is – his succubus, sitting at the end of his bed and staring at him with a smug expression on her face. Fortunately, it’s his bedroom – his real bedroom, not the one inside his dreams. This much, this good, but there goes his dream of being free of the succubus.

‘Fuck,’ he lets out and the succubus laughs.

‘Sorry, but not today, honey,’ she says and her eyes sparkle with mirth. ‘Now… We haven’t seen each other in a while, have we?’

‘I’d like to keep it that way,’ he replies harshly. ‘Get out.’

‘Oh dear, someone’s impolite,’ the succubus shakes her head as if to chastise him, but he can see a smile lurking in the corners of her mouth. ‘See, I could go right now. But I want to tell you something. I like you, so I came here to warn you.’

‘You like me? Oh, that’s rich,’ he snarls. ‘I don’t care about your warning, I want you gone.’

‘Are you this rude because your girl is gone?’ The succubus asks with a sly grin on her face and he feels his whole body freezing. He stares at her and opens his mouth but no sound comes out. _What did she just say?_ He hopes he heard her wrong. ‘I have your attention now, wonderful,’ the succubus says and he can see how pleased with herself she is. ‘Should I go now or do you want to hear what I have to say?’

‘You’re wrong, I don’t have any girl-‘

‘Trying to protect her, how sweet,’ the succubus chuckles. ‘I am almost moved by it, really. You were a bit problematic, you know? In the beginning, I could see you all the time and go to you whenever I pleased. Then something happened and I couldn’t do it anymore. Sure, I could still see you, but not all the time. There were periods when I couldn’t get to you. I didn’t know how you did that and it drove me insane. No amulet is powerful enough to keep the succubi away – we are too connected to your basic desires to be blocked by a piece of wood or a silver chain. And yet you somehow managed to keep me out. I almost gave up on you, you know? But then I decided to try again – one last time. And that’s when I saw you – _and I saw her_ ,’ the succubus pauses for a second and looks at him to check his reaction. The shock he feels must be mirrored on his face, because the succubus smiles a pleased little grin. ‘Pretty little thing, isn’t she? Of course she is – she looks exactly like me! But it’s more than just looks with her… Way more. It took me a while to understand it, but when I did everything made sense. Your girl has no aura, does she? That’s how she can block my influence. Nifty little trick, don’t you agree?’

‘No, that’s not-‘ He tries to say something – anything – that will protect River, but the succubus cuts him off.

‘Hush. I’m not finished yet. You don’t want to miss the best bit, trust me,’ the demon winks at him. ‘Normally, I wouldn’t be able to see her. I’ve observed you and her for a bit and I noticed that ring on her finger. It’s powerful and I figured that it’s supposed to give her an appearance of an aura. Still, even if she wore that thing, she’d be invisible to me. That ring – whatever it’s made of – is sacred. It blinds me. But then you came along and you gave her that beautiful, beautiful bracelet. You put a lot of effort into it, didn’t you? It shows, trust me – it shows so much that the thing practically glows with aura – and it glows with your affection for that woman. Your human beings insist on making everything so complicated with all these stupid emotions. But I should be thankful – hadn’t it been for your feelings, I wouldn’t have found out about her. So thank you, sweetie,’ the succubus smiles again and he feels cold fury filling up his body.

‘Don’t you dare,’ he whispers. ‘Don’t you even dare.’

‘Don’t I dare what?’ The succubus asks and there’s a challenge in her voice.

‘Don’t you dare hurt her,’ he says through gritted teeth and the succubus burst into laughter.

‘Hurt her? Why would I do that? There’s no point in that, is there?’ She asks and leans closer to him. ‘I’m not going to hurt her, I promise. Oh no. _I am going to play with her_. And trust me, I am going to have so much fun.’

And with that she disappears.

He tries to grab at her, to keep her here, make her explain what she meant – but it’s too late. The space she occupied just seconds ago is now empty and the fear wrecking his whole body is the only proof that she even was there.

He falls back onto his pillows and lets out a ragged panicked breath.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops.  
> hope that you're doing fine.
> 
> (per usual, all typos/mistakes are mine)
> 
> chapter title from (obvs) The Black Keys 'Tighten up'   
> see you guys a next time


	27. there's nothing very much that you wouldn't do to be the last of the men that you romanced with

She should be here by now, right? Her plane landed on time, so she just had to grab her bags, catch a taxi and come back here. It shouldn’t have taken her so long!

Okay, right. He should calm himself. It’s never that easy on airports – there are always small delays and things may not go as planned. He can’t forget that River had to take care of her students and make sure they all get their luggage. These things take time. Once everything is settled, River will come here. He just needs to be patient.

Patient. Yeah. As if that’s easy.

He’s restless but forces himself to seat on the doormat in front of River’s door. He’s been pacing in the corridor for over an hour now and his legs are killing him. Gods, he just wishes River were here already. Why does she have to be so damn stubborn? He leans his head against the door and the conversation he had with River rings in his ears.

_‘River, please, just come back. It’s not safe for you right now.’_

_‘John, we shouldn’t panic-‘_

_‘Panic? Who’s panicking? Not me. I never panic!’_

_‘You seem a little bit panicky to me.’_

_‘I am just being reasonable! River – she can see you now! The succubus – she can see you! And she wants to get you – she basically told me that!’_

_‘I guess it’s great that she sees me – she’ll be able to see my fist when I punch her.’_

_‘This is not a joke!’_

_‘I am not joking! I’ll absolutely punch her if she comes near me.’_

_‘I am not sure if you can punch a demon.’_

_‘If you can fuck a demon, you can punch them as well.’_

_‘River-‘_

_‘I punched a mommy once.’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘It was aggressive and about to curse me.’_

_‘And you punched it?’_

_‘Seemed like a good idea at the time.’_

_‘River… Are you trying to distract me?’_

_‘… Maybe. Is it working?’_

_‘Yes. No. Kind of. But really – it’s not something to brush off. Just come back here. We’ll figure something out together.’_

_‘No.’_

_‘River! It’s not the time for being brave.’_

_‘I am not being brave. I am being reasonable. How long has she been observing us? Must’ve been some time, right?’_

_‘I guess. But that-‘_

_‘And she didn’t do anything. Maybe she was just bluffing.’_

_‘I don’t think so.’_

_‘I am not going to leave now. I have to take care of the students. No one can come here and fill in for me. There’s a week left. It’ll be fine.’_

_‘You don’t know that!’_

_‘You’re right, I don’t. But I am not going to spend it terrified or hidden somewhere, because that succubitch wants to get me.’_

_‘Just… Be careful, okay?’_

_‘Careful? I tried that once. Ever so dull. But don’t worry – I’ll stop wearing my bracelet. For now at least.’_

_‘Get some holy water if you can. And salt. And-‘_

_‘John. Calm down. I’ll be okay. I can handle myself. No need to worry.’_

_‘I know that, but- I do worry.‘_

_‘I’ll call you if anything happens. But I am sure everything will be fine.’_

_‘I hope so.’_

_‘Once I get back, we’ll talk this whole thing through and figure something out. In the meantime, don’t worry your pretty little head over it too much. And don’t get into any trouble. It’ll be fine, I promise.’_

He opens his eyes and sighs. It’s ridiculous – River is the one who’s in danger and yet she found the strength to console him and tell him not to worry. He just proved to be useless once again. How can River see him as anything more than just a friend if he can’t even keep her safe? He’s just a dumb, incompetent, ineffective and incapable piece of-

‘John? What are you doing here?’ River’s voice brings him back to reality. He jumps to his feet and fights the urge to gather her in his arms and never let her go.

‘I am so glad that you’re here,’ he says with relief.

‘I am both glad to be here and glad that you’re glad, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here,’ River says and drops her bags onto the floor and takes out her keys.

‘I’m waiting for you,’ he says and gathers her bags from the ground and follows her into the flat. ‘Obviously.’

‘I guessed that much, but why were you sitting there? You have the keys, you should have waited for me inside,’ River says as she closes the door behind them.

‘I know, but uhm, I left the keys at my place. And I didn’t want to go back, because I was afraid I would miss you,’ he says sheepishly.

‘Oh sweetie,’ River sighs and gives him a light kiss. ‘That’s very sweet and noble, but also really dumb. You should be glad that the neighbours didn’t call the police on you.’

‘Nah, they were cool about it. Except for your next door neighbour. You know, that elderly lady,’ he explains. ‘She was looking at me in a really unpleasant way.’

‘Her. Well, yeah, she actually has the reason to look at you that way,’ River says and there’s a small smile on her lips. ‘Her bedroom is next to mine.’

‘And why would that- Oh. _Oh_ ,’ he says when he understands what River means. ‘That’s quite… Unfortunate. Should we buy her flowers?’

‘Are you kidding me? What for? No one forces her to listen.’ River shakes her head and goes to the kitchen. ‘Do you want tea?’

‘Yeah, please,’ he says and takes a deep breath. ‘River… We need to talk. About you know… What happened.’

‘If I remember correctly, we did talk about it,’ River replies as she pours hot water into two mugs with teabags in them. ‘The whole last week you couldn’t talk about anything else. Here’s your tea.’

‘Thanks,’ he says and takes the mug she offers him. ‘And don’t you think we should talk about it some more? The succubus knows about you. She can see you! She threatened you. It’s important!’

‘Don’t you think I know that?’ River huffs impatiently. ‘Trust me, I realise just how serious it is.’

‘Do you? You seem to be a bit flippant about it,’ he says and hears the anger in his voice. Why can’t River take it seriously? She acts like it’s not about her!

‘Really? Because I am fairly sure I couldn’t be more cautious,’ River says through gritted teeth and he can sense that she’s on the verge of losing her patience. ‘I stopped wearing the bracelet. I didn’t wear my ring when I didn’t have to. Every night, I sprinkled my bedsheets with holy water and made a salt circle around my bed, just like you told me to. I’m sorry that I didn’t drop everything and ran back here into your strong male arms, but I don’t need you to save me.’

‘That’s not what I meant and you know that!’ He throws his hands in the air in frustration. ‘I was worried. I _am_ worried! How’s that a crime?’

‘It isn’t! But you treat me like someone who can’t take care of themselves!’ River shakes her head. ‘I’m more than capable of that, trust me. I’ve been taking care of myself my whole life and never needed anyone’s help.’

‘I’m sorry that I made you feel that way,’ he says after a bit. ‘I didn’t mean to. I know you can handle herself perfectly well, it’s just- I am completely lost. I don’t know what to do. I took comfort in knowing that the succubus can’t reach you and now even that is gone. I really am at loss right now.’

He jumps a bit when River’s fingers touch his cheek.

‘I guess my outburst could be a bit over the top,’ she admits softly as she strokes his cheek. ‘I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It’s- I’m just as out of my depth as you are and it unnerves me.’

‘What are we going to do now?’ He asks after a bit. ‘We can’t just… Pretend this thing isn’t an issue. Do you think we should tell Jack about it?’

‘Probably,’ River makes a face and moves away from him. ‘But not right now.’

‘Oh? And what are we going to do right now?’ He asks, his interest suddenly piquing.

‘I am going to take a shower and you’re going to join me,’ River says, leaning into him and kissing him in a way that makes his blood hot.

‘Not even back for an hour and you’re already using me for my body,’ he smiles against her lips.

‘Nah. I just need someone to wash my back,’ River says teasingly. ‘And I remember that you are quite good at that.’

‘Only at that?’ He asks and helps her to take off her top.

‘Huh, funny, I recall that you are good at few other things, but I’m not sure what,’ River says as she starts walking towards the bathroom. ‘Memory is such a fickle little thing. I guess you’ll just have to remind me.’

And oh boy, he does.

At least he hopes so.

 

___

‘John, I’m leaving!’ Clara shouts so he can hear her in the backroom of his shop. ‘Not locking the door, so be careful, okay? And remember that I took tomorrow off, so- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!’

He smacks his shin against the desk’s leg as he rushes to Clara – and whatever frightened her. He’s not sure what he’ll encounter there – a wild and hungry vampire? A stinky ogre? Or maybe a-

As it turns out, it’s none of that. However, he’s still greeted by one of the most ridiculous scenes he’s ever seen – and trust him, he’s seen plenty. There’s Clara – his Clara, his friend, the bossy control freak closed in 5′ 2'' body – yielding a baseball bat they keep under the counter and swinging it around. That itself would be a pretty ridiculous sight but that’s not even half of it. Not only is the bat almost as long as she is but she’s also trying to aim it at… An angel.

‘Okay, Clara, stop! Stop, it’s okay!’ He runs between her and the angel, hoping that he won’t fall a victim to the swings of the baseball bat. ‘It’s okay, nothing to worry about- It’s an angel!’

‘What? Are you kidding me?’ Clara says – slightly breathlessly – as she lowers down the baseball bat. ‘This- It can’t be _an angel_! It- He- scared the crap out of me!’

‘It’s not my fault that the humans are so fragile and easily scared,’ the angel finally speaks and its – his – smooth voice feels the room. ‘Maybe you should find an employee who’s less of an coward, John?’

‘Less of an coward? Oh, I’ll give you coward, mate,’ Clara says angrily and raises the bat again. ‘You’ll see what a coward I am- Wait, John, you know him?’

‘I do,’ he says and gently pries the baseball bat from Clara’s hand. Probably better to keep it away from her. ‘This is Gabriel. And as you already know, he’s an angel.’

‘Gabriel,’ Clara repeats after him. ‘An angel. As in… You know, The Gabriel?’

‘No, not really,’ Gabriel-Not-The-Gabriel answers with a sour expression on his face. ‘The Gabriel is sitting in his comfortable office. He doesn’t have to run around and interact with all these annoying mortals.’

‘Wow, I sure would never peg you as an angel,’ Clara says drily.

‘Why? Is it because I’m not white?’ Gabriel taunts her, but Clara just shakes her head.

‘No,’ she replies firmly and tilts her head to the side as if she was taking a good look at him, ‘it’s because you act like an asshole.’

In a way, he can’t help but agree with Clara. It’s not that Gabriel looks like a moody teen from Korean drama – although he’s right, when most people hear the word ‘angel’, they usually depict a man dressed in robes just as white as he is. Most people don’t really imagine angels being people of colour and they’re always surprised when they find out that their kids guarding angel is in fact a young black man. Some of them never get over the shock.

But as he said before, the issue is not that Gabriel looks like a Korean heartthrob. No, the problem is Gabriel’s attitude. Gabriel is just… Not pleasant to be around. No, he’s not evil – he’s an angel after all. It’s just all these little things: the tone of his voice, the snarky remarks, the little personal digs, the way he make you feel like everything and everyone is beneath him. Add to that his love of alcohol and cheap cigarettes and you have a full image of why no one would suspect that Gabriel is an angel.

‘Not everyone can be a ray of sunshine like you are,’ Gabriel comments looking at Clara. ‘Attacking a stranger with a baseball bat is a perfect way to show that you’re perfectly friendly and lovely.’

‘A stranger who appeared out of nowhere and shouted ‘ _boo_ ’ into my ear,’ Clara says in outrage. ‘That doesn’t seem very friendly to me, does it?’

‘Not my fault you can’t take a joke,’ Gabriel says lazily with a smirk on his face. ‘That’s what you humans do – you get offended about everything.’

‘Okay, I think it’s enough,’ he cuts in before Clara can reach for the baseball bat again. ‘What are you doing here, Gabriel? What’s the message you were sent with?’

‘Someone sent a message through him? What is it, The Middle Ages?’ Clara snorts with amusement. ‘Don’t angels know about emails and texts?’

‘We do know about these things,’ Gabriel says with a shrug. ‘But you don’t pass the information from the divine by a text.’

‘To be fair, the last time you came here was to tell me that all the angels ate some off Chinese and were in need of something for diarrhea,’ he says with a shrug. ‘It wasn’t the most dignified or divine message I’ve ever received.’

‘So last time you came here, so brought a message about holy shit? I don’t think you can beat that,’ Clara smirks and he can’t help but join her in that.

‘Laugh all you want,’ Gabriel says through gritted teeth. ‘It’s not my fault your minds are closed for the divine.’

‘Whatever you say, mate,’ Clara shrugs. ‘So that’s what you do – you are a messenger, are you?’

‘Yes,’ Gabriel admits after a bit. ‘The higher-ups don’t necessary like having to interact with other creatures. Not that I like it, but someone has to do it.’

‘I’m pretty sure that they just send you away so they don’t have to interact with you,’ Clara mutters under her breath but thankfully Gabriel doesn’t hear it.

‘What’s the problem today, Gabriel?’ He asks quickly and hopes that it’ll stop the angel from saying more unpleasant things to Clara. ‘What do the divine forces need from me this time?’

‘Nothing. I’m here on my own,’ Gabriel says and for the first time since he’s known the angel, he seems a bit nervous.

‘Wasn’t expecting that… But sure, I’ll try my best to help you,’ he says and smiles reassuringly. ‘So what’s the matter?’

The angel stays silent for a moment, which is worrying, because Gabriel always has something to say and he never misses a beat.

Curiouser and curiouser.

‘I need something for good luck,’ Gabriel finally says.

‘I thought your side doesn’t need any tokens to have good luck,’ he says confused. ‘At least that’s what you told me once.’

‘We serve the noble cause and good fortune is always on our side,’ Gabriel says proudly.

‘So if you have good fortune on your side, why do you ask for something that provides good luck?’ Clara asks and he can see Gabriel turning a bit pale.

‘Well… It’s a private thing,’ he finally says. ‘Are you going to help me or not?’

‘Of course I am,’ he nods. ‘But it’d be helpful to know what kind of private thing is it. That way I’ll be able to match the token better.’

The angel keeps quiet for a few moments, as if pondering over his choices.

‘Okay,’ Gabriel finally says. ‘But I want it to become a secret. Between us. No one can know about it.’

‘Secret is my middle name,’ he nods his head. ‘We are professionals and we want only the best for our clients. Right, Clara?’

‘Mum’s the word,’ Clara says with a mischievous smile in the corner of her mouth. ‘I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.’

‘You’re already that small,’ says Gabriel, but his remark lacks its usual snarl. ‘I swear, if anyone finds out about it – I’ll know it came from you. I’ll come back and-‘

‘And do nothing,’ he replies calmly. ‘You are an angel. You can’t harm anyone. That’s the beauty of your species: you’re capable of only good deeds. So don’t try to frighten us, it won’t work. Now, tell us: what is the thing you need our help with?’

‘I… Uhm- You see… I-,’ Gabriel stutters and his face starts turning slightly green. Who knew that an angel could be this nervous? ‘I am meeting someone tomorrow. It’ll be a private meeting. Yes. And I’d like it to go well. I’d like to meet with that person in the future.’

‘Is it your way of telling us that you have a date tomorrow?’ Clara laughs and Gabriel’s cheek turn from sickly green to bright red.

‘I- Well, I- Am meeting someone tomorrow, that’s all!’ He says in panic.

‘Come on… If I know one thing about angels it’s that they can’t lie!’ Clara leans in closer towards Gabriel with a playful smirk on her face. ‘So is it a date or not?’

‘Yes, fine, it is a date!’ Gabriel exclaims and rolls his eyes. ‘Happy? I have a date! Surprised that angels can date?’

‘Not really. Mostly surprised that someone wanted to date you,’ Clara quips and he decides to cut in before Gabriel comes back with a retort and Clara grabs the baseball bat again.

‘Sorry, I can’t help you with that,’ he says calmly.

‘What do you mean? I thought- You promised to help me!’ Gabriel says with despair in his voice. ‘You can’t do that to me!’

‘I don’t dabble with love,’ he shrugs. ‘No love potions, no tokens for dates, not good luck charms. Nothing like that. Love is not something that can be forced on anyone.’

‘But… How am I going to have a successful date?’ Gabriel asks with tears in his eyes. ‘I don’t know how to do that! I’m out of practice!’

‘I think you’re not the only one,’ Clara whispers and looks at him, but he chooses not to comment on it. Instead, he smiles and pats Gabriel on the shoulder.

‘It’s going to be fine!’ He nods his head as he consoles the angel. ‘You just have to do all the date things and everything will be amazing.’

‘What date things?’ Gabriel asks and looks at him with hope in his eyes. ‘Do you have any pointers?’

‘I- Well, you know, the usual date things,’ he says uneasily. ‘Like- Uhm, you know. The usual! You must know about the date things!’

Gabriel just stares at him with zero understanding in his eyes.

‘Oh gods, I can’t believe it,’ Clara speaks up with a huff. ‘You are hopeless. Both of you,’ she shoots him a sharp look and then turns to Gabriel. ‘When was the last time you went on a date?’

‘The very beginning of the Spanish Inquisition,’ the angel replies. ‘We helped souls of those burned at stakes.’

‘Wow. Uhm, that’s- Unusual,’ Clara says in a surprised tone. ‘But I am afraid you won’t find something like that these days - at least not in London. So I’d recommend a slightly different approach.’

‘And what would that be?’ Gabriel asks and this time his voice lacks its usual bite. Instead, he looks at Clara with genuine interest.

‘First of all: no watching people getting killed by religious fanatics,’ Clara sighs. ‘That would be a great place to start. Second: flowers. Get them some nice flowers. A small bouquet is always a nice surprise. Now… What did you plan? Where are you going?’ When Gabriel doesn’t reply, Clara shakes her head. ‘Unbelievable. You really are clueless. It’s like helping a 5-year-old. Try to get tickets to some play. There’s a chance you’ll get some decent tickets in a smaller theatre. And try not to pick something morbid. I think that a light, funny play is a safer option for a first date. Got it so far?’ She asks and Gabriel nods his head. ‘Wonderful. What else… I guess you didn’t think to book a table in some snazzy restaurant?’

‘Uhm… No,’ the angel admits and Clara sighs once again.

‘Okay. I’m not sure what can be done about that… Maybe let’s forget about the snazzy restaurant part for now. How about-‘

‘She likes burgers,’ Gabriel cuts in.

‘Huh?’ Clara asks and the angel smiles.

‘My friend- she likes burgers. Could eat them every day – at least that’s what she says.’

‘Ha! There, problem solved!’ Clara smiles. ‘Do some research and find a snazzy burger place. But not too snazzy – you don’t want to spend your whole evening in a queue. And now, the most important thing. Actually, it’s probably the only thing needed for a good date.’

‘What is it? Please, tell me!’ Gabriel looks at her pleadingly.

‘Don’t be an asshole,’ Clara says and fixes the angel with a heavy stare. ‘No mean remarks, no taunting, no making fun of her. Be honest. Listen to her. Show her that you care about her. Is it understood?’

 ‘Yes!’ Gabriel exclaims and looks like he is about to salute Clara. ‘Thank you! That was educational. Now I have to go, I have so many things to take care of!’ And then he disappears in a cloud of glitter.

‘Okay, that was something,’ he says once he wipes all the sparkles from his face. ‘Things like that don’t happen often.’

‘I never thought I’d be giving dating advice to an angel,’ Clara says with a small laugh. ‘That’s just so bonkers.’

‘It absolutely is,’ he laughs with her. ‘But I think you did pretty well. Gabriel may have his perfect date even without any tokens and lucky charms.’

‘Let’s hope so,’ Clara says and looks at him. ‘But he reminded me about something: how did your date go?’

‘My date? What are you talking about?’ He acts confused to stall for time. Why would Clara bring this up?

‘You know, that date- Well, you wanted to ask out a woman you liked. Did you?’ Clara asks curiously. ‘How did it go?’

‘Uhm, I- It didn’t- It didn’t happen,’ he admits quietly.

‘What? Why? Because if you chickened out and didn’t ask her-‘

‘I did ask her, okay? She just didn’t want to go out with me,’ he says and his own voice sounds bitter even in his own ears.

‘I’m sorry,’ Clara says and puts her hand on his shoulder. ‘I didn’t know-‘

‘Nah, it’s okay. It’s better that way, I think,’ he forces himself to smile. ‘She and I- We talked about it and decided we are better off as friends.’

‘That’s nice,’ Clara says mildly. ‘But I can’t imagine that it’s easy.’

‘Nah, it’s fine. I got over it. Really. Everything is great,’ he says and tries his best to sound cheerful. ‘It wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. Besides, you don’t need to worry about my love life. That’s not part of your job description.’

‘I know that. I am your friend and I want you to be happy,’ Clara replies. ‘If you want, Danny has this friend-‘

‘No, thank you, I’m fine,’ he quickly stops her. ‘Clara, I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need a blind date. Especially not right now.’

‘But-‘

‘But if I ever need one, I’ll ask you for help,’ he smiles. ‘Now, go home. I’m not paying you for overtime.’

‘I’m never trying to help you again!’ Clara laughs and waves her hand. Only when the front door closes behind her and she disappears from his sight, he lets out a small sigh.

Everything is fine.

That’s what he told Clara.

And in a way it’s true – River and he are fine. He asked her out, she said no and that’s it. He got over it. These are the facts, these are the things he told Clara and these are the things he keeps telling himself. However, none of these things, these facts can change the way he feels. He’s still in love with River – he can’t imagine he’ll ever stop being in love with her – and yet he can’t do anything about it. He wishes he could plan a perfect date for them, but he knows it’s never going to happen.

He just wishes it didn’t sting as much as it does.

 

___

‘Excuse me, would you mind if sat here for a bit? This place is packed and I just want to finish my beer in peace,’ he looks up from his phone to see a young petite woman smiling at him. She’s holding a full glass of beer in her head and when he looks around, he realises that this place got really crowded in the last hour or so. Funny how he hasn’t noticed it before.

‘Sure, no problem, sit,’ he responds with a smile. River and he managed to get a small table in the corner of the pub and until now no one has paid any attention to them.

‘Thank you so much,’ the girl says and sits on the chair next to him. ‘I’m Leslie by the way.’

‘John,’ he introduces himself and shakes her hand. ‘So… Where are you from?’

‘Is it that obvious that I’m not native?’ Leslie laughs and he joins her. ‘I’m from Chicago. I won a lottery recently – not much, just enough to take a few weeks off work and go somewhere.’

‘And of all the amazing places in the world you chose London?’ He asks with fake pity. ‘That’s an easy way to get disappointed, you know.’

‘I don’t think that will be the case,’ Leslie smiles. ‘It’s been going okay so far – especially now.’

They chat for a few minutes and he can’t help but marvel how easy it’s to talk with Leslie. She’s funny, nice and it seems that she doesn’t take anything too seriously. Maybe it’s exactly what he needs right now: a mindless conversation with a cute stranger.

‘Sorry if took me so long but the queue to the loo was ridiculous and then I thought that I’d- Oh, hi,’ he looks up at the sound River voice and sees that her eyes widen slightly at the sight of Leslie sitting at their table.

‘River, this is Leslie,’ he says feeling a bit nervous. Why does he feel like that? It’s not like he’s doing something wrong here.

‘Hi!’ Leslie smiles widely at River. ‘John was nice enough to let me sit here and finish my drink.’

‘Of course he was,’ River says and smiles but he thinks her smile is not entirely sincere.

‘Gosh, I hope I’m not interrupting something? Are you guys on a date?’ Leslie asks and River speaks up before he has a chance to open his mouth.

‘Oh no, don’t worry. We’re just friends,’ she says quickly and sits on her chair and puts two glasses on the table. ‘Here, I got us another beer,’ River says as she slides one glass towards him and then she turns her attention to their new companion. ‘What are you doing here, Leslie? Are you on holiday?’

And so the evening passes – they talk, joke and laugh. It’s quite lovely if he’s to be honest. Although, to be fair, it’s Leslie and he who do most of the talking. River sits quietly and only speaks from time to time. It’s a bit strange, he has to admit: while River isn’t the most talkative person out there, when they hang out she’s always quite animated and cheerful. Heck, she was quite lively just an hour ago!

‘Guys, you know what?’ Leslie asks and looks at him with a smile on her face. ‘I want to see more of London. Could you tell me what places are worth seeing? I’d love some help!’

‘Oh, there’s so much to see here,’ River says quietly and he’s actually surprised that she decided to speak up now. ‘It’s difficult to pick up just a few places. But you know what? I’m sure that John would love to be your guide for a few days! Right, John?’

‘Huh?’ He squeaks out in surprise and looks at River. ‘I-‘

‘My gosh, that would be so amazing!’ Leslie exclaims and puts her hand on his, lacing their fingers together. ‘Come on, John, please say yes!’

‘I- Uhm, I-,’ he stutters and looks at River who’s staring at him with an unreadable expression on her face. What is she doing? Why did she even suggest that to Leslie? It’s not that he can’t show Leslie around – sure, he can do that, no problems. He loves showing people all the less popular but still wonderful places in London. It’s just that there’s something about River’s voice and face that makes him pause. ‘I- Well, if I find time then sure, I can show you around,’ he says and tries to subtly move away from Leslie who’s draped herself on his shoulder.

‘Thank you so much!’ She exclaims into his ear. ‘I’m sure we’re going to have a wonderful time. I’ll happily see everything you want to show me… Where do you think we should go first? Do you know any romantic restaurants? Here, this is my phone number-‘

‘Okay guys, I think I’m going call it a night,’ River says and smiles. ‘Have fun making plans. Leslie, you couldn’t have chosen a better guide. I’m sure John will take care of you,’ and just like that, she gets up and heads to the exit.

_What the hell?_

‘Listen, Leslie,’ he says and gets up in a hurry, ‘I’ll call you, okay? I just remembered- I have to do something important. Yes, uhm, I’ll call you. Have a nice evening!’

‘But wait!’ He can hear Leslie shouting after him in the distance, but he pays no attention to her. ‘You didn’t even take my phone number!’

He runs out of the pub and sees that River is getting into a taxi. How on earth did she manage to get a taxi so quickly is beyond him – normally, when they leave a pub, it usually takes them at least 10 minutes to catch one. But it’s River – the taxi driver probably saw her, stopped, threw out his passengers and begged her to get into his car. He runs towards River and jumps into the car just before she closes the door behind her.

‘What the hell, mate?’ The driver turns and looks at him with anger. ‘It’s not your mum’s car, you can’t just barge in here like that! Do you want me to throw him out, love?’ He turns towards River with a sickening smile on his face.

‘No, she doesn’t want you to do anything other than drive,’ he replies and feels annoyance surging through his body. ‘I’m with her.’

‘Is he with you, love?’ The driver turns to River again and she nods her head, barely so. ‘Okay, that suits me just fine,’ he says and mutters under his breath something that sounds like ‘ _fucking drama’_. Normally, he’d feel embarrassed by a stranger commenting on his life, but right now he can’t even give a shit.

‘River, what happened? Why did you leave like that?’ He asks quietly, mindful of the driver who’s observing them in the reverse mirror.

‘You were busy, I didn’t want to interrupt, that’s all,’ River says lightly and shrugs. ‘You should’ve stayed there. You had a good time.’

‘I didn’t-,’ he sighs and takes River’s hand in his. ‘I didn’t want to stay there without you.’

‘That’s sweet, but you really should have stayed,’ River says coolly and slips her hand away from his. ‘Leslie seemed like a nice girl and really, I didn’t feel- I just wanted to go home. That’s all.’

They don’t say anything else during the ride to River’s flat, but their silence isn’t comfortable and comforting. On the contrary, it’s something chilling: cold enough to make his stomach churn. When they reach River’s apartment, she quickly pays for the ride and gets out of the car without even a look in his direction. He follows her but she still pays no attention to him.

‘River, what happened?’ He asks as he hurries after her, climbing the steps to her flat. ‘Everything was fine and then-‘

‘Nothing happened, I told you,’ she says opening her door. ‘Didn’t feel like staying there, that’s all.’

‘You could have told me,’ he says as he enters her apartment. ‘We could’ve gone somewhere else or-‘

‘I don’t remember inviting you in,’ River says with her eyebrows raised and he feels like a complete idiot.

‘Well, I- I mean-,’ he stutters and looks at her in surprise. River looks mildly annoyed but his antics, but nothing more. ‘I just want to know what happened. Did I do something wrong?’

‘No,’ River says as she takes off her jacket and throws it carelessly on the sofa in the living room. ‘You know? Maybe it’s not that bad after all that you decided to invite yourself over.’

‘I didn’t invite myself over, I just wanted to-,’ he starts explaining but River comes closer to him and kisses him. His body immediately responds to hers and soon all the thoughts of their earlier discussion are forgotten. He likes to think that he knows River and her kisses quite well by now, but tonight there’s something new about the way she kisses him: her mouth feel hungry on his and her hands are mapping his body somewhat desperately.

‘Fuck,’ he mumbles breathlessly when her hands unzip his trousers and caress him through the fabric of his boxers.

‘I like where your mind is going,’ River whispers against his mouth and sucks lightly at his bottom lip. Her hand closes around his cock and his body heats up at the simple contact. Her hand moves over him in quick sure movements that make his breath stutter a bit. It’s embarrassing, really, how easily his whole body reacts to River. He can’t help it: everything about her leaves him feel needy and craving for more.

With her thumb circling the tip of his cock and her lips sucking and biting the skin on his neck, River pushes him against the wall. His brain is too fuzzy to really comprehend what she’s doing and he understands it only when she drops to her knees and takes his cock between her lips. The warm wetness of her mouth makes him gasp and his hips bucking forward against his will. River’s nail press painfully against his hip and she flashes her eyes up in a warning.

‘Sorry, I won’t-,’ he starts, but River isn’t listening to him anymore instead she starts moving her head along his cock. Usually, when she does that, River likes to tease him – move her lips slowly, almost leisurely and make him beg for more. But this time her mouth is moving over him with heated urgency as if she wanted to get him off as quickly as possible. She sucks hard at the tip of his dick, her fingers fondle his testicles and his head rolls against the wall in the wave of pleasure. When he looks down, he sees River’s hand trailing down her body and disappearing between his thighs.

‘Fuck,’ he moans at the sight and his moans grow even louder when his cock hits the back of her throat. His hands ball into fists when River’s nail scratch his testicles and he knows he’s just seconds away from coming, just a few more strokes of her tongue and-

Without any warning, River releases him from her mouth and stands up, giving him a sharp, brief look as she heads to her bedroom. He’s too stunned to comprehend what just happened – not to mention that he’s also incredibly uncomfortable. His cock feels almost painful and knowing that he was just moments from release isn’t helping. He follows River to her bedroom to see her standing in the middle of it, without any stich of clothing on but with a feral expression on her face. His mouth water at the sight of her body like it always does.

‘River,’ he whispers and walks closer to her, leaning down to kiss her but she turns her head and his lips merely graze her cheek. River pushes him onto her bed where he lands rather gracelessly with a loud _thump_. He only manages to kick off his shoes before River straddles him and starts rubbing her wet core against his still painfully hard cock.

‘Shit,’ he moans helplessly. ‘River, please,’ he chokes out and slides his hands to gently caress her thighs, but she slaps his hands away, forcing them to fall onto the duvet. He opens his mouth to ask her what is going on, but his words turn into incoherent moans as she slides his dick into her heat. She doesn’t give him a second to catch his breath and with her hands pressed hard against his chest, she starts moving. Her hips are moving rapidly up and down, her muscles are tightening around him and once again he feels his whole body tightening and begging for release. As if knowing that, River slows her movements and raises her hips until only his tip is buried inside her. Blood is humming in his ears, pleasure is mixing with disappointment as he places his hands on River’s hips, trying to bring them back down, but River just shakes her head with a small smile and slaps his hands away again. She raises her hips a bit more so he slides out of her and he nearly yelps when the cool air touches his overheated dick. ‘River,’ he manages to say and even he can hear the desperation in his voice. She rubs herself against him a few times, slowly as if pondering her next move. His body feels like it’s on fire when she buries him deep inside her and starts riding him again. Her hips once again move fast and forcefully against his and once again when he’s close to coming, River stops moving. It happens a few more times: River brings him higher and higher and closer and closer to the edge, only to push him down over and over again.

He grits his teeth in frustration. He’s not sure how much longer he can stand it: his whole body feels oversensitive, his mind is swimming in white lights and everything is even more frustrating because River doesn’t let him touch her.

‘River, please, just-,’ he says and licks his dry lips. His throat feels raw and parched and he knows that only River can quench his thirst. ‘Please, just let me come,’ he groans as she rubs his cock against her slit. She looks up at him and he realises that this little game is taking its toll on her as well: her hair is messy, her neck and cheeks are flushed bright pink, her breath comes in short little puffs and her legs are trembling with the effort of keeping herself kneeling over him. Why is she torturing them both so much he has no idea. ‘Please, I’ll do anything, just- _Fuck_!’ He shouts out when River slides onto him in one smooth motion. Her hips move with quick, jerky movements against his but this time it feels different. This time, River is looking him in the eyes as she rides him and he recognises the need burning in her eyes. This time, her fingers trace patterns on his stomach. This time, she grabs his hand and presses his fingers to her clit, rubbing it every time her hips rub against his. The room is filled with their moans and breathless cries. Suddenly, his vision goes dark, his whole body tightens and he comes harder than he has in his entire life. He can feel River’s muscles tightening over his cock and then she collapses onto his chest with a loud moan of pleasure. For a few moments – it could be seconds or minutes, his not sure – they just stay like that, pressed against each other without saying a word. River is the first to move: she rolls off of him and he nearly groans at the loss of her warm body.

‘Come on, let’s take your clothes off,’ River says quietly and he turns his head towards her.

‘A bit late for that, don’t you think?’ He replies slowly and shakes his head as River tugs at his shirt. ‘No, I don’t want to. I want to sleep.’

‘You’re not going to sleep like that,’ River says and starts unbuttoning his shirt. ‘There you go,’ she says once she’s done. ‘Now pants. I will kick you out if you don’t take them off.’

‘You are cruel,’ he whines but stands up and takes the rest of his clothes off. ‘Better?’ He asks once he slips under the duvet.

‘A bit,’ River replies sleepily. ‘Your face is still the worst thing, but we can’t do much about it, can we?’

‘You truly are terrible,’ he yawns and pulls her closer to him. ‘But I still like you. I really do,’ his whole body feels pleasantly numb and the warmth of River’s skin against his is making him even more drowsy. ‘Yes, I like you. In fact, I think I-‘

He never finishes the sentence.

He falls asleep.

 

___

‘You’re very quiet this morning,’ Amy says lightly but fixes him with a stare heavy enough to drown a huge ship. ‘Why is that?’

‘I’m thinking,’ he replies and stares at the cars in front of them willing them to move a bit quicker. ‘People do that sometimes, you know?’

‘What are you thinking about?’ Amy asks completely ignoring his jab which is quite unusual.

‘The ghost we have to face. If we ever going to face it, that is,’ he says quickly and puts his head on the steering wheel. In the last 20 minutes they moved less than 2 feet. At this speed they’ll reach their destination in a month or two.

‘You know, usually you can’t shut up about the job we’re going to,’ Amy says in the same annoyingly light tone – a tone full of suggestions and unasked questions. Great. That’s exactly what he needs right now. ‘So… How’s River?’

‘Huh?’ He jumps in his seat, completely taken aback by her question. ‘I- I don’t know. Why would you even ask?’

‘No reason,’ Amy shrugs as if uninterested, but he can see that she’s observing him and paying attention to his every move. ‘You always talk so much about her and now you haven’t even spoken her name once.’

‘You’re exaggerating,’ he says with a small laugh that’s supposed to mask his unease. ‘I don’t talk about River that often.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Amy rolls her eyes. ‘You only talk about her 90% of the time. The remaining 10% is your usual pointless chatter. But right now you’re not talking nonsense like you normally do. So my question is: what happened?’

‘Nothing happened,’ he says sharply and sees that Amy is clearly taken aback by his sudden outburst. ‘Nothing happened,’ he repeats, more gently this time. ‘River and I fine. It’s just that both she and I were busy recently and we didn’t have time to meet and catch up. That’s all.’

_River and I are fine._

Liar, liar, pants on fire. He presses his lips together to stop himself from saying anything else.

_‘Listen, John… We need to talk.’_

_The moment he heard River’s tone, he knew something was wrong. It wasn’t her usual voice: it wasn’t laced with playfulness and laughter. No, this time River’s voice sounded hollow and cold._

_‘Yes?’ He turned to her with a smile on his face, trying his best not to panic. Nothing bad happened, he kept telling himself. Nothing bad could have happened. But when he looked at River’s expressionless face, he realised that he might’ve been wrong about that. Something happened. And it definitely couldn’t have been good._

Now that he thinks about it, he know he should have realised it sooner. In the last two weeks or so, ever since that evening at the pub, River had been different. A bit more distant and withdrawn. She stopped staying over at his place and while she never forbid him from staying the night at her apartment, he didn’t feel welcome there anymore.

There were there things too. Suddenly, he nearly had to drag her to get a lunch with him. She rarely texted him and replied to his messages after a few hours or on the next day. She even stopped rolling her eyes at his lame jokes, instead she just smiled politely and nodded her head.

Yeah, he thinks and grips the steering wheel tighter. All the signs had been there, he was just too blind and dumb to notice them.

‘John,’ Amy starts again and this time her voice sounds serious. ‘I just wanted- Shit, sorry, I have to get that. It’s my mother,’ she says when her mobile start ringing. ‘Hi, mom!’

He breathes with relief and focuses on the road in front of them. Thankfully, it’s a little less crowded now and he can actually drive and even though it proves to be a nice distraction, his thoughts come back to that fateful conversation between River and him.

_‘I’ve been meaning to talk with you for some time,’ River said in the same expressionless tone._

_‘Yeah? What about?’ He replied lightly hiding his anxiety._

_‘About…,’ River seemed to hesitate for a second as if regretting what she had to say next. But any expression of vulnerability was gone from her face in the blink of the eye. ‘I want to end it,’ she said without looking him in the eye._

Shit. It’s been two weeks and yet he still feels sick when he remembers it.

_‘End what?’ He asked even though he already knew the answer. Maybe he just hoped that he heard her wrong._

_Unfortunately, he heard her perfectly right._

_‘I want to end it. Us. This whole thing between us,’ River repeated and his time she looked him in the eye. Her gaze was calm and so cold that it felt like a random stranger was looking at him. This was probably the worst: the look of her total indifference._

_‘But why?’ It was all he managed to say._

_‘Does there have to be a reason?’_

‘Yes, I’ll call you in the evening. Sorry, mom, I have to go: John and I are working. Yes. Love you too,’ Amy says and finishes her call. ‘Sorry. My mother gets really chatty on the phone.’

‘No problem,’ he forces himself to smile. ‘We didn’t talk about anything important.’

‘Actually…,’ Amy takes a deep breath, but interrupts before she has a chance to question him about River again.

‘We’re almost here, we just need to find a parking space,’ he says quickly.

‘Tell me once again, why are we at IKEA?’ Amy asks as he fits his car between two giant SUVs.

‘Because there were reports that the ghost we’re chasing is Swedish. And what’s the most Swedish place in London?’ He asks as he gets out of the car.

‘There’s some method to your madness, but I am not sure you got it this time,’ Amy says and grabs some of their supplies. ‘Why would a ghost choose to come to IKEA?’

‘It’s a Swedish ghost. Where else would it go?’ He

‘A castle? Like any other ghost with self-respect?’ Amy rolls her eyes. ‘What can one find in IKEA that can’t be found anywhere else?’

‘Meatballs,’ he says as he closes his car and takes the heaviest bag. ‘And not just any meatballs – Swedish meatballs.’

‘Please, don’t ever say the word ‘meatballs’ ever again,’ Amy makes a face as they enter the store. ‘Hey, why is it so empty? It’s IKEA! It should be full of people and their annoying kids.’

‘Amy, do I really have to tell you that no one wants to shop in a haunted store?’ He shakes his head as he eyes carelessly abandoned bags and carts. ‘Ha, look, someone left the broccoli mascot! I’ve been wanting to get it for ages, but I could never find it!’ He exclaims and scoops a mascot of a smiling broccoli from the ground.

‘You really want to snag some kid’s mascot?’ Amy asks with a scowl. ‘Really, John – that’s what Disney villains do. They steal toys from pure and innocent kids.’

‘Look around, there’s no on here!’ He says and cradles the broccoli to his chest. ‘Besides, I’ll be saving this store. I deserve some reward.’

‘I thought you do it all from the goodness of your heart,’ Amy says mockingly.

‘That I do, but a broccoli plushie never hurt anyone,’ he winks. ‘And now – let’s find our ghost.’

They wander through the store for a few minutes, before Amy speaks up.

‘It’s creepy,’ she whispers. ‘It just doesn’t feel right.’

‘Why are you whispering?’ He asks as he looks under a displayed bed.

‘Because it feels wrong not to whisper,’ Amy says in a hushed tone. ‘This place just feels wrong! It gives me the chills.’

‘Amy, it’s IKEA! Nothing bad can happen in IKEA!’ He says just as a bedside table falls apart. ‘I mean… It must’ve been put together wrong. Listen: there’s nothing sinister waiting for us here.’

‘You mean except for a ghost?’ Amy rolls her eyes.

‘It may be a nice ghost,’ he shrugs. ‘All the Swedes I know are lovely people. Nothing to worry about, trust me.’

‘I always feel like something terrible is about to happen when you ask me to trust you,’ Amy sighs.

‘Nah. Come along, Pond,’ he says and hears that Amy follows him, grumbling something under her breath.

They keep walking through the empty rooms and corridors and as much as he hates to admit it, this whole set-up has a bit of a sinister feeling. It’s just unsettling so see IKEA so quiet and customer-less. It’s just too quiet. He wishes there was more noise, some distraction – anything really – to keep his mind from replying that conversation with River. Gods know, it’s the only thing he thinks about these days.

_‘We made a deal, John. Right in the beginning,’ River said and her voice still had that infuriating calm and emotionless quality to it. ‘If one of us wants out, it’s over. You agreed to that.’_

_‘I know, I know,’ he said hoping that he didn’t sound pained as he felt. This thing came out of nowhere and he felt sick to his stomach. Why would River do that? It made no sense. ‘I just- Want to know. Everything is fine- It seemed fine and I- Did I do something wrong? Did I- Offend you in any way or-‘_

_‘No, it’s nothing like that,’ River said and for the briefest second her face lost that hardened cold look. ‘You did nothing wrong.’_

_‘Then why?’ He asked and felt tears pooling in his eyes. ‘Everything was great and suddenly you decided to end it. It makes no sense. Either I did something wrong or something else happened-‘_

_‘Nothing happened,’ River said sharply. ‘It’s just sex. It was great while it lasted, but now I want to end it. That’s all.’_

_‘I don’t believe it,’ he said over the lump in his throat. ‘I don’t believe it was just sex. I can’t- It couldn’t have been just sex.’_

_‘Sure, I wanted to help you,’ River nodded. ‘I still want to help you. I like to spend my time with you. But that’s all.’_

_‘I- No. Maybe for you it was just sex, but for me it wasn’t,’ he looked up at her and couldn’t help but marvel how different this River was from his River. This person in front of him looked distant and aloof, and felt nothing like the woman he’d spent the last few months with. 'It’s- it can't be… Maybe for you it was just sex, but for me it was more,’ he bit his lips even though he knew he wouldn't be able to stop the words coming from his mouth. Besides, what did he have to lose? Nothing. Not anymore. 'River,’ he started, his voice shaking with every breath, 'I- I think… No, I- Listen, I'm in-’_

_'John, don't,’ River said quietly, her voice soft and gentle. 'Whatever want to say - don't.’_

_'Why not?’ He asked and felt anger lacing his words. 'Are you afraid of what you might hear?’_

_'No. I just know that whatever you feel - or whatever you think you feel - it's not real,’ River stated calmly and he felt like she just slapped him._

_'What do you mean not real?’ He asked. 'I know what I feel!’_

_‘I don't question that. I just think that in this particular case you are confused,’ River said again in that overly calm tone. 'This situation we're in is… unusual, to say the least. Even in the simplest friends with benefits situation is easy to mistake lust for something deeper. And here-’_

_'I'm not an idiot, I know what I feel and I don't confuse my feelings with lust,’ he spat out. 'Give me a break.’_

_'No, you give me a break,’ River raised her voice. 'In normal circumstances you wouldn't even befriend me. We both know that!’_

_'That’s not true!’_

_'Oh please,’ River said through clenched teeth and he could see that she slowly started losing her cool composure. ‘In the beginning you couldn't stand me. You think I didn't notice?’_

_'No, it wasn't like that,’ he shook his head. 'I didn't know you, I thought you are connected to the succubus and-’_

_'It doesn't matter,’ River shrugged. ‘The point is that if it hadn't been for this whole paranormal mess, we wouldn't be right here right now.’_

_'And don't you think that maybe it is good that it happened? Maybe it was meant to be that way?’ He asked. 'Why are you do hell bent on ending it?’_

_'Because I don't want it anymore. Because I want my life back. Because I'm tired of it,’ River said flatly and he felt each of her words pressing against his heart: hot, heavy and painful. ‘Take your pick.’_

_'River,’ he whispered over the tears in his throat. 'We could-’_

_'No. No, we can't,’ River shook her head. ‘I'm sorry. If you need me- my help, call me. I'll be there for you, always.’_

_And then she left, leaving him alone in his suddenly too big apartment. He didn't sleep that night - he spent in staring at the door, wondering what the hell just happened. He thought - hoped - that maybe it was just a cruel joke, that River just tried to test him and that she would come back._

_She didn't._

‘John, one more thing,’ Amy’s voice brings him back to reality and he quickly wipes off his tears. ‘This is a Swedish ghost, right?’

‘Yeah,’ he clears his throat. ‘So what?’

‘’Do you speak Swedish?’ Amy asks and he shakes his head. ‘Neither do I. Do you see where I’m going with this?’

‘That we need to brush up our linguistic skills?’ He asks but then he understands what Amy means. ‘ _Oh._ We are about to deal with a Swedish ghost and we don’t speak Swedish. That can be a problem.’

‘That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you,’ Amy sighs. ‘What are we going to do now?’

‘We’re going to do what everyone else does in situations like that,’ he replies and takes out his phone. ‘We’re going to google translate everything.’

‘I am sure it’s going to go splendidly well,’ Amy says and her sarcasm is so palpable that it’s almost a third person in the room.

‘A little more faith, Pond,’ he winks. ‘No, there’s only one more place we have to check: the restaurant.’

‘What kind of a ghost hides in a restaurant?’ Amy muses. ‘Wouldn’t it be just cooler to hide in furniture and jump out of them to scare people? That’s what I’d do.’

‘Of course you’d do that and that’s why I hope you don’t become a ghost,’ he rolls his eyes and enters the IKEA restaurant. ‘And you know what kind of a ghost hides in a restaurant? A reasonable one. Come on! There’s food here! I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to- _Oh, shit!_ ’

‘Told you that it wouldn’t be so bad,’ he says two hours later when they get into his car.

‘He dumped a whole container of cranberry sauce on us,’ Amy says drily. ‘Did you already forget about it?’

‘Not really,’ he says and feels his hands sticking to the steering wheel. He knows that both Amy and he look like a mess – a cranberry tasting mess – but he still considers this mission to be a success. ‘But look, he was just surprised to see us! And he thought we’re Norwegian. He calmed down once he realised we’re British. All in all, he was a lovely ghost. Admit it.’

‘He could be worse. Now, could you take me home? I need to take a shower and wash all the stickiness from my face and clothes,’ Amy groans and without much further ado  he starts the engine. As much as he enjoyed this case, he cranberry sauce is starting to get crusty and a little bit uncomfortable.

The case with Olle – their Swedish ghost – was simple. At least it became simple when Olle stopped upending jugs of that damn cranberry sauce on their heads. But don’t mind that – Olle’s case was just a simple bureaucratic error. Olle and his wife had become ghost after their deaths. In the beginning, they’d been delegated to the same house and spent there over 50 years of their afterlife. A few months ago, they were relocated and to Olle’s surprise, they were relocated to two different places. Olle ended up in London, but unfortunately he didn’t know where to find his wife. To make matters worse, the London officials from the Ghost Guild couldn’t help him. After a few frustrating months, Olle decided to take matters into his own hands and decided to look for his wife in the most Swedish places in London, so _of course_ he ended up in IKEA. When he didn’t find his wife there he lost all the remaining patience and scared off the customers. And yes, Olle was a bit angry when he first spotted Amy and him, but once they explained everything, he calmed down and told them his story. Then it was just a matter of a few phone calls, calling in a few favours and after an hour and a half everything was explained and Olle’s wife appeared next to him. Both ghost were given the most sincere apology from the representative of the London Ghost Guild and a permission to stay in the IKEA as long as they want to – if they promise not to harass and scare the customers and staff too much.

Funny what one is willing to do for the people they love.

He drops Amy off at her place and promises to call her later this week and grab something to eat together. Once he starts his car again, he has to face a new dilemma: whether to clean himself or his car first. The upholstery is full of red spots and sticky as hell, but so is he and truth to be told, he's not sure he can stand it any longer. So a shower first, cleaning his car later. With that in mind, he drives to his apartment, miraculously without any delays and traffic. 15 minutes later he is at his place and even manages to find a free parking space next to his apartment, which doesn’t happen that often. _Ha, this day starts to look up_ , he thinks as he walks up the stairs and digs out his keys.

'Finally,’ he hears a familiar voice and his voice turns cold. 'A girl could get old waiting for you.’

River is leaning against his door clearly waiting for him. She looks gorgeous as always, even in the simplest shirt and jeans and with sunglasses covering half of her face. The mere sight of her makes his heart stutter in his chest and all the memories - good and bad - come rushing through his head.

'What are you doing here?’ He asks a little more harshly than he intended to.

'We need to talk,’ River says.

'I don't think there's anything to talk about,’ he shakes his head, walks past River and starts opening his door.

'We _really_ need to talk,’ River says again and this time there's urgency in her voice.

'Don’t think so,’ he says through gritted teeth. 'Everything was said already.’

Fine, maybe he is behaving like an asshole, but who the hell she thinks she is? She appears here out of nowhere after two weeks of not talking to him and she wants to talk? Maybe she should have let him talk before she decided to end things between then. That would have been nice.

But the fact is that he's not only angry with her, but so with himself. Seeing her here, just a few inches from him is… It makes him forget everything. He just wants to touch her, embrace her and ask her never to leave him again. It's pathetic and he is an idiot and he just needs to get over it. Being around River won't help him with that. He needs to stay away from her, at least for now.

'Listen,’ he says a bit more calmly this time, 'I am tired and I need a shower. I have plans for tonight,’ that's a lie, but River doesn't need to know that, ‘so I'll call you once I'm free. Maybe sometime next week? Cool. Bye.’

He wants to enter his apartment but River grabs the collar of his shirt and turns him towards her. For the briefest second he thinks - hopes - that she may kiss him.

But she just takes off of her sunglasses and all the thoughts of kissing are gone from his head. Scratch that - all the rational thoughts are gone from his head. All that remains is cold white fear.

Because River’s eyes aren't the usual mix of green and blue and gold.

They are the purest of green.

They shine like emeralds.

They are the colour of the succubus’ eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27 pages, over 10k words.  
> I am sorry?  
> both for the length of this chapter and the fact that I haven't updated this fic for a month and a half. but life happened and a writer's block followed. all I can say is 'sorry' once again and hope that there's someone out there who still reads this fic.
> 
> anyway, you know what is ridiculous? the fact that this fic has more kudos and subscriptions (almost twice as many when it comes to subscriptions!) than 'up in the highlands'. how. why. you guys are a weird bunch, really.
> 
> typos/mistakes are all my doing. I can only hope it's nothing too terrible.  
> chapter's title comes from The Fratellis 'impostors (little by little)'.


	28. she's creeping into my bloodstream

‘Right, let me just… Get through it once again, because I’m not sure I got everything the first time,’ Jack says with a pained sigh. ‘So you two started shagging and the succubus didn’t bother you anymore,’ Jack points at him, ‘but then she appeared again and said that she can see River. Then you stopped shagging and _bam_ – the succubus returned, but this time she’s after River and she made her eyes freaky green. Did I miss something?’

‘No, I think you’ve got it,’ River says drily. ‘Now, got any feedback for us?’

‘Of course I do,’ Jack replies with a tight smile. ‘You two? You are fucking morons. I can’t believe that you haven’t come to me the moment you found out that the succubus knows about you. What the hell is wrong with you? Were you too busy fucking each other’s brains out to call me? I mean, it was about the bloody time you jumped each other, but-’

‘Jack. Unless you have something constructive to say, do shut up,’ River says in a sharp tone. ‘Can you help us or not?’

He must admit that he’s impressed with the way River carries herself right now. Not only they had to confess their secret affair to Jack, but also she was under the succubus’ influence just a few hours ago. At least that’s what he thinks happened. All he truly remembers is the choking fear that River was in danger and that something bad happened to her. Thankfully, she seems to be fine now: her eyes are back to their usual colour. Thank gods for small mercies. Weirdly enough, River’s aura didn’t change when she was under the succubus’ influence. He’s not sure what to think of it.

‘How did it happen?’ Jack asks turning to River. ‘This… Well, let’s call it possession for the lack of a better word. Do you remember when it happened? How it felt?’

‘I- I am not sure when it happened,’ River says after a while. ‘I remember waking up and… It didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t feel like something took over my body. I could control everything and I knew what I was doing. It was just… I don’t know how to explain it,’ she shakes her head. ‘I felt like myself, completely, but I felt… More like myself. I know it makes no sense, but that’s the only way I can describe it.’

‘Not to mention that her aura stayed at 0,’ he adds.

‘Is it unusual?’ Jack asks in confusion.

‘Incredibly,’ he replies. ‘Aura doesn’t just disappear. I mean… When someone is under the influence of a demon or any supernatural creature, their aura always go up. The higher someone’s aura is, the lower the spike is and vice verse. So with River’s lack of aura, the jump should be enormous. And yet there was nothing.’

‘Wonderful, now we understand even more,’ River says impatiently.

‘We’ll figure it out,’ he says and places his hand over River’s and he can feel how it trembles under his touch.

‘Okay, so there’s one more thing I don’t understand,’ Jack clears his throat. ‘How could the demon even reach you? You have no aura and if you didn’t wear the bracelet-‘

‘I did wear the bracelet,’ River says and slides her hand from under his, but he’s too shocked to mourn the loss of contact.

‘You what?’ He exclaims. ‘I told you- We talked about it! You knew how dangerous it could be!’

‘It was an emergency,’ River explains. ‘I was at work and I was just doing research for an article. Didn’t have any lectures or meetings on that day, so I decided not to wear my ring. It was going fine and then I was informed that a group of archaeologists from Bulgaria came with a visit. They were supposed to come on the next day, but something happened and- Never mind,’ River sighs and shakes her head. ‘The point is that one of them was a vampire. I didn’t have the ring with me, but I had the bracelet in the drawer of my desk. I thought that nothing will happen if I wore it once more.’

‘But it did happen!’ He exclaims. ‘River, it’s not a laughing matter!’

‘Do I look like I’m laughing?’ River says and her voice slightly raises. ‘Trust me, I don’t find it amusing in the slightest.’

‘And yet you seem to be slightly flippant about it-‘

‘I’m sorry that I don’t run around in circles screaming my head off-‘

‘Okay, you two, I think that’s enough,’ Jack cuts in. ‘I understand that emotions are flying high right now, but you have to remember that you are not each other’s enemy. We need to think. John, how could that even happen?’

‘I don’t know, I mean… River wore the bracelet and so the succubus could see her,’ he says. ‘But… It didn’t happen instantly, right? I mean… You wore the bracelet, but the possession didn’t happen right that moment?’

‘No,’ River shakes her head. ‘It happened on the second day. I remembered thinking that she could see me and that I had aura, and that she’d do something, but nothing happened. I got a little less anxious, thought that she didn’t notice anything and that maybe I am safe. And then I woke up with my eyes being all weird and I knew that she must’ve caused it.’

‘No, she must’ve known and seen you the second you put that bracelet on. And yet she waited. Why?’ He looks at Jack who sighs.

‘For fun,’ Jack replies. ‘Succubi and incubi are predators. That’s in their nature and it hasn’t changed. They may be controlling porn industry now and only a few of them may still be scoring victims the usual way, but they are predators. They enjoy playing with their prey. She lulled River into feeling safe again and decided to strike when she didn’t suspect anything.’

‘Lovely. Just lovely,’ River says and rubs her face. ‘So what do we do now?’

‘I’ll contact my colleague and tell him about the story’s progress,’ Jack says with a grim expression on his face. ‘You two stay out of trouble. Especially you, River.’

‘I can take care of myself,’ River says with a hint of anger in her voice.

‘We know that,’ Jack says and he nods his head in agreement. ‘But the succubus somehow managed to influence you. We’re still not sure how, but it happened. I guess it’d be better if it didn’t happen again. So be careful.’

‘You can help me with research,’ he adds and turns towards River. ‘We know a bit more and maybe there’s something in the books I haven’t paid any attention to before.’

‘You’re basically proposing that so you can keep an eye on me,’ River says in a rather unimpressed tone.

‘Well, I-,’ he feels himself blush. ‘You know, I just want-‘

‘We just want you to be safe,’ Jack finishes the sentence for him. ‘That’s all.’

‘Okay, fine!’ River throws her hands in the air and for a second she looks like a petulant child. ‘I’ll be on my best behaviour, I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.’

Somehow he thinks it’s easier said than done.

                                                                    

___

‘Good morning,’ he says to Clara as he walks into the shop and when she doesn’t respond, he repeats his greetings. ‘Good morning.’

Still no answer.

As he walks closer to her and notices that she’s reading a book and wears a deeply troubled expression on her face.

‘What are you reading?’ He asks and she jumps in her seat.

‘Hey, you scared the crap out of me! Not cool!’ Clara exclaims and he can’t help but giggle at her startled expression.

‘Not my fault. I told you _‘good morning’_ twice, but you were too busy reading that book,’ he says. ‘What even is that?’

‘Oh, that,’ Clara sighs and waves her hand in the air. ‘That’s a self-help book.’

‘Since when do you read self-help books?’ He asks surprised and looks at the cover which shows a white man (of course) with a wide grin on his face.

‘Since this morning,’ Clara shrugs. ‘Some guy left it on the tube and I picked it up and started reading it. And it was such a load of bullshit that I couldn’t put it down.’

‘Load of bullshit how?’ He asks with interest. He’s never read any self-help book and he certainly doesn’t plan to pick one anytime soon – or ever – but he knows that some people read them and even find them useful. Yet, he could never stop himself from thinking that these books are just a way to get money from people who could use real support and help.

‘Oh, you know, it’s the usual crap: think positively and everything will be fine!’ Clara rolls her eyes. ‘You’re poor? That’s because you’re too negative. Be more positive! You’re sick? You’re negative thoughts are poisoning you. You’re unlucky? That’s because you don’t think like a lucky person! More positive thoughts and everything will be alright. It’s all ‘ _think positively!_ ’ and ‘ _you are what you think!_ ’. It’s ridiculous! Sure, optimistic outlook is important but come on, it’s not everything! How can these people earn so much money for writing all this crap? I can’t believe that!’

Normally, he’d be amused by Clara’s little outburst. And don’t get him wrong, seeing her getting worked up over this silly book is quite entertaining. But some of her words trigger a part of his brain and just like that everything is made clear and transparent.

‘Clara, I have to go,’ he stops her mid-sentence. ‘Right now.’

‘You only just got here,’ Clara replies. ‘You were supposed to make this ointment for-‘

‘You can make it. You know how and you’ll do as good job as I would if not better,’ he says and hurries to the exit. ‘I really have to go. I’ll be back- At least I think I will. Any phone calls-‘

‘Yes, I know, I’ll write everything down or tell them to call you tomorrow,’ Clara replies with a sigh. ‘You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?’

‘I know!’ He shouts over his shoulder. ‘And you are the best!’

As he rushes to his car, he realises that he is a bloody idiot. Okay, this much is known, but gosh, right now he just proved it. Unless it turns out that he was wrong – and that would prove even more that he is a worthless dunce.

How could have he been so stupid? Since the very beginning he knew that River’s lack of aura makes her special and unique. It’s rather obvious that a demon wouldn’t be able to possess her the way the way the succubus possessed him. It simply wasn’t possible: the fact that the succubus could see her meant just that – River was visible to her. Praying that he’s right, he starts his car and dials River’s number.

‘River, where are you?’ He says as soon as she picks up.

‘At the shooting range,’ comes the reply. ‘Why?’

‘I have something to tell you,’ he says. ‘And why are you at the shooting range?’

‘Because it helps me to unwind,’ River sighs. ‘Listen, I just got an hour pass. My clock is ticking, so I’ll just send you the location details, okay? See you!’

She hangs up and a second later his phone chimes alerting him about a new text. He quickly checks it. As it turns out, the shooting range is less than 10 minutes away from where he’s now and when he arrives there, River is standing by the entrance and without saying a word, she leads him to her lane.

‘You realise it’s not the best place for talking, right?’ River asks as she hands him a pair of ear plugs. ‘Once I start shooting we probably won’t be able to hear each other.’

‘Well, I just thought about something and wanted to share it- Wait, do you even know how to shoot?’ He asks curiously and River looks at him like he just insulted her whole family. ‘What? I’m just asking, because you’ve never really talked about it and-‘

He can’t even finish his sentence because River raises her hand in which she’s holding a gun and shoots, without even looking, at the target in front of her.

‘It was loud!’ He exclaims. ‘You should’ve warned me!’

‘You shouldn’t have questioned my abilities,’ River shrugs and points at the board she just shot at. Every single bullet landed in the middle of it.

‘Okay, so you can shoot,’ he says hoping that he doesn’t sound as impressed as he’s feeling. Guns are dangerous and they’re definitely not hot – even if it’s River who’s using them. ‘I just hope you don’t carry a gun with you all the time.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I don’t carry it all the time,’ River shakes her head. ‘Only when I’m on an excavation site.’

‘What? Why? That’s just- You’ve watch one Indiana Jones movie too many,’ he says. ‘Why would you need a gun on a site? To shoot yourself once things get boring?’

‘Remember I’m holding a gun and that I know how to use it,’ River says and raises her eyebrow. ‘Trust me, even an archaeologist may need a gun. Some locals might want to steal your things, there are always vandals waiting to destroy the site and don’t even start me on the zombies who appear out of nowhere and start getting handsy with you.’

‘But you can’t kill a zombie. They’re already dead.’

‘But that doesn’t mean a bullet can’t hurt them,’ River says with a small smile. ‘Dead or alive, no one like getting shot. Trust me.’

‘Fair enough,’ he nods, because getting in a discussion about guns is probably the last thing he wants to do right now. ‘Listen, I realised something-‘

‘John, just… Give me 10 minutes. I’ve had a hellish week and I really need to unwind a bit before you drop another bomb on me,’ River sighs. ‘Please, put your earplugs in. Or go to the gallery and wait there.’

He hesitates for a second before putting his earplugs in and taking a few steps back. River doesn’t comment on his choice and starts shooting as soon as he backs off, and he takes these few minutes to observe her. He’s usually not the type to be obsessed with guns: he doesn’t like them at all and thinks that they are incredibly damaging even if they’re in responsible hands. Guns are loud and obnoxious and yet, somehow, River turns shooting a gun into an art. Her stance is confident and straight and she aims with so much ease that it seems that she and the gun are one. It’s fascinating to watch, really. But then there’s something else and it takes him a few moments to notice it: River is tired. Even though her frame radiates strength, there are other signs of her exhaustion: dark circles under her eyes, a deep line between her eyebrows and a frown in the corners in her mouth. Something is bothering her, he realises. Could it be the succubus? Did the demon pester River again? No, that’s impossible. River would have told him that, right?

‘Okay, what do you have to tell me?’ River asks as she finishes shooting and takes her own earplugs out. ‘A new disaster on the horizon?’

‘No, not this time,’ he replies and sees that River puts her gun into a holster strapped to her belt. ‘Uhm, aren’t you returning this gun?’

‘No, this one is mine,’ she sighs. ‘Save me the talk about how dangerous guns can be. Back to the point: if that’s not a new disaster looming over our heads, what is it?’

‘I’ve been thinking and it makes no sense,’ he starts. ‘Your… This whole possession thing. First of all, you can’t be possessed.’

‘And yet it happened,’ River comments drily. ‘So it must be possible.’

‘No, no. It can’t be. It’s just… It’s like a law of physics: it is there, whether we want it or not. It doesn’t change just because it doesn’t fit one example – it just means that we overlooked something and should look for another explanation,’ he says. ‘You have no aura. You can’t be possessed. End of story.’

‘Then how on earth did it happen?’ River asks. ‘If I remember correctly, I did end up with my eyes in a rather interesting colour.’

‘And that’s it. Just that. Nothing more. At least not yet,’ he adds quietly.

‘So you think something else might happen?’ River asks and he can hear the worry in her voice.

‘I don’t know,’ he says truthfully. ‘It’s a demon we’re talking about. They’re stubborn and they don’t give up easily. Who knows what’s on her mind. But I don’t think you’ll be possessed. And I don’t think you were possessed.’

‘There you go again! A broken record!’ River rolls her eyes. ‘You can repeat as many times as you want, but you won’t change the facts: she did possess me. She caught me when I was wearing the bracelet and had aura and-‘

‘Exactly!’ He exclaims. ‘You were wearing the bracelet and it gave you aura, but only temporary. The ring, the bracelet – they give you aura, but it’s still not yours. It’s… borrowed. In a way it’s like a costume that you can take off any time you want. These are not good conditions for a possession: there needs to be a link establish between the demon and the person who’s to be possessed, there needs to be time,’ he explains. ‘You are too unstable for a possession. One minute you have aura and then _poof_! It’s gone. Trust me, I’ve been reading about it for the past week and I’ve been talking to some of my demon friends and they all said the same: you can’t possess someone with no aura.’

‘Okay, so if it’s not possession then what is it?’ River asks curiously.

‘Have you ever read a self-help book?’ He asks and River shakes her head in confusion. ‘Neither have I, but Clara was reading one today and- All these books do is talk about the power of thought, right? You know, think positively and everything will turn out to be fine! It’s rubbish, at least in my opinion, but it got me thinking: what if it’s similar in your case? You wore the bracelet and you kept thinking about it, because you knew that it made you visible to the succubus. You focused on it and only on it and then _bam_ – you woke up with emerald eyes.’

‘I am afraid I am a bit lost, honey,’ River says and his heart melts a bit hearing the endearment. ‘Could you say it in a way that makes sense?’

‘It’s your mind,’ he says carefully. ‘At least I think it is. I think- It looks that when you had the bracelet on, the succubus took the opportunity and formed some kind of a link to your mind. And that’s how she was able to influence you.’

‘So you’re saying that she didn’t take control over my body, but over my mind?’ River asks and her voice raises slightly. ‘How the fuck is that supposed to be any better?’

‘Because it’s your mind,’ he leans closer to her and looks into her eyes. ‘You know it better than anyone else. You control it. And if she ever tries to do something like that again-‘

‘I’ll be able to kick her ass,’ River finishes and a small grin appears on her lips. ‘Oh boy, that bitch has no idea what’s coming for her.’

 

___

He’s an adult. He’s on this planet for what, over 30 years? And yet he still has no idea how to manage the time. It’s just- Things happen and then other things happen and then he’s late to an important meeting. Like right now: he’s running down the corridors, bumping into people and getting more and more out of breath just to get to Jack’s office. Sure, okay, he’s already late over 30 minutes, but it doesn’t mean he has to be 31 minutes late, right?

A few more seconds and he’s by Jack’s door and he’s just about to enter (fine, more like burst into the room, but who cares about the details?), but the low hum of voices stops him.

‘He’s late,’ Jack says with a tired sigh and he instantly feels guilty.

‘Yes, I know, you’ve said it at least a dozen times already,’ River replies. ‘Don’t worry, he knows it’s important so he’ll be here.’

‘You have a lot of faith in him, don’t you?’ Jack asks.

‘And what is that supposed to mean?’ River asks sharply.

‘Nothing. I was just thinking out loud,’ Jack says and he swears that he can hear the shrug in the man’s voice.

‘Well, next time be so nice and keep your thoughts to yourself,’ River retorts and he’s about to push the door and enter the room when Jack speaks again.

‘You know… You never told me what happened between you two,’ Jack says quietly.

‘There’s not much to talk about,’ River says and just hearing her voice he knows that she’s uttering these words through clenched teeth. ‘We were fucking for a while and then we stopped. End of story.’

Shit. These words shouldn’t hurt him so much – he’s heard them before, he’s repeated them in his mind so many times that they’ve lost their meaning to him – but they still sting and leave a bitter taste in his mouth. When will he get over it?

Never, probably.

‘Really? That’s hard to believe,’ Jack replies drily. ‘I saw you during that time and I remember that you were happy – happier than I’ve ever seen you. Then something happened and you weren’t happy anymore.’

‘Jack,’ River says and it hangs in the air like a warning sign, but Jack pays no attention to it.

‘No, really, you were happy and then you were fucking miserable. You never told me why, but then you came here and explained the whole mess with the succubus and bam, it all made sense to me,’ Jack says quickly. ‘What doesn’t make sense to me is why you decided to end it.’

Oh gods.

He knows he should stop listening to them now – it’s a private conversation between two friends and he’s being a nosy bugger. But- It’s also about him. How can he resist something like that? Especially if he also can’t understand why River decided to end things between them. He thought they were good together. He thought they were happy. He hoped – stupidly so as it turned out – that he made _her_ happy. And yet- She broke up with him. Or according to her she didn’t – they weren’t in a relationship, it was just a deal, nothing more and nothing less.

‘I did what I had to do,’ comes River’s reply.

‘What is that even supposed to mean?’ Jack asks and he soundlessly thanks him for asking that question.

‘It wasn’t meant to last,’ River answers after a while and he gets closer to the door to hear her better. ‘It was temporary. All I did was cutting the cord quicker.’

‘Let me repeat myself: what is that even supposed to mean?’ Jack scoffs and he can hear River’s soft sigh.

‘It was just… I just wanted to help him. And I don’t know, maybe help myself. Nothing more. It wasn’t meant to be a relationship.’

‘But it was?’ Jack asks gently and he holds his breath waiting for River’s answer.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ comer her quiet reply. ‘It’s over now.’

‘River, I swear to gods, you are an absolute idiot,’ Jack sighs, but there’s a hint of anger in his voice. ‘Usually, you’re absolutely brilliant when it comes to people, but in this case you are fucking hopeless.’

‘I am just not a relationship kind of person, that’s all,’ River cuts in, clearly eager to end this conversation. ‘Never have been, never will be.’

‘That’s bullshit,’ Jack states. ‘Have you even tried talking to John? About what you two feel?’

‘He doesn’t feel anything for me other than gratitude,’ River says and his heart sinks at these words and how sure she sounds saying them. Does she truly believe that? How could she even think that? ‘Even if we had- Sooner or later he’d realise that whatever spark he might’ve felt was just that – a temporary infatuation. And it wasn’t- I… He’d never-‘

‘He’d never what?’ Jacks asks and he holds his breath waiting for River’s answer. His heart is thumping in his ears and he feels a thousand of emotions running through his head: fear, hope, sadness, joy, anxiety – they’re all mixed together and they’re making him a bit lightheaded. That’s it: whatever happens now will either make or break him. And it all depends on River’s next words.

‘He’d never-‘ River repeats quietly and he feels a rush of anticipation running through his whole body and just when River takes another breath, when she’s about to finish her sentence and maybe, just maybe, put him out of his misery – it’s when his blasted phone rings.

_Shit._

He can hear River and Jack getting up from their seats and walking towards the door. Any second now, they’ll push it open and discover that he’s spent the last few minutes listening to their private conversation and they are going to kill him, so he does the only thing he can do to save his face: he answers his phone and walks into the room as if nothing had happened.

‘Hi, yes. Hello, Amy,’ he says and forces a smile, waving his hand at River and Jack who are staring at him with surprise written on their faces. He shrugs as if to say ‘ _sorry, I had to answer this one!_ ’ and continues listening to Amy’s chatter. ‘Yes, sure. I don’t see why not. But not Friday – Fridays are the worst, plus I have a home visit at a vampire household and you know that they are at their most coherent after sunset. Saturday it is, then. Yes, of course, I’ll tell her once I meet her. No you don’t have to call her yourself- I am not lying! Yes. See you!’ He says and hangs up.

As much as he loves Amy, one day he may actually kill her.

‘John,’ Jack says casually, ‘nice of you to join us.’

‘Yeah, sorry,’ he sighs, ‘there was a thing. Well, four things. And traffic. And then Amy called. By the way, she invites you for a pub crawl this Saturday. I am afraid she won’t take _no_ for an answer. Anyway: did I miss anything?’

‘No,’ River answers quickly and the relief in her voice nearly breaks his heart. ‘I too only just got here. Students wouldn’t let me go.’

‘Yeah, she is just like you, John,’ Jack comments drily and sends River a look that conveys more than a million words. ‘You are equally… Hopeless. And helpless.’

‘Jack, shut up,’ River says harshly in a slightly panicked voice. ‘John has something to tell you. He thinks- We think that he might’ve found out how the succubus influenced me.’

‘Really?’ Jack asks and he can see amazement on his face. ‘Do tell, wonder boy.’

He ignores the small jab and explains his theory to Jack: how the succubus could be controlling River by taking over her mind and not the usual possession.

‘That’s… Interesting,’ Jack says once he finishes his explanation. ‘I never thought about it like that. Can it even be possible?’

‘It’s just a theory, but it seems more possible than River being actually possessed,’ he sighs. ‘I’ve done my research and I don’t see a possibility that what River experienced was a possession. Not many demons could take over someone without an aura. And the succubus, even though she is powerful, wouldn’t be able to do that. That’s why I’m opting for the mind control – as terrible as that sounds.’

‘Yeah, it doesn’t sound very well,’ Jack makes a face. ‘I have no idea what to make out of it, to be honest. I’ve contacted my friend and he has a new theory, but…’

‘But what?’ River asks leaning towards Jack. ‘What did that guy say?’

‘He said something I don’t really like,’ Jack sighs. ‘It’s- I mean, it’s just a theory, so there’s nothing to be scared of and since we all are on an unknown territory here… I don’t know, I just want to think about it a bit longer. Especially in the light of what John just told me.’

‘There’s something else,’ River says quietly. She’s staring at the wall behind Jack and she looks like she already regrets speaking up. ‘There are a few moments I have no recollection of.’

‘What do you mean?’ He asks, hoping that he misunderstood her. Because if she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying… He glances at Jack who looks about as terrified as he’s feeling right now.

‘There have been a few moments I don’t remember,’ River continues without looking at him. ‘I- There are these blank spaces in my memory. I’d find myself snapping out of from whatever I was doing and I couldn’t remember how or why I started doing it.’

‘It happens to all of us,’ Jack says almost too calmly, sounding as if he was lying to himself. ‘Our brains just don’t process all the information; we’d go insane if it happened.’

‘I know that, but it’s different,’ River shakes her head. ‘It feels… It feels like I am not there. Like I have to force my way back to my body, to be myself. It feels like someone pushing me out and taking my place.’

‘Fuck,’ Jack mutters and turns away from them. ‘Fuck.’

‘How long has it been going on?’ He asks in the silence that fell in the room.

‘A little over a week,’ River admits staring at the carpet.

‘Why didn’t you tell me that?’ He exclaims and stands up from his chair so quickly that it falls to the floor, but he’s too worked up to pay any attention to it. ‘We saw each other yesterday! You could have- You should have told me! You should’ve told me the first time it happened to you!’

‘I know, I just- I thought it’s not a big deal,’ River explains and looks him in the eye for the first time. ‘I thought it’d pass and when it didn’t… I don’t know. I didn’t want you to burden you anymore.’

‘Burden me?! Really? That’s what you call it?’ He shouts out and realises that there must be people in the offices nearby, but he can’t bring himself to care. ‘You didn’t want to burden me, that’s rich. How fucking magnanimous of you. We’re in this together in case you haven’t noticed!’

‘Really? If I remember correctly, it took you some time to admit that you have a problem,’ River replies angrily. ‘So do not try to push that bullshit at me.’

‘Fine, okay, it took me a while to admit to everything, but once I admitted it, I didn’t hide things from you,’ he says hotly. How could she be so reckless? So thoughtless? It’s dangerous! She shouldn’t have faced something like that on her own. Doesn’t she know that he’s always there to help her? Neither of them can face the succubus on their own, they need each other. ‘I would never hide something so important from you.’

‘I didn’t do it on purpose-‘

‘I get that for some reason you can’t seem to stand being around me, but if you could suffer me for a bit longer, maybe we could solve this damn mess and then you’ll be free of me until the end of time,’ he says angrily and immediately regrets his words when he sees River’s expression. For a second she looks like she’s about to cry and he’s about to blurt out apologies, but it’s already too late: River’s face turns cold and expressionless and his heart soars at that.

‘You’re absolutely right, I can’t wait to be free of you,’ River says in a tone that chills him to the bone. ‘To the point where I-‘

‘Could the two of you just shut the fuck up for a minute?’ Jack cuts in and his voice stops both River and he from continuing their argument. They both look at Jack who turned around and is now facing them, looking as if he aged 10 years in the last 5 minutes. ‘Your issues… Go and work on them later. Now just shut up.’

‘Jack… What’s wrong?’ River asks gently and he looks at her with such anguish on her face that she gasps.

‘What’s wrong? Everything is wrong,’ Jack says and sits heavily on his chair. He remains silent for a few moments before speaking up again. ‘I- I wish you hadn’t told us about your problems with memory. I wish it hadn’t happened. I wish he hadn’t just been proven right.’

‘Who was proven right? What are you talking about?’ He asks Jack in confusion and the other man glances at him with regret on his face.

‘My friend. The one I asked for help,’ Jack says. ‘I told you that he had a theory but I didn’t like it and- It doesn’t matter now. I thought that it can’t be right, that it’s too far-fetched and that he certainly pulled it out of nowhere. But now that…,’ Jack sighs and rubs his eyes tiredly. ‘He thought it might happen. You having problems with your memory, I mean,’ he says to River. ‘And he also thought that this may not be a case of possession, not in the exact meaning of this word. He also thought…’

‘Jack? What is it? What are you trying to tell us?’ River asks and there’s a hint of panic in her voice. He wishes he could hold her hand and just let her know that he’s there for her, but somehow he doesn’t think she’d like that kind of support from him.

‘What I’m trying to say… You know how objects can’t take up the same space? Physically, I mean,’ Jack starts slowly. ‘It’s impossible. Even if these things are similar, like two identical atoms. They can’t be at the same place at the same time. It’s just- It can’t happen. The laws of physics won’t have it.’

‘Okay, I think we get that,’ River says. ‘But what does it have to do with my situation?’

‘You and the succubus are the same,’ Jack says and hushes River before she says anything. ‘I don’t know how that happened – maybe it was a fluke, maybe it was a mistake, maybe someone had a sick sense of humour, maybe it was just a coincidence, but you two exist in the same time and vaguely in the same place. And yes, you are not identical. She’s not your copy and you’re not hers, but you’re similar enough for the universe to become unhappy. It was okay as long as she didn’t know about you. But now she knows and she started poking around your head. That’s why you have problems with memory: it’s your brain’s attempt to protect itself and you from this assault. And it’s happening not only because someone is trying to take control of you, but also because there’s suddenly two of you at the same time, in the same place. Your brain doesn’t exactly know how to process it so it shuts down and turns back on once the succubus is gone. As long as she keeps doing that, you’ll have these holes in your memories. And if she continues doing that-‘

‘What happens then?’ River asks in a voice devoid of any emotions. She’s sitting in her chair, looking calm and collected as if they’re discussing weather or the best destination for their weekend getaway. To a bystander it’d look that what she just heard absolutely doesn’t bother her. But he knows River well enough to notice all the little sighs of her nervousness: the way she balls her hands into tight fists, how her lips are pressed into a thin line or how her legs tremble. ‘Jack. What happens if the succubus doesn’t stop?’

Jack opens and closes his mouth a few times as if he was unable to voice his thoughts.

He can’t blame him.

Because he understood everything the moment Jack started explaining it. Shit. He should’ve known better. He should’ve done something, anything to prevent it from happening. Fuck.

How did they end up in such a mess?

‘Jack, tell me. Please,’ River says and this time her voice sounds urgent. ‘I need to know.’

‘Two objects can’t take up the same space,’ he hears himself speaking and repeating Jack’s earlier words. ‘If the succubus doesn’t stop… The more she pokes around in your head, the more connected you two are. It may look like you’re just one person, but there is you and there’s her. Each of you pull in different direction, but no matter how hard you pull, you still meet in the middle. The two of you: a human and a succubus. But there can be only one of you,’ he takes a deep breath. ‘In an extreme situation… If she keeps on messing with you, if all the conditions are fulfilled, it will look like you are two people occupying the same space. Since it’s impossible- It’ll be ground zero of an explosion. One of you will most likely cease to exist. And there’s no way to tell which one will be left alive.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaboom. bang. oops?  
> a month (even a bit less!) since the last update. can't believe that either. this time it's not a 10k mess - it's onlt 6k mess. see? I am improving.  
> thank you for all the kudos and comments under the last chapter. can't believe you guys still stick with me.  
> & per usual, all typos/mistakes are mine. I've read through it so many times I can't even spell own name right.
> 
> 2-3 chapters and this fic will be done, finished, gone and hopefully forgotten. can't wait.
> 
> chapter title from Royal blood's 'she's creeping'.
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. WE HAVE A FEMALE DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


	29. cover me in rag and bone sympathy; cause I don't wanna get over you

He should have learned by now that every time Amy drags him to a pub, something ridiculous happens and turns his life upside down. It happened more than once – hell, it happened almost every single time! – and yet he still hasn’t learned his lesson.

Oh well.

This time nothing suggests a disaster, but then again, nothing ever does. He comes to the pub, meets with Amy and Rory, orders his usual and even starts relaxing as he starts talking with the Ponds. Maybe that’s what he needed – an evening with friends, without worrying about a supernatural creature who’s trying to hurt the woman he’s in love with.

‘Oh look, River’s here!’ Amy says and waves enthusiastically at River who’s standing by the entrance.

‘You invited River?’ He asks quietly as River is making her way towards them.

‘No, you invited her,’ Amy replies with a shrug. ‘You invited her and Jack when I was on the phone with you. I then just made sure that they remembered about the invitation. Jack couldn’t make it, but River is here, so behave.’

‘I always behave,’ he mumbles under his breath. It’s not that he’s not happy to see River, it’s just… Ever since the succubus decided to pester River he can’t help but worry about her. He knows that River hates it and that she can’t do without it, but it’s not something he can switch off. A part of him is also scared that River hates him for bringing her into this mess. She wanted to help him and now she’s a target in some sick game played by the succubus. He wouldn’t be surprised if River held it against him.

But there’s also something else, something that has been bothering him ever since he overheard that conversation between River and Jack. No matter how much he tries, he can’t stop thinking about what River said – or rather what she didn’t say. What did her words mean? What does she feel for him? Does she even feel anything for him? All these unsaid things confuse him even more, but he’s not sure if he has any right to ask River for an explanation. If she wanted to tell him something, she’d have done it by now, wouldn’t she?

‘Amy, Rory, nice to see you,’ River says warmly as she sits by the table. ‘John, hello.’

‘Hi,’ he answers feeling shy and awkward. Why is that? How can he even feel like that around her? They’ve known each other for months now, it’s ridiculous!

‘Right, so Rory and I are going to get River a drink,’ Amy says as she glances at River and him. ‘Come on, Rory!’

‘Do we both really have to go to get River’s drink?’ Rory sighs. ‘I can go and get it myself. Or John can go. Or-‘

‘No, we have to go together,’ Amy says and pulls him up from his chair. ‘We’re going to get some snacks once we get to the bar!’

‘Do we both really have to get snacks-‘ Rory starts but when he sees Amy’s glance, he just raises his hands in surrender and follows her.

‘Some things never change, do they?’ River asks watching Amy and Rory walking away. ‘Amy is incorrigible.’

‘Don’t tell her that, she may try to punch you,’ he says. ‘Although… No, she wouldn’t do that. She likes you too much.’

‘Glad to hear that as I wouldn’t want to be harassed by an angry Scot,’ River replies with a hint of a smile and he smiles back.

‘So, uhm… I know that maybe it isn’t the right place and time to ask this,’ he lowers his voice and looks around to make sure that no one is listening to them, ‘but uhm, you haven’t had any more of… You know?’

‘No, I haven’t been accosted by your succubus and left with a gap in my memory,’ River says and he once again is amazed with her careless tone. Doesn’t she care? Or maybe she’s trying to look like she doesn’t care? Why? He wouldn’t think any less of her if she showed any vulnerability.

‘Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it or-‘

‘John, no offense – while I appreciate your concern, I don’t want to talk about it right now,’ River interrupts him mid-sentence. ‘I just want to pretend that this problem doesn’t exist, even if only for a few hours. So from now on, no talk about the succubitch, okay?’

‘Fine,’ he replies with a smile just as Amy and Rory put various bowls of snacks on the table.

‘We couldn’t decide on one so we just took everything!’ Amy grins and sits on her chair.

‘Correction: she couldn’t decide on one thing so we had to take everything,’ Rory sighs and puts a bright green drink in front of River. ‘Here you go, your favourite.’

‘Thank you,’ River says as she takes a sip. ‘Oh, that’s just perfect!’

Wait. How come Rory knows what River’s favourite drink is? How is that possible? He doesn’t know that and let’s be real, River and he are – were – much closer than Rory and River ever were. And sure, he knows it’s a stupid thing to get so worked up over, but it somehow bothers him that he doesn’t know _everything_ about River. He realises he must sound like a possessive and spoilt toddler, but he doesn’t really care, because it’s River he’s talking about.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have time to dwell on that and brood – his friends pull him into a conversation filled with laughter and banter. The last few weeks have been stressful and tiring, and he forgot how nice it is to just sit and discuss the most bizarre and unimportant things.

Everything is going well.

Too well.

It happens when Amy and Rory go to play darts, and River gets up to buy them all drinks. He’s sitting at the table on his own, grinning like a fool and he glances at the bar to see if River needs any help. He sees her waiting in line and then he notices some guy who’s talking to her. It seems that the guy introduces himself and tries to chat River up, but she shakes her head. The guy nods once, clearly disappointed and it looks like he’s about to leave, but then he takes a step back and leans closer to River, asking her something else. She nods reluctantly and with a gleeful expression on his face, the guy gently pulls at one of her curls and watches it spring back with fascination. In the very moment when the guy’s fingers touch River’s hair, he feels a wave of pain rolling over his body and this time it’s not just him being jealous. It’s an honest, physical reaction – blinding, hot-red stabbing pain suddenly crushing every single cell in his body. It last only a second but leaves him grasping for breath. Once he blinks away the white spots clouding his vision, he looks up at River and he realises that she must’ve just experienced the very same thing – she’s pale and it looks like she can barely stand on her feet. Despite feeling weak and unsteady on his legs, he rushes to her.

‘River, are you okay?’ He asks once he reaches her.

‘Yeah, I just- I don’t know what happened,’ she replies and takes a deep breath. ‘Did you- You felt that too, right? Fuck,’ she whispers when he nods his head. ‘What the hell was that?’

‘I have no idea,’ he says when they sit at their table. ‘I have never felt something like that. It was-‘

‘The most physically painful thing I’ve ever experienced,’ River finishes and he nods his head again. ‘And it started when this guy touched my hair. This guy – he was human, for sure. He couldn’t have been supernatural, he wouldn’t have seen me otherwise. So that leaves us with only one option.. Do you think it could be the succubus’ doing?’

‘I don’t know. Probably. It’s- I don’t know how she could be able to do that and why she targeted us both, but-‘

‘Ha! You should have seen how much I beat Rory’s ass at darts! You wouldn’t believe it. He’s still sulking by the boards- Wow, guys, did something happen? You look like crap,’ Amy sits at the table and looks at them with concern. ‘You couldn’t have drunk that much when we were gone.’

‘No, that’s not that,’ River says and even musters a weak smile and he wonders how on earth she managed that, because every single muscle in his body is still hurting. ‘I think we both have something funny to eat today. And now we feel the effects.’

‘Do you want me to get you a taxi?’ Amy asks and reaches for her purse.

‘No, we’re good. You stay and enjoy yourselves,’ River says as she grabs her purse. ‘We’ll just head home and into our beds.’

‘Do you have any meds? I’m sure we have something for stomach aches at home – Rory makes sure that our first aid kit is always fully stocked. You could go to our place, get the meds and then takes taxi from there,’ Amy suggests, but River quickly shakes her head.

‘Thank you, but I don’t want to bother you and I’m sure John doesn’t want that either,’ River says. ‘There’s a 24/7 pharmacy nearby, so we may get something there.’

‘If you say so…,’ Amy says slowly and he cuts in before she can suggest something else.

‘We’ll be fine, really,’ he nods. ‘We just need some meds and tea instead of beer and crisps. Don’t worry about us too much.’

‘I don’t worry about River, she’s an adult and can take care of herself. It’s you I’m worried about!’ Amy exclaims and puts her hand on his forehead. ‘No temperature. Fine, go home. But call me tomorrow so I know you’re not dead! Both of you!’

‘Sure thing, mom!’ River winks and stands up. ‘Come on, John. I don’t think either of us wants to puke on this table.’

‘Nice save,’ he mutters as they squeeze through the crowd to the exit. ‘Didn’t know you’re such a good liar.’

‘Oh, sorry, didn’t know I was supposed to tell Amy the truth,’ River snickers. ‘ _’Amy, it’s not food poisoning, we think we might’ve been attacked by his succubus who by the way, looks just like me!’_ Silly me, why didn’t I just say that?’

‘Was the sarcasm really necessary?’ He asks as they walk out of the club into the pleasantly cool evening.

‘Probably not, but I couldn’t help myself,’ River sighs. ‘Damn, I feel like a truck just ran over me. If that’s your succubus doing, I’ll kick her ass, just so you know.’

‘You say that as if I care whether or not you do that,’ he says and River looks at him with a question in her eyes.

‘And you don’t?’ She asks and he finds himself lost for words. River waits for a few seconds and then just shrugs and turns away.

They’re lucky enough to get a taxi almost immediately and he gives the driver his address.

‘What?’ He whispers when River looks at him in confusion. ‘I didn’t take my aura detector with me. We need to check if this… incident changed anything in our auras. Plus, I have some books, maybe we’ll find some explanation there. And I think I have some strengthening potions.’

‘Okay, okay, I am not questioning any of that,’ River raises her hands in air. ‘But you know, if you wanted me to go home with you, you should have just asked.’

‘River!’ He exclaims and feels grateful that the inside of the taxi is dark and River can’t see him blushing. ‘That’s- That’s not what I meant! That’s not what I wanted to do- I really just want to-‘

‘Relax, I was joking,’ River says as she leans back against the seat. ‘I know you’d never do something like that.’

The rest of the ride passes in silence and he takes these moments to observe River. She looks tired, he notes. He’s not sure whether or not it’s the result of what they just experienced or if it’s something else. Was she honest when she told him she hadn’t experienced any more memory gaps? Would she lie about something like that?

10 minutes later, after he pays the driver, they enter his apartment. First thing he does is finding his aura detector and pointing it at River.

‘Still a steady 0,’ he says once he sees the results.

‘You sound disappointed,’ River says and he shrugs.

‘I don’t know. I hoped that if there were a change in your aura, we’d discover something new. That’s all,’ he says and points the device at himself, only to see no change in his aura. ‘Shit. Should we call Jack?’

‘At this hour? Are you kidding? He’s probably in the middle of some sex orgy,’ River shakes her head. ‘We’ll call him tomorrow around noon. He should be responsive by then.’

‘I really didn’t need to know that about Jack’s sex life,’ he makes a face. ‘The mental image! That was the last thing I needed right now.’

‘But at least it distracted you from the problem at hand,’ River says and he chuckles in response before smacking his forehead.

‘Oh shit, I am a terrible host,’ he laments. ‘Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I’ll prepare the potions for us. Do you want anything else? Tea? Juice?’

River shakes her head and he hurries to the kitchen. He takes two glasses, fills them with water and then takes two small bottles from a drawer. The potions he has at home are a bit stronger than the ones he sells to his customers, so he carefully measures 3 drops of each potion into the glasses.

‘Here you go,’ he says and hands River one glass. It’s difficult not to notice that she’s sitting in her favourite armchair – the one she’d always choose when they were still… Well, together. ‘A potion for the pain and a strengthening one,’ he says after clearing his throat. ‘Uhm, they’re not the most tastiest thing ever, but they’re effective, so… Bottoms up?’

‘Why can’t we just take some normal painkillers?’ River asks sniffing the drink in her hand.

‘Normal ones may not work with pain caused by supernatural creatures, especially if the injury wasn’t physical. Sure, we felt it but as an effect, we weren’t actually injured-‘

‘Okay, I get it,’ River says and downs the content of her glass in one go. ‘Oh my fucking gods. That is disgusting! What the hell is it even made of?’

‘Do you really want to know?’ He asks and can’t help but laugh at River’s expression. ‘It’s a medicine! It can’t be tasty. Otherwise it wouldn’t work.’

‘That’s a load of bullshit,’ River mutters under her breath and sets her glass on the table. ‘How am I supposed to know you didn’t just poison me?’

‘Okay, fine, look,’ he says and finishes his drink in one large gulp. ‘There you go. And besides – I’d never try to poison you. I promise.’

‘Good to know,’ River sighs. ‘Anyway, do you really think it was the succubus?’

‘What else could it be?’ He asks sitting in the armchair opposite of hers. ‘I mean, sure, it’d be incredibly unusual for her to act like that – I’ve never heard about this type of behaviour – but I am not an expert. Maybe Jack will know more. It’s like this whole… attack was set off by someone else touching you.’

‘Yeah, it felt… I felt this sudden burst of power and then pain, all in the exact moment when that guy touched my hair,’ River says with a frown on her face. ‘What could that mean?’

‘No idea,’ he shakes his head. ‘I guess we have to wait for Jack’s opinion. I may do some research, but not right now. I’m dead tired.’

‘Oh- Sorry, I think I overstayed my welcome,’ River stands with an embarrassed expression on her face. ‘Let me just call a taxi and I’ll be on my way-‘

‘No, that’s not what I meant!’ He quickly stands up and nearly tips the coffee table in the process. ‘I just- It’s late and we are both quite shaken by what happened tonight and-‘

‘And I should go home to let you rest and also rest myself,’ River says good-naturedly. ‘I’ll call Jack tomorrow and let you know what he tells me, okay?’

‘I don’t think you should leave. I think you should stay the night- No, not like that!’ He stutters and once again feels blush creeping up his neck. ‘I mean, considering what happened tonight, I think it’d be better if you stayed here, so I can keep an eye on you.’

‘I don’t need you to keep an eye on me,’ River huffs out and takes a few steps to the door.

‘I know you don’t need me,’ he says quietly, ‘but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you. This whole situation – the succubus clearly has something planned and I doubt it’s anything nice. It’d just feel better to have you here tonight since you should be relatively safe here. Over the past months I’ve strengthen the wards and put one that protects my guests. And even if they failed… I’d be here to help you. That’s all. I can’t force you to stay, but-‘

‘Okay,’ River says interrupting his speech. ‘Seeing that you are such a care bear, I’ll stay.’

‘Really?’ He asks with surprise.

‘Yeah, really,’ River rolls her eyes. ‘And lose that puppy dog expression, because it’s just- Unbecoming.’

‘I don’t have a puppy dog expression! And even if I did- Okay, never mind that!’ He says energetically. ‘Do you want anything to eat? I don’t have much, but I can make some sandwiches or a salad-‘

‘John, slow down. I am fine. Honestly, all I want to do is go to sleep,’ River says and he nods his head.

‘Sure thing, give me a moment to change the sheets on my bed-‘

‘Don’t be stupid, I will sleep on the couch-‘

‘What? No, no way! You are my guest, you’ll sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch! That’s how it’s done!’

‘I don’t care how it’s done, I am not going to sleep in your bed. You’re just as tired as I am, we are at your place-‘

‘Exactly! My place, my rules! You’re taking the bed-‘

‘I don’t care about your rules, I am sleeping on the couch!’

‘You’re not!’

‘I am!’

‘No!’

‘Yes!’

‘No!’

‘Yes, you are!’

‘No, I’m not- Or whatever, screw it. I’ll sleep in your bed.’

‘Good! Finally, we’re agreeing on something,’ he nods. ‘Now, give me 5 minutes and-‘

‘I’m going to sleep in your bed and you’re going to sleep there too,’ River finishes and he stops in his track, absolutely sure that he misheard her. He must’ve. He slowly turns around to face her to see her staring at him with a stubborn expression on her face and her hands on her hips.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he says slowly even though his mind is yelling at him to accept the offer. ‘I mean-‘

‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ River huffs out. ‘We are adults, we can share a bed without jumping each other.’

‘Yes, but, uhm-‘

‘It’s either that or I’m going home,’ River says with a raised eyebrow.

‘Ugh, fine! We will share a bed!’ He throws his hands into the air. ‘Unbelievable! Do you always have to have it your way?’

‘Only when my way is the better way,’ River says with a grin. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to grope you in your sleep. Now, don’t blush and give me a fresh towel. And do change those bedsheets. Gods only know what you’ve been doing in them.’

He not only gives River a fresh towel, but also one of his t-shirts to sleep in and as he’s changing his sheets, he can’t stop wondering how on earth he got himself into this mess. Why does the universe hate him so much? All he wants to do is be there for River whenever she needs him. He proposed her staying over because he’s worried about her – that’s all. He didn’t want to end up like that – sharing a bed with her. It’s not that he doesn’t want to do that-

No, stop it. He won’t think about it like that. River was right: they are adults who can keep their hands to themselves. That won’t be a problem.

‘Okay, I’m done, your turn,’ River’s voice comes from a doorway and he turns around to face her and he suddenly realises that keeping his hands to himself will be much more difficult than he first thought.

‘Uhm, sure, of course. I made the bed and- Uhm, you can go to sleep,’ he stutters and tries his best not to stare at her. She’s wearing his t-shirt that falls to the middle of her thighs and displays her legs and it’s not that he hasn’t seen her legs before or hasn’t seen her naked, but it’s different and fuck, he is staring right now. ‘Uhm, I am going to take a shower. Right now.’

A very cold shower.

When he emerges a few minutes later, he feels a bit more composed. He is an adult. He can deal with it. He won’t get stupidly horny at the sight of River in his t-shirt. He’s bigger than that and he respect her too much to objectify her – and that’s what he’ll keep repeating himself for the whole night.

He’s not sure if the fact that River is already in his bed makes things better or worse. What makes things worse is the fact that she’s reading a book from his bedside table – and he knows which books it is. Oh crap.

‘ _’Anne of Green Gables’_? Good to know that you’re keeping up with your inner 10-year-old,’ River says with mirth in her voice.

‘Better keeping up with my inner 10-year-old than with The Kardashians,’ he says and snags the book from River’s hands. ‘Besides, it’s a good book!’

‘I’m not saying it isn’t, just that I am surprised to find you reading it, that’s all,’ River says as she settles more comfortably under the duvet.

‘That’s me, the walking surprise,’ he mutters as he gets into the bed. Why didn’t he read something manly, scary and adventurous? Like Stephen King for example. No, scratch that. He’s tried to read King’s novels multiple times and he has never enjoyed it. So if not Stephen King than-

‘Goodnight,’ River says quietly and closes her eyes.

‘Goodnight,’ he repeats and reaches to turn off the lamp standing on the table.

Okay. Now he only has to fall asleep. No big deal. He does it every night, so he can do that today. It’ll be fine. Except he can force his brain to shut up nor forget that River is just a few inches away from him and that really does nothing to make him sleepy and there are so many things in his head right now and there’s something that is really bothering him and if he doesn’t get his answer now, he may actually go insane.

‘River… Can I ask you a question?’ He whispers and hears River’s quiet sighs.

‘Oh my, is it going to turn into a middle school sleepover? Are we going to talk about boys?’ River asks but thankfully there’s no annoyance in her voice. ‘Ask away. I know that if you don’t, you’ll spend the whole night awake.’

‘That’s not true,’ he mumbles under his breath but stops when River kicks him under the duvet. ‘Ouch, that was not necessary!’

‘Your babbling is unnecessary. What do you want to know?’

‘Uhm… It is a bit random,’ he says feeling a bit stupid, ‘but what was the cocktail you had today at the bar?’

‘Okay, that’s not what I expected at all,’ River says surprised. ‘I thought- Never mind. And it was Death in the afternoon. Prosecco and absinthe.’

‘That sounds like an invitation for a hangover,’ he muses and River hums in agreement.

‘Everything is an invitation to a hangover if you drink too much,’ she adds. ‘But why did you ask about that? I doubt it’s because you want to try it.’

‘Well, I- Uhm…,’ shit, he got himself into this absolute bullshit of a situation again. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut? ‘I just- Rory said that it was your favourite. And, you know, I didn’t know what your favourite cocktail is and I wanted to know, so- You know.’

‘I see… Now that you know this incredibly interesting trivia about me, can I try to go to sleep?’ River asks and he detects amusement in her voice.

‘Sure! Of course. Sorry, I didn’t think, I just-‘

‘John, it’s okay,’ River says calmly. ‘Just… Let’s sleep.’

‘Okay,’ he says and promises himself that from now on he won’t disturb her. He’ll be quiet as a mouse. He tries to get comfortable, but it feels like every muscle in his body is tense. He turns from one side to another a few times, but that doesn’t help him – he still feels like his whole body is on fire.

‘John,’ River says and he’s pretty sure that she’s going to scold him for being so restless. ‘Since it’s a sleepover and you’ve already asked your question… Can I now ask you something?’

‘Yeah, sure,’ he says although he is a bit afraid of what he may have to answer.

‘What is the succubus like?’ River asks and he feels like the air got pushed out of his lungs. Certainly not a question he expected. ‘I know that she looks like me. But how much like me? You never told me,’ she finishes.

‘I… I- I mean…,’ he stutters and silently curses himself. Why did he have to start this conversation? How on earth did his question even lead to _this_? And most importantly: what is he supposed to say? How can he answer a question like that?

‘Just forget it,’ River says after a few moments of silence, her voice strained and slightly bitter. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you this. You don’t have to-‘

‘No, it’s not that,’ he finally says. ‘It’s just… It’s difficult. I- Yes, she looks just like you. Like a manufactured version of you. She’s… Beautiful. Stunning. Flawless. If I believed in gods, I’d say that she was created by them.’

‘I see,’ River says and her voice breaks a little.

‘No, you don’t,’ he sighs and rubs his eyes. ‘It’s… You see her and you think _‘wow’_. You are completely enchanted. And the thing is that with her good looks and her succubus charm, she kind of makes you want it. She makes you want her. She makes you long for her. But it’s…,’ he shrugs even though he knows River can’t see him. ‘Amy once told me that sometimes you meet someone utterly stunning, but you talk to them and it turns out that they are boring as a brick. Then you meet someone who’s average looking and you’re like ‘ _they are okay’_. But then – then you get to know them and their personality becomes them and suddenly they’re the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. So yeah, the succubus may be utterly gorgeous, but… She isn’t you,’ he finishes quietly hoping that he didn’t just make an utter fool of himself.

‘You know,’ River says after a few seconds, her voice hitching a bit, ‘sometimes you really do have a way with words.’

‘Only sometimes?’ He asks turning his head to face her.

‘Yeah, only sometimes,’ she says and smiles gently and for the briefest moment he feels the urge to lean towards her and kiss her. But he doesn’t do that, because it’d be just stupid, disrespectful and irresponsible. Instead, he reaches and takes River’s hands in his. When she laces their fingers together, a feeling of comfort and peace surrounds him and he finally falls asleep.

It’s still a bit dim when he wakes up. He glances at a clock and to his surprise he sees that it’s only 6am. Weird. It’s quite early and yet he feels more refreshed than he has in ages. He sighs happily and gathers River closer to him. Maybe they can get a few more hours of sleep before-

Wait, what?

He opens his eyes and immediately feels his heart in his throat. During the night, River and he must’ve moved from their sides of the bed and now they’re… Much closer. To put it mildly. In fact, River’s back is pressed against his chest, his face is nestled in her hair and their legs are tangled together. It’s not something unusual – that’s how they used to wake up when they were still together, but now he panics. He knows he should get up as quickly as possible, preferably without waking River up, so that she doesn’t think that he’s some kind of a creepy night-groper. He really wants to do it, but at the same time, he wants to stay like that for a little bit longer. He missed this so much: this feeling of warmth and peace he’s always felt around River; her skin pressed against his, her hair tickling his nose. It feels right and it makes him feel whole. Yes, he knows that it’s a dumb notion that you need another person to feel whole and complete, but that’s how he feels with River: like a better version of himself.

He sighs quietly and gently tries to get up, when River moves closer to him and grinds her ass against his crotch.

Crap.

He stays motionless on the bed, wondering what is he supposed to do. Should he stay until River gets back to sleep? Should be get up right now, even if he risks waking her? That clearly was just an unconscious move on her part, it must have been-

River grinds against him again, this time slightly harder and there’s no way she can’t feel his hardening cock. Okay, fine, now he really needs to get up and leave this bed, maybe take another cold shower and just forget about it. River is certainly asleep and she definitely wouldn’t appreciate finding him drooling over her once she wakes up.

‘Don’t leave,’ River says quietly when he starts to move and he nearly yelps in shock.

‘River? What’s wrong?’ He asks, unsure how to behave and when River is silent for the next few seconds, he’s certain she must’ve gone back to sleep.

‘Let’s… Just this once. Please,’ she whispers and it takes him a few seconds to understand her meaning.

Is she saying-

What the hell is he supposed to do now?

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested that,’ River says, interpreting his silence as a refusal and starts moving away from him. ‘I’ll go now, I’m sorry-‘

‘Wait,’ on reflex his fingers tighten on her hips and he pulls her back against him. ‘Look at me,’ he says gently, because there’s one thing he just needs to know. River turns her head to face him and he looks into her eyes, only to see the familiar mixture of green, blue and gold.

‘It’s me, not her,’ River answers his unasked question and he lets out a relieved sigh. And even though he knows he shouldn’t, he leans down and presses a kiss in the corner of River’s mouth.

‘River,’ he breathes out, but she just shakes her head.

‘No. Don’t talk,’ she says as she turns her head away from him. ‘Let’s just not talk for a bit.’

Not talk? He can do that.

He knows it’s stupid and reckless, and that in the end it’ll only hurt both of them, but he can’t help himself - River’s in his bed, she’s warm and soft against him, and in this very moment she wants him. He can’t deny her anything, he’s powerless like that.

His fingers start tracing patterns on River’s skin, gently gliding up and down her thighs. River’s pressed tight against him and it seems that she doesn’t want to waste time – she’s grinding against him in a way that is slowly driving him absolutely insane. To distract himself he starts pressing kisses to River’s neck – delicate pecks at first, but then he starts scraping his teeth against the skin there, gently biting and sucking on it. His hand moves to the inside of River’s legs and he moves them teasingly from the inside of her knees to the hem of the shirt she’s wearing. River makes a small displeased sound when his fingers start moving back down and he smiles. Oh, he knows that they’re both absolutely ready to fuck right here and now – he’s been hard for what seems to be ages and judging by River’s small moans, she wouldn’t mind if they went down to business. But if they’re going to break the rules just this once, well, he wants to take his time and do it properly. He wants to have something to remember later on. He wants to-

However, it seems that River has a completely different opinion on this matter and that things are moving a bit too slowly for her. She twists her arm between them and trailing her fingers down his stomach, she starts stroking him through his boxers. He groans into her hair as her hand presses hard against his cock, quickly moving up and down.

_Two can play this game_ , he thinks through the haze of pleasure and trails his fingers up her thighs to her knickers. He runs his fingers over the already damp fabric, light at first but then putting more pressure behind his strokes. River’s moans vibrate against his chest, her hand keeps teasing him and he starts sliding his fingers under her panties-

And then his phone rings.

River and he spring apart like children who got caught doing something naughty  - which he guesses they were doing, but that’s beside the point. Suddenly, he feels incredibly awkward and he knows that River must feel like that too – they both avoid looking at each other and the air is thick with nerve-wracking tension. And on top of this all, his fucking phone won’t stop ringing. One day he’s going to throw away this blasted device through the window and he won’t regret it even for a second.

‘I think you should answer it,’ River says clearing her throat.

‘No, River, listen-,’ he starts but she just shakes her head.

‘I’m going- I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll be out of your hair,’ she says with in overly bright voice as she picks up her clothes from the chair.

‘No, wait, we need to-,’ he can’t even finish because River closes the bathroom door behind her. Fuck. This is a bloody disaster. He looks at his still ringing phone and answers it with a sigh of defeat. ‘Yes, yes, John Smith. That’s me. What? No, I can’t prove it. We’re on the phone, what do you want me to do? Give my personal information to you? And who are you even? It’s too bloody early for calls like that! What are you- Oh. Oh. I am sorry, I just didn’t- Yes, Buckingham Palace. I understand and once again, I am deeply sorry for my behaviour and comments. I- What? The ghost of Queen Victoria appeared in the Palace? That’s impossible. Last time I checked, she was happy in Osborne House. Ghosts that are happy rarely change their location- What? She’s chasing Prince Harry with an axe? And scaring the corgis? What is the Queen more upset about? No, it’s not important, I’m just curious- Okay, I understand, that’s classified. Listen, tell me: does the ghost look… Solid, for the lack of better word or does it look like static noise on television? Static noise! That’s what I thought. It’s not the ghost of Queen Victoria, it’s an impostor ghost! Sometimes, when there’s too much post-mortem energy, a ghost has enough power to look like another ghost. They do it for fun or just because they’respiteful. Maybe the one you have was an anti-royalist when they were alive. Right, that wasn’t helpful at all. Yes, I’ll come and deal with your problem right away. No problem. Yes, I know it’s my duty. Goodbye.’

‘I see you have a new case,’ River’s voice comes from the doorway. She’s standing there, already dressed in her last night’s clothes, her hair slightly damn from the shower. ‘I won’t be bothering you any longer.’

‘No, it’s not like that,’ he shakes his head and drops his phone on the nightstand. ‘I mean, yes, I do have a case, but you don’t have to leave. I mean-‘

‘Listen… I’m sorry,’ River interrupts him. ‘I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have started this whole thing between us. It was- It was stupid and irresponsible on my part and it wasn’t fair to you.’

‘In case you don’t remember, I was a willing participant,’ he cuts in, but River just shakes her head.

‘Maybe so, but still – it was stupid of me. It was a mistake on my part. I think we should just forget about it,’ River says without looking at him.

‘What? No, that’s not how it should be, that’s not how it works!’ He exclaims. ‘We should talk about it and-‘

His blasted phone rings again, interrupting him in the middle of the sentence.

‘I see you’re busy,’ River says with a tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. ‘I’ll- I’ll call Jack and tell him about what happened and then we’ll see what he has to say. Bye.’

‘No, River, wait-,’ but she’s already gone. ‘Fuck,’ he mutters to himself. ‘Fucking fuck.’

Why do things between him and River get more and more messy? How is it even possible? Does everyone have these problems? Why can’t things be simple, just this once?

Muttering a curse, he picks up his phone.

‘Yes, it’s still me. What? The ghost is now chasing the corgis? Shit. I’m on my way!’

 

___

When he’s back home a few hours later, he’s exhausted – and not only physically, but also mentally. Sure, the impostor ghost was a pain in the ass to get rid of, but it was nothing compared to the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about River and what almost happened today.

He drops his keys on the coffee table and sits on his couch with a sigh. He shouldn’t have let that happen. He should have slept in another room. He should have- Well, there are so many things he should have done. And yes, River might’ve wanted this – his blood runs hotter at the mere memory of her looking at him with desire in her eyes – but he should have known better. Maybe it was her – he hopes so – but who knows, maybe the succubus influenced her in some way. It was stupid and reckless and he can’t help but feel that he took advantage of River.

He should call her and apologise. And then he should call Jack and-

‘John? Are you here?’ Amy’s voice booms as she enters the room. ‘Oh, here you are. You didn’t lock the door.’

‘Well, it doesn’t mean that you can just barge in like that,’ he mutters. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I’m checking on you,’ Amy says and puts a few paper bags on the table. ‘I was worried about you. You really looked like shit yesterday, so I decided to see if you’re still alive.’

‘How thoughtful of you,’ he says and tries his best to sound snarky, but he’d lie if he said he wasn’t touched by this gesture. ‘So… Does that mean that Rory is having a Sunday shift?’

‘Well… No. He went to see how River is doing,’ Amy admits and her face is a picture of innocence. ‘But he was also worried about you. He said he may come over once he’s done with questioning- Checking on River.’

‘No need for that,’ he shakes his head. ‘I’m better. Really. You’re too good to me.’

‘I know that,’ Amy says with a smile. ‘Now… What was that thing yesterday?’

‘What’s in the bags?’ He asks, subtly changing the subject. Or at least he hopes he’s doing it subtly.

‘Chicken soup. Water. Some isotonic drink. Oatmeal cookies. But don’t worry, I bought all of these, no cooking involved. You don’t risk another food poisoning by eating any of that,’ Amy replies as she takes all the items out of the bags.

‘Ha! Are these chocolate cookies?!’ He asks but before he can reach for them, Amy snags the pack out of his reach.

‘Yes, these are chocolate cookies and they are for me,’ she says as she opens the package. ‘Now, back to the point,’ she says over the cookie in her mouth, ‘what was that thing yesterday?’

‘What thing?’ He asks and pretends to be completely absorbed by opening a bottle of water to avoid looking at Amy. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘You sure don’t,’ Amy sighs. ‘You and River left together.’

‘Because we both felt like shit! It’s not that hard to understand,’ he shrugs, hoping that Amy won’t dwell on this subject some more.

‘I get that you felt bad and you left. But you felt bad at the exact same moment and that’s pretty strange, don’t you think?’ Amy asks and starts munching on another cookie. ‘It’s almost like… I don’t know, you are the same thing at the same time and then you felt sick because of it.’

‘What are you suggesting?’ He says feeling more than a bit uncomfortable. Great. This is exactly what he needed – a plucky Scot who won’t even let him have a blood chocolate cookie. And she calls herself his friend!

‘I am suggesting nothing,’ Amy says with innocence written all over her face. ‘I am merely saying that if you and River got food poisoning at the same time because you ate something together, that would not be a problem for me. On the contrary – I’d be very happy for you.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. That’s just- River and I- Well, that would- I mean, it’s not a thing and uhm, well, I don’t even know why you came up with such an idea,’ he stutters out. ‘It’s not like that.’

‘Really?’ Amy asks and rolls her eyes. ‘Silly me. And here I thought that the way you look at each other must mean something. I must’ve been mistaken then.’

‘You must have, yes,’ he nods his head. ‘Besides, I don’t look at River in any special way.’

‘I wasn’t talking only about you, I was talking about the _both_ of you,’ Amy says and raises her hand to stop him from interrupting her. ‘No, let me finish. I know you pretty well – at least that’s what I want to think. We’ve been through thick and thin and over the years I’ve seen you around many girls and guys and you’ve never looked at them the way you look at River. I know it’s cheesy, but that’s how it is. As for River… I don’t know her as well as I know you, but see how she behaves around you and how she looks at you when you don’t look at her.’

‘I think you’ve been watching too many rom coms lately,’ he says with a forced smile. ‘River and I are just friends, nothing more.’

‘I find it hard to believe-‘

‘Believe what you want, but River made it pretty clear that she doesn’t like me that way and that she doesn’t want me and-‘ he hears his own bitter voice and quickly clasps a hand over his mouth before he can say more. _Shit, shit, shit_. How could he let that happen? Why did he even say all these things? They were supposed to be a secret! They’re personal and he’s supposed to get over this situation – his feelings for River and her rejection – on his own, without letting anyone else know about it.

‘John?’ Amy asks gently and he raises his head to see her looking at him with concern. ‘What did you just say?’

‘Nothing.’ he shakes his head. ‘Nothing. It was just- I think I’m sick again and I might have a fever and-‘

‘John,’ Amy says again with the same concern in her voice. ‘What happened?’

He opens his mouth to tell her that it’s nothing, that everything is fine, that she must’ve misheard him and misunderstood, but he doesn’t do that. Instead, he tells her everything. Well, not everything: he leaves out the part about the succubus and River’s resemblance to the demon and he doesn’t share all the sordid details, but he does tell Amy about his affair with River and how it ended. Even as he speaks, he’s not sure why he’s doing that. Maybe he’s just tired of keeping it a secret? Maybe he wants some help, some advice, something, anything that will help him to deal with all of this. Maybe he just wants someone to listen to him. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that he talks and talks, and talks and Amy doesn’t interrupt him, but listens to him attentively.

‘Wow, okay. I knew you aren’t too bright, but this just proves that you are dumb as fuck,’ Amy says once he finishes.

‘What?!’ He exclaims in shock. He just poured his heart out to her and she calls him dumb? What kind of friendship is that?!

‘You. Are. Dumb,’ Amy repeats, punctuating each word by stabbing his chest with her finger. ‘Are you just going to leave it like that?’

‘Leave what like what?’ He asks and moves away from her, far enough to be sure that she can’t poke him anymore. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘You and River! Are you just going to leave it like that? You’re going to let her go?’ Amy asks and he just shrugs in response.

‘And what am I supposed to do about that?’ He says. ‘It’s done. She doesn’t want me. End of story.’

‘That’s bullshit,’ Amy hisses out. ‘I don’t believe it, not for one second and neither should you. You’re equally mad about each other, I know that! Everyone can see that you are made for each other. You can’t just let her go like that.’

‘Really? What am I supposed to do then? Compliment her all the time? Leave flowers at her doorstep? Notes on her door? Or maybe I should give her my favourite books? Should I circle the parts that talk about romance and love and sex to show her how I feel about her?’ He says angrily. ‘Or I don’t know, maybe I should just tell her that running away is pointless because I’ll always find and romance her anyway? Make her want it?’

‘Oh, don’t be fucking ridiculous. That wouldn’t be romantic, that would just be creepy as fuck,’ Amy makes a face. ‘I don’t know anyone who would find that cute or endearing.’

‘Trust me, I don’t find it cute either, I find it borderline stalkerish,’ he says and leans back, feeling exhausted. ‘Listen… It’s done. I don’t think there’s anything I can do. River doesn’t feel that way about me and I have to respect it. I’m glad that we salvaged our friendship. It’s enough for me.’

‘Is it though?’ Amy asks and the expression on her face shows that she already knows the answer to that question.

‘It has to be enough,’ he replies. ‘It is what it is and I have to make do with it.’

Amy opens his mouth to say something else, but his phone rings abruptly, cutting her off. He looks at the caller ID and then looks up at Amy.

‘Sorry, I have to take this one,’ he says apologetically. ‘Be with you in a minute,’ he says as he stands up and goes to his bedroom.

‘River told me everything,’ Jack’s voice echoes in his ear when he answers the phone.

‘Oh, hi- What do you mean by everything?’ He asks nervously, praying that River didn’t really share _everything_ with Jack. She surely didn’t tell him that they nearly- You know. She wouldn’t have done that, right?

‘She told me about what happened to you in the pub yesterday,’ Jack explains. ‘What did you think I was going to say? Did anything else happen?’

‘No, no, not at all,’ he says quickly. ‘Just- I wasn’t sure what exactly you meant. Sorry, I am still kind of… Shaken by this whole thing.’

‘I can only imagine,’ Jack sighs. ‘River doesn’t seem much better if you ask me. Don’t tell her I said that though.’

‘I won’t,’ he says and can’t help but wonder what caused River’s distress. Was it caused by the influence the succubus has over the both of them or by what almost happened in his bedroom? He doesn’t let himself to dwell on that but focuses on what’s important. ‘Uhm, anyway… Do you have any idea what is going on? How is that even possible?’

‘I have no idea,’ Jack admits with guilt in his voice. ‘I am completely at loss. I’ve been reading various books and manuscripts ever since River called me, but I still feel like I know nothing. I’ve never heard about something like that – a succubus being able to influence not one, but two people at the same time. I don’t even know how it could work. Could it be triggered by emotions? Jealousy? Did it just happen at random, because the succubus was bored? I don’t know. But there is one thing I know for sure.’

‘And that is?’ He asks already fearing the answer.

‘She’s getting stronger,’ Jack says quietly. ‘I am afraid that we are slowly running out of time.’

‘She’s been powerful from the very beginning, that’s nothing new,’ he sighs. ‘What do you mean that we may be running out of time?’

‘You know what I mean,’ Jack says in a dull voice. ‘We’ve been over this over and over again: two objects can’t take up the same space.’

‘And so? What do you propose?’ He says sitting on his bed.

‘A confrontation.’

‘What? A confrontation? What do you mean- Oh no. No. You can’t be serious,’ he shakes his head even though he knows that Jack can’t see him. ‘You must be joking.’

‘I am completely serious, but if you have any other ideas, I’d be more than happy to hear them,’ Jack replies. ‘We need to do something! Sitting idly won’t change anything.’

‘I get that! You’re basically suggesting summoning the succubus and confronting her with River. And that sounds bloody dangerous if you ask me,’ he says. ‘You said it yourself: two objects can’t take up the same space. What if that happens once we summon the demon? What happens then?’

‘I have no idea,’ Jack answers truthfully. ‘But I also don’t know what may happen if we do nothing.’

‘Fine, okay,’ he says after a moment of silence. ‘Can we not tell River about this? For a day or two at least.’

‘John, that’s her decision to make, not ours. She has every right to know about that.’

‘I know, I know- It’s just… Maybe we’ll find some other solution. Let’s just… Give me a few more days,’ he pleads. ‘If I don’t come up with any other idea or find anything new… We’ll tell her then and it’ll be her decision to make.’

‘Okay. I’ll also look into this more. I doubt we’ll find anything useful, but you’ll never know,’ Jack says. ‘But if the succubus does something during these days, we have to-‘

‘We’ll tell you about it, don’t worry,’ he says. ‘And then we do whatever we can to stop the demon.’

Once they say their goodbyes, he returns to his living room, only to see Amy staring at him curiously.

‘That was one long phone call,’ she says casually, but he knows her well enough to see all the little cogwheels spinning in her head. ‘Anything important?’

‘Kind of, I guess,’ he says and plops on the couch. ‘And no, I won’t tell you what was it about. It was work related.’

‘Hey, I help you with your work in case you don’t remember!’ Amy protests, but he just shakes his head. ‘Whatever. It’s not that I care about that. We have more important subjects to discuss. As I was saying before we got interrupted by that phone call, River and you-‘

‘Amy, no offence, but I am tired,’ he says quietly. ‘And besides that… I don’t think that there’s anything to talk about when it comes to River and me. It’s done, I told you. Nothing can be done about it. I’ve come to accept it and I guess you have to do the same.’

‘Fine,’ Amy says after a few seconds of silence. ‘I’ll let it go only because you really do look like shit. But I still think you’re an idiot.’

‘You always think I am an idiot,’ he replies as Amy gathers her things. ‘It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.’

‘Well, that’s true, but this time you are an exceptional idiot,’ Amy sighs. ‘Sure, you’ll do whatever you want to, but if you don’t try once again… You’ll regret it. And I am certain that River will regret it too,’ she says and walks out of his flat, leaving him with even bigger mess in his head.

 

___

He really hates technology: his phone in particular, especially when it starts ringing in the middle of the night. He picks it up without looking at the caller ID, thinking that he’s going to smash that thing against the wall if that’s another sales representative calling him and trying to sell him a brand new, ghost resistant set of plates.

‘What?’ He mumbles into his phone, but really, can anyone blame him? It’s 2am, it’s too late – or too early – for good manners.

‘John, I’m sorry for calling you this late, but it happened again,’ River’s voice in his ear and he immediately sits upright in shock.

‘River? It’s good to- What are you talking about?’ He says, rubbing his face and trying to wake himself up or at least make himself a bit more coherent. The fact that he hasn’t heard from River since their last encounter isn’t helping – if anything, it makes him a bit light-headed and sends his heart into overdrive.

‘The succubus. I think- No, I’m pretty sure that she took control of me again,’ River says quietly and he feels panic numbing his whole body.

‘Are you sure?’ He asks even though he knows that there’s no chance River would be wrong about something like that.

‘Yes, I am pretty sure,’ River replies and he can hear slight annoyance in her voice. ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t be outside a club at 2am with no recollection how I got here. And I definitely wouldn’t be wearing my shortest dress.’

‘Fuck,’ he curses as he jumps out of his bed. ‘That’s- Okay, wait for me, I’ll be there in a moment-‘

‘No, you don’t need to come here, I’ll be fine on my own, I just wanted to let you know-‘

‘Are you kidding me? I’m not leaving you on your own right now,’ he says hopping around the room as he tries to put his trousers on. ‘Just give me your address and I’ll be there in a second.’

With a huff, River gives him her location and after grabbing a few things from his cabinet, he runs to his car. He’s pretty sure he breaks a few speed limits on his way to her, but it doesn’t really matter to him right then. All he can think of is that River is once again in danger and it is because of him. This can’t keep happening, they need to sort this out, once and for all.

He spots River the second he nears the club – it’d be pretty impossible not to notice her in that golden dress. And she certainly didn’t lie when she described it as her shortest dress. Not that he’s checking her out or anything like that.

‘Hi,’ River says quietly as she gets into his car. ‘Thanks for coming. I really didn’t call you to get a free ride home, you know. I could call a cab.’

‘You could have done that, sure. But I doubt that a taxi driver would know how to put protective spells on your house,’ he replies and starts the car. ‘So… How are you?’

‘Looking like a hooker, feeling like shit,’ River says with a bitter smile. He shoots her a glance and even in the dim yellow light of the streetlamps, he sees that she looks exhausted.

‘How did it happen?’ He asks gently. ‘The more you tell me, the better we can fight her. At least I hope so.’

‘Don’t want to disappoint you, but I don’t remember much. Just flashes, really,’ River sighs and runs fingers through her hair. ‘It was… I remember coming back from work, getting some Japanese take-out for dinner, I remember eating it and watching some show on television. I remember reading through my paper and sending it to the publisher, I remember getting ready to bed. After that it’s… There are just images, these sudden bursts of light under my eyelids. I saw myself picking up the dress, then putting on my make-up, getting in a taxi, groping some guy at the club… You know, the usual things.’

‘I see,’ he says and tries not to focus on the fact that River groped some lucky guy. He needs to behave like a responsible adult, not a jealous dickhead. ‘But how did it stop? How did she leave you?’

‘I am not sure,’ River shakes her head. ‘All this time, I knew there was something wrong. It felt like I was trapped inside my head, like something was suffocating me. I tried to push her away and at some point I think I succeeded. But I don’t know why she didn’t try to take control over me again. Maybe she just got bored.’

‘Maybe,’ he agrees. They don’t speak for the rest of the ride and when he stops in front of River’s apartment, River stretches in her seat and turns to him with a small thankful smile.

‘Thanks for coming to my rescue,’ she says. ‘And for getting my ass home. You really didn’t need to do that.’

‘I think I did, in a way it is my fault,’ he says. ‘Now, let’s get you to your flat.’

‘Uhm, thank you, I can get there on my own,’ River says when she sees him getting out of the car with her. ‘You should go home. It’s my fault that you’re here, you must be exhausted and really, I don’t need you to escort me to my front door.’

‘I know that you don’t need me to do that,’ he huffs and grabs a small bag from the backseat. ‘I told you, I want to cast a few spells over your apartment. They’ll act as a protective barrier between you and the succubus. At least I hope so.’

‘Oh. Okay, let’s go then,’ River sighs and starts walking. Once again, they don’t talk and while it may have something to do with the fact that he’s too busy staring at River’s ass to form a coherent sentence, there’s something else – some tension between them, filled with unspoken words and unresolved issues. Great.

‘Do you want something to drink? Water? Tea?’ River asks when they enter her flat and he just shakes his head.

‘No, I’m good. I’ll just do my magic and be gone,’ he jokes. ‘I’ll put some additional protective spells over your front door and the whole apartment and a more serious one over your bedroom. If you don’t mine, that is.’

‘If they keep that freaking succubitch away, I’m all for it,’ River sighs and drops her purse on a small cabinet. It lands with a surprisingly loud _thud_ and to his shock, a small gun falls out of it and lands on the ground.

‘Oops,’ River says and casually picks the gun from the ground and puts it in the cabinet’s drawer.

‘Wait, was that a gun?’ He says once he overcomes his speechlessness. ‘Please tell me it wasn’t a gun.’

‘I’m sorry honey, but it definitely was a gun,’ River says and to his horror, she doesn’t even look guilty or embarrassed.

‘I- What? You- First of all, how did you get into the club with a gun? Don’t they check bags before you enter?’

‘They do. And they did search my bag before they let me in. Let’s just say I had the gun on me, not in my bag,’ River says with something akin to a small smile.

‘Oh. I see,’ he stutters. ‘But why did you even have the gun with you? Did the succubus make you take it or-‘

‘No, it was me. I remember reaching for it and taking it with me. The succubus had nothing to do with it.’

‘But why? You can’t shoot her, I told you so many times! _She’s just in your head!_ ’ He exclaims. ‘That’s how she controls you. You can’t hurt her like that. Not physically, not with a bullet. It doesn’t work like that!’

‘Don’t you think I know that?’ River snarls. ‘I do! But guess what? That’s the only way I can protect myself. And even that wouldn’t work! I’m not you, I am not used to that, all this supernatural bullshit. I’ve never experienced anything like that, I’ve never experienced anything even close to that. I don’t know how to behave, I don’t know how to fight her, so yes, I’m doing to grab a gun, because it’s the only thing that makes me feel safe.’

‘I haven’t thought about it like that, I’m sorry,’ he apologises. ‘I shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. I didn’t realise-‘

‘It’s okay, I get it,’ River nods. ‘I probably shouldn’t have replied like that. This whole situation unnerved me and as much as I hate to admit it, the succubus got under my skin this time. So yeah. I’m sorry.’

‘You have nothing to apologise for,’ he says quietly. ‘Now… I’ll work on the spells and you can take a shower? Or go to bed, whatever you want.’

‘Ugh, shower first. I smell like a sweaty distillery after the unwanted trip to the club,’ River says. ‘If you need anything, well, you know where things are,’ she adds and disappears behind the bathroom door.

He stares at the closed bathroom door for a few seconds and then gets himself to work. He works in silence and concentration for the next 15 minutes or so: putting cleansing and protective spells on the front door and all the windows. These are pretty simple yet effective spells, they should keep uninvited and unwanted visitors away from River’s threshold. The spell on her bedroom is a bit more complicated – not only it’s supposed evil spirits away, but it’s also supposed to let in only those whom River accepts and invites in.

‘Right, it’s done,’ he says and gets up from his knees when River emerges from the bathroom. ‘It’s not fool proof, but it should work pretty well. Come on, test it.’

‘Test what? And how?’ River asks, looking suspiciously at him and the doorway.

‘The spell!’ He says gleefully. ‘Walk through the door. Come on, nothing will happen, I promise!’

‘I’m not sure if I can trust you when you look like this mad, overzealous scientist,’ River says and cautiously walks into her bedroom. ‘Okay, you were right, nothing happened- Wait, why did I feel a flash of warmth?’

‘That’s the sigh the spell is working,’ he says with a goofy smile. ‘Nothing and no one – human or supernatural – will be able to enter your bedroom unless you invite them in. ‘When you enter your bedroom and don’t feel the warmth, it’s a sign someone or something has been messing with it.’

‘Thank you. For everything,’ River says gently. ‘And I really mean everything: getting my ass home, making sure I’m okay, putting up all these spells. Thank you,’ she says and taking a step closer and then she presses a small kiss to his cheek.

‘Uhm, that’s, uhm, really nice,’ he stutters out when River backs away. ‘I mean, uhm, there’s no need to thank me that’s kind of my job, eh? That’s what I get paid for. Not that you have to pay me!’ He finishes awkwardly and immediately feels like the biggest idiot in the world. It’s just a simple kiss on the cheek, nothing more! And come on, they’d done much more than that, he shouldn’t feel so… Ridiculously light-headed and affected by something so simple. ‘You know, I’ll get going. You’re tired, I’m tired,’ he says as he starts backing away to the front door, ‘uhm, get some sleep and I’ll call you tomorrow, right? Bye!’

He somehow makes it home without any accident – he’s not sure how’s that possible, because his thoughts are full of River. He’s just pathetic, he thinks as he climbs the stairs. He really needs to get out more.

He feels it the second he enters his flat: the familiar pull, the warmth spreading over his body, the confusion clouding his thoughts. The succubus is sitting on his couch, looking mighty pleased with herself and all the previous feelings – lust, hunger, confusion – are quickly overshadowed by burning anger.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ she says as if nothing happened. ‘How are you this early morning?’

‘Get out,’ he snarls. ‘Get out and never come back.’

‘From this passionate display, I gather that you enjoyed my little trick,’ the succubus says with a wicked smile and it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from trying to strangle her. ‘It was something new, don’t you agree?’

‘Why did you do that? What was the point?’ He asks bitterly and stares at her. ‘Isn’t it enough that you ruin my life? You have to go after River too?’

‘Ruin your life? Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ the demon shakes her head. ‘From what I remember, you did enjoy my attention.’

‘That’s not the point,’ he shakes his head. ‘Leave her alone. She did nothing to you.’

‘She’s so much fun!’ The succubus claps her hands gleefully. ‘She’s so much stronger than I thought! Taking control over her is the first challenge I’ve had in a long time. Apart from you, of course. She almost managed to block me and completely push me out a few times, you know? Impressive, I’ll give her that.’

‘You had your fun, let her go,’ he says through clenched teeth.

‘But I have to admit: filtering through all these emotions gets kind of annoying,’ the succubus continues as if she didn’t hear him. ‘All these thoughts! _‘I love him so much, never felt like this before; oh, does he love me back? probably not! I don’t deserve him, he’ll be better off without me; he’d leave me anyway, it was just sex’_ … Ugh. These things got tiring after a while. You humans are so emotional and so messy,’ the succubus rolls her eyes.

He’s standing in front of her speechless with his heart nearly falling out of his chest. Did she just say that River… Loves him? That she thought about him and about his feelings for her? That she broke up with him because she thought he didn’t feel anything for her? How could she even read that conclusion? Didn’t he show her a dozen of times that he cares about and cherishes her? Okay, add that as another subject River and he need to talk about.

‘What do you want?’ He asks shaking away the thoughts of River and focusing on the demon. ‘You’re here for a reason.’

‘I want to have more fun,’ the succubus says and this time her smile turns cold and ugly. ‘I even know how to do it. Your girl… Yes, she’s strong and yes, she nearly pushed me away a few times. But sooner or later I’ll break her. And then… You know, I can make her sleep with every men in this city. Hell, I can make her fuck everyone in this city! She’ll scream for them, she’ll beg for them, she’ll let everyone take her in every possible way… Everyone but you,’ the demon’s smile deepens and he feels a dull pang of anger in his stomach. ‘How would that feel? To know that everyone can fuck her, but she would never even look at you again? I wonder if I could make her forget you… Wouldn’t that be just delicious? This big love story and one of you forgets the other. Yes, I’d love that! Can you imagine that?’

The dull ache in his stomach grows and grows and soon it’s consuming all of him. The succubus keeps talking and he knows that it’s only a matter of seconds before he does something very stupid.

There’s a spell – a dark, unpleasant spell – that helps you to get a demon out of your hair. It was banned after The Agreement was signed since everyone involved decided that it was too brutal to use. A few lesser demons had been killed when faced with the strength of this spell, but the succubus is strong enough to survive it. Probably. He knows he shouldn’t do it – that he can’t do it – but his fingers starts tracing the shape in the air almost against his will; the air gets thinner and tastes like copper, his whole hand starts burning.

‘Oh no. Don’t you do that,’ the succubus stops her monologue and backs away from him. ‘You can’t do that. That’s forbidden.’

‘Yeah? Oh, look… I don’t care,’ he says under his breath and before she has any chance to escape, he finishes the spell. The effect is immediate: the whole room shakes, he feels like he’s been set on fire and the succubus wails as flames engulf her, but she disappears before they can do her any real damage.

He collapses on the floor, exhausted from power of magic. Between each hard breath, he realises two things: a) he’s going to pay for doing that and b) Jack was right – they really do need a confrontation and they need it as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  almost 5 months without an update.  
> yeah.  
> do I have anything to justify that? well, August was crazy because I had to organise my friend's hen night and then prepare myself to maid-of-honour duties. so I was stressed and busy and busy and stressed. after that I just... it kind of didn't work, you know? the past few months have been kind of tiring, mostly mentally, mostly because of my job. and even when I sat my ass in front of the screen and wanted to write, I could only stare at the blank page and be like 'uhm, well, it's not working, I'll just go and read a book (written by someone talented who can write!) or watch cat videos on youtube'.  
> or maybe I am just lying to you and I was just a lazy asshole. who knows.
> 
> anyway - here's an update. almost 12k worth of words, because I have no chill. if there's anyone still reading this fic - I hope you are not too disappointed. 2 more chapters and it should be wrapped up!  
>  ~~but if you expect a quick update, I am going to disappoint you lol - I doubt there'll be one soon. why? because I am an idiot who decided to participate in NaNoWriMo and write another AU fic.~~  
> ... I'm not even kidding. shoot me.
> 
> all the typos/mistakes are mine. sorry for them. hope you don't hate this chapter.
> 
> chapter's title - of course - from The National's 'sorrow'.


	30. slow, don't kill me slow

'Are you sure it's not too early to start drinking?' He asks as he watches Jack take out a small silver flask from his jacket's pocket and pour brown liquid into his coffee. 'Don't you have lectures today?'

'I do, in two hours,' Jack says with a small shrug. 'Besides, I am not drinking. I am merely making my coffee more powerful.'

'With what? Radioactive fuel?'

'Don't be ridiculous, it's just whiskey. I leave radioactive fuel for when I'm hungover,' Jack winks. 'You want some?'

'No, thank you,' he makes a face and puts his mug closer to him. 'River, come on! Don't tell me you also _strengthen_ your coffee!'

'What?' She asks innocently as Jack pours a bit of whiskey into her cup. 'After recent developments I feel like I deserve some booze in my morning coffee.'

'Right, recent developments…,' Jack looks at him as if he wants to say something, but hesitates and then shakes his head. 'I heard that things got ugly. Is it why we're here?'

'Yeah,' he nods his head and takes a sip of his tea. 'I've been thinking about it and I realized that you were right: we do need a confrontation. And I am afraid that we need it as soon as possible.'

'You think?' Jack snorts and before he can reply with something brilliantly snarky, River clears her throat and cuts in.

'Sorry to interrupt your manly conversation, but what the hell is a confrontation? Is it something like an intervention?' She asks looking confused. 'Are we talking about that shit that happens in American tv shows? Because if yes, then excuse me, but I am not having any of that crap.'

'It's not like that at all,' he explains while Jack giggles in the background. 'What we call an intervention is summoning a demon to reason with them if possible and if not, it's a chance to send them back.'

'You know what? I changed my mind. I'll take the normal intervention over that,' River says and looks at him like he went absolutely bonkers. 'It's madness! You want to willingly summon the freaking succubus and try to reason with her? Haven't you tried it a dozen of times already? If it hadn't worked then, it won't work now!'

'I know,' he nods, 'but we should do it one more time. And if that doesn't work…'

'You want to send her off?' River asks as the meaning of his words sinks in. 'How is that even going to work? You said yourself that she is powerful.'

'No one said it'll be easy, but John and I feel like at this point it's the only route possible,' Jack says softly.

'Oh, _you and John_ think so, do you?' River looks from Jack to him with anger burning in her eyes. 'And you didn't include me in that discussion because?'

'It was me who asked Jack not to tell you about that,' he admits with a heavy sigh. 'And it's not that I didn't want you to know. I asked Jack for a few more days, that's all. I just hoped we could solve this case without the summoning, but recent events proved that I was wrong about that,' he sighs. 'I'm sorry, I should have told you the very moment we thought about that.'

'Yeah, you should have. I like to be informed about things concerning me and in case you've forgotten, the freaking succubus is rather closely linked to me,' River says sternly, but at least she's not looking at him like she wants to murder him. He'll settle for that for now. He has no other choice. 'Right, let's just forget about that. We have more pressing matters to focus on. How exactly do you plan on summoning the demon? And isn't it just some old ritual from Before?'

'Well, yes and no,' he explains. 'It's not as commonly used as it had been, but people still do it. Sometimes when you get lost in a forest, summoning some fearies is the surest way to find the way out.'

'Isn't it easier to use GPS?' River asks drily.

'Some people like it old school,' he shrugs. 'Besides, it more fun that way.'

'Sure, I already can't wait for all the fun we're going to have summoning the succubus,' River rolls her eyes.

'Kids, no need to be snarky,' Jack interrupts them before their bickering turns into something more serious. 'Now, let's discuss the details, so all the whens, wheres and hows.'

'Let's do it as soon as possible,' River says and he just shakes his head. 'What? Don't tell me we have to wait a year or something, because the stars say so.'

'No, don't be silly. We don't have to wait a whole year!' He exclaims and sees that River breathes out with relief. 'But we do have to take the stars under consideration. Okay, maybe not stars, but the moon for sure.'

'You have to be kidding me,' River says slowly.

'He's not, I can assure you,' Jack chimes in. 'Moon phases are important when summoning a supernatural creature, especially one like a succubus.'

'There are quite a few factors we have to consider. For example: while during full moon summoning a demon is the easiest, it's also the most dangerous, because supernatural creatures are at their most powerful during this phase of the moon. During new moon the demon would be at its weakest, but we'd have problems with summoning them.'

'Anything else I should know?' River asks.

'During a summoning, you usually use some kind of bait,' he explains. 'Something the particular demon you want to summon likes. With forest fearies you can use sweets or something shiny. With more powerful demons, baits get more… Expensive? I don't even know if that's the right word.'

'Expensive or with more meaning to the person who summons them,' Jack adds. 'Or something that will amuse the demon. You never know with them.'

'Yeah, I once summoned the succubus using a dildo,' he muses and then, when he realizes what he just said, he looks at River and Jack who stare at him with amusement. 'Wait, that's not what you think. I bought that dildo- Bought it for the summoning. And besides, the succubus said that she came not because of the dildo, but because she wanted to come-'

'Honey, don't say anything more,' River shakes her head but he can see a shadow of a smile in the corner of her lips.

'Actually, I think I want to hear more,' Jack says and winks at her. 'You say that she came without the dildo? How did it happen? With the sheer power of your thoughts?'

'Hey stop it! You're both terrible,' he says and feels himself blushing as River and Jack laugh at his misery. 'What I was trying to say before you got all dirty-minded is that the succubus may not need a bait for the summoning. If she wants to appear, she will.'

'And if she doesn't want to? What's going to be a bait? Or should I say who?' River asks and once again he realises that she's way too bright for her own good.

'I thought about it,' he admits quietly. 'And at first I thought that it should me, but-'

'But someone has to do the summoning,' River finishes for him. 'Which leaves me. Great. That's exactly what I've always dreamed of doing.'

'Listen, you don't have to do it if you don't want to,' he quickly says. 'A bait isn't necessary and knowing the succubus she'll appear either way.'

'Still, better to be sure, right?' River says in a light tone, but he doesn't let it fool him: he knows that she must be terrified by the mere prospect of being a bait for the succubus - especially considering everything that has been happening recently. 'How is it going to work then? You're going to just throw me in a room and hope she'll appear?'

'No, it's nothing like that,' he shakes his head. 'It's a ritual, it's more than just throwing you in a room alone with the demon. First of all, you won't be just thrown in alone - I will be there-'

'And so will I,' Jack adds forcefully. 'I am not letting you two do that without adult supervision.'

'Adult supervision and you… Now I'm even more scared,' River jokes and Jack sticks his tongue out.

'Back to the point: there will be heavy protection around you and the place where the summoning will take place. The succubus will be summoned in a circle she won't be able to get out of,' he explains. 'I'll put multiple spells to strengthen the protective circle.'

'And then what? Do we shoot her or-'

'No, you can't shoot her,' he sighs tiredly at River's suggestion. 'Shooting everything won't just solve all the problems.'

'You don't know that,' River mumbles as she takes a sip of her coffee.

'We do know that! I've told you that a number of times,' he says but River just shrugs.

'John is right here,' Jack adds, 'shooting the succubus just won't work. First of all, she heals too quickly. No bullet would cause her real harm. Plus… From what I understand, you have a connection with her and that connection is more mental than physical. I don't… I have never heard about something like that, but there we go. I am not sure how this will work and how it's even possible, because succubi are always about physicality, but well, there it is. You can't defeat a mental connection with a bullet. Shooting the succubus won't do anything except pissing her off.'

'Fine, I won't shoot her, I promise,' River raises her hands in defeat. 'But… Isn't she basically like a parasite? You know what is the most effective way of getting rid of the parasite, right? Taking the host out of the equation. I am just saying that-'

'I don't even want to know what you're saying and what you mean by that,' he says firmly. 'It's not… It's not a case where you can gamble like that. It's not the case where we know how to act and what is the best way to get rid of the demon. And we will definitely not put you in any kind of danger to get rid of her, do you understand?' He adds forcefully and sees that Jack nods his head in agreement.

'Okay, fine,' River says after a bit. 'When do we do it then? And where?'

'Waning moon would be the best,' he muses out loud and quickly checks the moon calendar on his phone. 'Uhm, if we want to do it as soon as possible… We have a week to prepare.'

'Is it enough?' Jack asks and he just nods his head.

'It has to be enough,' he says. 'It's enough time to modify some spells to have them succubus-specific. I may need your help - while I've done some research over the past few months, I am nowhere near your expertise.'

'Whatever you need,' Jack nods.

'I have most of the token we will need for the circle in my shop and if we need something more, I am sure I can get it without any problems. So we are covered when it comes to that.'

'Anything I can do? A voodoo doll of the succubus perhaps?' River asks putting down her now empty cup of coffee.

'Maybe not a voodoo doll, but you need to be prepared. Mentally, I mean,' he clears his throat. 'The succubus will try to influence you during the ritual, this much we can be sure of. You need to be able to shut her out and push her out of your mind. Try to… Build defences against her. Find a way that completely blocks her out.'

'That sounds like some kind of New Age crap,' River moans. 'I don't know how to do that!'

'You do,' he says firmly. 'You've managed to block her for so long - she herself told me that you are not easy to break and take control of,' he says with pride in his voice. 'It's your advantage, so make sure to use it against her.'

For a few moments River just stares at him and then she just nods her head.

'Fine,' she says, 'let's get this succubitch what she deserves.'

'There's one more issue remaining - where are we going to do it?' Jack asks. 'Yours or River's apartment's?'

'Neither. No, no way,' he says forcefully. 'While these places have strong connections to the succubus and it'd be easy to summon her there, it could be a disastrous idea. Rituals like that… They leave a trace,' he explains. 'They etch themselves in the furniture, they settle deep inside the walls… Even if the ritual goes right and we get rid of the succubus, there's still a chance that her memory, her essence will linger in the apartments and that one day she'll come back. And we don't want that.'

'We definitely don't,' Jack mutters. 'So we need an impersonal space that's not connected to any of you?'

'Basically yes.'

'There's an empty storage room at the opposite side of the campus,' Jack says. 'You know, in the Physics building?' He asks and River nods her head. 'It's in the basement, so there's not students there. And I guess none of you have ever been there.'

'Your guess is correct. But it got me wondering how you found out about that place,' River replies with a teasing smirk.

'It's a story for another time,' Jack says playfully. 'I'll tell it to you if you're good.'

'I'm not sure if I want to hear that,' River shakes her head with an easy smile. 'Now, are we done? Because I have a lecture in 15 minutes.'

'I think we're done,' he says. 'As much as we can be done. Uhm, if there's anything new, I'll let you know. I guess we'll be contacting each other during this week regardless, so-'

'I get it, we'll be in touch,' River nods her head. 'Come on, let's go and leave Jack to finish his whiskey… I mean his coffee in peace.'

'I feel sorry for his students,' he jokes as he gets up, 'not only they have to look at his ugly mug, but also he will be smelling like a jock today.'

'First of all, how dare you,' Jack scoffs as River and he laugh, 'my face is perfect and you both know it. Second: my students often come to my lectures in far worse state. That being said, by the time of my lecture, I'll be in a minty fresh condition.'

'Of course! I am sure you'll prove us wrong,' River says with a wink. 'We'll leave you to that.'

'Actually, John, if you don't mind… Could you stay for a second? I have some books about succubi magic and how certain spells affect them,' Jack says. 'You can look through them and decide which one could be helpful.'

'Sure!' He nods enthusiastically. 'Show me what you got.'

'Okay, I'll leave you to that then, boys' River says as she walks out. 'Just don't make Jack late for his lectures!'

'River!' He exclaims, but River is already gone and no doubt laughing at her own joke. 'Sorry for that, she's just terrible sometimes,' he sighs turning to Jack. 'So, what do you have?'

'Trust me, I know River can be terrible, I am her friend after all,' Jack responds. 'And I do have the books, but first I want to talk about something else.'

'Which is?' He asks as he leans back in his chair.

'About the big bloody spell someone cast a few nights ago,' Jack says gloomily. 'What the hell did you even get yourself into?'

'How do you know what?' He mumbles surprised. It's not that he didn't expect this thing to get out, but he didn't expect it to make its round to someone like Jack so quickly. Humans aren't the most sensitive creatures when it comes to recognising and feeling spells - even powerful ones.

'Something destroyed all my figurines of succubi,' Jack shrugged and gestures around his office. Now that it was pointed out, he notices that the once cluttered with various figurines shelves and tables are empty. Shit. He did not expect that to happen. 'When I got here in the morning, after thinking ' _fuck_ ' and cleaning all the mess, I started wondering what could've caused that. And I know only two people who have a giant beef with a succubus and only one of them can cast spells. So spill. What did you do that? Because there's only one spell that could cause so much damage and if I remember correctly, it's strictly forbidden. I don't think they'd let something like that slide.'

'And they didn't,' he admits quietly. 'They didn't let it slide.'

'You mean-' Jack starts, but his voice catches in his throat.

'Yeah. I was investigated by the Harmful Magic department,' he says and stands up, suddenly feeling too restless to remain seated. He walks over to the window behind Jack's desk and glances at the students hurrying through the campus.

The Harmful Magic department is exactly what it says on the tint: it works to stop, prevent and investigate any examples and incidents of magic going awry. They are known for the fact that they do not take lightly to breaking of the law and they'll do anything and everything possible to catch and punish the offender.

'Shit,' Jack mutters and he only sighs in response. 'How did it- I mean, when? And how? And- You know what? Just let me…,' Jack once again pulls out a flask from his jacket and takes a gulp from it. 'Okay,' he says once he swallows the whiskey and wipes his mouth, 'how did it happen? And when? And what did they tell you? Obviously, they didn't lock you up, but they couldn't just let you go.'

'Give me that,' he snags the flask from Jack's hand and drinks. The alcohol burns his throat and makes his eyes water, but somehow these feelings are welcome. 'That's disgusting,' he coughs a few times and takes a deep breath. Is he really going to tell Jack about that? Casting that spell wasn't the best moment of his life and he certainly isn't proud of that. He's not sure he wants his friends to know that side of him. But then again, he wants to tell someone about that - even if that means he's going to be judged for his behaviour. 'I- well, they knocked on my door maybe 30 minutes after- After I casted the spell. I knew that it was a possibility that they'll appear, so I was ready and went with them without making any fuss. We arrived at their headquarters and they led me to an investigation room. Then their boss came. He's a dwarf, I've met him maybe once or twice, but we aren't close friends, nothing like that,' he runs fingers through his hair and can't help but notice that his hands shake a little. 'It wasn't really an investigation, it was more of a talk. He knows me and what I do for a living, and was more than surprised to have me in the investigation room. I explained everything to him - most of it, at least - and I said what pushed me to casting this spell.'

'Did he believe you?' Jack asks quietly.

'I left him no place for doubt. I let him read me,' he replies and sees Jack's eyes widening. 'What else could I do?'

'You must've been desperate,' Jack says. 'And he must've been surprised. I doubt that people usually request that.'

'You're right, they don't,' he says and leans against the wall. 'Can't blame them, it's not a pleasant experience.'

Reading is… You know when in difficult cases - when one doesn't know who's guilty and what happened, when wonder what really happened - when you wish that someone could just read minds of the witnesses and the guilty and tell you what really happened? That's what reading is. There are a few individuals called The Readers - humans and supernaturals - who can read minds. Nothing can be hidden for them. The Readers aren't asked for their services often - only when the crimes committed is really severe or the evidence is so sparse that the police is in doubt. Or if in a rare case like his, an investigated person asks to be read.

'So how was it?' Jack asks with curiosity that annoys him, but also he can't blame him for that.

'As terrible as you can imagine,' he says. 'It was- You know, I don't really want to talk about that.'

Images flash behind his eyes: a face of a young elf boy and his apologetic smile, a warm hand grabbing his, the sudden piercing pain in his whole body, the feeling like his head about to be torn apart, feeling raw and exposed, having all his secrets and thoughts visible… That's not something he wants to experience ever again.

'So what's your uhm- uhm, you know,' Jack stutters for a bit and looks at him slightly embarrassed.

'You want to know what my punishment is,' he says. 'I can't work for a month. Which is a bit unfortunate, but Clara can take care of the shop and Amy can take over my home calls. Other than that I have to donate to the fund of abused succubi and work for a year for a charity of my choosing.'

'That's not bad,' Jack says carefully and he nods his head.

'It's far too light for what I've done,' he admits quietly. 'But I guess… I don't know. Maybe they know what I try to do for the community. Or maybe during the reading… Maybe they saw my intentions. My desperations. That I didn't want to _just_ maim, it wasn't purely out of spite, that it was more than that. Still… I feel that I got off too easily.'

'Maybe you did. Maybe you were lucky, maybe they looked over what you did because of who you are,' Jack sighs. 'But is there now a point to dwell on that? We both know you won't do it again. And I know you well enough to be certain that you didn't cast this spell because you were in a bad mood. The succubus must've really gotten to you.'

'She was- She talked about-' he starts but Jack raises his hands and stops him with a shake of his head.

'Listen, you don't have to tell me that. I think you've done enough of sharing today,' Jack stands up and walks towards him. 'I only have one more question. Does River know about that?'

'Gods, no,' he shakes his head and gives Jack a terrified look. 'I didn't tell her any of that. She's been through enough already and I don't want to add to her list yet another thing she needs to worry about.'

'Don't you think she may want to know about something like that? Don't you think she deserves to know something like that?' Jack asks with something akin to disappointment in his voice.

'Maybe. Probably. She most definitely deserves to know, but- I don't know,' he sighs. 'I'll tell her once it's over. I'll tell her once we get out of this mess.'

' _If_ we get out of this mess,' Jack corrects him darkly and he can't help but swallow through the lump in his throat.

'Yeah. If we get out of this.'

 

___

When on the next day, around 8pm River walks into his apartment with two bottles of wine, he just hands her two glasses and speed dials their favourite pizza place, because even though River always remembers to bring the alcohol, she very rarely remembers about food.

They start drinking before the pizza arrives and are done with over half of the first bottle when the delivery girl knocks on his door. As soon as they start eating, they finish their wine - or rather, to be fair, River finishes it. It's not that she is a heavy drinker - she certainly knows how to hold her liquor, but she also knows when to tell herself ' _stop_ ' - but tonight it kind of seems like she has her mind set on getting herself tipsy, if not drunk. He knows that he probably should slow her down a bit, but then again, there are just days like that, you know? And honestly, he prefers to have River drinking here, with him present and being able to help her, rather than out and about in the city. If that makes him a controlling freak, so be it.

'Okay,' he starts when River is half-way through the second bottle. They're sitting on his couch, the empty pizza boxes are scattered on the floor and the candles he lit are bathing the room in a warm orange light. 'As much as I'm enjoying your visit, I have to ask this: why are you here?'

'Can't I just visit you?' River asks lightly and finishes her glass of wine in one huge gulp, her hand automatically reaching for the bottle.

'No,' he quickly grabs the bottle before River can grasp it. 'I mean, sure, you can visit me anytime you want and you'll always be welcome here - and you know that. But it's not your usual visit, is it? There's something you want to ask me.'

Usually, he's really good at reading people - and not just people, everyone. He can tell what everyone wants, what they need, what ails them. River, however, has always been a bit tricky. There was always something that blurred his vision when it came to her. He's not sure if River is just that good at hiding her emotions or of his own feelings have always been making it nearly impossible for him to read her. Over the weeks and months he's got to know her a bit more and now he knows how to interpret her behaviour, but there's still something unknown about her, something he thinks he may never understand. They may know each other quite well, they may be close friends, they might've been lovers, but there are still some parts of River that are still a mystery to him. He'd lie if he said he didn't enjoy that - the constant challenge and the feeling on being kept on his toes, but that's beside the point now. Tonight, he knows that something is wrong. River kept talking and laughing throughout the whole evening, but there was something in her eyes - something dark, something that seemed to dim over her brilliance and light. He could let her talk and laugh, but… What would be the point of that? That's not what friends are for.

River hesitates for a second and in that moment he thinks that maybe he should have just let her talk and laugh. Maybe that was what she needed and he just ruined it all.

'You just had to, didn't you?' River finally asks and sets her glass on the coffee table.

'I just had to what?'

'You just had to be you,' she says and runs fingers through her curls. Suddenly, she looks tired and completely lost. He wishes he could comfort her, but he doesn't know how. As he tries to come up with something witty to say, River clears her throat and starts talking. 'There are some things I've been thinking about. About your plan regarding the succubus. About what we're going to do.'

'You don't want to do that?' He asks worried. 'I mean- if you don't feel like going through with that, we can come up with something else. I'm sure there are other solutions, there must be-'

'No, it's not that,' River says with a sigh. 'I want to get rid of her. I want to-,' she rubs her forehead tiredly. 'I want to be free of her and I want you to be free from this whole mess as well. It's just…'

He sits silently and waits for River to continue. He doesn't want to speak up and shatter the moment. It's not often that River comes and shares her fears and worries with him. Usually, no matter what happens, she appears to be fearless and ready to take over the world and stomp over everything that stands in her way. But something is different tonight: something is clearly bothering her and for the first time she decided to share her worries with him.

'We are connected, the succubus and I,' River says quietly. 'That's what you said, right?' She looks up at him and he nods his head. 'And it's not just a physical connection, it's a mental one. As you keep reminding me, it's all in my head,' she laughs quietly and taps her temple with her finger. 'It seems that she feels quite at home here.'

'For now. We'll make sure that it's no longer the case. She will be gone, I promise you that,' he says reassuringly and River nods her head.

'I know that you'll do whatever it takes to get rid of her,' River says. 'But what if- What if wiping her out means wiping me out? What if getting rid of her would take a piece of me away?'

'That won't happen,' he answers.

'How do you know that?' River asks bitterly. 'It's not like you've done it before.'

'You're right, I haven't. But I am sure that-,' he stops when he sees the expression on River's face. It's full of distrust and disappointment, as if she can't believe that he's about to lie to her about something so important. And she's right: he is - was - about to lie to her. Because truth to be told, he has no idea what is going to happen. He's been thinking about it, running every possible scenario in his head and he still can't tell what's going to happen during the ritual and he hasn't found the answer. 'I'm sorry. I just- I'm scared to think about that. Anything can happen and I can't ensure you that everything will be alright and that you won't be affected by any of this. You and the succubus are so tightly connected… I will do anything I can to keep you safe but-'

'But two objects can't occupy the same space and there's no way of knowing which one of us will survive this,' River finishes for him and reluctantly nods his head, quickly blinking away his tears before River notices them. 'I think I should finish this wine then. Who knows if I get another chance to do it?'

Later, when River is fast asleep on his couch and he covers her with a warm, fluffy blanket, he can't help but fear for the future.

What if he got it all wrong? What if confronting the succubus is the worst thing they can possibly do? What if they are just pawns in her twisted game? What if she wins? What if something happens to River?

What if he loses her?

 

___

Ever since his meeting with Jack and River and deciding that they need to confront the succubus and get rid of her, he's been working non-stop: researching spells, learning more about protective circles and summoning demons, finding and buying various artefacts that are supposed to strengthen the spells or weaken the succubus' power. Days have been going by quickly, too quickly, and today is the day. The D-Day. The day when they get rid of the succubus.

Hopefully.

The storage room that Jack found and suggested is quite perfect for their operation. It's in a short corridor that is far away from the middle of the building, so not many people hang around there and to make sure that no one will be there during the summoning, he decided to schedule it on a Saturday. No sane student hangs around the campus on a Saturday, right? At least that's what he hopes for.

'I see that someone has been busy,' he suddenly hears and turns around to see Jack and River entering the room. They both look around the room - Jack with admiration, River with a distinct air of reservation - as they walk inside.

'Yeah, I've been here for a while,' he gets up from his knees and dusts off the chalk smudges from his trousers. 'So… What do you think?'

'It kind of looks like we're about to sacrifice a goat for a demon from hell,' River says slowly, eyeing the various spells he scribbles on the walls and on the floor. 'Wait, is it a scented candle? Why do we need that?'

'We don't,' he hurries to a small table and blows out the candle's flame. 'I just brought it with me in case this place didn't smell too pleasant. Came in handy to be honest.'

'And now the whole place smells like marshmallows,' Jack snorts and he just shrugs.

'Trust me, it's better than the moldy smell that permeated this room,' he says. 'And besides,' he says turning towards River, 'the actual demons from hell don't really like goat sacrifices. They're far more responsive when you offer them a bottle of scotch or a good meringue.'

'Good to know that,' River says with a small roll of her eyes.

'How are you holding up?' He asks quietly as he takes a closer look at her. There are some circles under her eyes, her skin looks pale and dull - visible signs that she spent the night tossing and turning in her bed. Her whole body looks tense, like there's something weighting on her shoulders and slowing her down, but there's also a stubborn streak in her eyes that tells him that she won't let the succubus beat her.

'I am okay,' River replies. 'And I will be better once we get this over with.'

He wants to reach for her, hug her and tell her that soon it will be over. He wants to offer her some kind of comfort, but he is not sure if he knows how - and if she wants him to do it. Instead he takes a small step back and offers her a wobbly chair - the only one in the room - and tells her that they're going to start soon.

'Why are there 3 circles?' Jack asks. 'One I get. Second one… Never saw it used, but I can guess why you created it. But the third one?'

'Right, okay, I thought it all through and decided that we need more than one circle,' he replies, turning so that he can see both River and Jack as he explains. 'Three as a number has many meaning. It is believed to be a lucky number, the number of good fortune and also the number of harmony, wisdom and understanding. In mythologies heroes often have to overcome three obstacles or complete three trials and some rituals have to be performed three times in order to work. So there's a power in this number and it's one of the reasons I used it. But the main reason why I drew 3 circles is to do with safety,' he sighs. 'We don't know what may happen, so it's better to be safe than sorry. The smallest inner circle is designed for the succubus,' he points to the circle in the middle of the room. 'She will be summoned there and won't be able to leave it - until we release her from it. The middle circle - it's the one where River will stay,' he glances at River, but she doesn't show any reaction, just stares motionlessly at the part of the floor where she soon will be standing. 'Since you have a strong connection with the succubus, this whole ritual has more chances of being successful if you're near the demon. It's a safe zone, nothing will harm you there - the succubus won't be able to enter it or harm you in any way. You can move freely across all of the 3 circles, but I'd not recommend going into the inner circle, towards the succubus - for obvious reasons. And finally, the last circle,' he points to the biggest circle that takes up almost all of the room, 'this one is additional protection. The succubus is powerful and I think it'll be better to ensure that if anything goes hairy, nothing will get out of his room.'

'So basically, this last circle is a buffer for when the situation goes shitty,' Jack says and he nods his head.

'Yeah, it is. But its function is also to protect us during the whole thing,' he adds. 'Each circle was made with something else: the succubus one is made with holy water and salt, I also inscribed some spells that strengthen the circle and repel her from the rest of the room. The circle you will be in,' he says to River, 'is made from mirrors - they will reflect anything and everything the succubus may throw at you. The mirrors are turned to the inside, so anything she may try to use against you, will work against her. And the last circle is good old chalk circle. I combined it with a few herbs and put a few stones around it- Oh, I nearly forgot,' he says as he rummages through the pockets of his jacket. 'Where did I put- Ha, here they are!'

'Right, now it looks like you're taking the piss out of us,' River says as she looks at the necklaces dangling from his hands. 'Did you find them in some thrift store?'

'What? No!' He exclaims and ignores Jack's smirk. 'These are real gems, not some fake ones you find in shops.'

'Still, they look like hippie jewellery,' Jack cuts in and this time it's River who smirks. 'Will you give us flower crowns next?'

'You two are terrible,' he sighs, but secretly he's glad that they're able to make jokes in a situation like that. This attitude will help them - and it will certainly help him. 'I'll just be the bigger person here and ignore your comments. Now, gems. Yellow sapphire,' he says as he hands River a small rough gem on a silver chain, 'is supposed to protect you from harm and make you immune to charms, spells and being possessed. A hematite,' he puts a chain with a metallic black stone around his neck, 'helps to focus and channel one's energy. And the last one,' he throws Jack a chain with a small blue rock, 'aquamarine.'

'But I am not going inside the circles with you,' Jack says. 'I am here to observe and record everything, and give you advice if something goes wrong.'

'I know and I wouldn't force you to actively take part in the summoning,' he replies. 'But if anything goes wrong… You may have to act as our guide. The succubus shouldn't be able to influence our minds, but if she does, if either of us gets affected… The aquamarine acts as a beacon. It attracts the lost: memories, ghosts, souls. So if anything happens… You will be able to bring us back.'

'That's a lot of responsibility I did not ask for,' Jack says and then looks at him with doubt in his eyes. 'What if something happens? I am not sure I will be able to-'

'You'll do fine,' he just says and Jack nods his head - this time looking slightly more sure of himself.

'Okay, I think we can start,' he says looking around the room making sure everything is in place. 'We are as ready as we'll ever be.'

'That's very encouraging,' Jack mutter and quickly sets up his camera and gets out a notepad and a pen. 'I hope it'll be quick. I have a date night planned.'

'You always have a date night planned,' River comments and gets up from her seat, walking slowly towards the middle of the room.

'You're ready?' He asks quietly as she passes him.

'Yeah,' she nods her head and then she turns to look at him. 'Actually, there's just no more thing- That's for luck.'

'Yes?' He asks concerned, but his concern is replaced by surprise when River grabs his shirt and standing on her tiptoes presses a kiss to his lips. River's lips move over his, her teeth nip gently over his lower lip and suddenly his whole body feels like it was set on fire. His hands move down River's body and he grabs at the loose and flowy shirt she's wearing, pulling her closer to him. He opens his mouth and delicately traces River's lips with his tongue. River's hands grab his shirt tighter and she sighs into the kiss and-

'Hey, guys, anyone wants to kiss me for luck?' Jack asks, rudely interrupting and making River jumping away from him. 'I mean, we should get all the luck we can, eh?'

'Piss off, Jack,' River says and he notes that she seems to be slightly breathless. Not that he is any better: it was a brief kiss, but it was enough to leave him utterly speechless and slightly weak at the knees. Great. Now he has to do his best to focus and not to think how wonderful it felt to have River in his arms again. 'Now… Let's get this over with.'

'Fine, I'll piss off, but I'll just let you know that I have your little moment recorded for posterity. And if you ever feel like making a full length movie like that, just let me know. I'll be a happy to be your camera man,' Jack says with a wink.

'Piss off, Jack,' he repeats after River and pretends that he doesn't hear Jack's mocking laughter. 'Now,' he says as he tries to get his thoughts - and his body - under control, 'River, you go inside the second circle. Stay there unless something starts going wrong. If that happens, quickly go to the most outer circle. Under any circumstances go into the most inner one.'

'Sure thing,' River says and gives him a small smile. She takes a deep breath and then slowly walks over the protective circles created on the floor. 'What now?'

'Now the ritual begins,' he says. 'You should focus on the succubus - how she makes you feel, her image, how much you want her gone. I will be trying my best to lure the succubus in with various spells, so be prepared for that. And Jack - you record and write down everything that's happening, and if the need arises - come in and save our asses.'

'Will do,' Jack says and gives him a small salute. 'Let's get it started.'

Two hours later his voice is hoarse and he can barely say anything, Jack watches movies on his phone and he is pretty sure that River took a nap while sitting in the circle - and the succubus in nowhere to be seen.

'Listen, I don't want to be a party pooper and it's not that I don't believe in your abilities, but are you sure that this whole thing has any chance of success?' Jack asks glancing at him from over his phone. 'I mean… Nothing happened so far. Maybe we just suck at this.'

'Yeah, and I'm kind of hungry,' River says with a small yawn.

'Me too. Could we order some pizza? Or burgers!' Jack visibly perks up. 'They'd be here in 30 minutes!'

He knows that he should say something to defend their mission, but to be frank, his throat hurts like a bitch and he really wouldn't mind eating a burger with mango salsa. They can take a break now and then re-start the ritual. It's not a big deal.

'Okay, so do we want to order in or go out?' He manages to croak out. 'We could use some fresh air, don't you think?'

Just as he says this, he feels the air in the room getting warmer and thicker. For a second he thinks that it's just his mind playing tricks on him, but when he glances at River and Jack, he can see that they both look around the room with renewed focus and seriousness.

Well, there go their burgers.

The sudden burst of golden light nearly blinds him and it takes a few seconds before he can see the figure that is materialising in the centre of the room, right in the circle that he created for her.

'I knew that you'd miss me sooner or later,' the succubus' voice rings in the room. He looks at her, blinking away the colours spots from behind his eyelids. She looks as stunning and perfect as ever and it seems that his spell didn't cause her any permanent damage - he's not sure if he's disappointed or happy about that.

'Holy shit,' he hears Jack's whisper and turns his head to see the other man staring at the demon and looking completely mesmerised. 'You said that she looks exactly like River, but I never thought- The resemblance is uncanny. I can't believe it. Now, that will get me published in every possible occult-related magazine,' he finishes and starts scribbling furiously in his notebook as he continues to shoot quick looks at River and the succubus.

'I don't know you,' the succubus says, briefly focusing her attention on Jack. 'I've seen glimpses of you, but I don't think we've ever been properly introduced. But I feel like I really do want to get to know you,' she flashes him a wide, predatory smile and for the first time he can see Jack looking somewhat uneasy.

'Hey, asshole, leave him alone,' River says to the succubus.

'Asshole? Really?' The demon sighs and theatrically rolls her eyes. 'I feel like having a younger sister. I'd hate you if you weren't so pretty and fun to play with,' the succubus smiles again and he sees River gnashing her teeth together in anger. He can't blame her for that, because every single thing that the succubus says makes him more and more annoyed. 'So tell me, why are we here? Is it your way of trying to apologise for your last stunt?' The demon turns to him with a small smirk on her lips. 'Because let me tell you, you alone would be enough. But bringing your friends to the party - it just shows how much you repent, darling. Don't fret anymore - I forgive you,' the succubus finishes and blows him a kiss.

'Yeah, because nothing says _'I'm sorry_ ' like a foursome,' River snarls and the succubus turns towards her.

'I know! Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,' the succubus winks and stretches leisurely. In the corner of his eye, he can see Jack gulping - and this time it's not from fear. 'Now, where should we start?' She ponders for a second, her eyes trained at River. 'How about we give the boys something to watch, gorgeous?' She says and she nears the edge of the circle containing her, her hands reaching for River and-

_ZAP._

The loud, thunderous bang ricochets through the whole room following bright blue sparkles. The succubus backs away from River and looks at her hands as if she was checking for damage.

'I see,' she finally says. 'It seems that I've been a bit too eager. That is definitely not an invitation for a foursome, am I right?'

'You're damn right,' River says bitterly. 'Think about it as of an invitation to having your ass kicked.'

'Way to be subtle, River!' Jack shouts from the corner of the room. 'And let me just tell you, it's really freaky to see the two of you at the same time.'

'The mind races, does it not?' The succubus all but purrs.

'No,' he and River reply in unison while Jack looks like he has a different opinion on the subject.

'Listen, maybe everything would be better if we agreed to make love, not war,' the succubus says suggestively. 'I'm sure that we would forget about all our differences then. Don't you agree, pretty?' She says to Jack.

'I mean- Uhm,' Jack stutters and River snorts loudly at his reaction.

'I told you: leave him alone,' she says to the succubus. 'It's not that hard to understand.'

'It is when he is so pretty,' the succubus winks. 'Everyone here is so pretty, why shouldn't we take advantage of that?'

'Because we just want to get rid of you,' he says and the succubus laughs.

'And how are you planning to do that?' She says sounding thoroughly amused and wiping the tears from her eyes. 'You've tried multiple times and you've never succeeded. You're not going to win now.'

'Maybe I will, maybe I won't, who knows,' he shrugs. 'To be honest, I don't want to fight you. I've been hoping that we can reach some kind of agreement.'

'Agreement? What do you mean by that?' The succubus asks looking a bit intrigued.

'I think we can all agree that this situation cannot continue,' he starts pacing around the room as he speaks. 'You've been messing with my life for months now and recently you've started messing with River's. And with every day, your presence in our lives has been more and more troublesome and annoying. We can't go on like that. You're making it difficult for us to function.'

'Not to mention that I really don't appreciate being possessed and walked around the city like some kind of puppet,' River adds sourly.

'I did choose you a nice dress though, didn't I? If you weren't so bloody stubborn, we could've scored a few nice guys and girls that night,' the succubus grins and he can see River's hands curling into fists.

'River, it's not worth it,' he says calmingly, wishing he could touch her. 'She's just trying to wind you up.'

'Not only trying, but definitely succeeding,' the succubus grins at River. 'Oh, don't look at me like that. I've been in your head for quite some time, I know what makes you tick. I know everything that's inside that pretty little head of yours.'

'Shut up,' River says through gritted teeth.

'Should we tell your friends about the dreams you have? About your fantasies?' The succubus lowers her voice and leans towards River, careful not to touch the edge of the circle containing her. 'Have you ever told him about the things you want to do with him? To him? Or better yet - have you ever told him how you feel about him? Or should I tell him? What do you think?'

'Enough!' River shouts and for a moment it feels like the whole room freezes. Everything seems to be happening in slow-motion, like everything in the room was dipped in honey: the golden glow fills the whole space, the air smells like a spring storm - fresh, wet and slightly electric - and inside the circle, the succubus falls to her knees and screams in pain. It all last a blink of an eye and then suddenly, he feels like he's pulled forwards by an invisible force and sends him toppling down. He hits the floor and yelps - more out of shock than actual pain - and he can see that Jack is also on the ground. River seems to be the only person standing.

'Well, well, well,' the succubus says quietly, slowly getting to her feet, 'it seems that our girl doesn't like when you poke inside her head or try to expose her feelings. Interesting.'

'What the hell was that?' Jack asks, voicing his exact sentiment. 'That was- Was it- Did you do this, River?'

'I don't know,' River replies in a strained voice, taking big gulps of air and looking like she may faint any second.

'Oh, it was her alright,' the succubus says drily but she looks at River with renewed interest. 'That's a fascinating turn of events. I never expected her to be capable of something like that. She's by no mean weak, but simply not able to do this kind of party tricks.'

'Push anything strong enough and it'll snap,' River replies venomously.

'Maybe so. But it's even more fun this way, isn't it?' The succubus replies with a smirk.

'We've had enough of your fun to last ages,' he cuts in, finally getting to his feet. He tries to wrap his head around what just happened. How could River do something like that? She has no abilities like that, she can interact with the succubus only thanks to the bracelet on her wrist and yet, just a few minutes ago, she managed to create havoc that sent everyone on the floor. It's impossible, it shouldn't have happened unless… Unless she's even more connected to the succubus that they've initially thought. Which could be both good and bad news. He doesn't know which one it is, but he knows that it certainly complicates things even further. 'As I said before: your presence in our lives is a nuisance and we want you to be gone. There are certain ways in which we can get rid of you, but first, we want to reason with you. Just leave us alone. Go back to doing what the rest of your kind does. Or hell, find someone else to torment. Just stay away from us.'

'Let me think about that…,' the succubus furrows her brows as if she was pondering his request. ' _No_.'

'Why not? Haven't you tormented us enough?' He asks and feels anger blooming in his chest.

'No,' the succubus replies and her laughter chimes like silver bells. 'You still don't get it, don't you? It's fun! It's a treat! You entertain me so much, both of you. I've never experienced something like that. Why would I willingly resign from something like that?'

'Because it'd be a decent thing to do?' Jack says and the succubus rolls her eyes.

'Right, I completely forgot that I am all about doing decent things,' she snorts. 'Come on, I am a demon! I fuck things up! I'm not going to turn into a good-doer just because someone asks me to and I'm certainly not going to resign from hanging around the two of you. Just think about the things we could do, the three of us,' the succubus adds in a low, pleasant voice. 'Can't you imagine it?'

The moment she says it, there's a set of images spreading in front of his eyes: _warm golden skin, soft lips, golden curls, legs wrapped around his waist, mouth trailing down his chest and sucking on his cock, his head between River's thighs while his dick is buried deeply in the succubus-_

'No, stop!' He exclaims and shakes his head, trying to wipe the images out of his brain. He notices that River too seems to be affected by something - did she just have the same vision? Did she see the same things? 'How did you do that? You shouldn't be able to do something like that! Not when you're inside the circle. Not with all the protective wards in the room!'

'Oh honey, I can do so much more. Do you want to see?' She asks and without giving him any time to react, she touches him. Well, not exactly, because she's still inside the circle, but he can feel her hands running all over his body, nails scratching gently over his scalp, her lips pressing against his. The feeling is gone as quickly as it appeared, but it's powerful enough to make him stagger back in shock.

'How- No, that's impossible,' he whispers. 'How?'

'It's simple, sweetie,' the succubus replies. 'Don't you remember that we are connected? Normally, a circle like that would kept me imprisoned for a long time. You did a great job here, not going to lie. But you see, you still don't understand how all of that works. Whether you like it or not, you've bonded with me. You've pledged yourself to me. No spell or protection can stop me from reaching out to you. And you know the best part?' The demon smiles in a way that makes his blood run cold. 'Your relationship with her made our connection even more powerful. All these stupid, messy human feelings - they really make no sense to me, I don't understand them. But I feel the intensity of them and _oh boy_. You two are quite something. Because of how you feel, I am not even more connected to her than I am to you!' The succubus laughs. 'What I just did with you was a child's play. Want to see a real trick? Watch and learn.'

Just like a moment ago with him, the succubus doesn't leave the circle, but he can feel the energy flowing around the room and swirling around River. Before any of them can react, the silver hue settles around her and her whole body goes rigid and then it relaxes.

'Hello, sweetie,' River says, but it's not her voice coming out of her mouth - it's the succubus'. Her eyes shine like emeralds and her skin glows golden and even though she is River, he knows that he's looking at the succubus. 'Do you want to play?'

The sizzling hot fury nearly topples him and he has more than a few spells ready at the tip of his tongue, but he stops himself from using them, but only because he doesn't know if he can target them only at the succubus and leave River unaffected and unharmed.

'Leave her alone,' he says quietly instead, pushing his nails into the palms of his hands so hard that he'll surely have bruises there. 'You've had your fun. Let's end it here.'

'End it? Are you dumb?' The succubus' words once again come out of River's mouth and the wrongness of it makes him want to vomit. 'This,' River's hand makes a wide sweeping gesture and her skin leaves golden and red and orange hue in its wake, 'this is never going to stop. I am not going to leave you and you're going to-'

Suddenly, something snaps and the succubus wobbles inside her circle. Even though she manages to mask it pretty well, he still manages to see the look of surprise - and fear - on her face. But he doesn't pay much attention to her as he's absolutely focused on River.

'River!' He exclaims. 'Are you fine?'

'I've been better,' River clears her throat and gently wipes blood from under her nose. 'Shit. That bitch made me bleed. That's unacceptable.'

She seems to be a bit unsteady on her feet and looks slightly dazed - but other than that she looks pretty okay, given the circumstances. In his career, he has seen many people possessed by various demons - and most of them have reacted to these encounters far worse that River. And these were people with aura! They've been interacting with the supernaturals their whole lives, without help of any rings or bracelets. Compared to them, River is a novice and yet she managed to kick out the succubus' ass - and this wasn't the first time when it happened. He has no idea how that's possible, but he stopped being surprised with anything when it comes to River. If anyone can make the impossible happen, it's her.

'John, maybe we should stop,' Jack says cautiously. 'I- What if something happens or if River-'

'Jack, I'm fine,' River replies giving her friend a harsh look. 'Stop fretting about me, you know you don't have to do that. I can handle myself.'

'You heard her, Jack!' The succubus cuts in. 'This girl doesn't need your help. She really doesn't. That's what makes her so fun to play with - she puts up such a fight! But worry not, sooner rather than later I'll break her. Admittedly, it won't be that much fun then, but having her at my mercy should be rewarding enough.'

'You want to try it?' River says harshly.

'Excuse me?' The succubus asks with a surprised little laugh. 'What did you just say?'

'Do you want to try it? Taking control over me for good? Right here, right now?' River says and he thinks that this is it: she's officially gone bonkers.

'River-' he and Jack say in unison, but River's attention is completely focused on the succubus.

'What do you say, you succubitch?' River continues, completely ignoring him and Jack. 'Want to go all in?'

'What do you exactly mean?' The succubus asks looking completely enraptured and intrigued.

'You think you can break me? Try to do it now. You succeed - you get to keep me and do whatever you want with me. You lose - you leave me and John the hell alone. How about that?' River says hard and his heart nearly stops at her words. She can't bargain like that. It's dangerous and it's stupid and-

'Fine,' the succubus replies with a smile.

And no supernatural creature can refuse a bargain like that.

'River, no-'

'You can't do that-'

'Step away, we will find another way-'

'Just stop-'

He and Jack are talking over each other, but neither River nor the succubus pay them any mind. They're staring at each other in a way that suggests that if look could kill, they both would be dead or at least seriously injured.

'It's a deal,' the succubus says and his heart drops when he hears those words.

A deal.

River made a deal with the freaking succubus and now there's no way of getting out of it other than conquering her.

_Fuck._

'One more thing,' River says, straightening up and giving the succubus a look of pure hatred. 'Whatever happens  - whatever the end result is… You'll leave John alone.'

'No,' he repeats when he hears that. 'River, you can't-'

'Shut up, you idiot and let me get our lives back,' River says without even looking at him. 'So… Do we have a deal?' She asks the demons and the succubus nods her head with w wicked smile on her lips.

'You stupid girl, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into,' the demon says shaking her head. 'But I am not going to complain. I'm going to have so much fun with you! Oh, you're going to love it!'

'I highly doubt it,' River replies drily and both he and Jack stare at the scene in front of them in utter shock.

'You're thinking that you can overpower me,' the succubus rolls her eyes. 'Oh, you humans, you are so hilarious! I don't think I'll ever understand the way your little minds work.'

'You won't,' River says bitterly. 'This much I can promise you.'

'Cute,' the succubus makes a face and then her face becomes serious and devoid of any emotions. 'I think we made a deal. Let's settle it, shall we?'

It happens in a blink of an eye, before any of them can react: the succubus launches at River and even though she still can't leave the circle he created for her, River doubles over in pain and falls to her knees, letting out an agonised groan.

'River!' He exclaims and rushes into the circles, to do something, anything, but he's pushed away by an invisible force field. What the heck? This should not be happening!

River slowly stands up and says something - he can't hear what - and in that moment, the whole room is filled with white light and there are flaming hot blobs of something looking like lava bursting from inside the circles.

'Fuck,' Jack mutters as he ducks before one of the blobs hits him. 'John, I don't know what the hell is happening but this is not going to end well!'

'I know!' He exclaims as he observes what's happening in the circles using an old chair as a shield against the hot blobs. Everything inside the room is starting to look slightly foggy and uneven - like corrupted footage from a broken camera - but he can still see bits and pieces. He can see the succubus trapped inside her circle, trying to influence the River, to grab the control of her and crush her will - and he can also see River standing her ground and trying her best to push the succubus away. He can feel the energy that's accumulating in the circles - it's stirring under the surface, gathering power and heat, absorbing the succubus's magic and River's will. He's never seen anything like that and he's pretty sure he may never see anything like that again - mostly because there's a good chance that they won't leave this place alive. The room is filling with the smell of burning and fire and he is pretty sure that one of the windows just shattered into pieces.

The succubus is still trying to reach River, to grab her, but she can't do it and he can see her getting more and more frustrated with every second. Her rage is nearly palpable and her attacks on River are becoming quicker - she launches at River again and again and River flinches and moans every time the succubus hits her.

The inside of the circles starts looking like an eye of the storm - the air around River and the succubus is getting darker and it crackles with electricity and energy that are waiting to be unleashed.

'We need to get River out of there!' Jack runs to him and tries to fit in behind the old chair next to him. 'She doesn't stand any chance!'

'I know! But I can't get inside the circles, something is keeping my out of there! We could- Argh!' He yelps in surprise when a lightning strikes and illuminates the whole room in pale glow.

'Was it a lightning? An actual lightning?' Jack asks terrified as another lightning strikes next to them. 'Shit!'

'It's not a real lightning, it's a magical one!' He shouts over the noise and rumble of energy in the room. 'It's got created because of the high content of magic and aura in the air! Highly dangerous!'

'If it can kill us then I don't really care how it was created!' Jack shouts back.

The whole room is shaking, small debris is falling from the ceiling and purple-black smoke is slowly filling up the entire room. However, whatever is happening outside the circle doesn't seem to be affecting the inside - River and the succubus are still facing each other and it looks like the force and energy between them is pulling them together and pushing them apart at the same time - as if the universe itself couldn't decide which one of them is real and which should be the one who survives.

'John, we really need to do something!' Jack says and covers his mouth and nose against the smoke. 'This whole room is going to explode any second now! And River- Look at her!'

He nods, because Jack is right. There are lightings striking over and over again all over the place, the smoke is making it nearly impossible to breath and the whole room is shaking like it's about to burst and take the whole building with it. They need to get River out of the circles and somehow send the succubus away, and then hope that all the unexpected effects of the ritual they're experiencing will go away. But to do that…

'We need to destroy the circles,' he says to Jack, shouting over all the noise. 'Otherwise we won't get River out and I'm not leaving without her!'

'Me neither! But- If we destroy the circles, the succubus- She'll be able to get away!' Jack says. 'What happens then?'

'I don't know,' he admits truthfully. 'She may get away weaker or more powerful. We won't know until we do it!'

'Shit,' Jack mutters and looks between him and the mayhem in the middle of the room. 'Okay, let's do it.'

'We have to wipe of the chalk from the floor!' He says as they get up from behind the chair. 'That's the only way to break the circle. Then we will be able to get inside and get River away from there.'

'And how we will do that?' Jack shouts as they walk over to the edge of the first circle ducking every time a lightning strikes.

'We'll think about that then!' He shouts back, but well, they never get to do that.

The air suddenly gets cold and dense - it feels like thick molasses. It feels like everything is frozen: everything moves slowly, every sound echoes around the room and every second feels stretched to infinity. He looks at the middle of the room and his heart nearly stops: the succubus broke through her circle and is now reaching for River, her hands moving inch after inch towards her. He wants to shout at River to run and get away, but no sound comes out of his mouth. River doesn't back away, instead she moves one of her hands back and pulls something out of the back of her trousers, from under her shirt. At first he doesn't recognise the object, but then he catches a glimpse of the shiny surface and he understand everything: River decided to bring a gun to the party.

He wants to scream at her and make her drop it, to tell her once again than it's never going to work, but all he can do is stand there, paralysed and unable to do anything. The succubus notices the gun and she starts laughing - head thrown back, mouth wide open - and he knows that they've lost. They've fucked up, he's fucked up and he's never going to forgive himself for that. He's waiting for the shots to come, but that never happens. River doesn't point her gun at the succubus, instead she starts to bring to her head.

No, he thinks with panic. No. No.

The succubus stops laughing and now she looks in terror at the gun pressed against River's temple. Once again she launches at River, trying to grab the gun and wrestle it out of River's grasp and then the whole room is spinning, the windows break one by one and suddenly he can move and both Jack and he fall to the ground, covering their heads from the flying pieces of glass, and the lightings strike one by one, the noise is nearly deafening, he can barely breath through the smoke, the succubus' hand wraps around River's wrist and tries to force the gun away from her head and-

River pulls the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 and a half months later, she updates. no one cares.  
> reasons for the lack of an earlier update: personal and work issues, and my hard drive getting completely wiped thanks to a windows update (thank you, Bill Gates). so yeah. that was fun.
> 
> and one more chapter left. 14.02.2018 is the day to expect it.
> 
> chapter's title from 'slow don't kill my slow' by Franz Ferdinand.


	31. darling, can you tie my string?

He wakes up and stretches lazily. One glance at his alarm clock tells him it's already 8:30am and he quickly gets out of his bed. He has so much to do today!

He hasn't had a dream about the succubus in almost 3 weeks now and she hasn't bothered him when he was awake in just as long. It seems that the ritual worked - just like magic.

During all these months when the succubus had been ruining his life and sleep schedule, he has nearly forgotten how nice it is to get a full and uninterrupted night sleep - and how wonderful not having worry about what may happen to you at night feels.

It's funny, he muses as he takes a shower, but all the memories of the succubus get more and more blurry with each day. Ever since the summoning and everything that happened there… It's like his brain is blurring these images on purpose, helping him to forget and  heal. He sighs and wipes condensation from the mirror. He knows none of that was his fault and _yet_ \- No, there's no point in thinking about it, at least not right now. He has a plane to catch.

He picks up a few more things and adds them to his bag, puts one more book into his backpack and runs down the stairs to the taxi. While they're driving to the airport through the morning traffic, he makes a mental checklist: _toothbrush?_ Taken. _A second bowtie?_ Taken. _Phone?_ Taken. _Keys?_ Taken and Amy has a spare set, she promised to go over and look over his plants. Granted, she's probably the worst person to ask to look over one's plats, but beggars can't be choosers and hopefully she won't kill them all.

He reaches the airport, pays the driver, checks in and grabs a cup of tea and overpriced scones in a small airport café. When he finally boards the plane and it takes off, he can feel himself completely relax for the first time in gods know how long. He's going on vacation - his first one in… Well, it's been a while. He's going to do all sort of stupid touristy things: take photos of every single building, try local food, spend at least one day at the beach and burn to a crisp, buy terrible souvenirs for his friends and maybe if he's lucky, he'll find a new hat for himself. Yes. That sounds like a plan.

And once he's back, he'll go to The Harmful Magic and ask them to review his case once again. He doesn't want to be laid off, quite the contrary: he feels like he got off too easily. What he had done, it might've been an impulse, something dictated by emotions and feelings - it hadn't been done out of malice, but still… He should go back and make amends. No, scratch that: he wants to make amends, because that's the right and decent thing to do. And if they decide that he should stop working altogether - so be it.

Less than 4 hours later, the plane lands in Casablanca. It takes him another hour to get to his hotel and once he's there, he takes a quick shower and changes clothes to something more weather appropriate and then he goes out. He wanders around the city and revels in the its novelty: everything is new and fresh to him, and everything is exciting. He walks aimlessly, getting more and more lost in the city and its charm. Finally, he finds a small bar and walks inside. He spots a small table in the back, sits there and then orders a glass of local wine (touristy things, remember?). As he sips on his wine, he sends a quick text - and then he waits.

She arrives half an hour later and he can feel himself smiling goofily at the mere sight of her. He realises that this is quite pathetic, but then again, he can't bring himself to care - especially not today, on the first day of his vacation.

_'Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the worlds, she walks into mine,_ ' he says in his best Bogart voice, which to be fair, isn't a good impression at all.

'Oh gods, stop it! I've been here for less than a week and I heard this line at least a dozen of times,' River groans and rolls her eyes. 'Never do that again.'

'Yes, ma'am,' he salutes which earns him another eye-roll from River. 'Now that you're done chastising me… Haven't you forgotten about something?'

'Have I?' River says and makes a face as if she was trying to remember something important. 'Oh, yes, you're right,' she smiles broadly and leans towards him. 'Hello, sweetie,' she says and kisses him.

_'Do I really have to do everything on my own?' River's voice sounds both tired and slightly amused. His head shots up in shock and he stares at her: she's still inside her circle, laying on the floor with the gun by her side. She's looking pale and exhausted, and like she's about to collapse any moment now, but she is alive._

_She's alive._

_'You're alive,' he whispers in shock. 'How is that possible?'_

_'I am also glad to see that you survived this dreadful encounter with your nightmarish succubus,' River deadpans and groans in pain. 'Fuck, my whole body hurts.'_

_He looks around the room and cringes at the state of it. The floor is cracked in multiple places, all the windows are broken and the glass is all over the floor, one of the walls looks like it's about to collapse and the rest of them look like someone kept smashing them with sledgehammer._

_The succubus is gone. And not only from this room. The part of him that has always subconsciously felt connected to her - it's gone. She disappeared. He's free._

_He gets up and walks towards River, who's looking at him with something akin to uncertainty. He plops on the ground next to her after kicking away pieces of glass. He helps her to sit, trying to be as gentle as possible._

_'You know, you really don't have to use this 'we nearly die' kind of thing to be all over me,' she jokes as he runs his hands all over her body to make sure she didn't sustain any serious injuries. 'All you have to is take me out somewhere fancy.'_

_'Shut up,' he mutters once he finishes his check-up. River seems mostly fine - badly bruised in a few places, but nothing time won't heal. She also seems to be quite calm and collected given what just happened - unlike him. He takes a few deep breath to calm himself before he can speak again. 'River… You shot yourself. In the head.'_

_'No, I didn't,' she shakes her head._

_'You did! I saw it!' He exclaims and his voice sounds ridiculously high-pitched, but he can't bring himself to care._

_'I saw it too,' Jack's voice booms from behind his back. 'You shot yourself. Bam! Just like that.'_

_'I didn't!' River throws her hands in the air and flinches at the sudden movement. 'Okay, note to self: no sudden movements for the few next days.'_

_'You did shoot yourself! In front of us!' He shouts. 'You held a gun to your head and you pulled the trigger!'_

_'So forgive us if we're a bit confused on why you're still alive,' Jack adds tiredly. 'Not that I'm complaining, but an explanation would be nice.'_

_'You're supposed to be all so smart,' River sighs and rolls her eyes. 'I didn't shoot myself- No, hush, listen to me,' she puts her head on his mouth before he can interrupt her again. The palm of her hand is warm against his skin and it reminds him and yes, she is here and yes, she is alive. 'I'll explain everything, just don't interrupt me, okay?' He nods and she takes her hand away from his face, but he quickly grabs and squeezes it in his. If he does it too forcefully, River doesn't show it, instead she intertwines her fingers with his. 'Now, as I said a dozen of times already: I didn't shoot myself. I just pretended to do so.'_

_'But why?' Jack asks. 'And does it look like it worked and got rid of the succubus?'_

_'It's all because of you two,' River says and he must look as surprised as he feels, because River runs fingers of her free hand through his hair. 'You two kept telling me that shooting a succubus won't work, because she's not corporal and that the connection between isn't physical, but mental. You kept saying it's all in my head, that she is in my head, so-'_

_'So you decided to blew your brains out?' Jack asks in disbelief._

_'I pretended to blow my brains out,' River shrugs. 'You told me to prepare for this confrontation, to be able to block her and never let her in my head again and despite what you told me, I knew that in the long run I wouldn't stand a chance. So I decided on doing something completely different,' River sighs and continues. ' I believed that I was really doing that. Okay, I didn't actually believe that I was doing that, but- During this week I've been imagining doing that so many times that it started feeling real. And if I believed that, the succubus must've believed that as well. It felt real for me, so it must've felt right for her too. Or at least she must've believed that I was desperate enough to do something like that. She must've known that the moment I'm dead, she'd be gone as well. And she must've felt it, it must've felt to her like I was dying, because the moment I pulled the trigger - she was gone. Just like that. I felt the connection breaking. I can't feel her anymore.'_

_'Me neither,' he says. 'For the first time in ages I feel… Free,' he looks at River feeling so grateful that he feels like he may burst. 'It is starting to make sense now. The succubus was first connected only with me. And yes, she looked like you, but it might've been just a coincidence or a fluke or-,' he stutters as he looks for the right word._

_'Destiny?' Jack adds hopefully from behind his back._

_'It was something,' he quickly says, without really looking at River. 'And then you appeared and we started hanging out, and well, we- uhm we had a relationship, and that's how the succubus noticed you - through me. Since you two were so similar, it was easier for her to form a connection with you - even though you don't have an aura. And she said it herself - because of how I feel about you,' he feels himself going red, but ignores it and keeps talking, 'she could form an even stronger connection with you. Once she had that, she could control you. But she didn't realise that you are you and that you are just as stubborn and far more brilliant that she was. You used that connection against her! The more power she had over you, the more power you had over her! It was obvious, why didn't I see that earlier? Yes, I kept saying that two things can't occupy the same space, but I forgot about one more thing: two things with the same charge - they repel each other. You know what's the best part is? She can't come back now. I don't know where she is, but she can't come back. She thinks you're dead, so she can't leech on you anymore. She won't be looking for you, and even if she tried to find you again… She lost. You bested her and now she wouldn't even be able to maintain any kind of connection with you. Nor with me! Because that was part of your deal! River, it was… Absolutely brilliant and amazing, and dangerous and utterly stupid and have I mentioned brilliant?'_

_'Yes, you have,' River smiles. 'I had no idea about half of the things you just said, but you can say that I'm brilliant as many times as you want to, I think I deserve it.'_

_'You do, you absolutely do,' he says as he kisses her hand. 'You did something I couldn't do and I can't believe I haven't ever thought about something like that, and I can't believe you pulled a gun to your head and-'_

_'There was no need to worry, it wasn't loaded,' River replies._

_'You could have told us that much,' Jack says in an accusing tone. 'I nearly got a heart attack when I saw that!'_

_'I'm sorry, I really am, but I gathered that the element of surprise would work in our favour,' River replies softly. 'If you believed it, I thought it'd send an even stronger message to the succubus.'_

_'It sure did,' he murmurs and he remembers how utterly terrified he was when he saw River's finger pulling the trigger. 'But what if it didn't work? What if she saw right through you?'_

_'But it did work. And in any case… I did have a bullet on me,' River replies without looking at him. 'I am sure that that would have solved all the problems.'_

_His heart stops._

_'River,' he says slowly over the huge lump in his throat. 'Tell me you wouldn't- You wouldn't do something like that.'_

_'She needed to be stopped,' River says as she keeps looking at the floor. 'She was ruining your life as well as mine. Something needed to be done about it.'_

_'Yes, but not blowing your head off for real!' He shouts out. 'That wasn't a solution. That would be stupid and unnecessary, and reckless! Why would you even think about something like that?'_

_'To protect you,' River whispers._

_'But why?' He asks just as quietly._

_'Don't you know?' River looks at him and then, as he gazes into her eyes, he sees what he's always wanted to see: love and utter devotion. Or maybe they've always been there, but he was too stupid to notice them? It doesn't matter, because he knows all he needs to know now and he will never forget it. He knows that he doesn't deserve any of that and that River is far too good for him, but he knows that he will do whatever he wants to be worthy of her love and devotion. And since he can't come up with anything clever to say - hell, he can't come up with anything to say as all the words are stuck in his throat - he does the only thing that seems appropriate right now: he closes the distance between him and River and kisses her._

_And yes, they've kissed multiple times, but somehow that feels like their first real kiss. Because there are no barriers between them now, no lies or half-truths. It's only them, his hands on River's face, hers fingers tangled in his hair, their lips moving against each other and-_

_'Hey guys, you know that this time I am absolutely recording all of this for posterity?' Jack asks with glee in his voice. 'Who knows, maybe I'll even write up this whole story and publish a book! Star-crossed lovers, destiny and an evil but hot monster standing in their way! People would love it and I am sure that someone in Hollywood would also be interested in this story. I could make millions!'_

_'Jack?' River says as she pulls away from their kiss for a second and he whines at the sudden loss of contact. 'Do me a favour and shut up.'_

_'Fine, okay. All I am saying is that we have a potential money-making machine on our hands,' Jack starts again, but he's not listening to him anymore, because River starts kissing him again, and right now, nothing else matters._

'So how was your archaeology thing? Did you have fun?' He asks when River sits next to him and the waiter brings her a glass of wine. 'Or were you bored to death as I'm sure I would be?'

'I did have fun, thank you,' River replies and pokes his arm. 'And don't make fun of my job. It's not my fault that you can appreciate it.'

'I appreciate you, isn't it enough?' He presses a brief kiss to her nose.

'I don't know. I think you'll have to show me your appreciation later on,' River says in a low voice that sends his blood boiling. 'But for now tell me, how do you find Casablanca?'

'It looks lovely, I wouldn't mind exploring it a bit more,' he says. 'But I must admit, it is dreadfully hot in here.'

'Then you should be glad that you're not wearing your tweed,' River laughs. 'You'd melt in it!'

'I still have it in my hotel room,' he admits and River groans. 'What? I'll let you know that tweed jackets are absolutely cool and amazing, and it takes certain panache to pull them off and-'

'I am sure of that, honey,' River nods her head in fake understanding. 'But as fascinating as your tweed is, better tell me, how much time do we have?'

It's a perfectly normal and innocent question, but he somehow feels like there's a deeper meaning to it. He looks at River, who looks at him and waits for his answer, but there's something in her eyes - uncertainty? Expectancy? - that makes him stop for a second before answering.

'Until the end of the week,' he starts and River's face falls a bit. 'Or until the end of our lives… If you don't mind,' he finishes feeling like his whole life depends on River's next words.

But River doesn't say anything. She just smiles - a bright, wonderful smile - and that is the only answer he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's done and you have no idea how happy that makes me. this fic has been with me for quite some time. it was published in 2015, but I started writing it way before that, in 2013. 4 years, more or less. way too long. I love it, but at the same time I want it to finally grow up and leave the nest, you know? ;)  
> can't wait to never write anything ever again.
> 
> if you hate the ending: I am sorry. I really am that I couldn't deliver and finish it the way you wanted it to be finished/explained, but well, that's how my mind went and that's how I decided to finish it. I had a few other endings in my head, but this is the one I liked the most. if you don't hate it: well, I am glad :).
> 
> also, giant, big, fat ass 'thank you' to all of you who kept reading this mess of a fic, didn't drop it, stuck around even when it wasn't updated for months, who kept on commenting and giving kudos and subscribing to it. I don't know why you did any of that, but thank you so much. it is still mental to me that anyone would read the mess I write.   
> thank you once again. you're really awesome and sweet, every sinle one of you.
> 
> chapter's title from The National's 'gospel'.
> 
> bye!


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